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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
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676
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1/1
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7
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1,108

Just Unnatural

Summary:

Pairing: Jim/Blair
Rating: FRT
Warnings and Disclaimers: Is silliness a warning? I don't own them and I sure as heck am not making any money on this.
A follow up to Patt’s Over The Top story.
Submitted through the SenseXangstRevisited mailing list.

Work Text:

Just Unnatural
by Kerensa

"I'm telling you, that is the proper way to do it. Anything else is...is just unnatural." Ellison's voice rang out loud and clear in the momentary silence of the bullpen.

"Unnatural?" Blair was obviously trying not to laugh, but having a tough time of it. The two men had just walked in the room and already they had a riveted audience.

"Yes, unnatural!" Jim's *this is law* voice had friends and coworkers watching the two men for fireworks. "If you don't roll it *carefully* there might be creases or even," his voice lowered significantly, "tears."

Henri Brown and Brian Rafe glanced at each other uneasily. They were both thinking the same thing, condoms. It was a well known, pretty much anyway, secret that the two men were lovers.

At least that's what they thought.

Not that they were going to risk *asking* or anything. No way, no how. Jim was a Ranger after all.

"...okay. But a plastic squeezer?"

H, Rafe and several other eavesdroppers, uh, I mean observers, about fell over. A squeezer? Ouch!

"Yes, it is more efficient that way."

"Jim, who cares. Just mash on it."

Ellison gasped. "Who cares? Chief...how can you say that?" The older man sounded scandalized and looked completely taken aback.

Blair patted the detective on one broad shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jim. Of course you are right," he placated. "I promised to use the little squeezer."

"Thanks, Chief." Jim slumped down in his chair in relief. Apparently the *who cares* statement had been such a shock to his system, that the Sentinel needed time to recuperate.

"How about if I go get us some coffee?" Blair offered. Jim nodded and accepted the peace offering.

++++

Rafe followed the observer into the break room. He just had to know...

"Pssst, Blair."

Blair turned around and gave the handsome detective a wary look. "Yeah." Brian looked around carefully, like he was expecting armed guerillas to attack any minute. Uhm, yeah.

"Sooo, what's up?" Blair poured the coffee for he and Jim and waited.

"Blair...what squeezer?" Rafe blurted out. The taller man winced and waited for the answer.

Blair laughed, both at the question and Brian's obvious reluctance to hear the truth. "Oh man, you won't believe it. Jim has been having a conniption fit over the toothpaste."

Rafe blinked. He watched Blair adding sweetener to the coffee and blinked again. "Toothpaste."

"Yeah. He even," Blair stopped to giggle, in a manly sort of way, of course. "He even found this little plastic...thingie that you attach to the bottom of the toothpaste tube. It squeezes out the toothpaste as you push it up. I swear, I thought Jim was going to kiss it." Blair turned and looked at Brian innocently. "Why, what did you think we were talking about?"

Not being a fool, at least he hoped not, Rafe shrugged nonchalantly. "We weren't sure." He couldn't come up with a plausible alternative so he just laughed and ran, uh, hurried out the door. The detective left so fast that he missed the smirk on Blair's face.

++++

"I'm telling you Jim, if Brian was any indication, they were all about to blow their minds." Blair said as he looked up at his lover.

"Uh huh." Jim was intent on opening the condom package and only listening with half an ear to what his lover was saying. He was kneeling between Blair's spread legs and the younger man was naked and gloriously erect below him, so a little distraction was understandable.

Blair watched as the Sentinel *carefully* extracted the bit of latex and carefully rolled it on his straining erection. Jim was careful, he didn't want any wrinkles or, heaven forbid, it to tear.

"Now, where were we," Jim purred as he lowered himself back onto Blair's willing body.

Toothpaste indeed.

The end.

A/N: The toothpaste squeezer is real. I swear! The day after I talked with Patt about writing this, I saw it in the store. LOL And it is really red, white and blue.