SquidgeWorld Archive

It was the wine that did it. It made me tell him everything I'd hidden for the last seven years. All my feelings for him, all the secrets I'd kept. And then he kissed me. I was in heaven.

He whispered these words in my ears, so softly...

"So close your eyes, here's your surprise. Beautiful is empty. Beautiful is free. Beautiful loves no one. Beautiful stripped me."

He had me unbutton his shirt as he repeated these words. I was too caught up in the act of touching that perfect chest, even if it was cold, to even ponder the words he was saying. He was so beautiful...maybe he was talking about me or him, I don't know.

He picked me up off the couch, moving around the boxed things. This was it. I had to go back to Sunnydale, I couldn't stay in Los Angeles anymore. Angel...he wanted me safe, out of harm's way. LA was going to disappear into the ocean.

I was going to disappear away from Los Angeles, the city of Angels.

The city that held the only Angel that meant anything to me.

I clung to him. We couldn't have sex, I knew it and he knew it. He lost his soul when he did it with Buffy, got a son when he did it with Darla.

With me, we won't take the chance.

He moved me to my bed. I'd slept alone here so many times, and now I was sharing it with a man I was in love with. Yes, it was love. That was why Angel wouldn't go to Sunnydale. He knew Buffy was there. He knew I'd be there. Maybe in a year or two, he could find me. I knew he would have to see me again.

My blood runs in his veins. He'll taste my kisses long after I'm in Sunnydale.

And with that thought, I brought my lips to his and kissed as fiercely and passionately as I could. He responded likewise, bruising my lips. We finally got to the bed, and he laid me down so gently, like I was fragile.

I pulled him down to keep kissing him. I didn't want to be treated like I was fragile. As long as we didn't have sex, I just wanted him.

It went like that for hours, even after I knew my lips were going to be twice their normal size and the ache in my heart grew every hour it got closer to dawn. We'd made sure the curtains and everything were drawn; he was staying over.

And when dawn came, we slept, me curled up into his arms, feeling safe and protected.

That was when I decided not to go to Sunnydale, to stay with Angel until he Shansued. He had to have been close, I had to believe that.

***

When I woke up, he was still there. He looked vulnerable, like he needed me. I knew he was going to argue about me going with him, wherever he went, but I'd be the stubborn woman I was when I first met him.

I was going to be by his side.

It made me think of the others, already gone. Wesley, and Fred, and Gunn, and Lorne. They would have been by his side if they could. But they couldn't...they were dead.

And then, I don't know why, I started to cry. I didn't want to wake him up, but he pulled me closer, and softly sang something to me.

"And this is how she carried on. Well, I guess she closed her eyes. And just imagined everything's alright. But she could not hide her tears. 'Cause they were sent to wash away those years. They were sent to wash away those years."

At that moment I knew that when I told him I was staying with him, he wouldn't argue. And so, I just cried while he held me.