Work Text:
Disclaimers: I don't own them, wish I did :) TNT, Topcow, and whoever else has legal rights to them does. I'm just playin' with them for a bit. I'll put them back like I found em, promise.
Notes: This was actually written the night after "Diplopia" aired, but I just got around to posting it today. It's my reaction to Jake in this ep. My reaction ran along the lines of, "The good detective doth protest too much." :) This has not been beta'd so all errors are mine.
* * indicates Jake's thoughts
Summary: Jake does some thinking.
Warnings: nothing scary or horrible in here, so no warnings necessary.
Fronts
by Fae M
*She hadn't even noticed how comfortable I was,* he thought as walked out of the club. His silky blue and black patterned shirt catching the strobe lights as they flickered around the bar.
*She hadn't asked how long I'd been there, hadn't asked if anyone had approached me yet, hadn't even wondered how I could be sitting so cool and at ease in this place. Smiling and drinking like I didn't have a care in the world, making eye contact with the natives. As if I belonged. As if I hadn't practically thrown a
fit about coming here to begin with. She hadn't wondered a bit.* He realized.
*Oh yeah, Sara you're such a good detective. So good in fact, you accepted my excuse of not wanting you to go into a 'den of iniquity' by yourself. You believed that it's all that macho cop partner shit and I've even managed to make you think I'm a homophobic to boot. * It was all Jake could do not to laugh at
that thought. All he could do to not go into the nearest men's room and find a hot, hard, MALE body to rub against until the taste, feel, and scent of her was gone. A male body like Mi- *Stop it Jake! You're not going to think about him. EVER. He stays in the past, just like THIS stays in the past.* This being the withering bodies around him. Yeah, he was so far from homophobic, all right. So far it was all he could do not to wipe the taste of Sara from his mouth.
But he couldn't do that because she was waiting for him outside. The "lover" had been killed and they had a job to do. He couldn't wipe his lips because, if she saw him do it, she just might figure out it was all a front.
*No, no, not a front, Jake!* he admonished himself, ignoring Sullivan's smart ass remark, the interested glances that all seemed to center more around his tight jeans than his face, and the occasional grope as he got closer to the door. On which he kept his eyes focused as he continued to lecture himself.
*This is NOT a front! You left that life..this life..behind when you moved out here. You're Detective Jake "Mr. Straight" McCartey now. That means you like women, not men, you give attitude to anyone who says otherwise, and you don't use word like, "lover" when you're talking about two men. That means no wiping your lips after a woman kisses you. No going into bars where gays hang out without a fight. No letting handsome men hold your hand while they come on to you, especially when said man happens to be your prime suspect, and especially NO wishing you could just come back here and forget any other life existed.*
Sighing inwardly, he thought back to when he'd first seen Sara in the bar. He had known who she was the moment he'd seen her heading his way. As if the wig and fake mustache would fool him, but when he saw her dressed like that he'd started to believe what she said about being gay. That he'd believed he'd found
the one partner in a million. He'd been tempted to tell her the truth about himself, but then she'd shocked, and disappointed, him when she told him to kiss her. He hadn't been suspecting it, and he'd had to fight the urge to push her away. Luckily his "we are straight now" mode of thinking had kicked in and he'd just managed to respond, but by then she'd moved away and Sullivan had called his name. And all hope of telling her the truth, about himself, about his past, vanished as she'd slipped away.
As he got nearer the door and the music became more muffled, Jake realized that he should have been happy he'd fooled her so well. That she hadn't realized it had taken everything in him to resist the lure this place, that she still thought he was homophobic, and that'd she'd not picked up the ease he'd been
feeling here. But all he could do was feel the weight of the front he'd put up to fool the world.
END