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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
Words:
757
Chapters:
1/1
Kudos:
10
Hits:
835

Not Quite Right.

Summary:

Alan sits in a bar and thinks about Denny.

Work Text:

Alan stayed calm the entire time he was in Denny's presence; sitting out on the balcony until the chill in the night air forced them inside and then on to their respective homes. He made it no further than his hotel's bar, not even bothering to go to his room and change, taking a seat in the corner and proceeding to order drink after drink.

Denny scares him sometimes because he makes decisions without ever thinking of the consequences, and Denny's actions scare him, like they did today when he confessed in court to taking drugs to help his memory. He knew there was something different about Denny on this case. He'd even outright asked Denny about it, and Denny -- his best friend, the person he trusts to be as honest with him as he is in return -- lied to him.

He'd known something wasn't quite right and he'd suspected that Denny was lying, but it hurts to know Denny was prepared to lie to his face about something so important.

Alan may have never known Denny Crane during the days that built up his reputation into what it is, but he wouldn't trade the Denny he knows now for the Denny that existed then. He likes Denny's quirks and his stubbornness, just as he likes Denny's uncompromising beliefs and his outlandish comments and actions. He doesn't want the drugs to change that or to take Denny away from enjoying the simple things in life -- like their friendship and the quiet moments they share together, which have always seemed to mean as much to both of them -- and he worries about the consequences these pills could pose for Denny's health.

He can't quite put himself in Denny's place. He doesn't know what it's like to first know you're the best and to then feel that slipping away from you; he can imagine how it feels but it hasn't happened to him yet. To him, Denny Crane is still an extraordinary man. To Denny himself, he sees the Denny-of-now as a muted version of what he used to be.

Alan thinks back to the day Shirley arrived, when he and Denny sat outside under the night sky, and he promised Denny that, between the two of them, they'd take her. He wonders if that's still what this is about and if he's somehow failed to live up to his end of the deal. He makes Shirley's life difficult all the time -- partly for fun; mostly for Denny -- but maybe it isn't enough.

He's gone over the way he handled Denny throughout this case and he's started to wonder if his own actions contributed to Denny's willingness to trust unproven medication. After all, he'd pretty much straight-out said, "without the rough edges," that he was jumping in on Denny's case to protect both the client and Denny, and excuses of wanting to try a case for the experience and the fun of being paired with Denny notwithstanding, he thinks maybe it wasn't the best (or most respectful) way to approach it.

He doesn't have enough friends that he can afford to lose one, especially not this one, and the more research he did into the medication Denny was taking, the more fearful he'd become for Denny's safety. Denny says he's stopped taking the pills now and Alan believes him, because that's what he does, but there's a niggling doubt in the back of his mind that reminds him that Denny lied to him recently, and that doubt just won't rest.

He doesn't like to think of "tomorrows," or of "what ifs" and "what'll happens," because the uncertainty makes him thoughtful and introspective in a way he doesn't like. He knows there's a possibility Denny's 'quirks' will eventually overcome him but that day isn't today and, even if it were, illegal medication wouldn't be the answer.

He orders a fresh drink from the bartender, who serves it with a "look" that Alan would comment on if he could bring himself to care about anything other than what happened today, and continues drinking.

With each mouthful he silently vows to keep a better eye on Denny's behaviour and actions from now on, and plans ways to try Shirley's patience in his head, even though by the time he's done the alcohol will have eradicated most of them from memory.

(He keeps drinking as though it can save him, until the bartender gives an order to have him escorted to his room where he stumbles into bed, and into a dreamless sleep.)