SquidgeWorld Archive

Rain drummed softly against the roof, the gray sky shadowing the light inside the apartment. It had a moody, dim quality, which might have been on purpose...

...or might just have been because Joshua had forgotten to turn on lights. Stephen rolled his eyes and turned on the kitchen light and a couple of halogens around the apartment. Abruptly, the depressing gray turned into warmth and cheer.

"Much better," he murmured to himself, changing the stereo to a Paul Oakenfold CD. Idly, he wondered where Joshua was, but then he heard the rattle of pipes and realized Joshua was in the shower.

Well, good. It'd give Stephen a chance to start working without being interrupted.

He rolled up his sleeves and began taking down ingredients. Flour, sugar, butter, cinnamon for later--he hadn't done this in a while, and as he mixed and beat and rolled, he found himself smiling.

"Something smells fantastic," Joshua said from behind him. He propped his chin on Stephen's shoulder, hugging him from behind. "Are you baking?"

"I don't know what gave you that idea," Stephen said dryly. "Other than the fact that my hands are covered in dough, there's a pie plate on the counter, and a bag of apples over there."

"What happened?" Joshua asked. "It's either really good or really bad."

"I can't bake for the fun of it?" Stephen asked, rolling out dough.

"Sure you can." Joshua kissed his cheek and stepped back. "Cookies, brownies, even that honey cake of yours that Paul has promised to trade us plates for. But pie you don't make unless you're celebrating something, or trying to drown your sorrows. So what's up?"

Stephen laughed, wrapping the dough and putting it in the fridge. It could chill for a bit while he cleaned up and dealt with the apples. "I had a good day at work," he said.

"Oh?" Joshua leaned against the counter, watching him rinse apples and slice them.

"Oh." Stephen grinned. "As in I got my next dungeon commission. Nicolas Girard--you remember him, right? I designed his club last year. He put in a good word for me with Mark Lewis, and Mark interviewed me today. We discussed my portfolio, the work I'd done for Nicolas and some of my other work, and he hired me. We're going to start in about six weeks to two months, depending on how long it takes us to agree on a design. Private club, kind of like Steel Rose. Should be fun."

Joshua kissed him soundly. "That's wonderful, babe! So am I not going to see you ever again?"

Stephen laughed. "No, it won't be that bad. Promise. And when I'm done, we might be able to afford a vacation."

"I like the sound of that." Joshua stole a slice of apple. "You've been too tense the past month."

"Can you blame me?" Stephen asked.

"No. But I think a vacation is a good idea." Joshua frowned, turning to look at the door. "Who's knocking at our door?"

"Go find out." Stephen turned back to the apples.

Joshua opened the door. "Tony!" he said in surprise. "Hey, man, what are you doing here?"

"Is this a bad time?" Tony asked. "I know I just kind of dropped by unexpectedly."

"No, not at all. C'mon in. You want coffee? Or something a bit more drinkable?" Joshua shut the door behind him. "Here, gimme your jacket." He took Tony's windbreaker and hung it up.

"Coffee'd be good," Tony said, coming over to the kitchen. "Hey, Stephen."

"Hey yourself." Stephen wiped his hands on a towel and gave Tony a hug. "Give me a moment to put up more coffee." He suited actions to words, setting the coffeemaker to grind the beans and make a pot. "What's up?"

Tony looked uncomfortable. "I need advice," he said. "And I didn't know who else to ask."

"Sounds serious. Have a seat." Joshua nodded at the kitchen table. "Stick around a while, you'll even get pie to go with your advice."

"Pie?" Tony perked up, dropping into one of the kitchen chairs.

"Stephen's making apple pie." Joshua grinned and sat down as well. "And his pie is better than Anna's."

"So how long do I have to wait?" Tony asked, laughing.

"About an hour. I've still got to let the dough chill for a bit." Stephen poured two mugs of coffee and handed one to Tony, following it with the milk and sugar. "What's going on, Tony?"

