Chapter Text
Suprise
by SilverDragon
The gun man, also know as Michael Henderson, stood behind his hostage watching the cops seek cover. "Just stay back, or I shoot him." he shouted. The officers could only watch, as Henderson, dragging the hostage, began trying to find an unlocked car.
The hostage sighed. "Here we go again," he muttered. "I've gotten tired of this shit."
The man in charge, Captain Simon Banks shouted, "Let him go and we'll all walk out of here." More people took up positions around him. "You can't go anywhere."
Ellison approached his Captain. "Let me take him before Blair gets hurt, Sir."
"No, Jim. He's got nowhere to go. We'll just wait him out. Jim . . . Jim . . . ELLISON what is it."
Jim jerked back to life, "I don't know Sir. I'm afraid Blair is going to try something. "
Simon looked at his detective. "Like what?" he asked, concern coloring his voice.
Jim started to answer only to have their attention diverted by Blair's voice.
"Man, look tell ya what. You let me go and I don't hurt you. How 'bout it?" Blair asked in a conversational tone.
He heard Henderson snort. "You? Kid what kinda threat could you be?" Henderson tightened his hold and went back to watching the cops.
"I should take that as a no then huh. Ok man." Blair stated in that same bland tone. Briefly closing his eyes, Blair let his training float back to the surface. He had not even thought about these skills for years, but his body remembered. As his body began to move he spared a brief thought for wheather or not Jim would make the connection and ask.
* No time for that now. Take him down. *
In front of the stunned cops Blair, took him down. A quick stomp to the foot and elbow to the ribs, loosen Henderson's grip. It also brought him down as Blair's head went back. The head butt broke Henderson's nose and his concentration. He released Blair, this allowed Blair to take his gun hand. In moves to fast to follow, Blair had him disarmed and on the ground. Still speaking in that bland voice, "You know the cuffing and doing the whole arresting thing would be good about now."
The stunned men and woman jumped into action.
Jim rushed over to Blair and began checking him over. He still couldn't believe what his eyes had told him. "Chief of all the stupid . . . Do you know how lucky you just were? What might have happened? You could have been killed." Jim's shouting was stopped by Blair's quiet voice.
"Actually Jim, yes I am." Blair said quietly. His eyes met Jim's, he whispered, "More then you know."
Jim looked into his guides eyes. * I've seen that look before, but not there. It doesn't belong there. I've seen it staring back from the mirror. No it can't be. *
"No it can't be," Jim whispered.
"What can't be," Simon asked, "and where is Sandburg going? I want some answers."
"HUH? What was that Simon?" Jim looked up.
"I said what can't be and where is Sandburg going? That was him I just saw walking away. Right? Jim? Jim, do I need to find Sandburg?"
Jim shook his head his mind still trapped in the realization. * Blair moved like someone trained, but that can't be. Chief you and I are going to talk. " No sir I'm fine just thinking. "
Jim debated on just going after his partner and finding out what was going on, * No he never mentioned anything, besides he'll have to tell us in the report. *
Satisfied that he would get answers from his guide, he answered Simon. "Yes sir. I think he just needed a minute, to calm down."
"Jim what just happened? That was Sandburg, the pacifist observer, that just took down Henderson." Simon questioned his detective. "You've been giving him self defense lessons right?" Simon guessed. Not waiting for his detective's reply, "Well good job Detective. Looks like they worked." Simon nodded and got out a cigar. "Maybe now we can breathe a little easier, knowing he can defend himself." Simon put them cigar in his mouth nodding in relief at having a good reason for Blair's actions.
Just as he was about to light it, he noticed Jim shaking his head. "No Sir, I didn't teach him. Never offered, I didn't think he would agree to it. I was as suprised as you were Simon." He hesitated, "There's something else, Sir. Something Blair said. Simon, did you actually read all of his personel file or just some of it?"
"Just the criminal background check and double checking he actually was a grad student. With the way he looked and that first story the two of you fed me, I felt I'd better make sure. Why?" Simon looked at Jim and his concern grew.
"Well sir I was just thinking. What if we missed something? The kid never really says anything important about himself." They moved toward the elevator and headed up to Major Crimes. "What he just did . . . some of those moves. Sir, the last time I saw those moves used, it was by a Navy Seal." Simon drew breathe to ask a question. "Don't ask Sir. The mission never happened. I think that we really need to ask Blair some questions."
The two men arrived at the seventh floor and entered Major Crimes. Jim looked around verifying what his senses had all ready told him. Blair wasn't there. Casting his senses farther out he ealized his guide wasn't in the building.
"Jim damn it. Sandburg isn't here, don't pull this crap on me Detective."
