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He was in such pain. A grief written in his heart that effected every other organ in his body. Aeryn. Lost now to him forever. Aeryn. Returned from Talyn but not to him. Never to him. With the death of his twin came the anguised, unlooked for, death of hope. Like a building void of support he crumpled from the inside out. He had thought it torture enough when she had been with his twin on Talyn. Had driven himself crazy imagining the two of them together. Each arn bringing them closer, each arn driving her further away from him. Then the unthinkable had happened. He had died and Aeryn had mourned him. Would take that grief to her grave. The chinks in her armour filled with the ashes of her grief. No room for him. Never again.

The sight of her hurt him. That look. Cold as ice, accusing, anger and blame turned so quickly to unmasked hatred. His heart stopped, cut to the quick, the knife sliding so deep it cut off his air before the pain radiated out to every part of his being taking his mind first in a rush of desperation and agony. He could not bear it. Then breath flooded back into ragged lungs in a cruel shudder, as if he had not earnt the right to die. To escape his punishment for the sin of being alive. She was gone so quickly. He blinked and she was gone. The blur of her passing marked only by his tears.

* * * * *

Three weekens. Three weekens after the return of Aeryn to Moya and nothing would ever be the same again. D'Argo had worried about Crichton since Aeryn went with Talyn. Watching as his friend tortured himself and became more and more isolated from them. He tried to hide it, to be the rock they had always been able to lean on. The comfort in their many storms. Now he was quiet. Too much so. All the energy, the action, happening deep inside him where they could not see his wounds. Bleeding and dying dench by microdench. How much more could the human stand and still survive? Bad enough that he was not eating. He was not sleeping either. He did not need Zhaan to tell him that they had regained Aeryn but were in danger of losing the other Crichton. To D'Argo it was not a good trade. The Aeryn who had returned was a shell of her former vibrant self. Her haunted eyes looking always back not forward. He had forebore to speak of it. Knowing she was grieving and respecting her right to do so. But he saw too much of the grief in Crichton and his hearts wept at the injustice of it all. He could not stand to watch but he could not look away. These were his friends and it was time he thought first of them. No matter how much it would hurt them.

He found Aeryn on the Terrace. If she was surprised to see D'Argo she did not show it. In fact she did not show much of anything any more. Except anger. There was always that. He watched her for a microt then stood next to her. "Aeryn, this has to stop."

She did not look at him. Did not ask him what he meant.

"Aeryn! Look at me!"

Surprised by his tone she turned her head. Eyes black and shadowed pierced him with her pain yet he had hardened his hearts for just such a time as this. "You are a warrior. You have the courage of your species to face any enemy. Do not do this."

"Do what, D'Argo?"

"You know what. Ignoring John will not bring back the twin you mourn."

Her eyes flashed with anger, so fierce and sudden that he could feel the tempered edge of her blade. Sharper than a qualta blade but he did not back off. "You go too far, D'Argo."

"No," His deep voice rumbled. "I do not go far enough."

For several microts they glared at each other. One with anger the other with frustration. "Aeryn, I have two hearts. One heart loves you, grieves for your loss, will stand by you until the stars fail. The other," He paused. "Loves John. He is my friend, a brother in arms and a true companion. I will not abandon either of you to this madness."

Her eyes were bleak. "John is dead."

His voice was firm. "Not so. One of the twins is dead, but the other still lives. Still carries that same love for you that the other did. You are hurting him. It is cruel. He is innocent of any wrong doing. It must end."

"And what of me, D'Argo? What do you think it is doing to me every time I see him? Every time he speaks it tears me apart. His look, his scent. His very presence."

D'Argo put a hand on her shoulder. "Not his fault, Aeryn. It is nobody's fault."

She was shaking her head at him, trying to hide the tears that were forming.

"Aeryn. Did you think Chiana did not suffer when *my* twin died?"

That shook her a little. She had not thought of that.

"Chiana burned the other me. I do not know which twin I am, any more than Chiana knows which twin she is, but we both lost our twins early on. Before that attachment could change us."

She frowned. "What do you mean? Change you?"

He jerked his head. "Look around you, Aeryn. John's twin has loved you and you have loved him back. Has that not changed you? Does that not drive daggers through the heart of the one who remains?"

"He is *not* my John."

"Yes, he is. He is the John who has always loved you, shared every danger with you, supported you as he has always supported us. He was not a warrior Aeryn but he became one to protect us. Do you have any idea what that must have cost him? How much it must have pained him to wear the red and the black of your Peace Keepers? He is not like us. He is good and he is kind and he is gentle. This grief of yours is his grief too yet you will not comfort him, not acknowledge him. In the face of his pain you are the one who is a coward."

His last words shocked her. Pained her. "How can you say that?"

"You are being selfish, Aeryn."

"How dare you!" She raged, rocked out of her stupour by his calm accusation.

"From the microt we siezed his failing ship and brought him aboard Moya he has done nothing but try to help us. Help you. I will give you an example. That first solar day, what did he do?"