Tony didn't answer right away, pouring milk and sugar into his coffee and stirring it thoroughly. "I think I'm in over my head," he said finally, not looking at either of them.

"With David?" Stephen asked.

"Yeah." Tony blew out a breath. "I don't know what to do."

"Why do you think that?" Joshua asked.

In the background, Paul Oakenfold gave way to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Stephen spared a thought to be amused by the change and focused on Tony. He didn't look unhappy, Stephen noticed. Just...confused.

"This thing..." Tony shook his head. "I like David. I really do. I just..." He sipped his coffee. "Every time we're--every time we have sex, it's a little more, you know? He keeps--he's not pushing," Tony said hastily. "He's really careful."

Stephen nodded. "David doesn't push," he said. "I know."

"You would, wouldn't you," Tony said wryly. "God, this is weird. It's just--it's not too much, but I just--I don't know where the boundaries are anymore, because they keep changing." He slumped back in his seat. "And I still--Stephen, you can hit me for this, but I'm still having trouble adjusting to this whole concept of me as a--as a sub. I don't know what it says about me."

"Tony--you should probably talk to David about this," Stephen said slowly.

"I did." Tony snorted. "Well, kind of."

"What'd he say?" Joshua asked.

"He said that the boundaries were whatever I wanted to make them, and that he'd respect whatever limits I set. And then he told me to talk to you two, because it sounded like my biggest problem was that I didn't know enough to know what I was comfortable with or might be interested in." Tony drank some more coffee. "We talked about perception, kind of, but he said that he was the wrong one to talk to because he'd never really subbed and so he didn't know how to convince me that it's not a bad thing." Tony grimaced. "I mean, not that--"

"I know what you meant, Tony," Stephen said with a slight smile. "And you're right; it's not something David could really help with. Or Joshua, for that matter." He cast a fond glance at his lover. "Subs, they're not, although David's not as...obvious as Joshua."

"Hey," Joshua said, laughing. "No fair."

"Joshua, you couldn't be more dominant if you tried," Stephen told him.

"He's right," Tony said, grinning.

"I don't know whether to be offended or pleased," Joshua said.

"Be neither and go get me some books, would you?" Stephen asked. "Bookcase to the left of my drafting table, top shelf, first..." He looked up, trying to remember. "I think it's the first three, but get the first five on the left to make sure, okay?"

"He frightens me," Joshua confided to Tony as he got up. "He knows where all our books are."

"If they're organized, it's not that hard." Stephen took a drink of coffee. "I've got to start putting this pie together if we're going to eat it." He went to the fridge, taking out the dough and beginning to assemble the pie.

"How did you know?" Tony asked. "I mean, you told me you were drawn to it, but how did you *know*?"

"The first time Eric--my boyfriend at the time--dropped me into headspace, I knew. I couldn't have stopped myself from falling if I'd tried." Stephen arranged apples precisely. "I didn't know enough then to know what I was really doing, so I did some research. I was eighteen and a nerd at Columbia, what else was I going to do?" He smiled, fitting the top crust on. "Now I can keep myself from falling unless I want to--"

"Or unless I make him," Joshua added, coming back over with a stack of books.

"Like I said. Unless I want to." Stephen slid the pie into the oven and washed his hands.

"Watch it, babe," Joshua warned him, his voice dropping briefly.

"You have a thing for trying to drop me in front of Tony, don't you?" Stephen picked up his coffee mug and came over to the table.

"Well, if he wants to see..." Joshua grinned. "Not like I've never dropped you in public before."

Stephen sipped his coffee to disguise the shiver that ran through him at the reminder. "I have pie to make," he said. "We can discuss this later."

Tony swallowed, wrapping his hands around his mug. "Maybe I should just go," he said.

"No," Joshua said, resting a hand on Tony's arm. "Sorry about that."

"If anything, feel flattered," Stephen added, looking at the books Joshua had brought down. "He only does that in front of friends."

"Uh...sure. Okay." Tony shook his head.