Jim pulled back from the zone. "Blair's gone."
"I just said that Jim."
"No, Simon I mean he isn't in the building."
Simon shook his head,
* More of the Sandburg zone and he isn't here to stop it. What am I thinking. *
Simon saw Brown and Rafe enter. "Have either of you two seen Sandburg?"
Brown looked at Simon, "No Captian, I just got back from Homicide. They finally found the rest of the Mecendrix file."
"Rafe?"
Rafe pointed at Jim's desk, "He was here left a note for Ellison and left. He muttered something about the past and hurried out." Rafe shrugged. They were used to the odd things the observer did. "He seemed distracted, well more so then usual."
"Simon, I don't like this, " Jim said, as he walked toward his desk. He picked up the note.
Jim,
Sorry man I forgot some stuff I had to do. See ya later. Tell Simon I'll do the report when I can. Later
B
"Captain, maybe you could pull his file and . . ." Jim never got to finish.
"Jim, Sneaks is on the phone says he has a hot tip on that floater. And to meet him at the usual place in half an hour."
"Damn Ok Rafe. I'll talk to Sandburg Simon. Find out what's going on." Jim stated over his should as he ran out of the bull pen. * It'll take me almost half and hour to get to Sneaks. I don't have time to find Blair now. Damn it Chief what are you hiding. You better tell me and soon, or I'm going to handcuff you to the couch till you do.*
*
At the loft Blair was doing what he always did when the past come knocking, he was packing. "Ok, " he muttered, "need to get everything I need and get out of here before Jim comes home. Man, Jim is going to be pissed. He'd never believe the truth, and he'd know if I lied. Damn it I don't want to leave but Jim will hate me." Blair sat down on the futon, in the place he had begun to think of as home. Head in his hands he began to shudder as the memories he had buried came back. * I knew I shouldn't have let any of it out. No, NO, NO!!! I don't want to remember. * Blair began rocking back and forth, chanting under his breath, "It's not real. I can handle it. It's over. It's over. Not real."
*
"Thanks, Sneaks. This one is go for a bonus. You pick 'em I'll get them." Jim said, as he got up to leave.
Sneaks said, with a sneaky smile, "Have that partner of your's pick 'em. I like his taste."
Ellison waved vaguely, his mind already back on his partner. "You got it."
Jim walked out of the diner and headed for his truck. * You better be at the loft Chief. I don't want to have to go looking for you. * He started for home. * Huh, it's funny. He knows more about me then anyone and I don't know much of anything about him.
"You never asked." snarked a voice oddly like his guides. "When he does talk you tune him out. Why would he say anything."
I don't do that.
"SNORT"
Ok maybe but not important stuff. He doesn't talk about important stuff.
"Do you ever really try to find out? "
* Jim thought about the few times he had asked his guide about something. * If he even hesitates I let it go. Well words aren't my department their his. He knows he could come to me with anything . . . right.*
Jim looked up and realized he was home. He sent out his senses. * Blair's here. Shit his heart is going a mile a minute. what's going on.* Jim jumped out of the truck and rushed inside. Not bothering with the elevator, he took the stairs two and three at a time. He heard Blair's chanting stop as he opened the door.
Blair froze. * Damn he's home. Ok Sandburg get it together. You've got to convince him nothings wrong. Heh. Yeah right. *
"Hey Jim you're home early." Blair stated as he walked out of his room. "I didn't get time to start dinner. What are you hungry for." Blair proceeded toward the kitchen.
He was trying so hard not to look at Jim that he didn't notice him moving to intercept him. "WHOA, Big guy. You . . ."
Jim reached out and grabbed hold of Blair. "No we aren't doing that. This time you are going to sit down and answer my questions. Do You Understand?" Jim said sternly. He began to move Blair toward the couch.
"Oh so now when you have questions, we have to talk. Man isn't that typical." Blair muttered
angerly as he shook lose from Jim's hold. He began pacing. "You know when I say that. I get blown off, ignored. Not now Chief. But You Mr. Anal Dective of the Year, you want to talk and I'm suppose to talk. Well, I don't feel like it. I'm going to bed." He headed towards his room, before he could reach his haven, Jim acted.
What Jim didn't count on was Blair's reaction. Ellison was used to being able to grab Blair, he forgot that this wasn't the Blair he was used to. Blair grabbed his arm and quickly had him in an arm lock on his knees. They both froze. Jim because he didn't want to esclate this to a fight. Blair in shook that he could have hurt Jim. Blair released Jim, his hands shaking. "I'm sorry man. So sorry. I just reacted."
Jim watch as Blair retreated from him. He saw the fear in his guide's eyes.
