Work Text:
Grass skirts and leis
by Lilithangel
abchainey@xtra.co.nz
"No way."
"Sorry mate, but since you refused to wear the skirt you're stuck with the shirt."
"But it's got purple palm trees on it and its green."
"It's one of Xan's favourites you know."
"And this is supposed to make me feel any different about it?"
"We're doing it to rescue him remember?"
"Only Xander could get kidnapped by the last remaining members of an ancient Hawaiian cult in Florida."
"You forgot to include last remaining members of an ancient gay Hawaiian cult during Spring Break which he went to because he missed his own one due to it being a Tuesday on the Hellmouth."
"And we thought it was a good idea to let him go why?"
"Because he did that puppy eyed thing and you caved."
"Well I'm not the one that said we should let him go on his own, that he didn't need his two undead boyfriends cramping his style with all the coed honeys."
"Boy needed to know we trusted him."
"He's a demon magnet Spike. What were we thinking?"
"Alright already. I know and that's why I'm wearing the skirt... No, no and no. I might suffer this stupid grass skirt but I am not wearing a coconut bra."
"It goes with the costume Spike."
"A costume I might add that I think I'm allergic to."
"You're a vampire you can't be allergic."
"Shows what you know. I have very soft and sensitive skin, Xander always says so."
"Shut up and put on the bra Spike. We have to get going."
"Don't you think I have good skin?"
"You have beautiful skin so stop pouting at me. You know how much I love making patterns on it with your blood."
"Fuck, stop it or we'll never get out of here. So how do I look?"
"Good enough to eat which is better than the way I look."
"You look fine pet. We're supposed to be drunken frat boys stumbling into something we weren't meant to see."
"Let's get this over with then... What did you do that for?"
"We have to smell like we've been drinking all day and since you can't handle your booze wearing it as aftershave is the only way."
"I can so handle my alcohol and did you have to throw it into my hair?"
"It was too perfect for a drunken frat boy, now you look the part."
Two youngish looking men staggered across the beach. One was wearing a lurid purple and green shirt with neon yellow shorts. The other was wearing a fake green grass skirt and a coconut bra. They got a lot of interesting propositions from men and women but soldiered on to wherever their drunken minds were sending them.
Somewhere along the way they had found torch sticks. Unlit fortunately considering how much the blond was waving his around.
They staggered further down the beach away from the fires and revelries rounding a corner to a secluded bay where a large bonfire raged.
"Woohoo," the larger one cried out, "party."
The group gather around the fire looked around with annoyance at the interruption. They all wore light cotton pants and nothing else their oiled skin gleaming in the firelight.
"Aloha," the blond waved as the two staggered forward. His wildly flailing stick clipped one of the group in the forehead. "Oops sorry about that." The blond tried to help him stand and managed to smack another in the groin.
The other one was hanging onto two of the group smiling goofily at them, "what you guys up to, who's that,?" he pointed to the naked form trussed up in front of the fire, "is this a frat initiation?" His enthusiastic hug cracked the heads of the two under his arms together and they dropped like stones.
"Go away," one of the group finally shook off the shock, "you don't belong here."
"That's very rude," the blond peered at him, "what sort of party is this?"
"A private one," the leader snapped.
"Well that's just not good enough." The blond suddenly didn't seem that drunk as he swung his stick around and knocked the leader of the group to the sand.
The group were no match for two determined vampires even if one of them was in a grass skirt and soon Spike was able to release the trussed up Xander from the driftwood altar.
"Should we take out the gag?" Angel asked Spike.
"Not yet," Spike said, "first we check he's alright then you lecture him about wandering off with strangers while I repay any injuries these tossers gave him. Then maybe I spank him for letting himself get into these situations and if he promises to be good then we take out the gag."
Angel nodded his agreement and started turning the affronted Xander over. "A few scrapes and bruises," he said and rolled Xander over again, "rope burns and some bastard oiled him up inside." The twin growls from the vampires had Xander making frantic muffled noises.
"I'm going to oil the lot of ‘em up," Spike said in a dangerously low tone.
Fearing Xander was going to choke Angel relented and removed the gag.
Xander made a few blah noises and then a cough before speaking. "They didn't do it guys don't kill them."
"Who did then Xander?" Angel cupped Xander's face in his hands, "don't feel that you have to protect anyone, you're safe now."
"I did it okay," Xander said with a full body blush. "I was planning on coming back and seducing you both but then these weird guys grabbed me and I woke up in a beach hut being rubbed with mango slices."
"Those kinky bastards," Spike said, "you kinky brat," he added.
"Right then," Angel said picking Xander up and slinging him over one shoulder, "they can't perform the ceremony for another fifteen years and the sun is due up soon so we're going back to the hotel to discuss you running around in a toga without a chastity belt on."
"Hey," Xander protested, "you said I was on holiday."
"Obviously you can't be trusted," Spike said slapping him on the butt.
"Enough stretching your wings," Angel said firmly, "now it's time for butt plugs, chastity belts and maybe nipple rings."
"Don't think we'll hear too many complaints," Spike said noting the way Xander clenched at the suggestion.
"Trust me to date two master vampires," Xander groaned. "Hey why is Spike is a skirt?"
"Cause I've got the legs for it."
"Angel that's my favourite shirt you're wearing, I hope you didn't get any blood on it."
And Xander got his chastity belt and his plug and definitely his nipple rings. He sweet talked a key for the belt out of Spike but seldom felt the urge to remove it without his vampires being around.
Of course due to his demon magnet status they had to be around a lot to stop anyone else rubbing mango slices on their boy.