Work Text:
Unrequited
By EJKatz
Dear Jim:
I am sorry to do this in a somewhat cold manner, but I can't do this any more. I have tried to live with it but somehow, someway, I crossed an invisible line that I had set for myself, and I can't find it to cross back.
I just need you to know that this has nothing to do with you... well that isn't entirely true, but it is nothing you have done. It is me, and something I have done. Something I can no longer live with, not when you are this close to me.
You see, Jim, I fell in love with you, and I can't stand to come home any more to see you getting ready to go out with some woman, or man (yes, I've known you have dated men for a while now), and know that it isn't me you are getting ready for. My heart aches too much to be able to live with that knowledge so I need to put some distance between us.
I am going walk-about for a while, to try and come to terms with this and maybe when I have gotten over it, and can go back to just being friends I will come back, but right now, that just isn't an option. And to be honest, as well as selfish, I just need to get over you.
Jim, you have been a dream come true for me. I will admit that at first you were just a subject. Someone with heightened senses I could study for my dissertation, but somewhere along the line we became friends. I have never in my life known anyone, who took such good care of me, who loved me the way you do. Not even Naomi stuck around the way you have. I just wish that you loved me the same way I love you. Your friendship means everything to me, and I couldn't stand it if I lost that too, but I need more. Sorry!
After Brackett, I knew I couldn't write about you any more, so I changed my dissertation. It was accepted two weeks ago, and with that, I have finally graduated. Don't worry; I have left a copy of it on my bed for you. Read it. I think you will be pleased. I have also left my Sentinel notes for you to give to whomever you choose to guide you.
For now, I have to go. I can't live with this unrequited love any longer, and I have to find away to overcome it. I just want you to be happy, and loved. I need to know you are safe so please don't do anything foolish.
Forever yours,
Blair
~*~*~
Blair laid the pen down on the piece of paper and wiped his eyes again. God, how much this hurt. He didn't know if he would be able to survive it, but he had to try. He didn't think his heart could take watching as Jim went out on one more disastrous date, when he knew he would be so good for the Big Guy if only Jim could see it.
With one last look around, making sure he had everything, Blair dropped his key in the basket, and headed for the door.
"I love you, Jim. Take care of yourself."
And he left!
fin