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2020-11-05
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The Sole Heir

Summary:

Shawn and Jordan argue about Jordan's women. Based on a scene from episode 2x04, Weight of the World.

Work Text:

The Sole Heir

 

Jordan has found recently that working becomes difficult when he knows Shawn's angry with him. And when he knows that Shawn is angry with him but doesn't know why, work is practically impossible.

Jordan isn't the easiest of people to get along with, long-term. Especially if he's sometimes required to take on a role where he needs to act stern, like as Shawn's mentor. Shawn isn't the easiest person to get along with, either, because he's so incredibly good to the bottom of his little heart. Unfortunately, Jordan needs Shawn, desperately. Which means that whatever happens, he has to keep Shawn at least moderately happy where he is. He cannot afford to lose Shawn.

Of course, Shawn has no idea about this, and Jordan wants to keep it that way. It's important that Shawn is under the impression he's allowed to walk out whenever he wants, but chooses to stay.

Jordan has to keep him choosing to stay, so that he won't ever find out the truth.

Now, work is impossible, because there's a tiny voice in the back of Jordan's head - a voice that sounds suspiciously like Shawn's - that keeps telling him that Shawn is upset with him. Upset enough to try and leave, perhaps. Upset enough to ruin it all, maybe. Logically, Jordan knows that he should just wait it out, give Shawn time to cool off, and they could discuss it and he could convince Shawn to stay. He's done it before. But the emotional part of it is nagging at him, making him annoyed and snappy, the feeling of uncertainty eating at him. What if it's too late this time? What if Jordan has finally gone beyond Shawn's moral lines and can't talk himself out of it anymore? What if?

All this worrying is making Jordan angry. And after hours of twirling his pen and pushing his papers around, he's had enough. He walks out of his office, straight into Shawn's apartment. He strides in and, without even so much as hello, goes to the point. "If you have something to say, now would be a good time."

Shawn, who's in his spotlessly clean kitchen, responds to Jordan like he always does. To fire, with fire. He throws the towel on the counter, even that little gesture signaling a protest. "Oh, you know what?" Shawn spits out immediately. "You want to hand out keys like they're junk mail; you be my guest." He steps right into Jordan's personal space as he says it and then goes right by, head held high. He's a touch shorter than Jordan, but he always works that for his advantage, getting straight into Jordan's face instead of letting himself be intimidated.

What part of this does Shawn not get? And who does he think he is, walking away from Jordan like that? Jordan follows him, two steps behind, hearing himself raise his voice. "That woman will play to 20,000 people every night, wearing our insignia, promoting our image," Jordan says pointedly.

"Image?" Shawn stops, turns around and takes a step closer. He's in Jordan's face, again. "How does nailing your secretary help our image, Jordan?" Shawn says, enunciating very carefully, if loudly.

Jordan can feel surprise surging through him, wanting to widen his eyes, open his mouth, but he holds himself in check.

Oh, so Shawn knows about Devon. Jordan might have known, really.

More importantly, Shawn knows about Devon, and that's what he's really angry about.

Jordan thinks very quickly. This isn't about morals after all. Shawn isn't angry about Jordan using Chloe; Shawn is simply jealous.

If Shawn isn't really angry about Chloe, then it must be that Jordan got through to him, finally, and accepted what Jordan and Chloe were up to. And it's hardly like she minded being used; she and Jordan practically used each other. He used her for financial and promotional reasons, and she used him for emotional ones, always needing to feel special.

The thing with Devon, however, was not about image, or money. The thing with Devon was all Jordan's doing, for personal enjoyment. He can't use their goals as an excuse for that.

And thus, the puzzle of why Shawn is angry, is solved. Jordan finds he can breathe again. Jealousy, he can handle. His anger disappears in a blink of an eye, and he finds himself in the role of a comforter. He was married once, he's used to this. Let Shawn blow off all the steam he likes, Jordan can handle it. In a situation like this, all you have to do is stay calm and reasonable and let the other person act as irrationally as they'd like.

It's a personal issue. Shawn is upset with him. This calls, obviously, for an apology. Jordan can't really apologize for sleeping with Devon, because he and Shawn are still pretending that who one of them sleeps with is none of the other's business. This, too, is also Jordan's doing, for the most part. Not that Shawn minds, really; on some level Shawn knows he's in love with Jordan, but he's still too young, perhaps, to do anything about it. Thus, he hides behind this net of pretenses, and Jordan doesn't mind one bit. It only makes things easier for him.

It doesn't hurt their cause that Shawn is a bit in love with him, Jordan reminds himself every day. That's why Jordan isn't trying to do anything about it - it's only easier to keep Shawn happy like this. It's only easier to keep Shawn here, like this.

All the more reason why Jordan needs to sort out this jealousy thing.

Briefly, he considers apologizing for something else - for not telling Shawn, for instance. That might work, if he could say something to suggest that the whole thing with Devon was somehow more than sex, or that he thought so at the time - not even Shawn could be upset if he slept with someone he really cared for, after all - but he doesn't know what, exactly, Devon told Shawn, so that's out.

Jordan could also say that he's very sorry for the state Devon's in, and wishes that he could somehow undo it all, and get Shawn to forgive him just on principle. But then, that would imply that he's admitting he has something to do with the state Devon is in, and Jordan truly wants to wash his hands clean of that.

He decides to go for vague. Shawn can interpret it as he likes. "I'm not perfect," Jordan says. "I never pretended to be."

