SquidgeWorld Archive

{Jesse}

Friday. Finally.

Life hasn't been very interesting lately. I work all the time, put my checks in the bank and sleep as much as possible in the few hours between the hospital and BBQ Bob's. That's not much sleep, I'm telling you. Sometimes I go to work with baggy eyes, yawning, knowing there's nothing but the same old stuff in the next few days. It's not easy to hang onto my enthusiasm. It gets very old. Being a genius can generate a lot of responsibilities.

It also doesn't do much for my love life. I haven't had a date in so long I've forgotten how to ask for one, or whether it's politically correct for me to ask. I find myself wondering how other doctors manage a wife and children when I can't even take the time to pause and smile at a pretty girl.

Actually, it's been a long time since a pretty girl made me look twice. I don't know if I'm bragging or complaining, but for some insane reason, I've developed a fixation on someone who's *not* a girl. The tragic facts are: he's twenty years older than me, he's my best friend, he's a cop, and he's straight. And I'm not gay, either, so why am I torturing myself? Why am I attracted solely to him, and not other more accessible people? I'm in constant contact with at least five other people of varying sexual persuasions, people I'm positive who are attracted to me, but I don't want any of them. I want him. I want the unattainable.

I can't help it. I'm hopeless.

I could go to a pychologist and he would tell me that because I've deprived myself of feminine company and sexual pleasures, (and this is a manditory issue in males between the ages of 12 and 65) that I'm substituting my friend Steve into this lacking part of me. I agree--to some extent. This is probably true, but I could sit and theorize 'til I go blind
and never know for sure. I know that it all started out rather innocently and progressed until I now picture him naked and taking control of me every night before I finish myself off and fall asleep.

I always dream about him. I think of him all day when I'm at work. When he walks up to me, I can't stop the big smile that crosses my face. I always have to squash the inclination to hug his neck. Some day, I'm not going to be able to stop myself, and he's going to realize how I feel. What will happen then could determine the rest of my life, and the downside of that scares the hell out of me. I have to be careful.

Yes, it all started innocently. We were friends, then we became *best* friends. He cares about people, and since I care so much about people, too, I think we just felt an instant bond there. He saved my life a few times because I tagged along with him on some of his murder cases (he's a homicide detective with the L.A.P.D.) and along with his dad, the famous Dr. Mark Sloan of Community General Hospital, who is his number one observer, we busted some serious criminals. It was all so exciting in the beginning.

I don't get excited as easily now, but it always makes my heart race when I look up and see Steve walking toward me. Isn't it funny how the symptoms of intense fear are the same as intense attraction?

{Daniel}

I drank the last of my soda and set the can aside, wishing Jack would wake up and talk to me. I took the exit into Los Angeles, narrowly missed getting sideswiped by a truck passing me on the wrong side. Stupid city drivers! Where did that guy get his license?

I drove westward, though town, and smelled it long before I saw it. The Pacific Ocean. Beautiful. I parked the car on an overlook and sat gazing for a short time.

The quiet was what woke Jack.

"What's goin' on?" he asked, rubbing his red eyes. He had driven the first five hundred miles after a twelve hour shift. I felt for him.

"I'm just taking a look at the ocean." I answered peacefully. "Isn't it magnificent?"

He sat upright and peered like a man who wore strong lenses at the water. "Um. Yeah. Nice." He opened the car door and got out, stretched himself and wandered toward the edge of the precipice. "So you like water, do you, Daniel? You wanta see a waterfall?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, getting out of the car. I feared for him, he was so close to the edge. Tensely, I moved toward him, reaching out to take hold of his arm.

He had unzipped and was taking a leisurely piss into the bottomless ravine. "Aahh. Nothing like the sweet fresh Pacific air." he said, breathing deeply.

I laughed. "Jack...what if there's someone down below?"

He grinned at me. "You worry too much, Daniel. Come on. Join me in a little male animal behavior here."

It was too inviting. I stood beside him immediately and emptied my bladder in a perfect
arc into the great beyond.

"The Pacific." he said, sniffing the air appreciatively. "So, we're in Los Angeles?"

"Yeah." I said with a heartfelt sigh. "L.A."

"Then let's go eat some barbecue." he said, putting himself back in order. "I know just the place."

{Jesse}

I yawned after I waved goodbye to the staff and trudged to my car in the parking lot. It looked a little like rain, but I wasn't worried. It never rains much in southern California.

I drove to BBQ Bob's and parked beside Steve's car, wondering where all the people were as I shuffled wearily along the sidewalk. Friday nights are usually booming with hungry diners, but the restaurant was dark and empty.

There was an unusal acrid stench in the air. As I pulled on the door, to my surprise, I found it locked. I stared at the sign that read: Closed due to fire. It took all of four seconds before my brain would accept the written words. There was a fire? How come nobody told me?

