SquidgeWorld Archive

SPOILERS: For McKay and Mrs. Miller.

Author notes: This is told completely in Rodney's POV. Also I wrote this in
the span of couple of days, so I apologize if it seems rushed. Also I'm
ignoring a few scientific truths for this fic, so please just swing along
with me and enjoy the ride. ;) Also, this is my first SGA fic, so please be gentle. �

Thank you to Tru who was an angel and beta read this for me at the very last
minute. You Rock, girl!

Thank you #2 To Melissa/Shep who went over this with a fine tooth come after the Secret Santa and helped catch all of my messed up tenses. Who knew writing in first person could be such a challenge!

Dedication: To Melissa/ John Sheppard, Merry Christmas, buddy. I hope you
like your gift.

*******************************

He's back! Can you believe it? Through some as yet unexplained temporal
flux the curse and bane of my existence is back! That's right, Rod "I'm
better at everything then Rodney" McKay is back. He's been here for nearly
a week, and to be honest I don't think we're going to be able to send him
back this time. He doesn't really seem all that inclined to go back this
time either. Everyone is fawning over him just like before. Who would want
to leave that behind? All I can think though is, so much for everybody
liking me better! What a load of shit! I could actually deal with
Elizabeth, Teyla and Ronon, fawning over him, hell, even Carson. But the
one that hurts the most is John.

After Rod left the first time things changed between John and me. He was
more attentive towards me, making sure I remembered to take breaks or
eat. He'd make sure my coffee cup was always full, and even though I pretended to be
annoyed I always enjoyed the extra attention. He spent a lot of his off
time with me too, just me no one else, doing simple things like watching
movies, teaching me to golf, laughing at Ronon being intimidated by Teyla. I
had begun to hope we might be headed to a more serious relationship, maybe
even become lovers. But now that Rod is back he spends all of his time with
him. It's like I've disappeared. I've caught sight of them a few times on
one of the balconies with their heads close together and laughing like two
little boys. I've also seen them in the mess with Teyla and Ronon, yucking
it up. I haven't felt free to join them. I'm too afraid of being compared
to the oh so perfect Rod and being made the butt of their jokes again. Hell,
I probably already am.

I haven't been with John for more then a few minuets all week, and when we
are together it's like he can't get away fast enough. He gets all jittery
and anxious. He usually finds an excuse to leave after just a few minutes
of being in my presence. What has really stopped me cold though, is that, if
what I'm seeing is what I think it is, John is either falling in love or has already
fallen in love with Rod. That hurts me more then anything else, and it
makes my mind go places I would rather not go. John has always been
pleasant towards me, I mean sure we banter and give each other a hard time,
but he has always been pleasant. He wasn't really all that attentive
towards me though until Rod happened. It makes me wonder if John was just
substituting me for what he really wanted, namely Rod. Did he think he
could change me into a Rod clone? Make me all socially perfect and
perfectly groomed? All I know is that John was sure quick to drop me when
Rod was back on the scene again.

Take now for instance, I'm sitting here alone in the mess eating whatever
the cooks are trying to pass off as tonight's dinner, and John is sitting at
OUR table with Rod. They have their heads close together again, and John is
looking like a little boy again, all excited and hopeful. Rod keeps
touching his arm in a way that makes me want to rip off his hands and cram
them down his throat. That should be me with John. Not some Rodney McKay
wannabe! Okay, so he is actually me, or a replication of me, or whatever! But
that should still be me with John! That should be me touching him, me that
is making him laugh and look so adorably excited. I feel my hands starting
to clench and have to consciously make them relax.

I would say that John isn't even aware that I'm here except that every once
in awhile he will slip a quick glance my way, only to look away as soon as
he notices I'm looking.

I'm not sure exactly what I think of the looks, but right now they
certainly are not giving me a good feeling. I give a sigh and go back to
nibbling on my food. I truthfully have not been very hungry all this week,
the simple comfort that food used to give me is now gone. The only thing
that seems to take me out my funks is John, and it looks like I'm not going
to have that option much longer.

I'm not sure how long I sit pondering my future and how lonely I'm going
to be now that John has moved on to bigger and better things, when a sudden
movement beside me causes me to startle and I look up to see John standing
at the end of my table. He's looking at me with that cute little hopeful
look on his face. We stare at each other in silence for a moment and his
smile starts to slip into a confused grin. It's then that I realize he must
have asked me a question and is waiting for me to answer. I mentally shake
myself and ask him to repeat his question. John's grin goes a little soft
and he shakes his head in exasperation.