He intends to continue even further, but Shawn interrupts him, shouting, "I don't need perfection!"

Shawn takes a step back, and then a step forward, like a caged animal. Jordan waits, wondering if Shawn even realized Jordan apologized to him. Maybe he did, though; he seems suddenly a bit lost. "I just want you to stop giving me reason to think of you as some kind of hypocrite," Shawn says a bit lamely, as if he's clinging to his anger.

Shawn probably is clinging to his anger, really. He wants an apology, yes, he wants Jordan to apologize for cheating on him, ridiculous as it sounds. And now he's got an apology - but not the apology he wants, and he's torn between forgiving Jordan and pressing on for what he really wants.

In other words, Shawn is telling himself he's mad at Jordan only for the moral reasons, and has no idea this is, in fact, an act of jealousy.

Well, Jordan can't quite say the words Shawn wants to hear. That would take them to those places neither of them is ready to go - or, more precisely, where Shawn isn't ready and Jordan isn't willing to go. Jordan will have to find out another way to give him the reassurance he needs.

In the end, Jordan thinks, Shawn just wants some proof from Jordan. That the man Shawn's in love with isn't a total bastard.

What's the best proof Jordan can give? He wonders about that. And, well, there is that one thing - that one huge thing. It'll be more than enough, Jordan knows, but he's been kind of saving it for the right moment. This isn't the right moment, it really isn't, but he needs something right now. Hence, Jordan decides to lay all his cards on the table. He isn't a business man for nothing. He's gambled before.

"When you're running this place, Shawn," Jordan says, pausing for effect, "you can behave as nobly as you'd like."

Shawn's face is still in a snarl. Still clinging to the remains of his anger, he spits out, "Meaning what?" even though somewhere in the back of his mind it's already starting to dawn on him.

"Meaning, one day, all of this will be yours." Jordan goes for a gentle tone of voice. There isn't anything greater he could say than this. For the first time, he's actually, verbally reassuring Shawn that he is the most important person in Jordan's life. The sole heir. Like a - spouse. Or a son.

Shawn's listening. Definitely listening. Staring at Jordan, breathing hard, definitely listening.

Jordan's been thinking about this for a long time, it's true, and he's sure of his decision. He hasn't told anyone yet, however. Still, he decides to milk this situation for all it's worth. He's already gambled it all; might as well bluff a little to ensure the victory. "The paperwork's been drawn up, the lawyers know what to do... Everything's in place." He'll do that first thing in the morning, and Shawn will never know.

There isn't a trace of anger left on Shawn's face. All there is is some sort of confusion. He takes a breath, and another one, glances away. Then he looks at Jordan in the eye in a way that's positively unnerving and says in a voice far quieter than the one he was just using, "But you're not going anywhere."

There is real pain in that voice. Real fear. Shawn does this often; thinks much more quickly than Jordan would expect, and with a different logic. He often ends up in conclusions that surprise Jordan. Like this one. Lately, Jordan's started to learn how to use that logic to his advantage, but this was, apparently, still a bad step. He wasn't trying to make Shawn feel alone; on the contrary. He was trying to make Shawn feel wanted, loved.

"Nevertheless." Jordan says the word immediately, and with conviction, signaling the end of this discussion, forcing back any other protests Shawn might have. He searches Shawn's face for more signs of distress.

Shawn isn't angry anymore; the fight is over. Good; maybe now Jordan can get some work done. Still, Shawn is now starting to look a bit miserable, and Jordan decides to bring out some flattery and a bit of contact just to cheer him up a little. He takes a step closer. "I sleep better, knowing my life's work is in the hands of the..." And just how far should he go with this? He raises his hand and presses his palm gently against Shawn's soft cheek. "The saintly - the unsullied, Shawn Farrell."

He wonders if that was too much, and is prepared to grin disarmingly and say, 'but you are,' in case Shawn snorts and tries to pull away from his touch. But Shawn doesn't.

Jordan often wonders whether it's a good or a bad thing that he leaves Shawn speechless so often. Is it good, because he's just given Shawn so many things to think about that it takes Shawn a while to work through them? Or is it bad, because Shawn only keeps his mouth shut because he knows, and thinks, more than Jordan expects him to?

Shawn doesn't say anything, so Jordan doesn't really have a choice but to give him a small smile and a friendly nudge, and walk back out.

A few hours later, when everyone else has gone to bed already and Jordan's putting finishing touches to the work he was unable to do earlier, Shawn comes by his office under the pretense of running a few errands. The errands are nothing important, nothing that need to be dealt with tonight, and they both know it. It's just another pretense to them. Shawn stays for a bit, and they talk over some Center-related issues, and Shawn's hand is warm on Jordan's shoulder and his grip tight on Jordan's hand.

When Shawn leaves for bed, he gives Jordan a warm grin and a quick wave, and Jordan knows he's been forgiven.

The thing with Shawn, Jordan thinks, is that he really does want to stay. It's just that Shawn is too good of a man to stand it when there's something even a bit suspicious about the way things are handled. Shawn wants nothing to do with questionable things; he's a good man through and through. So good, that he won't allow even himself be mistreated.

If Jordan can just keep Shawn in until he sees that there really is no other way... he tries to teach Shawn, every day, about why's and how's. So that Shawn would, one day, be able to really see how the world works, and that being good through and through isn't always the best way.

It might just be, though, that Shawn is too good a man for this. That worries Jordan.

It might turn out, yet, that Shawn is too good a man for him.