Work Text:
TITLE: "Single Button, Double Date"
AUTHOR: SFK
RATING: PG
ARCHIVE: Sure, if you want it.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please, if you feel so inclined.
DISCLAIMERS: The characters used in this story belong to their
respective owners and are used here only for non-profit and
referential use. No ownership of material other than the words and
plot are inferred.
NOTES: I started writing this after the episode `Mr. Monk Goes
to Mexico', and that pretty much explains it. This is an unbeta-ed
work. The horror! Originally posted to the Yahoo!Group AdrianMonkSlash, and to the LJ group RareSlash.
Single Button, Double Date
by SFK
"Monk! You don't understand. How can I make you understand? You're
so...argh!" Stottlemeyer bowed his head in absolute frustration.
Adrian Monk shifted uneasily where he stood in the middle of his
former captain's office. He disliked being in Stottlemeyer's domain.
There were too many secrets he managed to pick up on.
After a second of consideration, Adrian spoke softly.
"You were scared."
The captain's head tilted slowly as he sent out a well-honed glare.
"Of course I was *scared*. I thought I'd lost San Francisco's best
detective."
"No. That isn't it. You were scared of losing me, but for other
reasons."
"Really," Stottlemeyer stated dryly. "I'd love to hear all about
these so-called 'other reasons' of mine, but right now I'm just
trying to get it through your thick skull that you need to *think*
before you put yourself in danger, Monk, especially when Sharona's
not around."
The captain grimaced and gripped the edge of his desk tightly before
he spoke again.
"People depend on you, whether you realize it or not."
Adrian let his eyes slip closed for a moment, trying to shut out how
uneven the carpet felt beneath his feet.
"Sharona told you to talk to me, didn't she?" He asked quietly,
trying to take most of the sting out of his accusation.
"No! Of course not." Stottlemeyer avoided looking in Monk's
direction, but found that he couldn't help himself. Once glance at
Monk's dark eyes and he backtracked. "Well, maybe she did say
something to me, but I was going to talk to you anyway."
Monk smiled slightly. "I'm sure you were."
Stottlemeyer scowled from behind his desk and let the sounds of the
papers he was shuffling fill the silence.
"Dammit, Adrian." he stated finally, getting up and moving toward his
friend. "We're not trying to treat you like some kinda kid, here.
We're concerned about you because you're obviously not 100%, but you
seem to think that you are. We want you solving cases, but we just
don't want to see you getting hurt, ok? Can you accept that?"
"Yes, sir. I think I can."
"All right, then."
With a nod of dismissal that the obsessive detective obviously didn't
see, the captain studied his friend for a moment. Adrian stood
staring at the lamp on the desk as if he wanted nothing more than to
touch it. Abruptly, he spoke, dividing his attention between his
former captain and the slightly crooked lampshade.
"I care about you too, sir." He said quickly, his eyes darting back
to the lamp.
A moment passed quietly, until the implication made itself clear.
"What?" Stottlemeyer asked, a suspicious note creeping into his
voice.
"I've been noticing some things--a lot of things, actually--but I
wasn't sure what to make of them until now."
Monk fidgeted, pleased that he managed to both get something off of
his chest and restrain himself around the lampshade.
Stottlemeyer's expression changed briskly from blank to enraged.
"Excuse me?!"
Adrian looked up hesitantly, one hand worrying the sleeve of his
suit.
"I just meant, sir, that you obviously have feelings for me. I just
thought you'd like to know that I have feelings for you, too. Not
that there's anything we could do about it, with you being you and me
being, well...me. Doctor Kroger and I discussed it, and we don't feel
that I'm ready for a relationship now...or probably ever, but--"
"Adrian!" The red-faced captain's shout effectively interrupted the
stream of word's from his friend's mouth, but also managed to cause a
decidedly uncomfortable tension in the privacy of the office.
Seconds ticked by and, after another moment of recovery, the captain
found his voice--shaky though it was--again.
"What makes you think that I like you *that* way, huh? And who gave
you the right to 'discuss' me with anyone? I swear, Monk, sometimes I
want to murder you, I really do."
"No, you don't."
An incredulous look erupted on the captain's face.
"Yes! I do!"
Adrian cringed. "All right, maybe you do. A little."
"You bet your life, Monk. You're really insane, do you know that?"
Monk's gaze shot straight down to his feet and his shoulders slumped
heavily. He looked as if he'd been kicked.
"All too well."
An sigh escaped Stottlemeyer's lips as he scratched his moustache
uneasily.
"Look. I'm sorry. But what about Sharona? I thought for sure you were
crazy about her."
Adrian cracked a small smile that was close to a grimace as he
indulged himself in a few taps of the glossy white lampshade he had
been fantasizing about since he first entered the room.
"Crazy around her, but not about her, Captain," was his answer, after
a moment of thought.
Stottlemeyer scrutinized his former detective briefly before
asking, "What about me, huh? What makes you think I'm not perfectly
happy with my wife?"
"No matter what you say, I know that you two are...less than 100%,
and you haven't been for a while." The detective gave the face-down
picture frame next to the lamp a significant look.
