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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-05
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1,187
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To Grieve

Summary:

A discussion of Ziva's non-reaction to the events in Jeopardy

Work Text:

Tony didn't bother to turn around when he heard the key turn in the front door to his apartment. He kept his attention riveted on his very upset friend. Leaning forward on the sofa, he dangles his nearly empty beer bottle between his knees, sighing heavily. "Go on, Probie," he says, nodding toward the man seated in the chair across the sofa.

McGee looks up at Tony, his eyes still full of pain. "Tony, she didn't even show any remorse," he huffs out in frustration. "I realize that her upbringing, constantly being under the threat of terrorism, the Massoud training, all of that, has to have numbed her a bit to death and dying but Tony, she didn't care that a man died. She was more worried about how it affected her. Hell, after I killed that cop..."

"That was a justified shooting, McGee," Gibbs says as he enters the living, his hands full of carryout food bags.
McGee goes to stand when Gibbs walks in but Gibbs waves him back to his seat, even with his hands full.

Tony leans back against the cushions of the sofa. He tilts his head upward, meeting Gibbs lips with his own for a welcoming kiss. Like all of Gibbs' kisses, this one affects him deeply.

Gibbs straightens, smirking at the slightly dazed look in Tony's eye. "You better have saved me a few of those beers," he mock growls.

"That better be Arturo's in the bag," Tony retorts.

"McGee, you staying for dinner?" Gibbs asks. "Arturo always sends an extra entrée. Says I need to fatten up DiNozzo. I swear that man is the biggest mother hen I've ever met."

McGee swallows hard. "Uh Boss, Arturo is a 300 pound ex-Seal," he stammers. Very familiar with Arturo and his wonderful Italian cuisine not to mention his unabashed affection for his favorite couple, he wonders what the huge man's reaction would be to being called a mother hen.

Tony laughs. "And he's also one of the biggest fags in Metro DC. He wears the title of mother hen proudly. He's very protective. Just like a certain sexy Marine I know."

"And don't you forget it," Gibbs says as he hands off bags to Tony. "I'm too tired to eat at the table. I'm gonna grab some plates and utensils. You want another beer?"

Tony nods as he begins to remove the food containers from the bags. The aroma of garlic and tomato sauce fills the room. "And extra napkins too please."

"McGee?" Gibbs asks, one eyebrow raising in question.

McGee stands. "I think I'll head home, boss. I don't have much of an appetite. Thanks for the offer. Maybe next time."
"You are always welcome, Tim," Gibbs says as he starts to move toward the kitchen. He stops and turns around. "And don't let Ziva's cold attitude bother you too much."

After seeing McGee to the door, Tony returns to the living room at the same time Gibbs comes from the kitchen. "Don't do that," Gibbs orders.

Tony looks up from pulling his shirt tail out of his pants. "Don't do what?" he asks.

"Don't take that shirt off," he says. "I kinda like you in that get up."

"Didn't think you'd go for the preppy look," Tony sighs as he walks over to the couch, exaggerating his gait.
Gibbs puts his burden on the coffee table and then turns to take Tony in his arms. "You were the only thing to get me through this day," he sighs as he savors the feel of his lover in his arms. "You don't know how close I came to putting her on a plane more than once today."

Tony nods. "I was ready to march her across the airfield and charter a jet to Israel myself," he admits.
"You get McGee straightened out?" Gibbs asks, resting solidly in Tony's embrace.

Tony shrugs. "He's pretty confused. I don't think he realized just how cold Ziva is until now. In spite of everything that happened today, she never did show any remorse toward the guy being dead, even if it wasn't her fault."

"Ducky ruled it natural causes," Gibbs clarifies.

"But it could have gone either way." Tony picks up on the unspoken truth behind Gibbs' words.

"Is this going to affect the team's dynamics?" Gibbs asks.

"If you are asking if I trust her to watch my back, the answer is yes," Tony says. "Maybe she's not as passionate about it as you, McGee, or even Kate was but she knows it is expected of her. Will I watch her back? Hell yes. I've got a hell of lot more respect for human life than she ever will."

"And McGee?"

"He's going to have a hard time coming to terms with this but I think he'll be okay in the long run," Tony admits unable to keep just a hint of regret from his voice. "I think he lost a little bit more of his innocence today. I don't think he's ever known anyone quite like Ziva. Hopefully, he never will again."

"Do you see her as cold?" Gibbs asks, leaning back to look Tony in the eye.

Tony gives Gibbs his frank appraisal. "Ziva has been trained as a killer. She accepts a mission and if it's necessary to hurt or kill someone, she does it. She's learned to control her emotions. Does it bother her? I can't say for sure but I think it bothers her a lot less than it bothers us."

Gibbs knows this could very well be a make or break moment in their relationship. "Do you see me the same way? I'm a trained killer. I've killed hundreds for the sake of the mission. Some say I'm an unemotional bastard."

Tony places his hands gently on either side of Gibbs' face. He keeps his tone soft but full of conviction. It's a powerful combination. "That's bullshit and you know it. Sure you've been trained to kill and have done that. But unemotional, that's a load and you know it. You feel for the victims we see every day. You feel for your team when we have to face the horrors that man has done to his fellow man. And inside, you grieve when you have to take a life. You respect life, you savor it, and you protect it. And today, you grieved not just for the Director's driver, not just for the three perps that were killed, but you also grieved for Ziva for not being able to appreciate what happened and you grieved for Tim for losing a bit of his innocence." He gives Gibbs a tender kiss then fully pulls the man into his embrace.

"And I grieve for you," Gibbs adds, his voice rough with emotion. "Because you carry all those burdens and mine."