"So." Stephen pulled out three of the books and pushed them over to Tony. "These are what I should have given you in the beginning. They're a basic overview and an explanation."

Tony looked at them, but didn't pick them up. "Is anything in here going to make me feel better about the fact that somehow I get turned on by letting someone else tell me what to do?" he asked, aiming for humor and not quite making it.

Stephen sipped his coffee. "Why does it bother you?" he asked.

"Because..." Tony sighed. "I'm a jock, okay? Football and basketball in college--I almost went pro. I was this whole BMOC, you know? And then I became a cop, and now I'm a federal agent. I went to military prep school, thanks to my father's second wife, I did the whole fraternity thing. This--this whole kink thing--isn't something I'd ever have thought about, before you. And even if I *had*, I sure as hell wouldn't have thought of myself as a sub. It just doesn't fit with the rest of my life."

"You're a federal agent working for a quasi-military organization, but you don't have trouble with the fact that you're bisexual," Stephen pointed out.

"Mostly because I generally pretend otherwise. David's the first man I've dated in years. I don't go looking for men." Tony rubbed a hand over his face. "The one time I did, it ended with me leaving Philadelphia rather abruptly."

Fair enough, and not a point Stephen could or wanted to argue. He drank more coffee, trying to formulate a response, but before he could, Joshua spoke.

"It sounds kind of like you're trying to fit the roles of Dom and sub into the traditional gender categories of male and female," he said thoughtfully. Stephen blinked at him in surprise and Joshua raised an eyebrow. "What?" he asked. "I'm not allowed to think?"

"That sounds more like something I would say," Stephen said, shaking his head.

"Nah, I spent too much time with Amy the other day." Joshua grinned.

Tony laughed. "Maybe I am," he admitted.

"That's the cool thing about kink. Doesn't matter your gender, your size--all that matters is what you want. Look at Jill," Joshua said, gesturing. "Scariest Domme I've ever met, bar none. She doesn't weigh a hundred pounds and she's not even five feet tall. But she's also a wife and a devoted mother and I just found out last night she's expecting her second child. Or, contrarily, look at Ewan. He dotes on his daughter and on Jill, and he's six-five, I don't know what he weighs, and he bench-presses at least his own weight. Probably more. He loves football, too. You'd probably have fun discussing it with him sometime. But he wears Jill's collar and he'll do anything she tells him."

"Nice example," Stephen murmured. "When's Jill due?"

"In May, I think." Joshua shrugged. "Ewan's hoping for a son--three women in one house are too much for him, he says. Especially since Nina has him wrapped around her chubby little fist." He turned to Tony. "If you want a gay example, Tony, look at us. I'm an artist. I'm not exactly your walking example of macho, here."

Stephen managed to turn a laugh into a cough--barely. From the look Joshua gave him, he might as well not have bothered.

"Hell, Stephen's in better shape than I am, thanks to his Gumby stuff." Joshua grinned brightly at Stephen, who rolled his eyes. "And sure, he's got long hair and weird taste in clothes. And yes, he's a bottom, and he subs for me. Try, once, to call him effeminate." Joshua shook his head. "I wouldn't recommend it."

"Neither would I," Stephen murmured.

"The last time someone tried we ended up replastering the wall to get the cracks out of it." Joshua winced. Stephen remembered the argument he'd had with Daniel. Six months ago, and they hadn't spoken since. He looked down at the table. Daniel had made his choice, and that wasn't important now anyway.

Joshua's hand covered his, squeezing. "Hey," he said softly. "Sorry to bring up bad memories."

Stephen forced a smile. "It's fine."

Tony, thankfully, didn't seem to have noticed. "Okay," he said, nodding. "I see your point."

"Yes, but do you believe it?" Stephen asked, dragging his thoughts back to the present.

"Intellectually, yes." Tony smiled wryly. "I guess the rest...is going to have to wait until I see David again. We're going out tomorrow night, so." He shrugged.

"If you've got some time, take a look at these," Stephen said, tapping the books. "This one in particular is one I'd recommend highly. One of my favorites."

