SquidgeWorld Archive

AJ frowned on finding an unfamiliar car in his driveway, but pulled in anyhow. The days when he had to worry about who might be driving an unknown car were over, after all. He'd been retired almost two years and lived a quiet life with the occasional trip to Italy to visit Francesca. Parking, he grabbed the faded leather briefcase he'd picked up at a yard sale, something that looked like a WWII paper carrier might use, and climbed out of his Escalade.

Someone stood from the front steps and, as he got closer, a jolt of shock and recognition ran through him. Keeping his emotions firmly under control, he greeted, "Evenin,' Captain. What can I do for you?"

Harm smiled at him and said, "Sounds strange hearing that from you."

AJ shrugged. "You'll get used to it."

"I guess," Harm agreed. "Hope you don't mind me just dropping by?"

AJ waved off the question and walked by Harm to the front door as he replied, "Not a bit. Come on in."

The dress uniform looked damn good on Harm, just as AJ remembered, and he had to think of some fairly nasty things to keep control of himself. Dropping his case on the sofa, AJ headed for the kitchen and asked, "You want a beer?" and continued silently, I damn sure need one.

"Sounds good, Sir. I mean, yes, thanks," Harm said from behind.

AJ grinned to himself as he pulled a couple of beers from the fridge. He knew that Harm was having a hard time remembering that he was a new rank around AJ, who was now a civilian. Dropping the smile as he turned back and walked into the living room, he asked, "How's Mac?"

"She's great, so far as I know."

The answer surprised him. AJ frowned and asked, "The two of you aren't together any more?"

Harm snorted. "We almost lasted the month before deployment to England. By then, I was seriously ready to strangle her and I'm pretty sure Mac was eyeing the kitchen knives."

AJ laughed and held out the beer, commenting, "Well, the two of you always did have chemistry."

Harm gave him a rueful smile as he sat and confirmed, "That we did. No, Mac's been in San Diego for the last year and a half, right where she should be, making other peoples' lives a holy terror."

AJ grinned fondly. "That's our Mac."

"Yes, Sir," Harm agreed. He paused and shook his head with a grin. "Anyhow, I was in the area for a conference and had to stop in."

AJ smiled and told him, "I'm glad you did."

Harm returned the smile and replied, "Me, too. So how's retirement treating you?"

Offering a wry twist of the lips, AJ explained, "I'm only retired from the Navy, Harm. I work as a youth advocate for kids at risk in DC."

"That's something," Harm said, admiring. "If anyone can show a kid there's more to life, it's you Sir."

"I've managed to get through to a few of them," AJ allowed.

"I bet."

AJ grinned outright at Harm's somewhat pained tone, as if the younger man remembered some of his own, more outrageous stunts. Needling him a bit, AJ commented, "I cut my teeth on you, Captain."

Harm groaned and unbuttoned his top button as he visibly relaxed on the sofa. "Sir, let me just apologize right now for some of the things I put you through."

"Not as much fun on the other side of the desk, is it?" AJ teased.

Harm nodded agreement. "I'll say. There are definitely moments though. I hope I gave you at least a few of those, too."

AJ smiled and assured him, "You definitely did."

"That's something at least," Harm muttered.

Changing the subject, AJ asked, "You know Bud and Harriet are having a party tonight, right?"

Harm looked startled. "I didn't, no."

"Well, now you do. You want to go?"

"I came right from my last meeting," Harm replied, seeming reluctant. "I don't have anything else to change into."

"If you head back now, you can make your hotel and change," AJ pointed out.

Harm hesitated, then said, "Sir...AJ...I didn't come here to see them, I came to see you. I didn't even think about it being almost Christmas. If you want to go to the party, I can come back tomorrow and we can talk then."

Sensing something more than awkwardness of a new rank around old friends, AJ replied slowly, "No, I can cancel. Harriet knows that I'm pretty much on call 24/7 with my kids."

"I don't want to interfere with..."

"It's done."

Harm looked strangely relieved and torn at once as he said, "Thank you, AJ."

"Any time," AJ replied. "Let me just give her a call."

Harm nodded and AJ stood to walk over to the phone. There was definitely something odd going on, but if he gave Harm enough rope, the younger man would jump over a cliff with it because he knew AJ wouldn't let him fall. They'd saved one another's lives a few times over the ten years of serving together and that created a bond civilians just didn't understand. There was more between them, of course, but those riots of emotions were only let out when AJ was sound asleep and at the mercy of his subconscious.

The conversation with Harriet was short and he didn't even have to lie, explaining, "Someone needs to talk tonight. Seems to be pretty important."

Harm's gaze flickered away as he heard those words.

"Oh, not a problem, Sir! We'll save you some pie," Harriet promised.

AJ smiled. "Thanks, Harriet. I'll stop by with the presents day after tomorrow, how's that?"

"Sounds great! Night, Sir! Good luck!"

"Night, Harriet," he replied, hanging up.

"She still calls you Sir?"

"So does Bud. And Tiner. And Gunny."

A half-smile graced Harm's mouth as he observed, "I'm in good company, at least."

"You are," AJ agreed, sitting back down. "So. What's wrong?"

"I love my job. I love the power, the way I can help those under me, back them up when they screw up. I love living in London. I love everything about what I do and who I am, aside from the endless bureaucracy."

"And that's a problem, how?"

"I'm in love with someone here in the States."

