SquidgeWorld Archive

"You are Colonel Jack O'Neill?"

"Was the last time I looked."

"Right, well I'm only stating your name for reference, Colonel, so when I come to edit the tape, I'll know who it is I'm looking at."

The man is an idiot... "You know I'm only doin' this because the General ordered me to."

"Yes, I understand that Colonel O'Neill. However, you're here now so shall we get on with it? Oh, and don't mind my errr, assistants, they look after the pictures and sound."

"Miss carrying your P90s, airmen?" If I had to trail around after this guy, I know I would...

"So, Colonel, you've been with the SGC since its inception seven years ago, is that right?"

"No actually, it's eight. I was here before we ever got the gate open."

"Which, I understand, was down to Doctor Jackson."

"Yeah." And when I left him on Abydos I thought I'd die. Die for the want of him that is. He saved me from killing myself, and he saved me from being killed by an over-anxious Ra...

"Given how dangerous your job is, how do you manage to keep sane?"

"Who says I was sane at the beginning of this?" See, that's the joke. I was out of my mind to start with, running on autopilot until I met Daniel. He set me on the road to recovery after Charlie, and the thing that kept me sane was holding on to the possibility that we might meet again one day. Staring through my telescope kept me sane too, hoping that somehow, some way, I might have spotted Daniel out there, in the night sky...how's that for pathetic...

"What do you think is the SGC's greatest achievement, Colonel?"

"That's a hard one, there are so many." Its greatest achievement? Probably the number of times Daniel has died and come back again...

"Achievements are relative, Bregman. Having no one die on a mission is an acheivement. Not having been invaded by some nasty, slimey, sonavabitch, arrogant madman, or in fact mad alien is an achievement. Losing someone like Janet Fraiser is NEVER an achievement!"

"May I say I'm very sorry about Janet, I mean Doctor Fraiser. She was an intriguing woman."

"And a damn good doctor, too." How many times has she saved us? How many times have I sat by Daniel's bedside and prayed, and how many times was she there doing everything she could to make him whole again?

"What would you like to achieve in personal terms, Colonel?"

"Oh y'know, world peace, a free Tibet, that kinda stuff." My best possible achievement would be to have a naked Daniel in my arms and in my bed, and it'll probably be the greatest failure of my life, cos it's never gonna happen...

"Do you ever think there will come a time when the rest of the world will know about your stargate?"

"Well, it's not exactly my stargate, Bregman. I've seen one possible future where the stargate had open access to just about everyone." And we all died for it... "And I've seen a past where it was stuck in a missile silo."

"You've been around a lot, haven't you, Colonel."

"It's that ole rollercoaster ride, y'know." And every single trip has been with Daniel, every fairground ride we've ever been on Daniel has been there, and if not, he's been in my heart. Up and down, around and about. Now, the up and down part could fit very nicely with the in and out part...

"You have an unusual team, as I understand it, Colonel; two members of the military, a civilian academic and an alien."

"They make up the best team possible, Bregman. Each of them has their own different strengths and we all work well together." It would be hard to choose between them, really. They've all pulled my ass outta the fire...more than once. Daniel's been the one to stand up to me the most. He never takes any bullshit, if he thinks I've got it wrong he says so, and he always manages to find another option if I ask him. Like that time when he played roulette with my sanity and found a way of saving both the Enkarans and the Gadmeer. He's pretty clever like that, even though he forced me to almost blow him up. The man drives me nuts!

"Tell me about them, Colonel."

"Well, Carter is an exemplary officer, and she's got an amazing brain for pulling rabbits out of the technological hat. Teal'c is the strong silent type, and good to have at your back in a fight."

"And Doctor Jackson?"

"What can I say?" What indeed. The man is a force of nature, tall, fit and hot. But I can't say anything. Whatever I say will get me court martialled. He's saved my butt more times than I can count. He's the voice of my conscience, my moral compass, the man who makes me think about what I do and how I do it, and questions me every inch of the way. All of that means he's the better part of me, and he is a part of me, has been from day one, which is why I care so much...

