Work Text:
Power Placement on Crack
by Never
"Now it's time for Power Placement, where I will judge whether you will be a hero or a sidekick. This will, in turn, determine the rest of your high school career," Coach O'Neill shouted so that all of the students could hear. "When I call your name, come up here and show me your powers. Beckett, Carson!"
A boy with bright blue eyes made his way to the front of the crowd to stand beside the coach. Smiling at his fellow students, he closed his eyes a moment.
"Show me your power any time, kid," O'Neill said, writing on his clipboard.
"I just did. I'm a fairy."
The coach glanced up at Beckett, "That may be, but I'm still waiting to see your powers."
"I just turned into a fairy." Turning slightly, Carson asked, "Can't you see my wings?"
"That's what that is? I thought a fly had landed on your back."
"No, it's my wings...they're just small, but I'm a fairy."
"Sidekick!" Reading from his list of students, O'Neill called out, "Dex, Ronon."
A second later, a giant with dreadlocks towered over the coach.
"I haven't got all day. Show me what you got."
Flexing his arms up, the giant growled before shrinking down, his body reforming into a white bunny rabbit.
"That's it?"
The bunny immediately jumped up and bit into the neck of a dark-skinned girl in the front row, taking her down seconds later.
"Oooooh! Hero!" O'Neill grinned. "Emmagen, Teyla."
A boy with a baseball cap raised one hand while pointing to the girl beneath the bunny with the other, "Um...sir...I think that's her."
"Hmm. Okay. Ford, Aiden."
"That's me, sir!" the baseball-capped boy bounced up beside the coach. "Watch this!" A dark blur streaked by as Ford ran around the group of students, coming to a stop on the other side of the coach. All in two seconds.
"Very good. Hero! Lorne...uh...Lorne."
"Right here," a stout young man marched forward. "I noticed you looking at Dr. Jackson earlier so I figured this would be a good way to show you what I can do." His flesh seemed to melt into a blob, and from that, a tall man with dark hair and glasses arose.
The coach leaned forward, "Daniel?"
"No, still Lorne."
"Impressive. You can change back now."
"I can't," Lorne/Daniel grimaced. "I'm stuck like this for a while."
O'Neill stepped forward, throwing an arm around Lorne/Daniel. "Do you think that you could...come by my room in say...an hour?"
Lorne/Daniel blinked.
"Nevermind. Hero," he said, releasing the shapeshifter. "McKay, Rodney."
"I can't believe I'm actually doing this," a sour looking boy grumbled as he joined the coach. Sighing, he mimicked a girl flipping her hair, and just like that, he became one. His thinning hair lengthened to his shoulders, make-up appeared, and his pants and shirt transformed into a dress. The only problem was that only one breast inflated; he had to poke the other one to coax it out.
"You turn into a woman?"
"Yes," Rodney's chin rose.
"That all you got?"
"I'll have you..."
"Sidekick!" O'Neill interrupted. He made another quick note on his clipboard before calling out the last name, "Sheppard, John."
The crowd parted for a handsome boy with a cocky grin and wild hair, who sauntered up to the coach.
"Go ahead."
Sheppard casually snapped his fingers, and several things happened at once. His clothes dissolved, the lights dimmed, a camera crew appeared out of nowhere, and what could only be described as `mood music' began to play from an unknown source
O'Neill watched the other students inch closer, their mouths and eyes wide open. There might even have been drool. "Woah! You're a pornstar?"
John only nodded, clearly enjoying the effect he had on his fellow students.
"Hero!"
-end-