Work Text:
Resting
by JustJeanette
It's funny when you look back at life and think about the things that you thought were important. Things, I had things I thought were important but things don't live, breathe, die; things you can not carry in your soul.
So here I am, a child of the world but without a home, about to give up that last bit of the dream. I've already died once before and it didn't hurt that much. It looks like it's time to die again.
"Hi. Thank you all for coming. I just have a short speech prepared here. Um... In our media-informed culture, a scientist receives validation by having his or her work published and after years of research there is great personal satisfaction when that goal is reached. However, my desire to impress both my peers and the world at large drove me to an immoral and unethical act. My thesis "The Sentinel" is a fraud. While my paper does quote ancient source material, the documentation proving that James Ellison...actually possesses hyper-senses is fraudulent. Looking back, I can say that it's a good piece of fiction. I apologize for this deception. My only hope is that I can be forgiven for the pain I've caused those that are close to me. Thank you."
A fraud. That is what I've declared myself to be; a charlatan, a cheat, a con man, a deceiver, an impostor. I've also come to the conclusion that having an extensive vocabulary can be a real downer. The worst part, however, is that even my heritage can be taken as proof of what I am. For a Pharisee can also be a hypocritically self-righteous person and given what I did to bring down Ventriss doesn't admitting fraud make me hypocritically self-righteous?
Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I leave the podium with Chancellor Edwards hard on my heels. "You've embarrassed this university for the last time. I want your office cleared out by Friday."
Of course she wants the fraud gone. She wants the fraud gone, Jim wants the guide gone, and Major Crimes is going to want the Observer gone. I can take a hint. It is time to be gone.
Naomi, luckily is going somewhere to process. That means I can go back to the loft, the place I once thought might actually be home, and pack in relative safety. Jim will be at the PD and given the way he's been avoiding me I don't expect him back real soon.
The loft is quiet, peaceful. Strangely it calls to me. Maybe I really don't want to go. Hello, of course I don't want to go but there is nothing left for me here. Still, the loft calls and I listen. The area I normal meditate in is clear and yet my candles are there, lit, and waiting for me. One last time I tell myself, one last time. I sit lotus in the circle of light and the world falls away.
"Young Shaman, rest and heal." Incacha stands in front of me, a timber wolf sits beside me, and Jim's panther prowls the perimeter. "You have died the final death to your old life young Shaman and now it is time for you to rest and heal. Soon you will need to choose your path but for now you are protected."
Thanks for reading: JustJeanette