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Disclaimer;
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series nor do I make any money off of it. If I did I would have a new computer with Internet access all the time. A new car and my own home with a heated swimming pool, hot tub and a huge bathroom in the master bedroom. I would also have a canopy bed and a movie theater in my house.
Bad Author Notes: There are three people to blame for this fic. The first is Relle, who allowed Sirius Black accesses to the Internet. Don't ask me how but some how Sirius lives with her. Blame Sirius Black who dares me to write this story. And finally blame my Muse who loves to make people cry.
A Wish for Death
By Lady FoxFire
January 26, 2003
With his hair pulled back into a loose ponytail, Sirius slowly limped down towards the end of the hall, turned then slowly limped back. Once at the other end, he would turn and start the process again. But each time he would stop in front of the door leading into room 127. He would stop and stared at the closed door willing it to open. But each time he left with a sigh of frustration and continues his pacing.
"The hospital won't be pleased with you, Sirius. You're wearing a groove into their nice clean floor." Albus teased from where he sat, waiting for news. "Sit down child. You know you won't do Harry any good if you're exhausted." The Headmaster waved his crippled arm towards the standard blue plastic hospital chair next to him.
Sirius growled softly as he lowered himself onto the chair. "I know but he's all I have left, Albus. What if it doesn't work?" he said as he unconsciously began to massage his lame leg.
"You need to have faith, child." Dumbledore gave Sirius' shoulder a gently squeeze as he tried to comfort the young man. "We will find a way to help him."
Sirius wiped his eyes with the back of his hand as he tried to hide his tears from the world. "But he's in so much pain Albus. And nothing we do works!"
"I know Sirius but Severus has hopes for this potion. He believes that it will help the child."
Sirius snorted at his old Headmaster's statement. "Just like all the potions and spells before it." Sirius's eyes rested once again on the door that hide his godson from the world, sorrow filled his eyes. "Last time I visited him, he begged me to kill him. To end the pain."
Dumbledore jaw dropped open in surprise at this revelation but before he could think of a reply, the door opened and Professor Snape walked out of the room closing the door quietly behind him.
"Severus?" The Headmaster waved the young man over to them.
Snape barely acknowledged the two men as he leaned against the wall and slid down until he was sit on the cold floor. "Nothing," he growled in frustration as he brushed his snow-white hair away from his battle-scarred face. "Bloody hell! That was the strongest nerve-deadening potion in existence. It took me two months to brew it and it does nothing."
Dumbledore head dropped in to his hand, his long white hair hiding his face, hiding what he felt from the world. "Is there anything else we can try?" he asked softly.
"A few of the medi-wizards have suggest a Muggle procedure in which the part of the brain that feels pain would be removed," Snape stated as he stared at the floor. "However in doing so he would also never feel anything again. He would never be able to taste or feel ever again. And we have no guarantees it would work. There is too many unknowns."
"BLOODY HELL! Harry's not some lab rat to be experimented on!" Sirius cried as he threw himself out of his chair only to sink once more back into it. "Harry should be worried about meeting his girlfriend's parents, not laying in some hospital bed being pocked and prodded like a some freak of nature."
"Sirius," Dumbledore called out to the man in a soothing voice. "They are trying to help him. All anyone wants is for Harry to get better."
"Black? Sirius?" Severus said looking up at the man he once hated. "I know how you feel but we are doing everything that we can for him. We have expertents across the globe searching for an answer but it will take time. And right now Harry needs you. He needs you to be strong for him."
With a quick nod of his head Sirius stood up and limped over to the door as the other men watched. "Severus?" Black called out as he faced the door.
"Yes Sirius?"
"I wish there was never that pointless rivalry between our houses," Sirius said as he rested his hand on the door. "You would have been a good friend to have."
Without waiting for an answer Sirius pushed the door open and slipped inside. Once inside his eyes automatically flew to the bed in which his godson had been confined to since the final battle of the war. The battle in which Harry destroyed the Dark Lord only to curse with endless, unrelenting pain which no one in the wizard or Muggle community could find the cause of or a way to help the young man.
