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Daniel was, not surprisingly, the last to notice.
He had been sitting on the floor of the temple, scribbling in his notebook and ignoring the footsteps around him.
And then...
"DanielJackson. O'Neill has asked me to say to you, get your ass in gear." Teal'c looked mystified by the words of his message.
"Huh? Oh, yeah." Daniel shoved his pen into the spiral binding of his notebook and looked up. "I'll be right--..." He trailed off in mid-sentence. "There."
Teal'c just raised an eyebrow as he watched Daniel scramble to his feet, twice dropping his notebook. "Do you require assistance with your things, DanielJackson?"
Daniel was trying not to stare. Really, he was. "Uh, no, no thanks. I got it. Just... takes me awhile to get everything."
"Very well." Teal'c waited until Daniel was on his feet to lead the way back to the Stargate.
Jack and Sam were huddled together against the control panel, but when Teal'c entered, Daniel not far behind, they both straightened. "Daniel!" Sam called out, motioning violently for him to come over.
Daniel dumped his notebook and his pack onto the small wheeled platform they were taking back through the 'Gate with them, and stared at Sam. "Did you..."
"Shut up," Jack hissed. "Yes. Shut up."
"Oh my God."
"You have no idea." Sam was trying not to giggle. "I've been... the Colonel and I have been trying to figure out a way to ask for the last four missions, but it was never this..."
"Obvious," Jack inserted.
Daniel had to agree about that. "It quacked at me, for God's sake."
Sam tittered, and clapped a hand over her mouth. Jack was glaring, and he was seriously debating giving Daniel a swift kick. "Daniel!" she hissed.
"What? I mean, don't uniforms sort of come *with* some kind of..." Daniel gestured vaguely with his hands. "Restraining device?"
Sam choked on her laugh, and threw Daniel a vicious, evil glare. "Home doesn't exactly grow 'em that big, Danny!"
Daniel tossed a casual look to Jack, who was studiously ignoring the entire conversation. "I wouldn't say that."
Sam's eyes widened, and Daniel howled as Jack's boot connected with his shin. "All right, enough chatting," he growled, motioning with his gun towards the 'Gate. "Let's go, move it. Daniel... shut up."
"Shutting up, sir."
- = -
The mess hall wasn't nearly as busy as Daniel had seen it some times. He had his notes from the temple spread out on the table in front of him as he shoveled down waffles, eggs, and coffee.
"Good morning, DanielJackson," Teal'c intoned, sitting down at the table in front of him. "I see that you are working on the glyphs from the temple columns. Perhaps I could assist you with the translations, should you find anything you are not familiar with, as I believe I saw three different dialects on the walls."
"Hmm? Oh, you did, and I'm going to need your help with the third one, because it's one I haven't encountered before." Daniel put his papers down, and carefully moved his coffee cup out of the way. "Teal'c? I have a question for you."
"Then ask it."
"Okay." Daniel settled himself more comfortably in the chair. "You see... okay. I was wondering... see, there's this little thing... well, not *little* thing... there's this thing that..." Daniel sighed. "I have to know. Boxers or briefs?"
Teal'c's eyebrow elevated. "Pardon me?"
"You know... underwear." Daniel gestured vaguely with his hands again. "Those things you put on under your pants when you wake up in the morning."
"Ah. In that case, neither." Teal'c's hands were folded calmly on the table in front of him. "On Chulak, we do not believe in wearing layers of clothing where one will suffice. The outer garments are sufficient to cover everything that should not be exposed."
Daniel nearly choked on his coffee, and he was glad he had moved his notes as he used his sleeve to mop up the spew. "Yeah, well, see, there's the thing, and that's kind of a literal point." He gestured vaguely again. "It's... poking people in the eye."
Teal'c's eyebrow raised a little further. "I am afraid I do not understand your meaning, DanielJackson."
How had Daniel known that one was coming? "Um... well... okay. Stand up." Daniel did the same thing, getting up so that he was standing facing Teal'c. "Look at me. Notice anything in the area between my belt and my knees?"
"Your zipper is open," Teal'c observed after a moment.
Daniel's hand flew down, only to find the fly securely zipped, and he glared.
Teal'c just gazed back serenely, eyebrow still elevated.
"Seriously, Teal'c. Notice anything?"
"No, DanielJackson. I do not." Teal'c sighed.
"Good! No, that's good!" Daniel sat back down. "Now, look at yourself in the same... area."
Teal'c looked down at himself, and his eyebrow arched to it's fullest height. "I believe I am aware of what you mean." He straightened and then took his chair across from Daniel.
Daniel couldn't look Teal'c in the eye. "And?"
"And I do believe that you should not be looking there."
"When I'm sitting on the floor and you're standing in front of me with your legs spread? Kinda hard to miss that, big guy," Daniel said with a snort. "All I'm sayin' is... a little... discretion might not hurt."
Another brief quirk of the eyebrow. "I will take it under advisement."
- = -
"So?" Sam slid into the chair across from Jack. "Colonel?"
"I haven't heard." Jack didn't look up from his pie and coffee.
"Teal'c left the mess hall a half hour ago!" she hissed, sipping out of her own mug.
"He went to look up the different kinds of underwear," Daniel whispered in her ear as he sat down beside her. "Said he'd try it just for a day or two and if he liked it he'd stick with it."
"Oh my God. You mean he--"
"Commando isn't just a kind of solider anymore," Daniel replied glibly.
"You could have told him about boxers," Jack pointed out.
"Yes, and I could have sent him right over to you to ask about briefs," Daniel said just as sweetly. "And to Sam about panties."
"Hey!"
"Making a point, sorry." Daniel leaned back. "I don't make it a point to chat with my friends about their underwear preferences and what way is best to hang their what in the fuck is that?" The profanity slipped out before he realized it.
"What is--oh my God, Daniel, what did you DO to him?"
Jack half-turned in his chair. He rolled his eyes, and turned back around, trying not to laugh. "If this is your idea, Jackson..."
"I swear to God, Jack. I had nothing to do with this... Teal'c! HI!" Daniel waved as Teal'c came to stand in front of the table with the rest of his SG-1 teammates.
Teal's hands were clasped behind his back, and over his fatigues he had pulled on a pair of snug red y-front briefs. "I believe this is what you were speaking of, DanielJackson?"
"I... no! Well, yes, but no! Teal'c! UNDERwear. As in, under your pants wear." Daniel reached out and tugged the waistband. "Not... wait. Are those Jack's?"
Jack glared. "I do not have red underwear, Daniel. And thank you for making the contents of my underwear drawer public conversation."
"No, I obtained these from the PX here in the Mountain," Teal'c answered calmly. "They had a picture of a man on the front of them, with a red S on his chest and a blue uniform. Seeing the uniform on the packaging, I simply assumed--"
"Teal'c... no. That's... That's Superman. Superhero. Not a real guy." Sam was cradling her head, trying not to laugh at her friend any more than he was actually deserving of. "Why... why don't you try them on the inside?"
Teal'c looked down at the red briefs. "I find that they are entirely too constricting and uncomfortable, Major Carter."
Jack's head was flat on the desk, and Daniel was leaned entirely back in his chair, hands covering his eyes and half his face.
Teal'c was still watching Sam, and Sam was desperately trying to come up with advice. "Um... maybe... maybe a few sizes bigger would... help?" is all she could offer.
"These were the largest available," Teal'c replied calmly. "With all due respect to you, DanielJackson, I believe I shall refrain from constriction." He peeled the red briefs off and folded them into a small square, which he tucked into his pocket, and then sat down at the table with the other three, giving each one a single arched eyebrow.
The End