"I asked you what you were doing tomorrow night."

The question pauses me for a moment, why would John care about what I'm
doing anymore; he's obviously got more interesting things to be doing. But
then I just blurt out, "Umm.....nothing, well, maybe working in the lab, but nothing else. Why?"

John's smile becomes hopeful again, "Oh good! He says, "I was hoping we
could have dinner in my room. I need to tell you something."

I can feel my heart freezing. This is it! John is going to give me a
last farewell dinner before telling me that he's sorry but he's actually
in love with Rod all the time and that he was just hoping that maybe he
could make me more like him. My throat goes dry and my frozen heart is now
beating so fast I'm sure it's going to go flying out of my chest.

"McKay?" John asks his face looking concerned.

I also notice Rod, who is standing a polite distance away, is looking at me
with a troubled face. I mentally shake myself again, "Sorry, Colonel," I say, then take a deep breath, might as well get it over with. "Sure dinner tomorrow night sounds great."

I give what has to be a pretty pathetic smile, John returns the smile,
though he is now looking more worried then he is happy. "Great! How does
1900 hours sound?"

I pause, thinking over my schedule just to be sure, and then nod. "Sure,
1900 hours will work."

John's smile goes hopeful again, "Cool! See you then!" He gives me one
last little grin before turning and walking back over to Rod, who gives me a
little grin of his own before walking out of the mess with John at his side.

"Sure, rub it in!" I mutter under my breath. I go back to trying to eat my
food, but what appetite I did have is gone. With a sigh I pick up my tray
and dump it into the trash. Might as well do something productive, with a
heavy spirit I had back to the lab.

I work in the lab, playing with various Ancient "toys" until I become so
tired that I begin dropping things. I'm hoping that John will come by
and drag me away while lecturing me on how even geniuses need sleep. Actually,
I would be happy if he just stuck his head in to say hi. Anything
that would give me hope that he wouldn't be signing my death notice tomorrow
night. The door remains stubbornly empty though, except for when Radek
comes in, shakes his head and sighs in my direction before quickly checking
on a project and promptly leaving again. Radek has learned that only a life
and death battle or John can get me out of the lab before I'm ready to go.
With another sigh, that even I realize is a bit pathetic I begin to shut
down and secure the lab. I might as well go pretend to sleep; I'm not going
to accomplish anything here anyways.

As I slowly make my way down the hall leading to my room I hear voices
coming from around the corner. I recognize them immediately, one is John's
voice, and the other is as familiar as, well, my own voice. Yep, it's Rod.
Surprised? Nope, me neither.

Stealth has never been one of my strong points, but I think I manage
pretty well as I sneak up to where they are. They are out on one of the
balconies again, but this time the door is open and I can hear them talking.
John is wearing one of the softest expressions I've ever seen on his face as he
talks to Rod. It takes a minute for the words he's saying to register, but
when they do my heart shatters and any hope I had is gone. With tears in my
eyes I listen to John confess his love, "You mean everything to me." John says, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

He's saying more but my mind just doesn't want to comprehend it. With
stumbling noisy steps I turn and run away from them before they can see me
standing there crying like the fool I am. I hear what I think is my name
being yelled behind me, but I ignore it. No way is John calling for me, not
when he's got "his everything" standing on the balcony with him.

I run all the way to my room, and nearly throw myself through the doors as
soon as they open for me. When they have closed behind me, I allow
myself to slide to the floor and I no longer fight the sobs that have been
clawing at my throat. Suspecting that John is in love with Rod and
*knowing* he is, are two completely different things. I feel as though my
heart has been ripped from my chest, stomped on, and then torn to shreds for
good measure. I feel the sobs wrenching from my body, as if they are being
dragged from me by some unknown force. I have no control over them. I
have no idea how long I lay there sobbing but eventually my body just
can't take it anymore and it begins to shut down. The last thought I have
before falling into an exhausted sleep is, 'Why am I just never good
enough?'

I wake several hours later with Radek bellowing in my earpiece.

"Rodney?! Answer me! Are you alright?"

Confused by both sleep and Radek's question, I activate my mic and answer,
"Yes, Radek, I'm just peachy. Why wouldn't I be?"