Tubes run into Harry's painfully thin body, trying to keep him alive. Some carried painkillers that were able to take only the slimmest edge off the pain he felt. Other tubes carried medicine to help his body fight off infection. While others fed him since he was unable to keep food or water down.
"Sirius," Harry voice crack from not being used his pain filled eyes found his godfather in the darkness of the room.
Sirius' eyes scanned the displays of the medical equipment surrounding his godson. After months of seeing them, he had come to understand their confusing blips and shrills.
Stepping into the light surrounding the bed, "Hey kiddo," Sirius replied as he tried in vain to force some cheer into his voice as he continued to read the machines.
"So how's the Cannons doing this season?" Harry asked as he forced a smile on his face drawing his Godfather's attention once again.
"Looks like they might actual win this season," Sirius replied pulling a chair up to the bed. "Ron's being herald as the best new chaser in fifty years."
A real smile appeared on Harry's face at the new of his long time friend. "And Hermione?"
"She's getting big!" Sirius exclaimed as he held out his hands in front of his stomach to should how much Hermione had changed. "Ron's going insane if she so much as hiccups or sneezed. I can't image what he's going to be like when the baby is born."
Harry chuckled at the antics of his friends, only his eyes betrayed the real pain he was in. "I can image how Mrs. Weasley acting over the birth of her first grandchild."
Sirius snorted. "She's worst than Madam Pomfrey ever was."
At the mention of Poppy's name, they fell into silence as each of them remembered those lost in the war. Finally Sirius broke the painful silence. "Harry why won't you let them visit you? You know they're all worried about you. They want to see you, to talk to you."
Harry shook his head no. "It's better this way Sirius. This way t hey won't remember me like this," Harry explained as he waved a hand at all the tubes and medical equipment. "They won't remember all the tubes and the pain or any of this. They'll be able to remember how I was. How I was before that night."
"Harry," Sirius said as he took Harry's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "They don't care about any of that. They only care about you."
"You know I had always hoped that when old Moldywart was gone I could have a normal life. A normal life in which I graduated from Hogwarts and got a job, maybe play Quidditch. I dreamt of meeting someone, of falling in love. Of marriage and children. I never dreamt of this," Harry said as he looked at his godfather with despair in his eyes. "Sirius do you remember what we talked about last time you visit?"
Sirius nodded his head sadly as he pulled out small vile containing a swirling sky blue liquid inside. "It's fast acting and painless?" Sirius's voice trailed off as he realized what he just said.
Harry smiled at his godfather, at his concern that he won't cause Harry any more pain. "Are you sure, Harry?" Sirius begged tears in his eyes. "I mean are you sure? The next potion, the next spell?"
"I'm sure Sirius," Harry stated as he gave his godfather's hand a comforting squeeze. "I'm tired. I just want it to end. I want to sleep."
Sirius nodded his head, ignoring the tears running down his face as he popped the lid off the vile and held it to Harry's lips. Once Harry had swallowed the liquid, Sirius pulled his godson onto his lap and held him close.
"I'm so proud of you Harry," Sirius whispered into his godson's hair as his tears falling. "You're everything I would have wished for in a son. I just wish things could have been different."
"Don't cry Sirius. This was the way it was meant to be. Now I'm be with my parents and Remus," Harry said as he hugged the man who had been the closest thing to a father towards him. "Sirius?"
"Yes Harry?"
"The pain. The pain's gone," Harry's voice was filled with awe. Sirius closed his eyes at Harry's words, knowing that the end was near. "I love you Sirius," Harry said as his eyes slowly closed.
Sirius watch as Harry inhaled once, twice but never again. He hugged Harry's body close to him as he wept. Slowly he started to rock the boy in his arm as he sang a lullaby he used to sing to Harry as a baby, his voice breaking with unshed tears.
As the last knots of the song echoed in the room Sirius laid Harry back on the bed and covered him up once again. He carefully reached out and brushed a stray lock of hair off of Harry's face before reaching inside his robes. Sirius drew up a parchment sealed with his family's seal in wax. "This well explain everything," he whispered to himself as laid the letter on the bed next to Harry's head.
"I love you, Harry," he whispered as he pulled out his wand, a smile upon his face.
"Avada Kedavra"