She was trying not to think. Not to remember. But D'Argo would not let her. She sucked in a breath, the memories as vivid as if they had just happened. She remembered waking in Moya's cell and seeing him naked and scared, not comprehending what was happening. Initially unaware of her presence.

"Well?" When she did not answer he continued. "We were about to fall, Moya would be taken and we would be imprisoned or executed. While we stood and could do nothing he worked out a solution, a way for us to escape." His head tilted slightly, looking closely at her. "John has been doing that ever since and this is how you repay him. Not with loyalty or even with friendship but with cowardice!"

Aeryn could not speak. She was stunned. D'Argo had never spoken to her like this before.

"If your positions had been reversed Aeryn, what would this John have done?" She did not answer. "I will tell you. He would have been there for you whether you had the ability to love him back or not, he would have stayed with you, protected you and given you whatever help he could to see you through this crisis. He would have shared your grief. One thing he would not have done is run away. Never would he have turned his back on you. Left you to grieve alone."

Tears spilled down her face. D'Argo nodded to himself and embraced her, holding her fast while she cried and cried and cried. He got no satisfaction from hurting Aeryn but this had gone far enough. He did not want to lose either of his friends. It was time to end this.

* * * * *

Aeryn roamed the corridors of Moya lost in her thoughts. Her conscience pricking her between tears. D'Argo's words had struck a deep chord of guilt inside her, yet how could she be other than she was? How could she turn to him now when she was still deep in grief over the loss of her John? When every look from his eyes mocked her with visions of what she had lost? D'Argo reminded her that the other John had lost too. More perhaps than she would ever know. Those thoughts drove her to wander she knew not where. Her steps taking her passed his quarters. Relief pumping through her heart and lungs when she saw that his cell was empty. She told herself she was glad but again her conscience pricked at the convenience of another lie. She wandered to the Terrace, that was empty also. For a microt she stood in the doorway and gazed longingly at the stars. Feeling his presence beside her so strongly that she ached for his arms to hold her, his breath to tease her ear as he inhaled the scent of her hair and wrapped loving arms around her. Silence greeted her. Ghosts peopled her memories.

She sighed and walked on. Unable to find any peace. She wonderered where he was. This other John. This duplicate Crichton. D'Argo said that they were identical in every way. Same brain patterns, same DNA, same endearing and annoying habits. Same love for her. Her breath hitched and she wiped away new tears, bracing herself. The food hall had only Rygel in it. D'Argo she knew was in Command. Zhaan was in her room, she had passed her a couple of arns ago meditating. Where was he? She walked into the transport bay and stopped as the module came into view. His ship. The ugly piece of dren he loved so much. Slowly she approached the Farscape 1 but there was still no sign of him. An oil cloth lay where he had left it. She picked it up, inhaled the scent of mixed oils that carried his own unique human scent mingled with it. Memories tugged at her mind and swamped her heart. She put the cloth down almost reverently then frowned. Where was he?

Aeryn would not ask. She could have gone to Pilot and he would have told her but that would have been like saying D'Argo was right and even if he was she did not have to admit it. But if she accidentally bumped into him, well, it would be fate. She carried on walking. Was about to turn around and head back to her own tier when she heard voices. She paused. Listened. Yes, she was sure it was his voice. Who was he talking so quietly to? A shiver went through her as she thought of the neural clone. Carefully she followed the sound of the voices then paused by a doorway. Peering carefully inside she saw Crichton sitting on the floor with a DRD in his lap, his head tilted with concern, his hands gentle as they probed and tinkered with the malfunctioning droid. Sitting next to him was Chiana. She sat cross legged, her pixie face tilted and resting on her hands as she listened attentively to him speaking to the droid. He was reassuring the damn mechanical robot that he would soon have him fixed. Aeryn wanted to snort but did not want him to know she was spying on him. Curious and strangely drawn but not yet ready to show herself.

Chiana waited until he had stopped talking. Her expression unusally serious, her tone gentle, concerned. "You have to do something. Speak to Aeryn."

He shook his head. Adamant. "No, Chi, Aeryn's been through enough."

"So have you."

"I'll mend."

The Nebari lifted her head and Aeryn was surprised to see that she had been crying. "No you won't. You're not eating, not sleeping, and now you hardly even talk to anyone. Hiding away anywhere you can find where you won't bump into Aeryn."

Crichton's voice was pained. "Back off, Pip, you don't know what you're talking about."

"You know, I thought you were smart."

He lifted his head and Aeryn was alarmed to see how gaunt he looked, his eyes sunken and red, his t-shirt hanging off him. It made her want to cry to see the pain and desolation in his eyes. Yet still he was gentle when he spoke to Chiana. Annoyed with her for prying but understanding that she only did so out of concern for him. "Look, Aeryn's been through a hell of a lot Pip. I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through and to see me day in day out can't be easy. We were twins for God's sake."

"I was a twin too."

He nodded. A kind of contrition in the way he bowed his head to acknowledge that simple truth. "I know, Pip."