"I should go before . . ." Blair trailed off and moved toward the door.
Jim moved this time just standing in front of Blair. "Chief don't go. Talk to me, Please."
"I can't Jim. You would not believe me." He turned away. "Or worse either hate me or feel I betrayed you," he whispered. Tears began to run down Blair's face, "I couldn't handle that."
Jim gently reached out and pulled his guide to him."Chief we've both made mistakes, but we've always gotten through together. This is the same, we work through it together."
Blair looked up at his Blessed Protector. "Alright Jim. Just please don't hate me."
Jim released him. "I won't hate you. Why don't you sit down on the couch and I'll get us something to drink."
Blair nodded and went to the living room to gather his thoughts.
Jim headed to the kitchen. As he put the kettle on, the phone rang. Jim picked up the phone, "Ellison. Yeah Simon, he's here. No not yet. Ok, Sir we will be in tomarrow. Goodnight, Simon." Jim hung up and finished making Blair's tea.
"Here," Jim said as he handed Blair the mug. "OK Chief why don't you tell me where you learned those moves. Don't ask me what moves you know what I'm talking about."
Blair gave a weak grin.
"And since you know them why you haven't used them before."
Blair took a deep breath. "Okay, You know I got into college, real early, right?" Jim nodded. "But you've never wondered why I'm still working on my PhD. I mean other then no sentinel." Blair quiried.
"Now that you mention it no. Though I should have. Why are you? "
Blair stared into his tea.
Just when Jim thought he wasn't going to speak, he started. "I was just 18 when I got my Master's. Mom and I had this huge fight. She hadn't wanted me to go to college in the first place. " Too limiting, and confining. " she said. Well, once I had my Masters, she decided I should join her travelling again. She didn't seem to realize I had all kinda loans and stuff I had to pay off. Besides i wanted my PhD. Anyway, we agrued she left and I took to tutoring to make money while looking for a way to pay off what I owed."
Jim interupted, "Couldn't you get grants and stuff?"
Blair shook his head, "Not enough Man. There really isn't a lot of grant money availble on that level. I couldn't get anymore loans. And if I wasn't a full time student I had to start paying them back, soon. Well, one of the students I was tutoring,was fresh out of the Navy. He mentioned that all his schooling was paid for by the GI Bill. I knew Noami would blow her top, but I decided to talk to the recruiter. I went down and took some tests. Not too long after that they were agreeing to my terms for paying for school. I signed up."
Jim shook his head. "You were in the Navy. But I thought you were a pacifist."
Blair shook his head. "No, Man. My mom is but, come on Jim I hit people with baseballs, pipes, whatever comes to hand. I just don't like guns." Dropping his head he muttered, "with good reason."
He saw Blair avoiding his eyes. A quick check with his senses and * he isn't lying but there is something else.* "Come on Chief. It's ok tell me the rest."
Blair snatched a quick look at Jim's eyes needing to see if he was upset. All he saw was understanding and concern. "Yeah, well. I know you aren't going to believe me but boot camp was easy. Before I knew it I'd been in for two years and I loved it. I still got to travel. I was based on a carrier. I had the security hat had been missing all my life. What I didn't know was someone had taken notice of me. I was called in to my CO office and told I had an invite to BUDS." Jim could see the excitement in Blair's eyes as he relived the moment. "Man, Jim. I could believe it. Noami's worthless brat was being offered the chance to be the best of the best. I didn't really think beyond the honor of it. I mean I barely meet the requirements you know. Anyway here I am barely twenty and trying out for the best. Man they were right Hell week Bull. Most of it was Hell. Cold all the time, heh the little to no slepp was no big deal, and I've always been good at hand eye, so the shooting wasn't too hard either. Back then I could still take the cold. It wasn't till later. . ." Blair trailed off. Took a sip of tea and started again. "Anyway I made it. Actually got rated as sniper and demolishions expert. Went on quite a few missions over the next three years. My team got to know for pulling off stuff that couldn't be done. Course we had a couple of secrets." Blair looked up hesitatly. "This is gonna be akward so just listen. Ok?"
After seeing Jim nod he continued.
"Remember me mentioning having met people with a few enhanced senses. Good. Well three members of our squad had somewhat enhanced senses. One had eyesight, one had hearing, sight and smell. The other had hearing, smell and taste. The last was me Jim, mine are no where near yours but they are much better then norm." Blair continued to stare into his cup, sure that this was the end.
"So you're saying to some extent you do know what I go through. Blair I'm upset you didn't tell me but we're still friends. You're still holding something back though. Look Chief I know this is hard and I know I've got some thinking to do, BUT " Blair looked up fear in his eyes. "You are my best friend and my brother, so we will get through it. Now what is the rest?"