"Daniel Jackson opened the gate and showed us the way. He's an integral part of my team, particularly with his expertise of languages, cultures and diplomacy. He's pretty good with a gun too."

That sounded soooo formal, and I hope, objective. I can't tell anyone how much he means to me, if I did I'd have to shoot them, and myself...

"I guess the kind of experiences you've had with them means you're a tight knit team."

"Any team has to function under fire, Bregman, otherwise we don't survive, so yeah, tight knit helps." I would never have survived if Daniel hadn't taken that staff blast when he launched himself in front of me, on Abydos the first time. He died for me. He's looked after me when I've been injured, and negotiated my freedom from various cells. He was even with me when I was stuck in Ba'al's upside down prison, and when I asked him to kill me rather than go through that torture again and again, he wouldn't. He said there would be salvation from my darkest thoughts and feelings, said I was a good man. Daniel will never know that he's my salvation. I love him. Damn it, I'm in love with him and have been since the first time I laid eyes on his very attractive geeky butt...

"I guess you've made as many alien friends as you have enemies, Colonel."

"Yeah, we've met some good people, and some bastards." There would have been bad regimes that I thought were friendly governments if it weren't for Daniel's curiosity and questions. I'll never foget the time when my ego got in the way of Daniel's better judgment. When I took his hand and stopped him dialling home, and told him to go ask his questions, I wanted to pull him into my arms and apologise with a kiss. There are times when I've been so dumb I wanna kick my own ass...

"Is there any one thing that would make life easier for you?"

"Yeah, a better class of coffee and more cake. Oh, and pie would be good too." The only thing that would make life easier would be to be honest and open with Daniel. I fall asleep wishing he was with me, in my bed and truly in my life. Life would probably be harder worrying about him with that kind of investment, but I worry about him anyway. He has a habit of getting into trouble and my nightmare is he won't make it. Daniel is the bravest man I know, there are times when I wonder if he ever knows fear. I'm sure he does, but that's never stopped him doing his job. Sometimes I feel myself faltering, I have a lot of reponsibilities, mainly for the safety of my team and especially for Daniel. I know a team leader isn't supposed to have favourites. I care for all of my team members one hundred per cent, except well, maybe one hundred and ten for Daniel...

"I think that concludes our interview, Colonel O'Neill. Thank you for your co-operation."

"Do we get the chance to see any of this before it goes on show? I'm only askin' in case I've said somethin' I shouldn't."

"Yes, Colonel, you'll have the opportunity to comment about what goes into my documentary, though you have to understand I need to protect the independence of my work."

"Sure." Yeah, I understand the concept of independence. Daniel is independent. I don't know if he's emotionally independent, I know I'm not. I don't want to be alone, to live my life in isolation. I want to share my life with Daniel and I want him to share his with me, but that's not on the cards, so I'll carry on looking forward to this crazy job because he's part of it. I'd dig ditches if it meant I could see Daniel and be with him. Fuck! I'm so screwed...

"Thank you, Colonel O'Neill. I just have Doctor Jackson to interview and then I'm done."

-o-

"Doctor Jackson, please take a seat."

"Thanks, Mister Bregman."

"Call me Emmett, please."

"Okay, ah, Emmett."

"I hope you're okay, I know things have been difficult for you recently."

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." Actually, I'm not fine. Besides losing Janet, which was the worse thing ever, the thought of nearly losing Jack had my mind and body screaming. When he was brought back on a stretcher I was convinced he'd died as well. I didn't know what to do. I mean there was nothing I could do for Janet, she was already gone, but no one knew immediately what Jack's situation was. I remember shaking. I couldn't get past the possibility that he was dead, and it made me realise just what a huge mistake I'd made not saying anything to him...about how I felt...it was almost too late...

"I understand that it was you who made the stargate work, Doctor Jackson. How did that happen?"

"I have to confess, by luck, Emmett, nothing else." The luck was that Jack was there. Okay he was being a little prickly about my methods, but going to Abydos with him was the best thing that ever happened to me...

"You've had the unique opportunity to spend time with a living but ancient culture, to get to know it intimately. That's something that could never happen here on Earth. You were taking a big risk to stay weren't you? Didn't the lack of medical care or access to books and TV bother you?"