For a while they lapsed into silence but it was not strained. Crichton got back to checking over the little DRD. Aeryn could not take her eyes off him. Everything he did was so caring. From the way he touched the little biomechanoid droid, to his voice when he spoke to Chiana, the sensitive expression on his face when he listened or watched. All his senses seemed to be honed towards helping others. Whether they be alien or known. Why had she never noticed before? D'Argo was right. He was not like them. He was better than they were.

Chiana watched him put the droid on the floor. The little DRD waved its' stalks at them and Crichton laughed, the sound dry and scratchy as if he laughed too rarely now. It brought fresh tears to Chiana's eyes and made Aeryn want to hug him but she could not move. He turned his head and got upset to see Chiana was crying again. "Hey, don't cry Chi, I'm not dead yet."

She buried herself in his chest and cried. He rocked her, trying to soothe her. His heart aching for her pain. Despite how much he hurt he could not stand anyone else to be hurting because of him. "It's okay, it'll work out fine, you'll see. Ssssh, don't cry, come on Chiana. I need you to be my sunny day."

Aeryn could not watch any more. Quietly she retreated and made her way back to her quarters. She sat on her bed and stared at the wall. What had she done? Was she destined to watch while the second Crichton withered away and died before her very eyes? All because she could not step away from her own pain and see how much he was hurting too? She hung her head, tears
spilling down her face. At last she lay down and slept. But it was a fitful sleep that gave her no rest. No respite. Tired and sad she got up and washed her face then went for a walk. It was the sleep cycle and everyone but Rygel had retired. No way did she think she could stomach the Hynerian's lectures. Even when he was silent his reproof shone in his eyes, mixed with a grief and sorrow that was strangely touching. Aeryn found herself walking to Crichton's quarters. Told herself she just wanted to make sure he was sleeping. That he was alright. He was not sleeping. He was sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. She paused, said nothing, could not move. Something must have alerted him because his head came up. His eyes looked sad and had lost their focus. Aeryn bit her lip and stepped through the doorway. "Hey."

Startled he almost fell off the bed. His mouth dropped open, his eyes glittered with tears and a wary kind of hope that made her heart ache. "Hey."

He looked so haggard. A shadow of the man he had once been. Where was the confident carefree human she had once known? "Mind if I come in?"

He did not remind her she was already in his room but nodded and stood up. "How you doing?"

She looked at him more critically. Alarmed by what she saw. His deterioration so dramatic it frightened her. Had she done this? "Better than you, I'd say."

He smiled and in that poor relation she saw the echo of the smile she had loved for so long. It really was him.

"You think?" He teased softly.

She nodded and sat on his bed. Surprised he sat carefully next to her, making sure he did not brush her shoulder. He did not want to do anything to scare her away. Did not want to crowd her. If he had to wait eternity for the next word to fall from her lips he would wait and be grateful for the chance to do so. He loved her and nothing in the Uncharted Territories would change that. Not Crais. Not Scorpy. Not mad DNA scientists. Not Scarrans. Not even his own twin. Nothing. He was quiet for so long that Aeryn was beginning to wonder whether she had made a mistake coming here. But she had to know whether D'Argo was right. Whether she could bear to remain with them or whether she should go.

"I wasn't sure if I should come."

His head tilted, such love in his eyes that it made her catch her breath. "I'm glad you came." He said softly.

"You are?"

"I love you, Aeryn, and I'm here for you. I always will be."

A tear spilled down her cheek. Her started to reach out to brush the tear away then hesitated. As if he no longer had the right. It hurt her to see that hesitation in his eyes. Masking a pain so deep she could see how it was cutting him to pieces inside. Aeryn reached and took his hand in hers, turned the hand over between her two hands, eyes fastened on his hand. Fingers now stroking his palm, outlining each finger, examining every line and bifurcation as if the answers to the universe were written there for all to see. If they would only look. He said nothing, watched her and patiently waited. Whatever you want, Aeryn He thought.

Slowly she looked up and locked eyes with him. "I watched him die."

He said nothing. Sensing this was something she needed to control.

"He was so brave. Died a hero's death."

His heart ached. "Aeryn..."

Her right hand rose touched his lips to silence him. Her touch sent shock waves through him.

"It was radiation poisoning." She whispered. "There was nothing we could do. Nothing *I* could do."

That was when the heavens opened and her voice broke apart in sobs. He opened his arms and cradled her against his chest, his voice hushing and soothing her as he gently rocked her. She closed her eyes and cried, cried until there were no tears left. Still he held her, so gently, so protectively. Making her feel so safe. She felt him kiss the top of her head, murmuring in her hair, telling her it would be alright and suddenly she knew. D'Argo had been right. This was John Crichton. The man she loved. The man she had left behind but who lived still in her heart however much she had tried to deny it. Two men. Identical but not the same. One love. Suddenly she felt so tired. She leaned into him, reassured by his presence, his warmth, the familiarity of his scent. She closed her eyes. He leaned back against the wall and drew a blanket around her, happy to feel her arms wrap around him as she settled against him. He kissed her hair and thanked God for bringing her back to him. It did not matter how long it took. He could wait. Until the last star fell from the sky. For Aeryn.