Blair smiled shyly and went on. "We never told anyone. It wasn't safe. The last mission we went on went to hell. Between whenever the last intel was and the mission security was upgraded. Normally no problem, but this time." Blair paused, swallowed hard. "Those that didn't die were captured. They kept us in hot boxes, when they weren't torturing us. Out of the eight man team only three of us got out alive. Out of that only two of us were deemed mentally stable. I was honorably discharged and went and hid. I decided to bury it all. All the skills, the memories, everything. I became the clutzy, directionally challanged, Blair Sandburg that you know. I could even look at a gun for a long time without flash backs. I didn't want to deal with it. But now I've opened the door and it all wants to come back. Jim what am I going to do. I mean it's in my personel file about me being ex military. I figured Simon never read it, cause he didn't ask. But now he will and . . ." Blair's heart began to race as he talked himself into a panic attack.
Jim reached out and pulled his friend in close. He murmered reassurances over and over till Blair exhausted fell asleep in his arms. * Well now what are we going to do Chief. * Jim placed his guide on the couch, and placed the afgan over him. He looked down on his sleeping roomate. * Whatever you need, we will get it done. Together Chief. *
Jim prowled the loft. He took their empty mugs to the kitchen. Keeping an ear on Blair, he washed Blair's and refilled his with coffee. He moved back to the living room. Sitting down on the other couch, he watched his guide. Occassionally sipping his coffee, he sat thinking over the things Blair had just reveiled. * Chief how do you end up in this stuff. Better yet how could you have hid this so well. Why didn't Simon read the whole file. Have we been dismissing to much about you. * Jim thought back to the rig. * Shit, the bomb, he didn't pull the right wire because he got lucky, part of him knew. But what about the elevator. No he couldn't, even if he'd had the right tools, we were watching. That time on the chopper, was it the truth? Could he have flown it? Was it panic or instinct that took out those two during the seige. The fact that he casually said he could drive any boat docked there, when we were chasing those killers. How he knew what to do for Joel when he lost his nerve. Damn there were clues everywhere, some Detectives we are. Why didn't we ever ask? I'm sorry Chief. I failed you. Even if no one else asked I . . . I should have. We're best friends. I won't fail you. *
Jim finished his coffee, rinsed the cup, and locked up the loft for the night. He left a light on in the kitchen in case Blair woke up in the night. "Good night Chief." the sentinel whispered.
Jim went up into the loft. His senses focused on Blair, he fell into a light sleep. He knew Blair would most likely be having nightmares.
Blair's distressed breating and heartrate woke him three hours later. He got up and throwing on his robe headed downstairs. Blair was still on the couch, but was moving restlessly. "No leave them alone. What do you want from us. NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO !!!!" Blair shout
himself awake.
Jim moved to his roomates side, and eased the younger man into his arms. "Easy Chief it was just a nightmare. You're OK. We're in the loft." He felt his loft mate's trembling ease.
"Man, I knew they would be back, but I couldn't wake up. I knew it was a nightmare but I couldn't wake up."
"Blair, do you think you can talk about it."
Jim felt Blair shaking his head, "No. It's too close you know. I will tell you what I can but later. Not right now."
"OK, look we didn't get to bed till late this morning, and Simon is expecting us this morning. Do you think you'll be alright to talk to him?"
Blair eased back in Jim's arm's to look up at him, "Not to sound like a spineless goober, but will you stay with me. Simon is not going to be happy."
Jim nodded. "Go take a shower, we'll eat breakfast and then head in. Blair don't worry about it ok. Simon will get over it."
Blair nodded weakly and went to take his shower. He chuckled when he heard Jim shout "And don't think that means you can use all the hot water."
After they had showered and eaten, they left for the precinct.
When they got there, Blair tensed as he felt people staring at him. He could here whispers, but unlike Jim couldn't make out what they were saying. Jim heard every whispered comment. While he heard some nasty comments, he was happily suprised that most of it was good comments about Blair. They entered the elevator and headed for Major Crimes. As they entered, the normally busy place came to a stand still. The officers unfroze when Banks roared out, "What there isn't anything to do for you people. Get to work. Ellison, Sandburg my office NOW. "
Everyone scattered to find something to do. The guys got a weak grin and wave from H and Rafe. They entered Simon's office.
The duo entered Bank's office.
"Take a seat gentlemen." Banks waited till they sat down. He leaned against his desk, towering over the pair. "Now, would someone, like to tell me exactly, what is going on here. No flim-flam, no wandering around the subject. Sandburg I want to know why exactly, you suddenly know how to defend yourself. Then I want to know why I wasn't made aware of it. Go on I'm waiting." Simon folded his arms and stared at the observer.
