Work Text:
Assumption of Risk
by MJ
"He said what?" Paul Lewiston hit his hand on his desk in exasperation. "He's sleeping with Alan?"
"Don't look at me," Shirley Schmidt replied to her fellow Crane, Poole and Schmidt partner. "I heard it third or fourth hand. It's apparently the water cooler rumor of the day."
"I hope it doesn't get any further than the environs of the water cooler," Paul told her. "Denny Crane's a very public figure - and unlike you, a very Republican one. It's bad enough half the legal community thinks he's ready to be committed. If this story gets around too, especially if it's true, Denny could turn into a public scandal."
"I think the public's a little more broad-minded than that, even in Boston," Shirley consoled Paul. "It's not as if anyone thinks that gay men are child molesters or blackmail material any more. Even in Boston, we've gotten a bit past that."
Paul winced. "That's a whole new can of worms. Some of Denny's clients are going to worry that their family attorney is gay, and the rest are going to be scandalized that he and Alan aren't married. It's a no-win." Paul paused, a thought visibly crossing his mind. "Shotgun weddings... they always have had their place... God, what am I talking about? Denny Crane and 'married' are a bad combination." He rubbed his forehead. "Add another level to the 'no-win' there."
"Look at it this way. At least Alan's female clients won't have to worry any more that he's going to proposition them during the client intake."
Her friend buried his head in his hands. "This was all much easier back when all we had to do was check if someone was a mama's boy, or if he had an ear pierced, or if he... you know. And then not hire him."
"If he fit the stereotypes, you mean."
Paul looked up weakly. "We don't say that, Shirley. You know that. Besides, I didn't say we didn't hire gay men, we just didn't hire ones that let anyone know up front. And I know perfectly well that every non-heterosexual man doesn't go about mincing down the street. But when you're dealing with a couple of well-known womanizers and suddenly they're sleeping together, Freud and common sense both go right out the window."
Shirley sighed. "It's not all about fear of separation from your mother or about absent fathers. Maybe all the women were overcompensation. Or maybe no one ever noticed they're bisexual. They could be. Anything's possible."
"Shirley, I do not want to hear that they're bisexual. If they're sleeping together, I want to hear that the women around here are now free from Denny's harassment. We've come close enough to being sued more than once, and you know it."
"Until we actually get to the bottom of this, we're just whistling in the wind. We need more information."
Paul nodded his agreement. "Preferably without having to confront them. We don't need them being defensive about it, we just need to know what's really going on here."
The conversation was interrupted by two bickering voices in the hall. Brad Chase and Alan Shore.
"Brad, I'm sick and tired of this. The conversation's over, all right?"
"Bite me, Alan."
"On the ass, Brad, or should I just castrate you with my teeth?"
Feet pounded in opposite directions as Shirley and Paul looked at each other. "That wasn't close enough to the water cooler for anyone to catch, was it?"
Paul sat down heavily. "I hope not. A second rumor that Alan and Brad are into - what's it called, S and M - I tell you again, Shirley, I miss the old days. Once upon a time that would have been an ordinary argument, and now it's a Pandora's box when the rumor mill starts going." He rubbed his forehead again, trying to stop the vein that was throbbing with all its might.
"You're not going to be able to pre-censor every conversation in this office," his partner reminded him.
"I know, nor would I want to. But every time Alan or Denny open their mouths, another foot's thrust in."
"Which may be why Alan isn't up for partner yet."
"And which may be why he shouldn't be a partner, especially if this business about Alan and Denny is true. Besides, making Denny's lover - I suppose that's what it's still called - a partner is probably as dangerous as Denny getting married without a prenuptial that protects his partnership interest from his spouse."
Shirley stared out Paul's office window. "I don't know about that. I think Alan's loyal to the firm, with or without Denny. I just hope they don't wind up with a messy breakup down the road, because we'd have to live with that then."
Another voice in the corridor, this time unmistakably Denny Crane. "Alan, I have a rope burn on my ankle. You've got to quit tying the rope that tight when you climb into bed."
Paul looked up at Shirley. Shirley collapsed into one of Paul's client chairs.
"You win, Paul. I do miss the old days. Who's telling them to leave it at home?"