Work Text:
Of Innocence and Empathy: Outside Empathy
by Frogg
Motion behind him made Morgan lift his head from the window, a respite from the cold glass and monotonous landscape spread out far below. Turning, he politely removed his headphones, schooling his expression into one of expectant neutrality as Hotch slid into the seat across from him.
"You okay? You seemed pretty distracted back there."
Morgan shrugged at Hotch's obvious concern. "I hate these back-to-back cases."
"At least this last one was short," Hotch replied. "This next one looks to be, too."
Morgan smiled cynically. "One word for you on that, Hotch--"
"Jetlag."
Morgan nodded. "Jetlag."
"Nightmares still bothering you?"
Morgan couldn't keep himself from straightening in shock, despite that he'd expected the question. Glancing around the cabin, he noted JJ curled up asleep, and Emily listening to her own headphones, file folder open on her lap.
"The moment you rolled him over, before you told everyone he was still alive, was one of the most terrifying in my life. I've been having nightmares myself," Hotch offered quietly. "You were hoarse when you came in yesterday."
Morgan shook his head, looked away for a long moment before dropping his gaze to the table. "I roll him over and he's dead, with his eyes open, staring at me. I roll him over, and it's the unsub and Reid's the one we..." He licked his lips, then swallowed before continuing. "I roll him over, and he's got a gun and shoots me."
"And he's not there to wake you up before you get that far." Hotch reached across the table, squeezing Morgan's arm once in support.
Knowing Hotch knew why he and Reid had started rooming together, Morgan didn't bother denying it. "Before, in the beginning, he was here because of his mom, and then he couldn't leave. This became...what it is for any of us. Necessary. But now..." Tears glittered on his lashes as he shut his eyes tightly against the pain. "It's me he's here for, I'm the one who's holding him here. And in my dreams...It's not Hankel, or Bryar, or any of them hurting him. It's me, and I can't take it anymore."
"I don't have any of the statistics Reid would be giving you if you told him that." Hotch's lips twitched at Morgan's half-laugh; it was only the truth, after all. "But I've watched the two of you, and I'm pretty sure I'm right when I tell you that he'd say you're what keeps him fighting. You're what enables him to come back from these situations."
Unable to answer Hotch directly, quite possibly because he was right, Morgan changed the subject. "Is Gideon--?"
"Gideon's taking care of Reid." Hotch studied his friend closely for a moment, weighing the silence between them. "He's not going to be very mobile for a few days, at least."
"I know." He couldn't help but think of the pain Reid had been in just trying to take his medications, or what he'd done to help after Reid had returned to bed. "I did what I could, but..." Morgan sighed. "It wasn't enough."
"Oh?"
Morgan shrugged. "I left plates and cups on the counter. Poured his cereal, rearranged his fridge. Little things."
"You still love him."
"It was never about that."
~~~the end~~~