"A well, Simon, uh sir. IwasintheSealsandwantedto . . . "
Simon held up his hand "Hold it Sandburg. Slower and breathe. Now let's try this again. "
Blair took a deep breath and repeated slower, "I was in the Seals, Sir."
Before Blair could continue Banks erupted, "THERE is NO Way you just said you are an ex Seal, Sandburg. I asked for the truth, not some story." Simon hesitated as Sandburg's already pale face lose what little color it had.
He barely heard the tear filled whisper, "I wouldn't lye about the Seals, Sir."
It was the last thing Blair said before he bolted for the door.
Jim was insensed, "Great job Captain." he sneered. "Ask for the truth then blow up on him. I mean why lie when all you have to is call personel and check his file. Excuse me, Sir. I need to check on my partner." Jim stormed out.
Blair wasn't in the bull pen. Jim search the building, there in the stairwell was the cherished
heartbeat. Still a little rapid, but slowing. The sentinel listened as he closed in on his partner's position.
"Oh that went well, NOT. Alright calm down. Simon is just suprised. He is used to well the way I am. It wouldn't have occured to him. They all see me as a kid." Blair stopped talking, as the door to the stair well opened.
"You ok Chief? "
Blair stood up "Truth not yet. Soon though. Jim does everyone really have that little respect for me? I mean I know I'm not a cop, and yeah I stretch the truth now and again. But I swear I've NEVER out and out lied to you or any of them." He dropped his head. "I couldn't."
Jim walked down the stairs and leaned opposite his guide. "Blair no, they respect you. As for Simon's reaction I really think he didn't mean it. I think it was just so far opposite of what he's, hell, what we've know of you, that he had trouble accepting it. Blair I'm still rearranging what I've learned and I've had more time. Let's go back up and try again, OK. I promise Chief, I'll stay with you."
Blair looked at his Blessed Protector "Together?"
Jim clasp Blair's shoulder. "Together. Come on. "
They headed back up to Major Crimes.
Simon slowly approached them. "Please join me in my office."
Blair didn't look up but followed them back. After gently shutting the door, Simon collapsed into his chair. "Look Blair, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have jumped down your throat. Please tell me."
Blair looked up and searched Simon's face. Whatever he saw gave him the courage to move on. "I don't want to go into details right now, sir, but I'll give you the highlights." Blair settled back in the chair. "Some of this Jim knows, but here it is. I joined the navy at 18. By 20 I was training for the SeALs. I had been in for 3 years when it went to hell. I was normally my teams sniper."
Simon gasped.
"Yes Sir. The sniper, I'll explain the no gun thing later. Anyway unlike a lot of snipers I worked alone. My team was used to me being able to split my attention and keep myself safe. Besides it allowed us to have another man in the area to complete the mission. The last mission the intel was old and we hit a lot of snags. I'm still not sure why our CO didn't scrub it. I found my perch and cleared the way for them. Then I'm not sure what happened. I could hear their cries, but couldn't get a visual. I was so focused on them I never heard the one that got me. I woke up to a cell with four others from the team. The other three, I was told were dead. They tortured two of us to death in front of the others. Never asking a question. It was like they thought it was fun, you know. Not for information, just cause they could. We were locked in hot boxes most of the time they weren't playing with us. Time kinda slipped by. Then we were rescued. We had been held about 6 months. By the time I was healed and able my hitch was up and I opted out. I didn't want to deal with what I had done and seen so I buried it and swore to leave it all behind. It's in my folder cause, it has to be."
"OK I understand that, but if that's why then why let it out now?" Simon asked his mind still realing. * This kid . . . no Banks . . . This MAN has seen more then you and you have been
treating him like a silly child. *
Simon was forced from his musing when Blair said, "I was tired of always being the weak link. Tired of waiting to be rescued AGAIN. I'm TWENTY six, Captain, not six. I'm tired of being treated like a child that needs to be protected, or that can't understand reality. OK reality is a twenty four year old dying in your arms, when your 21. Reality is being one of 4 surviors of a dig, that drug runners, rebels, and/or government soldiers didn't care was a bunch of unarmed students. Welcome to MY reality Simon. I don't like the morgue . . . flashbacks. I don't want to use a gun . . . nightmares and flashbacks. I'm not a COP, because if I was I'd have had to deal with the memories." Blair ended nearly shouting. Panting he stopped. And waited for Simon's response.
It was silent, save for Blair's frantic breathing. Simon and Jim sat stunned. As the reality, of what their friend had lived, sank in, they both felt shamed. They had discounted him as being naive, and innocent of the horror, they had faced.