"Well, the Abydonians have survived very well for a couple of thousand years without antibiotics, Time Life magazine or CNN, so I knew I'd probably be okay." I wasn't though. It was hard to watch Jack leave but what could I do? I had a responsibility for Sha're, though it killed me when the wormhole shut down and he was gone. I survived on the memories that fuelled my fantasies at the lowest points. I never told anyone about that...

"As a civilian, how do you find being part of a military set up?"

"I do fine, thanks."

"That's it? You do fine?"

"I'm not sure what it is you want me to say. Are you expecting me to complain about the strict and unbending heirarchy, the military obsession with paperwork, the small minded and arrogant officers who think they know what it's like to be faced with hostile alien people without ever going any further than their front doors? I would never say anything like that, Emmett. Without the resources of the military, the stargate programme would never have happened. I'm fortunate, if I don't agree with something, I'm in a position to be able to question it; military personnel can't do that." And question it I do. I'm sure Jack thinks I'm a royal pain in the ass, but we've developed a trade off. I get to challenge him and he lets me, sometimes even listens as long as I can give him options...

"Is it true that you died for a year?"

"No, I ascended to a higher plain of existance." It was hard to leave Jack, but I couldn't stay. Oma had given me a way out, and I took it. I thought by leaving, I would get over Jack and become someone, or something that could make a difference. Seeing him in Ba'al's prison changed all that. When I saw those brown eyes looking at me, pleading with me to do something when I was committed not too, it killed me. I think it was then I decided I would have to break the rules and return. It took me a while, but I'm so grateful to be back and with Jack. Well not with him, with him, but around him I guess...

"What was it like?"

"I don't remember, sorry." I remembered some things the minute I saw Jack again, I just wasn't sure my thoughts were accurate. When we were alone in the locker room when I first got back, I did remember how much I felt for him though...

"What are the most interesting things you've discovered in your journeys through the stargate?"

"I guess I've discovered that people are the same, the universe over. The so-called aliens we meet want the same things we all do, stability, happiness, someone to love and someone who will love us. Things are not so different out there, not really." The one thing I've discovered is that I love Jack O'Neill, am in love with him, and that's the crazy thing, I've travelled across the galaxy, and even further afield than that, but wanting Jack, loving him is something that is right in front of me. I might as well be a million miles away though, because there's nothing I can do about my discovery. He'd smack me in the mouth if he knew...or worse...or never speak to me again...

"Do you ever feel a level of frustration that in terms of your academic reputation you will never be able to publish anything about your discoveries?"

"All the while I'm needed by the stargate programme, my academic reputation is of secondary importance, Emmett." I'm earning enough not have to worry about a job in the academic world. Maybe I'll write up some of the things that have happened and call it a science fiction novel. Wonder if there's a market for a story about a man loving a man in a scifi context?

"Tell me, Doctor Jackson, what's Colonel O'Neill like to work for?"

"What?"

"Come on, is he the tartar that everyone says he is?"

"I'm not sure what you mean by tartar, but if you mean is he a good leader that cares about the people under his command, then yes, he's a tartar." He's an amazing man, with a hard-assed reputation hiding a soft, and caring inside. He thinks I don't see it, but I know. He cares about what he does, and he can be a little sharp, but it's only because things matter to him. Just wish he cared about me in same the way I care about him...then he could be as hard as he likes...

"What do you think will happen when the stargate becomes public property, because I'm sure it will eventually, Doctor Jackson."

"I don't know. I hope it will be seen as a wonderful device, something that will confirm for people that we are not alone in the Universe and something that will enable us all to make friends and allies across the galaxy instead."

"Is that the same as world peace and a free Tibet?"

"What?"

"Sorry, it was just something Colonel O'Neill said."

"Oh." He means it too. People always think he's making a joke when he says that, but he wants it as much as we all do...

"Um, did you ask him about me?"

"Yes, I did, Doctor Jackson."

"And?"

"He thinks you're a great archaeologist, linguist and diplomat."