Radek's response is immediate, "Oh thank god! I have been calling you for
the last five minutes!" He gives a little chuckle, "And for as why I am
worried, have you looked at a clock lately?"

Still confused I mumble out an apology and tell him I was sleeping. I let
my eyes drift over to the clock beside my bed...and nearly swallow my
tongue. I jerk up into a sitting position, ignoring my back screaming its
protest of last night's treatment and yell into my mic, "It's almost noon! Why didn't you call me sooner?"

I hear Radek give a small chuckle then a sigh, "I figured you could use the
sleep. But when it started getting so late, I started to get worried."

I sigh myself and finally submit to my screaming back and let it rest
against the wall behind me, "Thanks, Radek" I say, "I'll be down there
within the hour"

Radek's voice is gentle as he says, "Not a problem, my friend, and no hurry,
take your time. The lab will not explode if you are not here."

I give my best annoyed snort, "Says you!" I joke.

I hear Radek laugh, and then he says, "I will see you when you get here,
Rodney."

I'm grinning as I listen to Radek sign off. I sit for a moment and think
about what a good friend Radek has turned out to be. Oh sure we fight like
we hate each other sometimes, but there is no other scientist that I would
want backing me up. Radek has a brilliant mind, nearly as good as me. If I
hadn't fallen so hard for John, things might have been different between
Radek and me. Thinking of John reminds me of his confessions of love the
night before and my good mood vanishes. My stomach lurches with a rolling
nausea, I'm going to be alone again. At precisely 1900 hours tonight, John
is going to rip out my heart and waltz off with Rod, and I'm going to be
left alone. Sure, I could try to pursue something with Radek, I'm pretty
sure he's interested. But to be truthful, my heart wouldn't be in it. Radek
is a wonderful friend, but it would feel too much like I was settling for
second best. Anybody that knows me knows I never settle for second best. Not
to mention that it wouldn't be fair to Radek, he deserves to have someone
that will cherish him for the find he is.

With a sigh I realize that I need to get showered, dressed, fed, and down to
the lab. Who knows what the minions have been up to in my absence. I force
my body to get up, groaning as my back yells out another protest to its
treatment. I give it a silent apology and promise a nice long hot shower. I
put thoughts to action and walk into the little bathroom. I flip on the
shower and adjust the temperature to somewhere just below boiling before
stripping off my clothes and climbing in. The hot water feels wonderful on
my back and I simply stand there for a moment letting it sooth the aches and
pains. I give a half hearted thought to having a little early morning play,
but the thought just depresses me, so I decide to just get to business and
grab the shampoo. My shower goes quickly after that, and in just a few
moments I'm turning off the water and stepping out. I dry off quickly, and
take care of the rest of my normal morning business, get dressed and then
head on off to the mess to grab a quick meal.

As soon as the doors open to the mess I know it was a mistake to come here.
John and Rod are having lunch together and they have their heads close
together again, no doubt whispering sweet nothings to each other. John's
head comes up when he sees me, and he looks as though he's about to call out
to me. Realizing that talking to John is the last thing I want to do at the
moment, I take a quick back step and nearly run back out of the mess doors,
pretending not to hear John yelling my name. I do a quick dash around a few
corners to be sure that John can't follow me. I'm sure he'll track me down
later, if he really wants to. He is John after all; he can find a flea on
the butt of an elephant if he wants to. But I would just rather that it
be later rather then sooner when he does track me down

.

I quickly make my way to the lab, yelling as I go in that I will be in my
office for the remainder of the day, and to only disturb me if it means life
and death. I go in and think the doors closed behind me. I lock them for
good measure then go and sit at my desk. I spend a few moments pretending
to work but it's becoming increasingly obvious that my mind is not on
Ancient technology or any thing else at the moment, except John.

I groan and cover my eyes with my hand. Is this going to be my life from
now on? Me pining over John while he's off being happy with Rod "Everybody
likes me" McKay. What is it about Rod that is so much better then me
anyways? Yeah sure, he's a regular Miss Manners in the social scene, and
he's a cool dresser, and he's nearly if not as smart as me. But I'm better
then him at.....I'm better at...... With a groan I lay my head on my desk. Who
am I kidding? If I was John I would want Rod too. He's everything anybody
would want, all in one nice little package. My last boyfriend was right; I'm a big fat loser.

