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Blair stepped out of his car. He had an afternoon off, time to himself, something that came less and less lately, not that he craved it or anything. He had enough of that while growing up, entertaining himself. The sun was shining, a rarity for the spring in Cascade. He decided spend his time soaking up the warmth before it decided to disappear.
The city park was fairly empty for early afternoon. A few people here and there walking the trails that wound their way around the park. Blair wanted to sit under a tree, put on his headphones and relax. It had been a trying morning. He wanted some time to reflect on what he was feeling and what to do about it.
Finding the tree he had used as his shelter over the years, he sat down, making himself comfortable. Opening his backpack, he pulled out an apple and a bottle of water. He turned off his cell phone, hoping that he wouldn't get a call while he took a bit of 'me' time. He found his cd player and the disk he wanted to listen to. A friend had burned it for him a while back, telling him the mix of music and lyrics were inspirational on many levels. Blair agreed with him after his first listen. When he needed to ponder life, he picked this disk. The group, Tea Party, was an industrial metal band from Canada. He let the beat wash over him. He listened to the songs, one after the other, thinking back on what had happened recently and in his past.
The morning had started out as any other day, but things turned a bit ugly. He had gone to the station to help Jim with some paperwork. On his way out he had been harassed by a couple of uniformed officers. He put on his best Blair facade and ignored them. When he got in his car, he took a deep breath to get past it. Being harassed was nothing new. Growing up, he had endured being one of many things: the new kid in school, the geek, long-haired, earring-wearing hippie, and, when they didn't know what else to add, bastard. Human beings, kids and adults, alike could be hurtful. He learned early to show it didn't bother him on the surface, and that got him by.
He was getting to a point in his life, where he couldn't let it slide. Leaning his head back, he closed his eyes as the beat drove into his ears. He had a new facet to his life; he was in a relationship, a relationship with his best friend, a male friend. Not one to hold gender against anyone, he had to admit it wouldn't be difficult, for Jim was a cop. Strangest thing was, it was Jim who pursued him.
He had been living with Jim for two years now. Jim was what Blair thought was his holy grail, a man with five heightened senses. He had been thrilled to find someone that had them. Jim was learning to cope with them and Blair wanted to help. Jim agreed to be tested, begrudgingly. Since then, they had been through more crises than Blair could count. But through it all, their friendship cemented itself.
Then a few weeks ago, after a rough case where he had gotten hurt, Jim let Blair know that him taking unnecessary risks. That wasn't anything new, but what Jim said after that was. That he cared for him, and that if anything happened to him, he wouldn't know what to do. Then Jim kissed him.
Their need had been primal. He couldn't explain it; he needed to connect to the man in the most primitive way. And he had been rewarded in the most surprising ways. What he had thought was love before, had been outdistanced. He would never give Jim up now that he had tasted him.
Blair loved the fact that the person he loved most in this world loved him back just as fiercely. Jim showed him more love than even Naomi had showed. But with that, he had to live with backlash. Today's events were just one occasion he'd had to face. He knew that before becoming Jim's lover. He was already a target by those who thought he didn't deserve to be at the precinct. He chose to go this route; no one made him. He crossed the line and stood before all. But it was okay, he could handle himself, he had to.
A song came up that clearly mirrored what he was experiencing. He sat there listening to the song, knowing the words, but now he lived them. He had been seeking shelter from the pain for so long, and now he had someone who would shelter him He had Jim.
Looking at his watch, he found it was a little after five. Jim would be home soon from the precinct. Blair wanted to see Jim, to hold on to him knowing he was safe.
Picking up his stuff, he headed back to his car to go home.
** **
Blair dashed up the stairs and let himself in.
"Jim?"
"Upstairs."
Dropping the car keys into the basket, then dropping the pack on the floor. Blair bounded up the stairs and found Jim without his dress shirt on, rummaging through the closet for a sweatshirt.
Blair stopped at the top of the stairs and looked at Jim. He momentarily forgot what he wanted to say, looking over the solid muscles that he loved to touch.
