SquidgeWorld Archive

He hated it. Was sick of it. Being prodded, touched. Even kissed. It made him shudder. Uncomfortable.

"They should go."

Zhaan was calmer than he was. Her voice soothing. "They're upset."

"Get on with their lives." He murmured.

"They miss him."

"This is sick."

"It is tradition. Part of their way of saying goodbye."

"They didn't really know him."

Zhaan gave a ghost of a smile. Memories stirring like living things. "Yes, they did."

"They are not even the same species."

Her smile saddened, unshed tears glittering like stars trapped behind glass. Proud of them all, every one. "I know."

"You envy them."

She tilted her head. Watching the sad scene play out before them. "Perhaps."

"If not envy, then what?"

"I understand. John was one of them. One of us. In the end our differences didn't matter. Could no longer divide us. We were family."

A pause. A flicker of something. Surprise. Revelation. "You loved him."

The tears that threatened now spilled down silent cheeks. "We all did." She whispered.

The voice was puzzled. "Why?"

"It would take too long to explain."

"I want to know." A pause. "Please."

"I would have to tell you everything."

"Yes."

"His whole story."

"Yes."

"I don't know it all." Her voice sounded sad as if she was somehow failing him.

"You know some of it."

"Only his life with us on Moya."

His voice was gentle. For her sake she realised. "It's a start."

"But I don't know the rest. What went before."

"It doesn't matter."

She shook her head. "Yes, it does."

"Not to me."

Another, longer pause before she spoke again. The sad procession of familiar faces was at last coming to an end. "You should go." Her words were soft, gentle.

His was reluctant. "I can't."

"You need to grieve."

"I'm too angry."

"That will pass."

"When?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

He paused. His voice ached. "I don't like this, Zhaan."

"I know." She paused a microt as if making a confession. "Neither do I."

He looked at her then. For the first time in what seemed a very long time. "Then why are you here?"

"Because John was family."

"You are a Delvian P'au formerly of the tenth level. You have lived hundreds of cycles. He was a human. A deficient race. His life a mere blink of your eye."

"Yet I loved him. He became precious to me. To us all."

"Is that why you cannot let go?"

Silence. Wonder crept in like a wary visitor drawn by truth.

"No. That is why you cannot."

A pause. "This is absurd."

No reply.

He bristled in the silence. "You are tinked. Fahrbot."

No reaction.

"Magra fahrbot!" He amended.

A slight smile teased grieving lips.

"Mad even." He added for good measure.

Another pause. He sounded vaguely mystified. "Why are you smiling?"

"You always made me smile."

"I'm dead."

"Yes. Yes, you are."

"Is that why you stay, Zhaan?"

"No."

"Then why?"

"I love you but I'm also waiting."

"What for?"

Very gently she kissed him. Her touch a warm breath clouding a chill cheek. Reminding him of the vibrant dance of life he would share no more. "Until you are ready to let go, John."

Something pierced him. "Crap."

He hated it when he was so transparent. She felt the spirit weaken. Felt the reluctant pull as Stark had predicted. Dear, sweet Stark. Hers no more. She looked at him with such love. "Goodbye, John."

"Are you coming?"

"Soon."

Getting fainter. "When?"

"Soon. I want to see them all one last time."

Even fainter. "This is morbid even for a P'au."

She was distracted now. Only half listening to him. "Yes, John."

He was hardly audible now. A mere tremor in the air. "You should come with me."

No response.

A faint echo touched her heart. "Zhaan, I need you!"

Something stirred, awoke her to his need. Tugged at her heart or where her heart would have been if she still had a body to house it. Then she saw him and the waiting was forgotten. The sadness and grief overshadowed by an emotion too great to be denied. Stark. He was here. He had come as she knew he would. She watched him approach the bed on which they had laid their friend. A whisper of breath still in his lungs. Aeryn Sun on his right side, deep in grief, and clinging to the last vestiges of a love she had denied for far too long. The grief more poignant because of her guilt at shutting him out. Abandoning his heart because of her insecurities until in the end the sheer weight of their passion for each other tipped the scales in their favour. Too beautiful, too brief. Sweet sorrow.

She watched Stark reach for him. His eyes half open, clinging bravely to the last fluttering breaths that crept out of his damaged lungs. Too far gone to save. Too bright an intelligence to not know what was in store for him. No blind happy ignorance to dull his senses. Everything was crystal clear for him right to the end. He saw Stark, knew him for his friend. Stark removed his mask for him one last time. Blessed him with his light. With visions that would help and guide him as he crossed over. The last journey his soul would ever take. When he was done Stark moved away to let Rygel say his goodbye. Afterwards Stark walked away from the others. Wanting to be alone. It seemed everyone felt the same. In the dim falling light he became aware of a lightness in the air about him. A look of wonder and joy stole gently across his face as if lighting him up from the inside. "Zhaan?"

She smiled and her love bathed him and cradled him close to her heart. "I am here, Stark."

He could not see her but he could feel her. "How..? I thought..."

"How could I leave you? Leave him?"

His voice was tinged with wonder. "You came back. For me?"

He felt her fill him with her love, sharing a Unity far rarer than anything either had experienced in the flesh.

"Oh Zhaan, I've missed you so much."

"And I you."

"John...?"

Her soul kissed him, not wanting him to grieve further. "He is alright. He has passed over now, thanks to you."

"He was here? With you?"

"Yes."

Relief washed through him. "I am glad."

A pause.

"You'll stay?"

He felt the regret in her voice. "No. He needs me."

Stark nodded, hiding his disappointment out of love. Love for Zhaan. And for Crichton. "I understand."

"Stark?"

"Yes, Zhaan?"

"I will be back."

He hardly dared to breathe in case his hopes were dashed. "For me?"

Very gently her soul merged with his before detaching to move on. "Always for you..."