A knock on my door startles me out of my thoughts, and with an annoyed growl
I yell out, "Atlantis better be minutes from exploding, or you're going to
be!" I glare at the door and wait for the idiot to answer me. I freeze
when I hear John's voice through the door.

"Rodney! Open this door and let me in!"

I fidget for a second, scrambling for a reason to not let him in.
"Colonel!" I yell, "Ummm....I can't really talk right now. I'm kind of busy
here. You know, working." I wince at how high pitched my voice is. I
would love to be able to panic in a manly way just once.

John pounds his fist on the door, "Rodney, open this door now! I want to
talk to you. NOW!"

I sigh and try to think of something that will make him go away, but then I
realize that John is more stubborn then even I am. I might as well get this
over with. I paste on my best "You are an idiot and therefore you are
beneath me" scowl and think the doors unlocked and open. John steps inside
and gives me a weak smile. He just stands there for a moment after the
doors close looking at me.

After the silence begins to stretch into something uncomfortable, I give an
irritated sigh and say. "What is it that is so pressing you had to barge
your way in to my office, Colonel?" I purposely pitch my voice to be
irritating, hoping that I can piss him off and make him leave. John grimaces
for a moment, probably thinking about how Rod would be so much more
pleasant, and then he moves to sit in the chair in front of my desk.

"I wanted to find out why you ran out of the mess this morning like you had
a pack of Wraith after you?" He looks at me with an intense yet strangely
gentle stare and I begin to fidget.

"I just remembered that I had a project that I needed to get to, that's all.
Why should you care anyways?" I could have smacked myself as soon as the
words came out of my mouth. Damn me and my big mouth!

John looks startled. "What do you mean why should I care?! You're my
friend! Of course I care!"

I snort, "Yeah sure you do! Ever since Rod came back you haven't spent a
minute one with me!" I want to shove something in my mouth to make me shut
up. God, I'm the one that's the idiot here!

I look at John expecting to see him angry, but he's smirking. "You're
jealous!" He says, his smirk turning into a grin.

I glare at him, "Of course I'm not!" I counter. "I would just like to
see my friend for more then a few minutes at a time." I quickly try to
dissuade him of any notions that my feelings run deeper for him then
friendship. I might not want him to be in love with Rod, but he is and I do
want him happy, making him feel guilty wouldn't be the best way to do that.

John gives me a teasing grin, "Last time I checked, that was still called
jealousy, Rodney." His grin turns a little sad. "I'm sorry, Rodney. I
guess I have been a bit distracted lately." His grin perks up again, "But
we'll have tonight!" He pauses for a moment looking suddenly worried, "You
are still coming over for dinner, right?"

I want to say no, like maybe if I don't give him the chance to tell me he
loves Rod, it wouldn't be real. But he looks so hopeful sitting there that
I can't do it. "Yes, Colonel, I'll be there."

John grins again, "Good!" He stands up like he's getting ready to leave
then pauses, "I really am sorry, Rodney. I didn't mean to make you feel
left out. I'll make it up to you, I promise." He gives me another quick
smile, "Are we good?"

I give him what I hope is a pleasant smile, "Yes, Colonel, we're good. You
can go play soldier boy now." I try to joke. He throws me a mock salute
and a grin before walking out the door. I sit back in my chair and close my
eyes. Tonight is going to be torture, but if it means that John will be
happy, I'll do it. Amazing what love will do isn't it?

I spend the next few hours in my office getting actual work done before my
stomach reminds me it has been denied both breakfast and lunch. I stretch
and look at my watch; it tells me that it's nearly 1800 hours. Only about an
hour left and I can get the worst moment of my life over with. I stretch
one more time before getting up and shutting everything down. I figure I
should go take another shower and put on something a little more casual. It's
obvious that John is expecting me to want to remain friends after tonight,
and the fool I am, I'm probably going to. I need to have John in my life,
one way or another, even if it hurts me. With one last sigh I leave my
office and head to my room, it's time to get this over with.

I make my shower quick and then take an appalling amount of time picking out
what I'm going to wear. I'm not exactly sure why I still want to look
good for John, but I guess even someone on death row wants to look good
until the end. I stand staring at my closet unable to decide what to wear,
and then I remember that John couldn't take his eyes off me the day that I
wore all black, must have something to do with his Johnny Cash fixation.
That helps me though and I picked out a nice black t-shirt and black jeans.
I quickly dress, comb my hair one more time before looking at my watch. I
have fifteen minutes to make it to John's. Perfect, I won't rush, and I
should arrive just a few minutes late. I won't look anxious that way. Not
that I'm particularly look forward to this dinner date. With a deep breath
I make my way out of my quarters and down to the transporter, time to get
this done and over with.