Again, Stottlemeyer let out a frustrated sigh and rolled his eyes.
"Yeah. You just catch every damn thing, don't you? I suppose you knew
the exact second the divorce paperwork was filed, too."
Adrian frowned and seemed about to say something, but instead simply
nodded to himself, digesting the situation and the new facts he had
gleaned upon closer inspection of his friend's desk.
Monk raised an eyebrow slightly as he gently picked up a small,
trophy-shaped knick-knack with the words "World's Greatest Boss"
engraved on its fake brass nameplate.
"Uh, Captain? What about Lt. Disher?"
The older man looked genuinely embarrassed as he ran a hand through
his hair.
"He has his crush. An annoying one, at that."
Adrian had the decency to refrain from comment as he gingerly set the
small trophy in the exact spot he had found it, pausing a moment to
remove some real or imagined dust from its side.
"From what I can tell, he also has a crush on Sharona."
"Yeah, well, it doesn't take a genius like you to be able to see
that."
Uncomfortable in the sudden silence, both men stared at each other
with uncertainty.
Finally, after several seconds slipped by unnoticed, Stottlemeyer
cleared his throat before barking out a hearty, if somewhat forced,
laugh.
A little startled, Monk nervously began running a fingertip along the
edge of the desk.
"Sir?"
The captain stepped forward, drawing his friend's attention to him,
instead of the distractions on the desktop.
"Cut it out with the Sir stuff, Monk. You've known me long enough to
call me Leland."
"Yes, sir, Leland."
Leland briefly closed his eyes in frustration, not seeing the pleased
look that had camped out on Monk's face.
He continued, "I was just thinking. Wouldn't it be something to get
those two together? Sharona and Randy?"
A small smile found its way onto Adrian's face, as he tore himself
away from the desk and closer to his friend.
"They bicker, but I think they'd be good for each other. Poor Disher,
though, huh?"
The captain smiled broadly as he found himself drawn directly in
front of the weirdest man he'd ever known.
"That's true. Sharona might eat him alive. But...Maybe we could all
go out together sometime? You know, just to keep them from hurting
each other."
Leland waited for Monk to think through how to answer while secretly
wondering just what kinds of details his friend was considering.
Eventually, Adrian finally replied in voice that was strangely calm.
"Right. That might be for the best. Of course, we'll probably have to
take them out more than once before they can overcome the urge to
kill each other."
Adrian stood still, briefly looking up at Leland before dropping his
gaze down shyly. From that vantage point, however, his friend's
shirtsleeve could be seen, a button on the cuff dangling by a thread.
"Button." Monk stated, pointing with alarm.
"What?" The captain asked, not quite comprehending the abrupt change
of topic.
Adrian reached out a hand tentatively, before ultimately giving into
the impulse to latch firmly onto his friend's wrist.
"Your button. The third button's coming loose right here! Doesn't
that bother you?
Whatever you do, don't get it fixed at the dry cleaner's. I learned
my lesson with Mrs. Ling. She always sews buttons on with two
parallel lines of thread. Who does that?! If needles were safer, I'd--
"
Leland breathed deeply, willing himself a little extra patience.
"--put them on myself, but you can't be too careful around needles,
and Sharona--"
"Adrian. Adrian, stop."
Upon hearing his name spoken so seriously he looked up in surprise,
the button between his fingers not quite forgotten.
Leland slowly moved to cover the hand Adrian had on his wrist with
his own.
He didn't know what he expected. Maybe a flip-out or a mad search for
a handwipe, but almost anything other than what really happened.
Adrian gazed at him in shock, mouth open like a hooked fish, the
button seemingly the last thing on his mind. Unable to get a word
out, he struggled until Leland spoke again more gently.
"Don't worry about it, Monk. It's just a stupid button I can sew on
myself. Worry about things that are worth worrying about, ok? Like
what Sharona will do to you once she figures out we've set her up
with Disher."
Monk offered his friend a sad, apologetic little smile and gradually
released the button he'd been clutching.
"Right. That...That sounds like a good plan. Thank you."
The captain smiled and let Monk's hand go after a soft and reassuring
squeeze.
Clearing his throat, he began again.
"So. Remember what I said to you, all right? You're definitely not a
superhero, so don't put yourself into any dangerous situations that
Sharona or I would likely kick your butt for. Just...keep up the good
work."
The detective smiled brightly for the first time in a long time.
"Yes, sir. Leland. Sorry. I guess I should go now. You have a lot of
work to do."
"Yeah, unfortunately." The captain moved to open the door, so Adrian
wouldn't have to touch the handle. Before he stepped through, though,
he spoke again.
"Hey. Be sure to clear out a weekend for that double date. You can
even pick the restaurant." He grinned. "I'm sure it'll be the
cleanest one in the city."
Monk, head tilted, considered something for a moment before speaking.
"Yeah. That'll take some research. But I think it's about time we all
got to know each other outside of crime scenes, don't you?"
Leland laughed, feeling happier than he had in a great while.
"As always, Adrian, you're absolutely right."
******