It was terrifying to realize how wrong they were.
They looked at each other, then at the now silent young man.
"Blair we're sorry. We didn't know."
Jim was cut off by Blair's quiet, "You never cared to ask." With a sad acceptance in his voice, he continued. "Don't worry about, Big guy. I'm used to it." He gave a small shrug and lapsed back into silence.
Jim looked to his Captain. Not sure what to do, he hoped Simon did.
"Sandburg . . . kid, no Blair . . . you are right we should have asked. Though let's be honest you weren't trying to tell us either. You were trying to get us to see something, someone else. Why would it have accured to anyone? I hope you can forgive us. Me especially."
Blair looked up, "You Simon, why? "
Simon shook his head and replied, "I had to sign off on your pass, Blair. I have access to your file. You've been with us long enough that, I've even done the reveiw of it. I never even looked. This might have been avoided if I had. Let's start over, alright Blair. We all made mistakes, lets just try to work with them."
Blair smiled. "I can live with that." His smile faded. "But what about the others. If we don't tell them, it'll come up again and hurt them. If we tell them, I'm afraid of how they will react." He sighed, "Besides, I'm not sure how many more times I can repeat this. I really need time to work through the memories that are coming back."
They all got quiet. Then Simon spoke, "Blair what about Poker night. Today's Wednesday and it's on Friday. That would give you some time to think. It's at my place, so kinda nuetral ground. If it goes bad they or you can leave."
Simon waited as Blair thought it over.
"It's sounds like a good idea. Yeah, Man. Everyone would be more relaxed. I think your right Simon, I need a couple of days. We'd be telling them rather then the rumour mill. If it is ok with you Simon. I'd like to tell them then. We just have to make sure that the ones I need to tell will all be there."
Jim spoke up, "Don't worry Chief we'll make sure. So, H, Rafe, and Megan? That all Chief? "
Blair shook his head, "Joel too, Jim. He deserves to know."
Jim nodded. "Good, that's settled then. Blair, you still look a little shakey. Right up your report and you and Ellison take the rest of the day off. Blair, just one question, when you left what was your rank."
Blair paused just before opening the door, "I was a Lieutenant."
Blair left heading for the elevator.
"Jim what is it? Are you zoned?" Simon asked his seemingly frozen dectective.
"No Simon you don't understand. Getting in to the SeALs is hard doing it as an officer in the time Blair had. . ." Jim shook his head. "Sir it can be done, but it is VERY close to impossible. God just how much did we miss. Sir, I think you'd better read his file. It might come in handy soon. " Jim left a flabbergasted Captain standing in the doorway. He quickly caught up with his partner. They left the bullpen together, heads close.
*
The sentinel and his guide had reached the loft. Jim was very concerned about how quiet Blair was being. "Chief, how about I make some tomato soup and cheese sandwiches? You can eat then try to lay down."
Blair nodded and sat down on the couch. When the food was ready Ellison took it into the living room. "Can it Chief they're my house rules and tonight this ONE doesn't apply." Jim said trying
to cut off any comments.
"Hey Big Guy, it's cool." Blair half heartedly tried to joke. The duo ate in silence, both wondering what to say. After finishing what he could, Blair broke the silence. "Jim you might want to turn on the white noise generators tonight. Otherwise I'm going to be waking you. I doubt that I'll get through tonight without nightmares. I...."
"Blair I've said it before and I'm saying it again. We do this together. You take care of me all the time. Let me start doing the same."
"But Jim."
"No, but's Chief. Yea I'm your Blessed Protector, so let me do my job." Jim grumped.
"Alright Man but I gave you fair warning. If they are as bad as last time . . . Jim promise me you won't try touching me to wake me. I don't know how much of my training is 'on-line'. I'm not sure I'd recognize you before I hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. Promise me." Blair was almost begging his sentinel. His fear at the chance of Jim getting hurt, pouring off him.
Jim promised.
Blair calmed a little. "Man, I'm bushed. I think I'll try to get some sleep now. Goodnight Jim."
"Night Blair."
The sentinel decided to check the loft and make an early night of it himself. * Might as well get what sleep I can. If Blair has nightmares, I won't get much sleep tonight. * He checked the loft. When he was sure all was secure he readied himself for bed and went up to the loft bedroom. He lay in bed listening to the restless movements of his partner. Knowing that he would awaken if his guide needed him, the sentinel let himself sleep.
He awoke a short time later to the sound of his guide's moaning voice. "Nooooo, please no." He ran down the stairs and slowly entered his roomates room. Using his sentinel sight, he saw Blair's face contorted in desperation, and grief. "No, Boone, damn it hold on. We're almost there." Was that the man he held as he died, the sentinel wondered. "NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Blair shouted, once again waking himself. "Shit, who's there. Jim?"