I take my time walking to John's quarters and arrive about five minutes
after. I smile, perfect! Don't want John thinking that I'm falling all
over myself for him or anything. I raise my hand to knock on the door but
they slide open before I can. The sight of John standing in the doorway
nearly makes me choke on my own tongue. John has definitely gone for a
casual look. He's shirtless, and is wearing those loose pants he
usually saves for his work outs with Ronon; his hair is still that organized
mess that makes me want to just run my hands through it. Basically, John
looks like living sex. I groan on the inside. Does he want to torture me or
something? He looks more like he's ready to bed someone then like he's
going to break someone's heart. The thought hits me between the eyes. Of
course! He's probably planning on Rod coming over once he's done letting
me down all easy like.

"Rodney? You okay?" John asks taking a step towards me.

I take a quick step back; if John touches me I'm going to end up losing it
and blab pathetic love confessions all over the place. "I'm fine,
Colonel." I say pasting a smile on my face.

John sighs, "First, Rodney, you should call me John, or Shep. The Colonel
is getting a bit old. Second, if you're fine then would you please come
in?" He steps back so that I can walk into the room. I pause before doing
as he requests, my mind in a whirl. He wants me to call him John? I call
him Colonel for a reason! It helps me keep some distance between us. If I
start calling him John I'm not going to be able to hide my feelings. I'm
not going to be able to make it through tonight, I'm just not! I start to
panic and try to figure out a way to get out of the dinner. John gives me an exasperated grin before suddenly grabbing me by the front of my
t-shirt and pulling me into the room.

"No backing out now, Rodney." He says close to my ear, and the husk in his
voice leaves me both confused and slightly aroused.

As I'm pulled into the room three things hit me all at once. One, there are
candles everywhere including on the dinner table that is set with a very
obvious romantic intent. Two, there is the sound of soft jazz playing from
somewhere in the room, definitely not "I'm going to break your heart" music,
and three, the bed is no longer the thin board we have all be blessed with.
This one is at least a double and there is a feather comforter I have never
seen before covering it. There are enough pillows on the bed to hide myself
in. To put things mildly, I am very confused. I turn to John and voice my
confusion in what I feel is a very polite way.

"What the hell, John!?" Well, okay so maybe not so polite.

John gives me a grin, "What do you mean, Rodney?" He takes a step towards
me, but I counter it by taking a step back. I am very confused, I had come
here expecting my heart to be broken, and instead I've walked into what
appears to be a seduction scene. John isn't always the smoothest person, but
I'm sure he would never set up his room for a night of romance before he
rips out of the heart of a prior romantic interest.

"You know exactly what I mean!" I say, anger building up in me. "What the
hell is all this? Even you can't be this cruel!" I can feel the tears
building up, my emotions are so close to the surface right now that the
littlest thing is setting them off.

John is the one looking confused now, "Cruel? Rodney, why would you think I'm being cruel to you?"

I roll my eyes, "Oh as if you don't know! I know, John! Okay? I know! I
know that you're in love with Rod! I know that you're planning on telling
me tonight, and I figured you and Rod would be having a romantic evening
after you got rid of the dead weight. But I didn't think you would flaunt
it in my face!" I'm screaming by the time I'm done and the tears are
streaming down my face. I give out one more yell, "Why did you pretend with
me? Why couldn't it have been real? Why am I not good enough for you?!"

John is looking horrified and confused all at the same time. "My god! Is
that what you thought? Did you think I was off romancing Rod? My, god,
Rodney, no! He was...we were...this is...." He pauses for a moment and takes a
deep breath. "He was helping me!"

I blink at him for a moment not understanding. "Helping you? With what?"

John throws his arms around to engulf the room. "With this! I've been
trying to figure out a way to tell you I love you, and well, I figured
since Rod was basically you, he might know the best way to do it!"

I stand there in complete and utter shock. I keep hearing the words, "Tell
you I love you." over and over again in my head. I couldn't have heard
that correctly.

"What did you just say?" I whisper.

"What? Which part?" John asks a confused little scowl on his face

"The love part." I say, holding my breath, afraid to hope.

