Work Text:
"Confession"
Don gripped his bottle of water and tried to pretend his shaking hands were due to the hard five miles that he and Will had just run. He glanced over at Will, who was collapsed on the park bench next to him. Don wanted to let himself get distracted by that hard, sweaty body, go home and shower with Will and pretend that nothing was wrong. Well, he'd been doing that for days now and it had to stop.
"Will," Don said, clearing his throat. "I have something I need to tell you."
For the briefest moment, Don saw in Will's face his long history of being hurt and a terrible fear of it happening again, then Will's expression went blank.
"I thought you had something on your mind," Will said quietly.
I don't want to hurt you, Will, but I'm afraid I might. "We said truth in our relationship, right?"
"Right," Will responded in that quiet, cool voice.
"You know how on Wednesday you met Charlie?"
Will nodded.
Right, of course, you remember. Colby tried to take your head off for it. "Then we went upstairs afterwards? Remember how Charlie ... was in his room and you said we should invite him to join us?"
Will nodded again.
Don cleared his throat another time then said, "Charlie, I've ... been with Charlie."
Will's eyebrows shot up. His eyes went hard and Don flinched.
"How old was Charlie?" Will asked, his voice cold.
"Huh?"
"How old was Charlie?" Will snapped. "You're five years older than him. How old was he?"
Don stared at him then realized what Will was asking him. "God, no, it was just this year. I would never do that." You just told him you had sex with your brother. How's he to know that you aren't a pedophile as well? "It was, it was just this year," Don repeated.
Will seemed to thaw a fraction at that and Don took some heart.
"David, he talked us into it," Don said, then wondered if he should have told Will that it was David. David was already on Will's blacklist. "So it was the three of us, together."
"What did you do?" Will asked flatly.
"Umm, kissed and ... blowjobs."
"Fucking?"
"No, no fucking. I mean we both fucked David together, as in together."
Will's eyebrows shot up again at that.
Don asked, "Would it make a difference to you if Charlie and I ...?"
Will gave him a humorless smile. "It would have made a difference to you. I know you too well, Don. Sex affects you. And fucking is one of the most intimate things you can do."
"Charlie and me agreed on no fucking, ever."
"That's something at least. That you did set up some boundaries."
Don nodded and took a shaky sip of his water. He was used to being able to read Will's face, but Will had completely shut down on him. Don was reminded that Will was one of the DEA's preeminent undercover agents.
Will looked over the park, his eyes unseeing. Don thought about making some other explanation, but there really was no excusing it. He waited for Will's verdict.
"Two adults," Will said slowly, as if he was trying to decide what he felt. "You were two consenting adults."
"Yes, definitely." Don waited but Will didn't say anything else. "Do you think it's ... sick?"
"Some," Will admitted. "I mean when I think of being with one of my sisters ..." A convulsive shudder went through him. "Or a brother, if I had one. But what I worry about more is your family - can you imagine how your dad would feel?"
Don grimaced and shook his head. He didn't even want to contemplate that.
Will looked back at him. "And you and Charlie - it could destroy your relationship, you know."
"I know," Don said. "It could. But we've survived a lot so far."
Will's opaque eyes examined Don's face for a long moment. "Do you regret it?"
Don sighed. "The truth? No. It was incredible fun and Charlie is ... well, he does sex with the same way he does everything else, with lots of enthusiasm and damn the consequences."
"Was it just that once?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to do it again?"
Don flushed then had to admit, "Yes. I would. Sometime."
Will pressed his lips together then turned away from Don.
Don searched for something, anything, that he could say. "We did set some ground rules that night. The no fucking rule and also that it would never be just the two of us. If we ever did it again that it would be with a third person. So hopefully it wouldn't be too weird between us and it hasn't. This was, I don't know, six or seven months ago."
Will said slowly, unwillingly, "If Charlie wasn't your brother ... would you be ... with him? Is that why you assumed I'd fall for him because ... you would?"
Don blinked, startled. "Hell, no! He's not really my type. I mean he's great fun in bed but so, I imagine, are a lot of people. Charlie and me would drive each other crazy, just like we always do. No, I happily leave taking care of him to Colby. He's way too high maintenance."
Was that a ghost of a smile on Will's lips?
Don carefully put his hand on Will's. "And even if he wasn't. He's not you, Will. No one else will ever be you."
Will finally turned back to Don. "Why did you wait so long to tell me?"
"I was afraid that ... you'd be revolted."
"Don," Will said softly. "We've seen and heard the worst of each other already. We both know what bottom looks like. There isn't anything you can tell me about yourself that will revolt me because I know that you are a fundamentally good person."
It was Don's turn to look away. I certainly don't feel like one.
Will took his chin and made him look back. His eyes were at last readable. In them Don saw love, fear, pain and immense depths of understanding
All of those emotions came through in Will's voice as he said, "I just ... I love you, aein, and it's gonna take a long time before I can believe deep down that I'm not just another rung on your ladder to something better."
"There is nothing better," Don said firmly. He knew he had Will's lifetime of rejection and disillusionment to overcome and being secretive and distracted for the last few days hadn't helped.
Don leaned over and gently kissed Will. Will kissed him back the say way. Don was a little bemused that he'd just admitted to incest and here he was reassuring Will. I don't deserve you.
"You know, Will," Don said, cautiously teasing. "I finally came up with a kink that you didn't like the sound of."
Will's lips quirked. "Yes, you did. But you know, that rule you have about nothing with Charlie without a third person is a good idea. Maybe one of these days we'll both feel secure enough to invite Charlie over to play with us."
"Maybe," Don said and moved closer to Will, inhaling the heady smell of Will's sweaty body. "But at the moment, I really couldn't care less."
Will gave Don a smile that still had shadows in it. Don berated himself for waiting so long to tell Will about Charlie, though he was really just beginning to realize what a remarkable guy Will was. Don wasn't sure he would be so understanding if their positions had been reversed. But Will had heard his whole life about how wrong, evil, and depraved his feelings for men were. To Will, love was all that mattered and he'd felt a true, bona-fide fear that Don would chose Charlie over him. Silly bugger.
Don gave him a full-power smile. "How about the last person to your place has to wash that big pile of dishes in your kitchen sink?"
Will relaxed with a visible effort. "You're on, Eppes," he drawled. "I'll even give you a head start."
"Don't need it," Don shot back. "You were huffing pretty hard that last mile."
"Only because I was practically dragging your ass along with me."
Don grinned. "Race me home and we'll see who's doing what to who's ass."
"Okay," Will grinned back. "I can think of better things to do with hot water than dishes anyway."
"Oh, you're not gonna get out of the dishes."
"Assuming you win."
"I'm gonna win," Don said. "I'm used to chasing down bad guys. You DEA types just sit around."
"Oo, you shouldn't have made this FBI versus DEA," Will laughed and Don was happy to see the last of the shadows leave Will's face. For now. He had to remember that Will was not nearly as invulnerable as he liked to pretend. Sound familiar, Eppes?
Don got to his feet. "See you there!" he said and took off.
Footsteps pounded up behind him. "Bureau bum," Will said at his shoulder and passed him.
"Drug dog!" Don called and coaxed more speed from his tired legs. That pile of dishes was pretty scary.
Will had two more inches and several less years than Don and was gonna beat him. That's if Will actually ran full out. What Will would do, though, is run with Don up to the last minute, so that he could pass him and have his victory celebration in Don's face. If Don was crafty enough, he could trick Will into taking too long to make his break and win with a fast final kick.
They raced down the park pathway, shoulder to shoulder, and left all shadows behind them.