"Yeah, it's me Chief you ok?"
"Yeah sorry to wake you. Go back to bed, man. I'll calm down soon."
Jim walked farther into the room. "Blair, who was Boone?"
Blair sighed. Scrubbing his hands through his hair, he replied, "He was my BuD, my swim partner and best friend. Yes, Jim. He was also the man I held as he died. I brought his body back. He was hurt too badly. There was nothing any of us could do. Now if it's Ok I'm going to try to get some more sleep."
"Sure Chief, if you need me call."
Blair nodded and Jim turned to go.
"Jim, I want to talk about it with you just not now."
Jim looked back. "I'm here, Chief. Whenever you're ready."
*I knew this would happen. Now the question is do I try to stay up or do I risk more nightmares.* Yawn. *Body wins. I'm to tired to try to stay up.*
Blair fell back to sleep much quicker then he thought he would. At first he rested easy, but all to soon, the nightmares started.
"Alright, Boss. I am in position."
" oger. Wolf, report."
"High above you, Sir. Eyes and ears open. So far I'm green."
"Alright, Wolf, update in 15."
"Roger."
The others checked in that it was clear. Lt. Blair " Wolf " Sandburg stretched out his hearing as he swept the area his team was to enter. "Hold, I've got movement in area. Unable to clearly confirm. No clear visual."
"Where, Wolf?"
"Alpha site, sir."
"How many?"
"At least three, possible four." " Shit, more problems. This Op is a regular SNAFU ( Situation Normal All F**Ked Up ). Why didn't they let us send Wolf first. At least the intel would be right."
"Can it Boone. We have an objective to achieve. Everybody hold position. Wolf can you move and get visual."
"Yes sir."
"Do it " Wolf moved quietly to a new position.
"Got them it's four. Look to be guards, better armed then we were told to sir."
"Can you take them."
"Yes sir."
"You're green Wolf."
Blair took out the four guards quickly. *I'm sorry. Four less terrorists and how many to go.
Damn it why did you have to steal the damn bombs. What is going on with all the extra guards. Something isn't right.*
"Sir the four are down, but something isn't right."
"What is it Wolf?"
"I don't know sir."
"I'm sorry Wolf but unless you've got more then that I've got to give us a go."
Blair's body tossed and turned restlessly.
*No let me wake up. I remember what happened next. No please let me wake up.*
But Blair couldn't wake. His nightmare rolled on. He relived it as, on the way back, the team ran into an ambush. He saw Boone get hit. He fought through the memory turned nightmare. Then he heard it a voice that didn't belong. He followed the voice back. He woke to a very worried James Ellison calling him.
*
Jim had heard Blair's heart rate jump, and hurried back to his room. The moonlight was enough for the sentinel to see his restless guide. Jim watched as Blair began moving more. Blair was crying out, not even forming words. Jim moved forward to try and shake his guide awake. At the last moment, he remembered his promise. Jim began talking, in what, he hoped, was a calm voice. "Chief, come on Blair. You're in the loft. You're safe Buddy."
Blair slowly began to calm. After what seemed an eternity to Jim, Blair managed to wake. "Jim," Blair queried in a shakey voice.
"Yea, Chief. You had another one."
"Sorry, man. I knew they were gonna happen."
Jim shook his head and turned on the light. "Look Chief, the nightmares weren't bothering you when I was out on the couch with you were they?"
"No."
"Then how about I get the sleeping bag and sleep in here tonight."
Blair looked at his best friend. "It might be the only way I can sleep. I don't even want
to remember. Now I can seem to stop it." Blair picked at the blackets covering him. "But I don't want you to . . . I know together. Ok Jim."
Jim left and got the sleeping bag. The pair fell asleep and rested easy. Both secure in the bond between them.
All too soon for Blair it was Friday. Simon left the duo go home early. Jim tried to keep Blair calm on the trip to Simon's house. Reminding his guide, that only their friends, were going to be there.
"I know Man. What if they hate me. Or think I didn't tell them cause I didn't trust them. Aw, Jim I don't want them to think that." Blair could feel himself edging toward a panic attack. Only Jim's quiet confidence, helped him hold on. They were the first to arrive at Simon's. Simon invited them in. The both grabbed a beer and helped finish setting up.
"So, when are you planning on telling them?" Simon asked. "Before we start, half way through?"
Blair gasped and looked at Jim. "I hadn't even thought of that."
"Easy, Chief. We tell them as soon as everyone gets here. That way you don't have to think about it as long, and if anyone wants to ask stuff, it won't get as late."