A smile blossoms on John's face. It's so bright it almost blinds me and my
heart starts to stutter in reaction. John takes another step towards me,
this time I stay still but I'm watching him with a wary eye. I'm still not
sure I understand this correctly. John's smile slips into a gentle grin as
he grabs my face and pulls me in. His lips are mere meters from mine when
he whispers, "I, John Sheppard, love you, Meredith Rodney McKay!" With that
he's kissing me. His lips simply consume mine and I'm lost. I groan and
open my mouth to him, I can't help it. Even if this is to turn out to be
all I would get, I can't say no. I feel his tongue slide in and make it's
self comfortable, slipping along side my own before flicking up to run along
the roof of my mouth then it's slipping back into John's mouth with an
invitation to follow. I do, I can't help it, the taste of him is better than
any chocolate and better than even the best wine. I feel like I'm drowning
but I don't care, let me drown! It isn't long though before we both need
air and we break away with gasping breaths.

John is grinning at me in the cute adorable school boy way of his; he
touches my face, running his fingers over my cheek before running them over
my kiss swollen lips. "I've dreamed of seeing you like this." He whispers,
his eyes are locked on my lips and he looks like he's about to come in for
round two. I'm ready to let him when a sudden thought hits me and I freeze.
I place a hand on his chest and push him back a bit. He gives me a confused
look and an adorable pout. "What?" He asks, clearly annoyed being denied
his fun.

I take a deep breath. "What about your confessions to Rod last night?"

John's brow wrinkles up and he gives me on odd look. "What confessions?"

I growl and push him away, "You know what confessions! The one's you said
to Rod last night!" I pitch my voice high and press my folded hands to my cheek. "You mean everything to me! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" I bat my eyelashes to add to the effect, before dropping the act and yelling, "Those confessions!" Of all the reactions I am expecting, it isn't to see John nearly doubled over in laughter. He's holding his stomach and nearly howling. He giggles and laughs for what
seems an eternity before he finally gets himself under control. He notices
the angry scowl on my face and shakes his head with fond exasperation.

"You, Rodney McKay, are an idiot!" He says and takes a step towards me, I
try to take a step back but hit the wall. I start to voice a protest at
being called an idiot, but he speaks again. "I was practicing for you, you
moron!"

"Practicing?" I ask, confused.

John nods, "I was nervous about telling you I love you, so Rod recommended
that I practice on him. I mean he looks just like you, it was actually a
really good idea."

John closes the distance between us and he's leaning in again, the look
on his face makes me feel like I'm the dinner not the guest. I move my head
to the side and John gives a moan, "Rodney!" He whines.

"Sorry." I say, "I just need to hear you say it."

"Say what?" John asks, clearly confused.

"That you're not in love with Rod." I blush, when John gives me a shit
eating grin.

"You were jealous!" He mocks gently, before leaning in and whispering in my
ear. "I do NOT love Rod, however I DO love Rodney!" He leans back and
looks me in the eye. "Good enough?"

For the first time in several days I feel a natural smile come to my face. I
shrug and pretend not to care. "Eh, it'll do!"

John gives me an outrageous look, "Why you little....!" He bends down and
grabs me by the waist and hauls me over his shoulder. I'm ashamed to say that
I squawk, rather loudly, "John! Put me down!" I yell. John only laughs
before spinning me around and dumping me on the bed.

"That better?" He grins before bending down to consume my mouth again. It's
too much and not enough all at once, after months, hell years, of wanting
this man, I'm not sure if will ever truly be enough. I raise my hands and
bury them in his hair, and then I pull him down until his body is lying
against mine. We both groan at the contact. John's body feels delicious
against mind and I thrust my hips up gently to rub my clothed cock against
his. John groans and thrusts back down a little more forcefully than I
expected, but the shock of desire that shoots through me causes a whimper to
leave my throat. I run my hands down his neck and on to his chest. My
fingers find his nipples without much trouble and I tweak then gently. John
gives out a growling yell, and the next thing I know my hands are above my
head and he is making a meal out of my neck. "Don't do that if you don't
want this to over before it's started!" He growls in my ear. A shiver runs
down my spine. I love the tone of his voice, the commanding sound he has.

