SquidgeWorld Archive

It started out as a pleasant evening. Tony and David were over at Stephen and Joshua's, hanging out and waiting for Joshua to come home so they could have dinner. Stephen had said he was meeting with his agent, so Tony and David sprawled in chairs at the kitchen table, watching Stephen prepare dinner.

"I'm just waiting for Joshua to get home and I'll put up the chicken," Stephen said, wiping his hands on a dish towel. "Shouldn't take long. Would either of you like something to drink? I've got a bottle of chardonnay in the fridge, if either of you are interested?"

Tony nodded. "That'd be great, thanks."

"Is this the bottle I gave you last time I was here?" David asked, grinning. "Because if so, I'd love a glass."

"It is, yes." Stephen smiled and got wineglasses down from the cabinet, taking out the bottle of wine and pouring. "Joshua and I don't drink much."

"It doesn't take much for you anyway," David teased, taking his wineglass.

"Yes, I know that." Stephen handed Tony a glass and put the wine away, pouring himself a glass of water instead. "We all know how much of a lightweight I am, thank you." He smiled and raised his glass. "L'Chaim."

David echoed it; Tony struggled a little over the pronounciation. "What does that mean?" He knew he'd heard it before, but he couldn't remember.

"To life," Stephen said. "It's a Jewish toast."

"Gotcha." Tony sipped his wine, liking the taste. "You have good taste," he said to David.

David gave him a slow smile. "I know."

The phone rang then and Stephen went to answer it, catching it on the second ring. "Hello? Hey, what--okay...yeah, that's--are you--okay, yeah, no problem, but--okay. I'll see you--yeah." He blinked and looked at the phone, hanging up. "Joshua's going to be late," he said, putting the chicken under the broiler. "He said he'd be home in about an hour."

Tony wondered what Joshua had said to make Stephen look that unsettled. "He okay?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, he's fine. His meeting just ran late." Stephen shrugged. "He'll be home later."

And if he believed that...Tony glanced at David, who looked worried, but Stephen just smiled and put the salad on the table. "Dinner?" he asked lightly.

They had dinner, and Stephen made coffee afterwards, and if he kept glancing at the door everyone pretended not to notice.

They'd just settled onto the couch with coffee and a plate of brownies when the door slammed open. "Joshua?" Stephen asked, getting up. "Is--"

"I need a shower," Joshua said, ignoring David and Tony completely. "I'll be right back." He shut the door to the bathroom behind him; a moment later, Tony heard pipes rattling and water running.

"That doesn't bode well," David said quietly.

Stephen seemed to shake himself all over. "No," he said, twisting his hands together in an uncharacteristically nervous gesture. "No, it doesn't."

"Should we leave?" Tony asked.

"No, it's fine. He'll shower and he'll be fine." Stephen smiled and sat back down, picking up his coffee mug. "So, Tony--you were talking about the movies this weekend?"

"Ah--yeah, if you're interested. There's a film festival playing--old film noir stuff, mostly, and I thought you and Joshua might be interested. David's already said he'll go see a couple of them with me."

"I have to check with Joshua, but it should be fine. Sounds like fun." Stephen smiled again, but it didn't reach his eyes, and there was a tension about him there hadn't been earlier.

"Are you sure--" Tony began again.

"Really. It's fine, Tony. Odds are something didn't go well with his meeting, is all. I'm sure he'll be bitching about it once he gets out of the shower." Stephen sipped his coffee.

Tony nodded and reached for another brownie.

Stephen was telling a story about something that had happened at work when the door opened and Joshua stalked out, dressed in jeans and nothing else. He pulled a dresser drawer open and yanked on a faded red T-shirt.

"You hungry?" Stephen asked, getting up and crossing to him. "There's leftovers, I could--"

"No," Joshua said, shaking his head. "I'm not hungry."

But he looked angry, unhappy over something, and Tony pulled away from David a little, wondering what was going on.

"Joshua, what is it?" Stephen asked quietly.

"It's nothing. Isn't that what you always tell me?" Joshua asked snappishly.

Stephen flinched, looking almost as though he'd been slapped across the face. "Joshua--"

"Don't, Stephen. Don't push it." Joshua headed to the fridge and pulled out a container of orange juice, pouring himself a glass and downing it in two long swallows. "Don't push me," he said softly, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. "Because right now I don't really care."

"You never do, do you?" Stephen said, almost under his breath. He turned to sit down, looking decidedly upset.