Blindsided, AJ didn't respond at first. Obviously it wasn't Mac, but who else could it be?

"Thing is, I know that the relationship would work," Harm told him earnestly. "I know that we could be the best thing I've ever had in my life."

Only decades of being a Marine kept AJ from showing anything but friendly concern as Harm continued speaking.

"I know that if we gave it a real shot, we'd both be happier than we'd ever been."

AJ nodded slowly. "And she doesn't want to leave the States?"

"It's not just that."

"What else?"

"Well, it wouldn't exactly be a conventional relationship."

"Since when do you care about what other people think?"

"It's not me I'm thinking of."

"Of course not," AJ murmured. "What kind of 'not conventional' relationship are we talking about? Did you rob the cradle?"

Harm coughed a bit, his face flushing as a hand rose up to rub the back of his neck. "Actually, it's pretty much the other way around."

AJ was surprised, but not. When Harm let himself love, he did so deeply and honestly didn't care about things like age or race. He took a gulp of beer to fortify himself before asking, "So you've got an older woman who has a good life here in the States and doesn't want to leave. I'm assuming she's got kids?"

Harm hesitated, then answered, "Yes, but grown."

"Close ties to the community?"

"Definitely."

"Do you love her?"

"I do."

"Then hang it all," AJ declared. "If you love her that much, get down on your knees if you have to. Resign, if you have to. You've been unlucky in love twice now, Harm. If you don't take this chance, you might not get another one."

Harm nodded slowly and said, "That's what I was planning to do."

Confused, AJ asked, "Then why are you talking to me at all?"

Harm answered by pushing off the sofa and going down on one knee in front of AJ.

Shock kept AJ rooted to the spot, mouth gaping like an ensign lost in the bowels of his first cruiser.

Harm continued, "My current tour ends next year. Everyone expects me to do another where I am, and then be promoted to JAG after that. I won't deny that the idea doesn't appeal to me, because it does. On the other hand, I could use up all my favors the next time one of my boys gets himself into trouble, or I could piss the wrong someone off all on my own, and wind up stuck where I am, never promoted to JAG. Life's uncertain, AJ, you know that."

To that, AJ had to nod, still not recovered enough from what Harm was saying to form actual words.

"I've had almost two years to think about this since you retired. Mac and I took our shot and it didn't work out. Spectacularly so. The only ghost of regret I have about my life right now is you and if I don't take this chance, I will regret it for the rest of my life."

Finally regaining something of his composure, AJ cautioned, "Don't throw away your career for me, Harm."

"I'm not throwing away anything," Harm countered sharply. "I'd be starting something new."

This wasn't a conversation he'd ever expected to have and AJ snapped, "Get off your damn knees, Rabb!"

Harm actually grinned, but stayed where he was. "I'm afraid you can't order me around anymore, AJ. If I want to resign, then I'll resign."

"I won't be there to make them take you back. If you do it this time, it's for good," AJ growled.

"AJ, why do you think I fought so hard to get back in both times?"

AJ glared and answered, "Because you're a glutton for punishment."

Harm shook his head. "Because you were there."

"Seemed to me that Mac had more to do with it than I did."

"Mac was part of it," Harm allowed. "...but mostly, I had to redeem myself in your eyes."

That was news to AJ and he stared at the other man, reeling from the revelation.

Harm took his hands, gripping them lightly, and said, "It took me a damn long time to figure out how I felt about you. First, I thought it was hero worship. And for a while it was. But it changed over the years. Grew deeper. I know, now, that it's love. Real love, like I had with Jordan, but stronger, too. You understand me, a little too well sometimes, and she never really did. You never tried to change me."

She did, was left hanging in the air between them.

Clearing his throat, AJ said at last, "Harm, you can't know that anything with me is good enough to risk throwing over being JAG one day."

"I do," Harm replied simply.

Their hands rested warm and easy together, provoking images of how else they might easily fit together. Clear blue eyes stared back at him, devoid of fear or hesitation. Harm had clearly made his decision, though AJ was far from certain it was the right one.

"What if you regret this, five, ten years down the line?"

"I won't."

"You might."

"I won't."

"How can you know?" AJ demanded, frustrated.

Harm smiled and squeezed his hands briefly as he replied, "I only regret the actions I don't take."

"That's not true."

"Ninety-nine percent of the time it is."

"This could be a helluva big one percent, Harm."

"Trust me, AJ, please. I'm not that idiot pilot pretending to be a lawyer that you had to save from himself ten years ago."

A telling point. AJ often did still think of Harm as that brash young lawyer who took too many chances. It was hard to trust after having his heart broken so thoroughly the last two times.

As if reading his thoughts, Harm stated quietly, but firmly, "I'm not Meredith. I won't betray you and I won't desert you. Ever."

What could he say to a vow like that? And it was a vow, of that AJ had no doubt. He was getting everything he'd ever wanted handed to him on a silver platter and it scared the shit out of him. Taking a breath, knowing that he would regret it if he said no, AJ finally replied, "I'll hunt you down and kill you if you do, Mister."

Harm's eyes lit up at that and he smiled brilliantly. It was the most natural thing in the world to meet in the middle for a long, deep kiss. The hunger he'd banked for years flared to life and AJ slid from the sofa, devouring Harm's mouth and pushing him down on the floor. Harm responded just as hungrily, giving as much as he took, just as AJ would have assumed, had the scenario ever crossed his mind with any seriousness.

It looked like Santa had arrived early that year.