He removes his hands from my wrists, but I make no move to touch him, I
simply lay there and look up at him. At first John is slightly confused,
but then I spread my legs the best I can with him sitting on them and bare
my neck to him. It's the classic signs of submission. I might as well be
screaming "TAKE ME!" John gives a deep soul wrenching groan before he is
once again devouring my neck. I know he is leaving his mark on me and I
give a growl of my own before arching up into his touch. This is what I've
wanted and needed. To be loved, owned, possessed.

John hands begin fumbling with the bottom of my t-shirt but he seems to be
having trouble getting a hold of it. With an impatient growl I grab the hem
and rip the shirt up over my head, regretting interrupting his mouth for the
few moments needed. As soon as my chest is bare however, John gives out
another predatory growl and he devours a nipple in his mouth. My nipples
have always been very sensitive and I give out a strangled yell. John
torments the nipple with both his teeth and tongue until it becomes almost
painful before switching over to the other. By now I'm trembling with
desire and my cock feels like it's going to rip a whole through my jeans.

"John, please!" I groan and thrust up my hips to drive my point home. John
huffs laughter against my chest before he ever so slowly kisses and nips his
way down to my belly button. He plays there for a moment; he looks up at me
his eyes dancing with laughter as he tongue fucks my belly button for a
while. It shouldn't be as hot as it is, but my cock gives another jerk,
and I bite back a moan letting my head fall back on the bed. John takes a
kind of mercy on me and begins to mouth my cock through my jeans. I can
feel his tongue licking along the shape of it before he finds the head and
proceeds to suck it through the cloth. My hips jerk and I grab a fist full
of his hair in my hands. "John!" I groan again, "If you don't stop that
I'm going to come in my pants!" I lay there panting as I listen to John
laughing.

"That wouldn't be a bad thing, Rodney." John kisses my clothed cock again
before pausing. "Actually, yes that would be a bad thing! I want to taste
you when you come."

Just that thought alone nearly ends the game for me and I have to grab my
crotch and squeeze just to control myself. I whimper again and look down at
John. "Just please get on with it! I'm not going to last much longer."

John pretends to look disgruntled, "Should have known you'd be a pushy
bottom!" He has mercy on me though and begins to remove my pants, boxers
and shoes. Almost in one swift move. Once I'm naked in front him, I'm
suddenly self conscious. I know I don't have the best body, especially when compared John's. Without thinking my hands move down to cover my
crotch. John growls and moves my hands up above my head again.

"Leave 'em there!" He says his voice strong and commanding again. My cock
gives another jerk and I feel it begin to leak. John gives a murmur of satisfaction.
"Definitely going to have to play with this kink of yours later, Rodney." He
says, before licking his tongue up my cock and sucking the head into his
mouth for a few moments. I arch into the touch and fight the desire to grab
his hair again. "You taste so good" he whispers against my cock, "You're
beautiful like this, Rodney. All hot and sweating, with your cock hard and
begging me to suck it. Your skin is all flushed and your nipples are
standing up for me, just waiting for my mouth. You're a feast, Rodney, and
I'm going to eat every inch of you!" John's voice is hot and growly. His
words make me arch off the bed and I beg as another groan is wrenched from
somewhere deep within me. "John!" I pant, "Please! Have mercy!" John
looks at me a moment longer, before he devours my cock in one swift move.

I scream. I'm not ashamed to say it. I scream until I think my
throat is going to bleed. John sucks me so deep and so hard I swear that
everything I am is going to come out through my cock. God! He's amazing.
John begins to slowly bob his head up and down all the while keeping up with
the constant sucking. I'm so close but I something's keeping me from
going over the edge and my poor muddled mind just can't figure out what
it is. Suddenly John lets go of my cock, and I yell out a protest. I'm
so close! John keeps his mouth just inches from my cock, but he speaks to me
in that commanding voice again.

"Rodney, look at me."

I do as ordered, what more can I do? John's eyes are hot and nearly blazing with
fire.

"Come for me, Rodney! Let me taste you!"

My brain screams "That's it!" as my entire body arches off the bed and I
come with a sudden rush and with such intensity I feel as though I might
die. I'm dimly aware that John is once again sucking my cock but I'm
too lost in bliss to really notice. As I finally begin to float back down,
I feel John's tongue licking at my softening cock. I look down at him and
catch him looking up at me. I smile at him and reach down to thread my
hand through his hair. I'm not surprised to hear him purr, I've always
sworn John is part cat. "You taste wonderful, Rodney. Just like I knew
you would." He says, and I shiver. I'm going to get addicted to that
voice, all soft and growling.