Jim turned, looking at his partner. "You okay Chief?"
Coming back to what he wanted to say, Blair still hesitated. He had problems in expressing to Jim exactly what he wanted in their relationship. He grew up not having great expectations. If he needed emotional support, Naomi would say one of her supportive clichés and then leave him to deal with it on his own. In earlier relationships, he was always making sure his partner was satisfied. Jim had shown him the opposite, that he was allowed to have needs and that Jim was willing to give him the support.
Jim knew from the last few weeks' experience with Blair, that Blair was still learning what he could expect and find with his lover. Stepping up to Blair, Jim brought his arms around him, and pulled him in close.
Blair closed his eyes as he felt the skin of Jim's chest against his face. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, inhaling Jim's personal scent.
Jim had heard through the rumor mill that cops had taunted Blair as he left the PD earlier that day. Their supervisor had written up the men immediately, but Jim knew that things were not easy for his young observer.
Blair moved his head, looking up, seeking a kiss from his lover. Jim obliged him, dipping his head to caress his friend's full lips. Jim could smell Blair's arousal. Ever since Blair had entered the loft, Jim had been concentrating on him. He was glad to smell the arousal as it washed away the emotional mix that he had smelled earlier.
Jim continued to hold Blair, running his hand over his back, feeling the tension in his muscles.
"Okay, babe?" Jim asked in Blair's ear, and then kissed it.
Blair buried his face into Jim's chest once more, breathing in the scent that he had craved all afternoon. "I am now," he mumbled.
"I heard what happened." Jim didn't want Blair to face the bad stuff alone, not anymore. He knew that Blair put on a brave face when others bullied him. Jim felt that he was letting his friend down. Now he wanted to help Blair.
Blair tried to pull away but Jim held him close. "Don't," Jim whispered. Blair stopped struggling and relaxed against Jim once more. "I know you can handle it; it's what you tell me each time something like this happens. And inevitably you get hurt, either physically or mentally." Jim took a deep breath and filled his sense of smell with Blair. He kissed the top of his head and continued to hold Blair. "I know that being with me is a new thing for you. I'm no spring chicken, but I do know a few things about relationships."
Blair heard that and chuckled, knowing Jim's history in relationships. "You should talk," Blair mumbled. They had discussed one night over beers Blair's dismal history with women before he had moved in with Jim. Between being a young student and having had bad experiences, he had very little self-worth in bed. Jim was out to prove him wrong, and show him what he had been missing.
"You're not alone." Jim felt the arms tighten around his waist. "Don't ever think you can't tell me what is going on."
Blair held Jim close. Blair didn't know if he could trust himself to let go, let go of that wall he had started building since before he could remember. It kept him alive when he had been left alone or, worse, with someone who didn't care about him. Here, Jim was offering what he had been looking for.
"Make the pain go away," he whispered. He was tired of hiding, hurting, showing the world his masked face.
Jim held him tighter, offering his strength and support to his friend. "I'll do my best." As he held Blair close to him he knew that this is what had been missing in his life. He would do anything to show Blair that he was loved by his partner till death do they part. "I love you," he whispered, holding him close. "I'll help take the pain away."
Taking me away
Tea Party
a view from a broken window
i can hardly breathe
clouds are forming faces
and they laugh at me
strange desires
under friendly skies
but it's alright it still feels nice
it's taking me away
i'm seeking shelter from the pain
i'm holding on again
holding on again
seeking shelter from the pain
it gives me a line and i cross it
an acrobat graced with skill
getting your freedom's easy
surviving it's harder still
strange desires
under friendly skies
but it's alright it still feels nice
it's taking me away
i'm seeking shelter from the pain
i'm holding on again
holding on again
seeking shelter from the pain
and the race is on
i;m all out of sync now
and the hands withdraw
i;m out of sync now
is there nothing more
it's taking me away
i'm seeking shelter from the pain
i'm holding on again
seeking shelter from the pain
it's taken me