"Ah." Wonder if Bregman realises how much that hurts, that Jack had no personal comment to make about me....

"I think we're finished here. Thanks for your time, Doctor Jackson. Colonel O'Neill asked if he could have sight of my work before it goes any further, and yes, you can see it of course."

-o-

"Gentlemen, thank you for agreeing to meet me."

"What's this all about, Bregman?"

"There is something you should know about the filming of your interviews."

"Have I given away any national security secrets?"

"No, Doctor Jackson."

"Well I know I haven't."

"Both of you have not said anything you shouldn't, believe me, but that's not why I asked you to meet with me. Colonel O'Neill, Doctor Jackson, I have a confession to make. The equipment I used to record your interviews had an alien device built into it."

"What?"

"Really?"

"Apparently, this device is a second generation version of a lie detector you've tried out before."

"Great, Bregman, so you wanted to check if we were telling the truth?"

"It's a little more revealing than that, Colonel. General Hammond asked me to use it as an experiment to find out if it really works."

"Well, if it's not a zatark, what is it?

"The device is able to read and record thoughts."

"You're kidding, right? Tell me you're kidding."

"Sorry, Colonel. I was asked to do this by the powers that be, I had no choice."

"No choice? But I thought you prided yourself on your independence, Bregman, you told me that!"

"Why was this device used, Emmett?"

"To see if it works."

"And does it?"

"Yes, it does, Colonel."

"So why the hell didn't you tell us?"

"I'm sorry, Colonel. I was sworn to secrecy."

"Think about it, Jack, if we'd known about the device, we would have guarded our thoughts and the experiment wouldn't have worked."

"Thanks, Daniel, I got that. So, what about this thing? Did I think somethin' inappropriate about anyone, y'know somethin' rude about the Tok'ra or Jonas Quinn?"

"Not exactly, Colonel, I don't know if it's inappropriate. That will be for you to decide. The nature of what has been revealed is something you both need to hear. I'm going to step out for a while, you need to have some privacy when you listen to the tape."

"Bregman?"

"Just listen, Colonel. We'll talk later."

-o-

"Oh my god, Jack. I never knew."

"Same here, I thought it was just me."

"Seems not."

"No."

"What are we going to do, Jack?"

"Destroy the tape. You keep Bregman talking and I'll find a way to lose it."

"I don't mean the tape, I mean about us."

"Think we need to talk, don'tcha."

"We do. You said you've been in love with me since the beginning."

"Yes, Daniel, I have. I wanted to tell you, let you know somehow, but well, I couldn't."

"I know, what with the regulations, it would have put you in an impossible situation."

"Sure there was that, but I didn't know if you would tell me to take a long run off a short pier."

"Why would I do that, Jack? I've always loved you, and if you'd given me a hint, I would never have rejected you."

"It was too much of a risk. What if you'd rejected me? Where would that have left our friendship? Not only that, it might have destroyed the team."

"Look, we could both spend time regretting lost opportunities but I don't think there's any point in dwelling on the past. We're here now, and we both know. So what happens next?"

"Whatever you want, Daniel."

"I also remember you saying something about up and down and in and out..."

-o-

"Gentlemen, I trust you've listened to the tape?"

"Yeah, Bregman, we've listened all right. You understand this whole thing puts me and Daniel in a very difficult position."

"Yes, I understand that, which is why I wanted you to hear each other's thoughts."

"Um, Emmett? Has anyone else heard this?"

"No, not even the film crew, just me."

"What are you going to do with it?"

"Doctor Jackson, remember what I said to you about not burying that video tape of Doctor Fraiser? In this case, I think it would be better if the tape was never exposed. I'm proposing to destroy it, right now, so no one will ever know."

"Thanks, Bregman, we appreciate it, and you won't say anything about what you've heard?"

"You have my assurance, nothing about the content of the tape will leave this room, it's just between the three of us. This is the kind of reality TV that should only be a reality to those involved. This could never be for public consumption. You have my word, gentlemen, it ends here."

"We appreciate your consideration, Emmett, thank you."

"Yeah, what he said."

"Don't set fire to it! You'll set off the sprinklers...too late..."