He climbs his way back up my body and gives me a deep kiss, sharing my own
taste with me. I groan and pull him down on top of me deepening the kiss
for a moment, getting every last bit of my taste out of his mouth. I pull
back and look into his green hazel eyes. "Your turn." I whisper, before
gently pushing him off and rolling over onto my stomach, spreading my legs
and an invitation a blind man couldn't miss. I smirk as John is now the one
that has to squeeze his crotch. He closes his eyes for moment and breaths
deeply, when he opens them again, I swear he's going to burn me alive. He
gives his cock another quick squeeze and I feel my own cock give a jump of
sympathy. John then moves over to the night stand and grabs the tub of lube
he has stashed there. He comes back to me and runs his hands along my spine
before cupping one ass cheek. "Are you sure?" He whispers in my ear.

I groan, "Oh hell yeah, I'm sure!" I push my ass back into his hand to
drive the point home. John grins at me then moves to coat a finger with
lube. Looking me straight in the eye John slips the first finger into me, I
groan and want to close my eyes and enjoy the moment, but there is something
about the fire in John's eyes the keeps me riveted. He slowly begins to work
the finger in and out of me and I arch my back while moaning out John's
name. I still can't take my eyes away from his and that seems to be the way
John wants it. He slowly withdraws the first finger and then coats two. He
slowly slides them back inside me. I whimper and my eyes slide to half mast
but I never break eye contact. I begin to thrust my hips to drive
those fingers deeper into my body. John begins to twist them and he pulls
them in and out, and my whole body quivers and shakes. "John!" I pant out,
staring him straight in the eye. "Take me now! Please! Make me yours!"

Something snaps in John and before I know it I'm lying on my back and John
is pushing his cock into my body. It's only after he's inside me that he
pauses for a moment to let me adjust. We never lost eye contact the whole
time he entered me, and John now leans down until our eyes are only inches
apart. "You are mine, Rodney. Never forget that!"

I give a whimper and thrust down onto his cock, enjoying the way it fills
me. "I won't." I whisper. "I love you." I say and touch his cheek.

John gives another growl and then straightens and begins to thrust hard and
deep. I groan at the feel of him sliding in and out of my body, possessing
it, making it his own. I'm loving every moment of it. I swear my body is
going to simply explode and there won't be anything left of me. But I can't
bring myself to care. I reach down to grab my cock that is hard all over
again. But John growls and swats my hands away. "You come on my cock!" He
says before increasing his thrusts to an even higher tempo. I give a scream
as he hits my prostate and I'm done. My cock convulses and shoots my come
all over my body and even some on John.

John gives a grunt of satisfaction, but he is too lost in his own pleasure
to really notice that I've come. He gives about five more deep gut
wrenching thrusts before he yells out my name and comes inside of my body. I
can feel it deep inside of my body, all hot and silky. It gives me a
feeling of completion that I've never had with another partner. John begins
to come down from his orgasmic high and he gently pulls out. He
crawls back up the bed and gives me a deep kiss before pulling back.

"I love you." He says; his eyes gentle even if his hands are still
possessive where they caress my stomach. I smile back at him.

"I love you, too, John." I lean up to kiss him just to seal the deal. After
a few moments of deep kisses we taper off to a few gentle nips and then we
simply lay there tangled together enjoying the after glow of our love
making.

I'm not sure how long we lay there, but I feel John starting to slip off to
sleep, and I nudge him gently. "Hey, John?" I say.

"Hmmmm?" He mumbles into my neck.

"Rod helped you with all of this right?" I ask. John gives a soft sigh and
nods his head.

"Well, then I think we should do something to thank him."

John picks his head up at that and gives me a look. "Like what?"

"Well," I say, "It doesn't look we're going to be getting him home anytime
soon, so why don't we find him someone."

"Rodney!" John says his voice a mixture of horrified and amused. "Leave the
poor man alone! If he wants to find someone he'll do it himself. He's
quite capable of that on his own."

I hmph at him but let the matter drop, "Fine! Whatever you say."

We lay there for a while enjoying the peace; John is once again almost
asleep before I ask him. "Hey, John?"

He gives a groan but says. "Yes, Rodney."

I give a wicked grin, "Do you think Ronon would be interested in a Rodney
McKay wannabe?"

John groans again and hits me in the face with a pillow.

"Go. To. Sleep. Rodney!"

And so I do.