Before Blair could say anything the other men and Megan, began arriving.
*
Blair decided to stay in the kitchen till everyone was there. That way no one would start asking what was wrong. Blair knew that his composure was not the best. He also knew that if he tried to talk, that it would all start to spill out. Jim and Simon greeted the rest of Major Crimes inner core.
Joel was first to arrive. Quickly followed by Rafe and Brown. Just as the round of greetings and
removal of coats was done, Connor arrived. "Hey, Jim, where's Blair."
The question Blair had dreaded had been asked.
"And no offense Captain but since when is Poker night mandatory?" quized H.
Simon and Jim looked at each other. "We . . . "
Blair broke in as he entered the room, "Because I have some secrets that I feel you
now need to know about."
"Secrets, like what Hairboy. What's really in the chili?" H tried to joke. When he saw Blair pale, he realized that this was much more serious then he'd thought. "I'm sorry Blair. What is it?"
Blair blinked then said, "Look, I need you all to sit down listen and try to not stop me. OK? I'm not sure I can even get through it without stopping. Bare with me."
"Sandy what is it? You can tell us. We're your friends." Megan said.
She saw what the others were not. There was fear. But it was the hint of mistrust, she saw that worried her. *Why would he doubt us. What is it*
"You think so Megan. Well that's about to be tested. HARD CORE."
There was a round of confused looks, but each took a seat as Sandburg directed.
"Ok, look most everything I'm about to say is verifiable. I'm betting that from the look Simon gave me he finally read my personnel file. That means he can confirm this. I am an ex Navy SeAL."
Blair waited for the explosion of voices. He didn't wait long.
"Wha. . . Hairboy. ex. military. No way." from H.
"That explains somethings." from Joel and Rafe.
Megan just sat looking stunned.
"Man No way. Sorry Blair but that's stetching it too far." H spoke, loudly, not quite shouting. The angry undertone, letting everyone know he was not only not believing, but angry at Blair.
Everyone looked a bit shocked. H was the last any would have suspected of erupting.
Blair simply nodded, his face frozen in pain. He looked at Simon. "Captain, if you would tell them what you know." he requested, his voice tight with strain.
"What Blair said is true, H." Simon looked around the room at his detectives. "Blair told me a few days ago. My reaction was he was lying as well. Then I pulled his file. I even went as far as
talking to the Navy. It's all been verified. Blair, was when he left, a Lt. in the US Navy SeALs."
The room went quiet.
"If anyone has any questions, ask them now. I'm not discussing this again anytime soon." Blair stated quietly.
The discussion ranged from how, to where, to why. As the strain began to get to Blair,
Joel said, "Ok Blair i've only got one last question. You've known all this time how to defend yourself." Blair nodded. "And I understand that now you are going to have to deal with a lot of
nightmares, but why didn't you just tell us a long time ago."
Blair took a deep breathe. "Joel answer me honestly. Before I told you this, back when you first met me. What was your impression of me?"
"I think innocence, or maybe sheltered."
"Ok, now, let's think back to the seige. If I had reacted like a trained soldier, what would have happened?"
"Kincaid would have killed you. You'd have been to big a threat."
"Right. And after that would any of you have believed me if I'd said I was ex military?"
Joel shamefaced said, "No."
Blair nodded. "I know. Now all of you are under the impression that I'm just a grad student. I didn't want to explain about the gun thing so I just let you believe that I was what You'd all decided I was. A slightly ditzy, innocent, grad student that hung around. Maybe you figured I had a case of hero worship, going on. Now remembering the impression you are all under. What would have happened if I'd tried to disarm a suspect."
The cops eyes widened as each envisioned the scenerio.
Even Simon and Jim looked shaken.
"I'll tell you. It would have been presumed I was panicking. This would have made a bad situ,
worse. I kept seeing, either me, the prep, or both of us getting shot. All because the grad student you saw wasn't all that I was. I just figured if you wanted to know you would have asked. Any thing else?"
Simon cut in, "I think we've all had enough for one night. Blair why don't you and Jim head back to the loft. I'll make sure these people are over the shock enough to drive."
It was a subdued group that said goodnight. As Blair and Jim headed home, Jim looked over at his guide. "You ok chief?"
His partner shook his head. "I'm not sure. We'll see. Do you think they'll still, trust me?"
Jim nodded.
"I hope so, man. How much do you think this will change things?"
Jim looked at him. In the light coming into the truck, he could see the exhaustion of his friend. "I don't know Blair. It was a heck of a surprise to spring on them. We'll just have to face it. One day at a time."
"Together Jim?"
"Together Blair."