"Damnit, Stephen--" Joshua grabbed his shoulders and shoved him up against the wall, crashing his mouth against Stephen's. "You always have to push it, don't you? You always have to say that one thing, don't you?"

"Don't you start," Stephen shot back. "Hello, pot?"

"Just leave. It. Alone." Joshua's hands tightened on Stephen's shoulders. "Because I don't care, Stephen. And unless you want to take your chances--"

"I'm not your whipping boy," Stephen retorted.

Joshua smiled, and the cold cruelty of it made Tony swallow hard. "Aren't you?" he asked silkily.

Next to him, David tensed. Tony wasn't sure whether to look at him or at the scene unfolding in front of them. Neither made him feel comfortable; both made him want to fade into the woodwork.

"No--Joshua, don't do this--" Stephen swallowed. "Don't. I'm sorry. I didn't--we can talk this out later."

"Too late," Joshua murmured, right before he kissed Stephen again. This kiss was slow, almost gentle; Tony saw Stephen shudder before Joshua let him go. "Fall for me," Joshua whispered against Stephen's mouth, so softly Tony barely heard it.

"No!" Stephen tried to yank himself away. "No--Joshua, don't do this to me, not now, not--"

"I warned you," Joshua said softly.

"This isn't--no, Joshua, don't do this, come on, we can talk it out later, come on--" Stephen sounded desperate; Tony winced, hearing it.

"Stephen--" Joshua slid his hands down Stephen's arms to his wrists, wrapping his fingers around them and squeezing. Tony heard Stephen gasp and saw his head fall back, hitting the wall with a dull thunk. "I need you," Joshua said quietly. "Don't fight me. Please--Stephen, please."

"Joshua, I can't," Stephen whispered. "Not with--"

"They don't matter." Joshua kissed him again, brief but deep. "Just me, Stephen. Just me. Just go down for me, Stephen. Please. I need to know you're mine, I need to know..."

Stephen made a soft, low sound, deep in his throat, and fell to his knees, arms over his head where Joshua still held his wrists.

Joshua closed his eyes, exhaling deeply. "Stand up," he said, and Stephen got to his feet silently. Joshua let go of his wrists, stroking one hand down the side of Stephen's face; Tony saw him lean into it, eyes half-closing, and swallowed. God, this was hot, and thinking that made him feel a little ashamed.

"Tea?" Joshua said quietly. Stephen nodded and went to the kitchen, putting up the kettle, and as he did, Joshua pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, breathing deeply. It took a moment before he walked over and took a seat in the yellow armchair.

"Feel better?" David asked, a little sarcastically.

Joshua looked at him, tired and strung-out and with the hint of power Tony had seen before. "Stop it," he said quietly. "You know I don't do anything he doesn't agree to."

David just pressed his lips together. "Yeah," he said after a moment, taking a drink of coffee. "I know. Still doesn't mean I have to like it."

"We've had this argument before," Joshua said. "And you know--"

"I know!" David interrupted. "I know, okay? I just...I don't like it." He sighed.

Stephen came back over, carrying a mug, looking between Joshua and David a little worriedly. "Joshua?" he asked, and his voice was softer than usual.

Joshua shook his head. "It's fine, babe. C'mere." He held out a hand and Stephen walked over, handing him the mug. Joshua set it down on the end table next to him and pulled Stephen down into his lap, burying his face in Stephen's hair for a long moment. "Thank you," he murmured, raising his head and picking up the mug. Stephen tucked his head against Joshua's shoulder, closing his eyes; his hair fell over his face, hiding him.

"We should go," David said abruptly, setting his coffee mug down. Tony glanced at him, startled by the change in his attitude. Normally he was much more laid-back, but something here was bothering him, and Tony didn't think it was just what they'd seen.

"If you want." Joshua rubbed Stephen's back soothingly, sipping his tea.

"You going to let him up any time soon?" David challenged.

Joshua smiled calmly. "No," he said.

"Then I'm going. Tony?" David stood up, walking over to get his jacket.

"I--um--" Stephen was still curled into Joshua; Tony saw him nuzzle Joshua's neck absently and fought down a surge of jealousy and unease. "Yeah--let's--yeah. Night, Joshua."

"Night," Joshua said easily.

Tony grabbed his jacket and followed David out the door and down the stairs, almost jogging to keep up with him, but he waited until they were outside before saying anything. "You want to explain that?" he asked.

