Chapter Text
Moving On
by Evil Willow
Part 1 -- Cry
*********************
and you're standing here beside me
in a picture in a frame
and your voice could never fade it's so familiar
things you said in my head
every day
you gave me so much
and now it's of the earth
and it makes me cry
it makes me cry, it makes me cry
and it can make me cry
Cry -- The Sundays
***********
6 pm
Buffy raised her sword over the kneeling Angelus, having knocked him to the ground. She stopped suddenly as he gasped and moaned in pain, his eyes glowing red momentarily. To her shock, he looked up at her, and then collapsed to the floor sobbing. *It's a trick* she thought, but her decisiveness wavered as he looked up at her again,
"Buffy? What's going on?" he asked softly, looking at her with an expression of confusion. He got to his feet slowly, and said, "Where are we? I ... I don't remember."
She lowered her sword slowly, searching his face, wanting to believe that somehow Angel had come back to her. "Angel?" she said uncertainly.
He saw the cut on her arm, and reached out to touch it, saying, "You're hurt!" She looked down absent-mindedly at her arm and then back into his face. She stepped foward as he pulled her into his arms, holding her closely.
"Oh, Buffy...God. I feel like I haven't seen you in months." Her last bit of wariness dissolved and she let herself relax, realizing he was really back. *It worked, Willow saved him* she realized. She closed her eyes and sighed in relief.
"Oh my God, everything's so muddled," he said. He sighed then and kissed her on the shoulder, "Oh, Buffy." She started to cry then, more in relief that the nightmare was over more than anything. Then, she heard a rumble. *No.*
She looked over his shoulder then, and to her horror watched as Acathla's face moved. His eyes began to glow, and his mouth opened, releasing a vortex that Buffy realized was the portal to Hell. It was small at first, but began to grow at a frightening pace.
*God, no, this can't be happening* Buffy thought in disbelief as she pulled away and looked at Angel. Her Angel, who she had thought she had lost forever to the demon inside him. *Now, of all the horrible Hellmouth-like timing, NOW Willow managed to do the curse?* She held back a sob when Angel asked, "What's happening?"
She knew what she had to do, and in that moment she understood Whistler's words to her earlier that day.
"Maybe I should ask, what are you prepared to give up?"
She looked at him lovingly, and whispered, "Shh...don't worry abou it." She brushed her fingers over his lips, and across his cheek, realizing that this would be the last time she would ever see or touch Angel if she didn't want the whole world sucked into Hell. Leaving her hand on his cheek, she kissed him gently. He returned the kiss, and it deepened. Sensing rather than seeing that the vortex had grown even wider, she knew she had to act, before she lost her resolve. She pulled away and whispered, "I love you," looking into his eyes, and trying not to cry.
He whispered back, "I love you," and it broke her heart, the love and trust she saw in his face. He believed that she would never hurt him, but she was about to have to prove him wrong. She touched his lips with her fingers, thinking, *Please forgive me* and said, "Close your eyes," nodding reassuringly. He obeyed, and she kissed him one last time.
*Good-bye, Angel.*
She stepped back, raised her sword and thrust it into his chest. His eyes flew open, a mix of shock, pain and confusion on his face. A bright light emanated from the sword, and she stepped back. He reached out to her, and then looked down at the sword still inside him. She stepped back further, not wanting to take her eyes off the sword, not wanting to look into the face of the man she loved but had been forced to kill.
"Buffy?" he said questioningly, not understanding what was happening. That one word was enough to rip her heart in two. She saw the vortex meet the energy emanating from the sword, and suddenly, Angel was swept away into the vortex, as Acathla's mouth closed.
Acathla was dormant again.
Angel was gone forever.
Buffy stared at the stone demon, as these two facts hit her. Then, she fell to her knees, sobbing in unbearable grief, wishing that she
were dead.
&&&&&&&&&
She cried until there were no tears left, and then she had sat there, staring at the last place Angel had stood. Finally, she stood up, shakily, and walked out the door. She looked at her watch, it was close to dawn. She turned in the direction of her house, despite thinking *I should go to Giles, to tell him that the vortex has closed. We'll all live to see another day. Well, all of us except...* she realized that she hadn't shed all of her tears, and had to stop walking for the blinding tears in her eyes. She leaned up against a nearby tree and let the tears come, giving into the sobs wracking her body.
She eventually got a grip on herself and continued toward her house. She stopped outside, though, remembering her angry words with her mom earlier.
You walk out of this house, don't even _think_ about coming back!
*She didn't mean it. She has the right to freak-out occasionally* She still didn't move, though. *I can't face her. I look like I've been crying, she's going to want to know what happened. How do I explain to her that I feel like shit because I just killed my boyfriend*
She pushed away the urge to lose it again, and tried to come to a decision. *Okay. Not home. Where then? I can't face mom, I can't face Giles...or Willow. She'll hate herself for being too late in saving Angel, even though I don't. She had no way of knowing.*
"Buffy?"
Buffy stiffened as she heard the voice behind her. Xander put his hand on her shoulder and turned him to face her. "Are you okay?" he asked. She kept her eyes on the ground, not wanting him to see her like this.
He put his hand under her chin though, raising her face to meet his eyes. "I killed him," she whispered, and put her face in her hands, sobbing.
"Hey, come here," Xander pulled her to him. He held her, letting her cry. He didn't try to tell her it was going to be okay, and she was grateful for that. He just held her, stroking her hair gently. "Come on. I'll help you inside--"
"No!" she yelled, and pushed him away.
"Okay, Buffy, I just want to help you. Let me take you somewhere safe, the last thing you need is to be attacked by demons or vampires right now," he said.
Buffy looked at him, intending to argue, but realized she was too tired. She just wanted peace and quiet. "Fine," she shrugged. He put one arm around her and led her down the street.
***********
"Can I get you anything?" He asked her. He had taken her back to his house, and they were in his room.
She shook her head. She had her arms clutched tightly around her waist, and was looking around absent-mindedly.
"Try to sleep, Buffy. I'll be upstairs on the couch," Xander said.
She walked over to the bed and laid down, curling herself into a tight ball.
Xander sighed. He hated seeing Buffy like this. She had always been the strong one, had saved his life more times than he could count. He'd never seen her so fragile, so lost. He walked up to her, and placed a quilt over her. She didn't move, unless you counted the shaking caused by her silent crying. He sat down on the floor next to the bed and watched her, not wanting to leave her alone.
End Part One