"Okay." Tony nodded. "I'll see if I can get some reading time in between now and then." He pushed back his chair. "I guess I should go."

Joshua blinked. "Why? The pie's not done yet."

"I don't want to overstay my welcome," Tony said hesitantly. "And--"

"Trust me. You don't want to miss the pie." Joshua grinned. "Anna's pie is better than her cookies, and Stephen's pie is better than Anna's."

Tony immediately pulled his chair back in. "How much longer?" he asked hopefully.

Stephen laughed and got up to check the timer. "About twenty minutes. And we've even got ice cream to go with it."

"Anyone up for a game?" Joshua asked. "I still want to try the Seafarers one."

"We decided it wasn't as good as Settlers, remember? If you want to play that, get the box."

"Settlers?" Tony asked, confused.

"Settlers of Catan. It's a board game. Interested?" Stephen asked.

Tony blinked. "Ah--I don't know how."

Stephen grinned. "We'll teach you. It's not hard." He was pleased to see Tony shrug and nod. "Joshua, can you set it up?"

"Do I have to do everything around here?" Joshua mock-grumbled.

"If you want pie, yes." Stephen smiled blandly.

"I am so taking this out in trade later," Joshua threatened him.

Stephen fought back the shudder. "Promises, promises," he said lightly.

Joshua took two steps to him and wrapped his hands around the back of Stephen's neck, pulling him in for a long, deep kiss. His hands were firm in their grip and his mouth was hard on Stephen's and Stephen nearly melted against him. "I don't promise what I don't deliver," Joshua said softly.

Stephen licked his lips. "Joshua," he murmured. "Don't. Not now--I can't--" He took a deep breath, knowing that if Joshua pushed him again he'd fall all the way down and not be able to stop himself.

Slowly, Joshua pulled back. "Later," he said.

"Yeah. Go get the game." Stephen turned away, using the excuse of checking the pie to settle himself.

Tony picked up the rules quickly, as Stephen had thought he would. They interrupted the game when the pie came out of the oven; Stephen practically had to fight off both Joshua and Tony to let it cool enough to cut before serving it.

"OhmyGod," Tony groaned around his first mouthful. "I think I'm in Heaven."

Stephen laughed. "I take it you like it, then?"

"Can't talk, eating pie." Tony took another huge bite, licking sugar off his lips.

"It's like the first time Paul had your honeycake," Joshua said in amusement. "As I recall, he got down on one knee and proposed."

"He was also halfway drunk at the time," Stephen remembered.

"More. We ended up putting him to bed on the sofa." Joshua laughed and took a bite of pie. "But I'm not proposing."

"You don't have to." Stephen smiled, thinking about the narrow black collar in the drawer by his bed. He didn't wear it often, but that didn't mean he wasn't aware of it. And from the flash of heat in Joshua's eyes, he knew what Stephen was thinking as well.

After a second piece of pie and the end of the game, Tony picked up the books and pulled on his jacket. "Thanks," he said. "For everything."

Stephen got up to walk him to the door. "Call us if you need us," he said.

Tony nodded. "I will." He gave Stephen a brief, hard hug. "Thanks."

"Anytime." Stephen shut the door behind him and turned to Joshua. "Think they'll last?" he asked.

Joshua grimaced. "I don't know. Maybe."

"I hope so." Stephen sighed and crossed the floor to Joshua, settling in his lap. "David's been alone too long."

"I know, babe." Joshua tipped Stephen's chin up and kissed him slowly. "How about we cuddle on the couch and make out for a bit?"

"Do we get to have sex at the end of this making out?" Stephen asked.

"Oh, I think so." Joshua grinned. "Once we've digested some of this delicious pie."

Stephen laughed and got to his feet. "I love you, you know," he said thoughtfully.

Joshua stood, leaning down to kiss him. "Love you too," he said softly. He traced a line around Stephen's throat. "Mine," he murmured.

Stephen caught Joshua's hand and kissed it. "Yours," he answered quietly. "Always yours."