David sighed. "You saw the way Joshua treated him," he said, heading down the sidewalk.

"Yeah." Tony wasn't sure what he thought of it. He shoved his hands into his pockets, keeping up with David's long strides. "That--do they do that often?"

"Too often," David muttered. "Joshua treats him like--like a possession, sometimes." David shook his head impatiently. "Stephen--he doesn't wear it often, but he has a collar. Joshua gave it to him. And if we're going to talk about this, I need a drink."

"My car's at your place," Tony pointed out. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, but on the other hand...maybe David needed to talk about it.

"Good. Fine. Let's go."

It took them about fifteen minutes to get to David's apartment, including the Metro, and David hadn't said anything else by the time they walked in the door. He went right to a cabinet in the kitchen and took out a bottle of brandy and two snifters, pouring a generous amount into each and handing one to Tony, before falling down on his couch. Tony took a seat at the other end, waiting.

"About...six months ago, give or take, Stephen and I went out dancing. We went to the club--Joshua was out with Amy and Paul, and he was bored, and I had nothing--anyway. We went." David took a swallow of brandy and sighed. "Stephen loves to dance, in case you hadn't noticed. So do I. Anyway...Joshua showed up later, and he was in a mood. And he decided he didn't like the way Stephen and I were dancing. He pulled Stephen away from me--I thought they were going to come to blows on the dance floor."

"What happened?" Tony asked, sipping his brandy. It was good; smooth and velvety, burning nicely on its way down.

"Joshua got him down." David sighed. "And then he dragged Stephen off the dance floor and into one of the back rooms and when they came back Joshua looked like the cat who'd gotten the cream and the canary. And Stephen...nothing else mattered to him. Period. I was furious--Stephen deserved better than that, better than some caveman who liked to treat him like that. I went over the next day and Stephen's back was marked up and down, and he had a collar around his neck. I lost my temper, we argued, and Stephen told me I could either accept his relationship with Joshua or else."

Tony winced. "That must have been rough."

"Talk about understatement. I just...I couldn't see why Stephen wanted that, why he'd put up with it. It's like Joshua's Tarzan and he's Jane, for lack of a better analogy. As far as Joshua's concerned, Stephen belongs to him, body and soul, and whatever he wants to do, he can. Including something like tonight." David made a face and took another swallow of brandy. "Or drop him into subspace in the middle of a club."

"But from what you said that night it sounded like Stephen wanted it," Tony said, confused. "Or at least knew it was going to happen."

"Yeah, and so did I. Joshua doesn't like seeing Stephen with other men, and if he feels comfortable enough to do so, he'll make that point abundantly clear. I've seen him drop Stephen at the club, at home, once in a restaurant--well, partially, anyway. So Stephen knew, and I talked to him the next day and he admitted he'd been hoping Joshua would drop him, because he was upset and just wanted to let go for a little while. Which I guess i can understand." David shrugged. "But tonight? That--" He sighed again. "You heard Stephen, the way he sounded."

"Yeah." Tony nodded. "Didn't sound like he wanted it."

"You think?" David snapped, and then he sighed. "I'm sorry, Tony. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"So you think it's non-consensual?" Tony asked carefully. He was law enforcement; if he knew of domestic abuse, he had to report it. But...

"No. Not..." David tossed back the rest of his brandy. "Stephen explained to me once that he would do anything for Joshua. Anything. If that meant Joshua wanted to drop him in the middle of Times Square, or bend him over a table in the club, he'd do it. He'll do anything Joshua wants."

Tony shivered a little. It sounded...disturbing, and yet...in some ways, appealing. "But it doesn't hold true the other way around?" he asked, shaking off the thought.

David smiled tightly. "That's the thing, and that's why I've done my best to make peace with it. I know it does." He got up, going into the kitchen and returning with two bottles of water, tossing one to Tony. "I'll give you an example."

Tony finished his brandy and took the bottle, toying with it idly.

"About five months ago--a month after this happened--Stephen's grandmother died. He couldn't go to the funeral."

"Why not?" Tony blinked in surprise.

"Remember when I said Stephen has more family crap than anyone I know?" David asked. "He hasn't spoken to his parents, his brother, or one of his sisters in over a year. One of his sisters--Ruth--is all over the world, so he barely gets to talk to her, Anna tries to play Switzerland and makes no one entirely happy, and Judy's the only one he's close to--the one he's been close to since childhood. He was always a misfit, really, and it finally came to a head with Joshua. He told them they could either accept him and his life partner, or they could forget him entirely." David's mouth tightened. "Guess which one they picked."

