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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
802
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
14
Hits:
1,322

Just Mine

Summary:

My Tigh muse was depressed after "Exodus" Pt 2. I gave in and this is what came of it. Spoilers for "Exodus" Pt. 2.

Work Text:

Gods, he deserves the adulation. All of us owe our lives to him. But I just can't bear to watch the celebration or hear the crowd chant his name. He didn't fail, but I did. I didn't bring everybody back.

I limp back to my old quarters. I have to lean on this accursed cane and having the use of only one eye makes the corridors narrower. I can't seem to remember all of the twists and turns and almost get lost on a ship I used to know like the back of my hand.

My quarters are exactly the way I left them. I knew they would be. He wouldn't change a thing if only for old time's sake. But it's more than that. It's him thinking of his best friend. It's his love for me.

I still love him so much that it hurts and I never lost faith that he'd come for us. He's the sun my world revolves around. But he's not just the center of my world. I've always had to share him with the fleet, his family, the crew, and even the stars themselves.

It wasn't that way with Ellen. Oh, sure. She shared her body with any attractive man, but they were just flings. She always came back to me. I had her heart and she had of me what didn't belong to him. I love her with a passion I never thought possible.

And I killed her. She only did what she did to save me and how did I repay her? It had to be done. I know that and at least I made it quick and painless. Others would not have been so kind. She almost blew the entire rescue operation. She could've killed everyone on New Caprica and on board the Galactica. The sun would've been extinguished and there would be no hope.

But I'll never forget holding her limp body in my arms. My Ellen. The person I loved who I didn't have to share with the whole fraking universe.

Before I realize it, I'm sitting in a chair. I'm shaking all over and rocking back and forth. Tears are streaming down my face and I can't seem to stop them.

I'm...shattered. I left a big piece of myself down on New Caprica with Ellen. My wife, who was willing to do anything and everything for me. But why couldn't she come to me? Why couldn't she tell me before it was too late?

I bury my face in my hands. Why did I even bother leaving that worthless, muddy rock? I may be back in orbit of my sun but he won't have time for me. I'm not sure that even he can put me back together.

Strong hands pull mine away from my face. I look at him kneeling in front of me. The pain in his eyes reflects mine and I pull him into a tight hug.

He returns it and cradles my head on his shoulder. "I'm so sorry," he whispers.

I shudder. "She...I had to..." I want to tell him and yet I can't.

"Shh," he says soothingly. "You'll tell me when you're ready."

"She did it for me." My voice cracks and I bury my face in the side of his neck.

He rubs the back of my neck and I clutch him tighter. He's solid and reassuring under my hands. He wants to take care of me, but needs to also take care of everyone else. Was never and could never be just mine.

He kisses the side of my head. "I wish that I could take your pain away."

I know he means it but this pain is all mine. I wish I had a bottle of booze. Maybe I could numb it for a while.

A voice over the intercom. "Admiral Adama to CIC."

I give him a squeeze and reluctantly let go of him. "You're being paged," I rasp.

He gives me a wry smile and slowly pushes himself to his feet. He pats my shoulder. "It's good to have you back."

I grab his hand before he can let go and briefly squeeze his fingers. "Thanks for coming for us."

"You knew I would." With that, he turns to go. "I'll be back to check on you later," he says right before the hatch closes behind him.

I sigh heavily. I'm alone again. I'm so cold.