"Ouch." Tony winced in sympahy. "That...ouch."

"Yeah. It's kind of fractured the family, to say the least, and when his grandmother died Anna suggested he not come because of the strain it would put on everyone. Stephen, the self-sacrificing bastard that he is, agreed." David looked like he wanted to hit something. "He...didn't handle it well. He'd been close to her, at least until recently, and he didn't get any kind of closure. Joshua called me and asked me to come over and I came, and Stephen was doing his usual robotic everything's fine thing, and I watched Joshua goad him and push him and poke him until Stephen exploded. Joshua literally had to wrestle him to the floor to keep him from breaking anything else or hurting himself accidentally. And I saw Stephen just fall apart against him, and I saw Joshua just hold him and pet him until he was done crying, and between the two of us we put him back together, as best we could, until Judy ran in the door. I found out that Joshua had called her and asked her to come for a few days to help Stephen out. Stephen didn't know she was coming until she jumped into his lap."

Tony grinned and twisted the cap off his water bottle. "I'd like to meet Judy someday," he admitted.

"She's something, that's for sure. I call her the hellcat." David laughed. "Of course, she calls me sweetcheeks and has grabbed my ass on more than one occasion, so it's a fair trade."

Tony nearly snorted water out his nose.

"Anyway, all of this is a long-winded way of me saying that no, it's not abuse, and it's all consensual, but I still think Joshua takes advantage of it and I don't have to like it." David shrugged and drank some water.

On the one hand, Tony agreed with him. On the other hand, he remembered what Amy had said, during the case. Stephen liked pushing Joshua's buttons; Tony had seen it before. Take advantage, maybe, but was it really taking advantage of something Stephen offered willingly?

Granted, it didn't look like Stephen had been that--but Tony was relatively certain that if Stephen had truly said no, if he'd fought back enough, Joshua would have backed down. Neither of them had.

"They're something else," Tony said, almost to himself. "I've never known anyone like them."

"And you probably won't again. Their--what they have? It scares me, and I know I'm not the only one. Amy and I have talked about it, some. She has the same misgivings I do, only she thinks Stephen needs too much from Joshua, and Joshua is so caught up in it that he doesn't see how unhealthy it is, for both of them. But try to separate them--try to come between them--and they'll both turn on you. You can't get between them with a razor blade." David sighed. "And it bothers me, and I've gone rounds with both of them on it, and I know Amy has. Judy nearly punched me when I suggested something to her--she said that for the first time in his life, Stephen was truly happy, and if I was going to fuck that up I needed to get out of his life."

"Wow." Tony shook his head. "Just...yeah."

"Pretty much." David dropped his head back against the couch. "You know, I'm not surprised Francis fixated on Stephen," he said, almost idly. "He draws people in like that."

Tony couldn't really argue with that; normally, he'd never have seen them again, let alone manipulated rules and regs to erase six months' worth of evidence. "I think it's the hair," he said lightly, making David laugh.

"You should see him with it up. He looks about sixteen." David grinned. "There's a reason he keeps it long."

"You know he'll be fine, right?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, I know. Joshua would sooner cut off his right arm than hurt Stephen--well, you know what I mean. I just don't like what he does." David took a drink and set down his water bottle.

Fair enough. "I should--I guess I should go," Tony said. "Unless you want me to stay?"

"Rain check?" David asked apologetically. "I'm just not very good company tonight, Tony. I'm probably going to practice for a bit and go to bed."

"It's cool." Tony grinned and got up. "I'll see you...Thursday, right? Pick you up at seven?"

"Sounds perfect." David stood, walking Tony to the door. He cupped Tony's face in his hand and kissed him deeply, pulling back slowly. "See you then," he said.

Tony smiled and pressed a finger to David's lips before leaving.

As he drove home, he had to wonder. What drove them both to such extremes? What did they get out of it, from each other?

It was a question he didn't think he could answer, and it led to the next one.

Did he want something like that?

He undressed and got ready for bed, and then he lay there, looking up at the ceiling. Jealousy and unease; the frustration in David's voice and the soft, submissive tone in Stephen's. Joshua's anger and Stephen's acceptance, David's concern and Tony's own confusion. It ran through his head, twisting around him, and he drifted off into a restless sleep, not sure how he felt about any of it.