I unlocked the door with my key and went in, yanking the handwritten sign from the glass and rereading it as if it would be different this time. "Steve! Steve, are you here?" I knew he was here. I had seen his car out front.

"Back here, Jess."

I found him in the kitchen, cleaning. There was a huge black mess that included the whole back wall, the floor, all the ovens and some shelving. A lot of dishes and supplies were destined for the trash. I held up the sign as if he hadn't seen it--as if he wasn't the one who had *written* it, and groaned. "How did this happen?"

"Fire." he answered simply. He looked haggard.

"How long will we be closed?"

"No telling. I think we need new wiring and everything along this wall."

My muses were in turmoil. I wanted to rejoice because this meant I wouldn't have to work this second job for a while, but the other voice reminded me that I wouldn't get to be close to Steve as much. I felt tears, and didn't know if they were happy or sad.

Steve must have been troubled by my emotions, because he came over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Let's go to the beach house and hang out for a while, okay?"

I nodded wordlessly. He pulled his hands back, almost reluctantly, and looked at them. They were blackened by the soot and grime he had been handling.

"I'll go wash my hands. Why don't you pull the front shades and head toward the house? I'll be along as soon as I finish up a couple of things here."

His soft voice and gentle eyes unglued me. I couldn't help myself. I reached up, put my arms around his neck and hugged him hard.

I heard him sigh as he put his arms around me and hugged me back. "I'm gonna get you
all dirty." he murmured.

"I don't care." I clung to him. "Hold me."

I felt his lips brush my temple, his big hands on my back and his breath against my face. "Oh, Jesse." he whispered.

"Can we spend some time together?" I asked shakily. "Now that we've *got* some free time?"

"What do you have in mind?" he asked, and I felt those strong, possessive arms resituating me so we could see each other. He smiled at me, a very personal smile, and my knees went weak.

I smiled back. "Anything that turns you on." I said, raising a hand to touch his face.

He turned his head, caught my fingers in his teeth and playfully chomped on them. "If you're willing for anything that turns *me* on, you're in for a long, hot night, my friend."

My smile got more daring. "Sounds perfect to me. Where shall we start?"

"We start here." he said softly, and after only a moment's hesitation, he kissed me.

If I could have searched every memory of my lifetime, I don't think I could have ever found any single sensation to compare to Steve kissing me. If I could go into the future, to the end of my life, I don't think there will ever be another one that measures up. As a doctor, I can't claim eloquence or verbosity, but I can say that I was caught up in a whirlwind of romantic aspiration, and that the experience of having my fantasy-lover kiss me on the lips with intimate passion gave me goosebumps in places that I wasn't aware goosebumps could be. In that moment, in medical metaphors, I was certain his kiss could cure cancer, diabetes, cardio-pulmonary disease, diarrhea and jungle rot.

I had one ultimatum--that he share his miracle with no one else but me.

{Daniel}

The sign said 'BBQ Bob's'. I read the hours aloud. "Open every day, noon to ten. Doesn't look open. Looks dead."

"I wonder what's goin' on." Jack said, walking through the open door. "Come on. Let's see if my old friend Steven Sloan is here. I haven't seen him in ages."

"Steven Sloan?" I followed him in.

"Yeah, he owns this joint."

"But there's nobody here. It must be closed." I looked around the vacant dining room, strangely disturbed by being alone in the large empty room.

He strode through the room toward the double doors that led into the kitchen. I stayed on his heels, refusing to be left alone there. In a tomb, in other worlds, in any other situation that pertained to our Stargate investigations, it would never trouble me, but here in this barbecue joint, I was terrified.

But we weren't alone. In the kitchen, we stopped suddenly at the sight of two men. They were...kissing. I stood staring, open-mouthed, and when I looked, Jack's mouth was open, too.

{Jesse}

The sound of a man clearing his throat brought us apart quickly, but at that moment, I didn't care who knew, who saw or who didn't like it--just so they didn't try to stop us or get involved. Languidly, I glanced around to see who was interrupting my fantasy encounter and saw two strangers.

The throat cleared again and the tall, brown-eyed man spoke. "Steve. Howya doin', buddy?"

Steve gazed at him. "Jack? Jack O'Neill, is that you?"

"It's me." Jack looked a little abashed. "Sorry, we didn't mean to intrude...I mean...the door was open. We didn't know what was going on...You know what I mean."

I left the door opened! Damn!

The man wearing glasses spoke. "Jack, introduce us."

"I'm sorry." Jack said. "Daniel Jackson, this is Steve Sloan. We went to boot camp together about a hundred years ago."

Steve finally came out of his stupor and responded. He turned me loose and shook hands with Jack, then Daniel. "You caught me off guard there for a minute, Jack." he said, though the fact was obvious. "It *does* seem like a hundred years, doesn't it? Damn, Jack. You got old. Look at all that gray hair."

"I got a feeling yours would have a little more gray in it, too, if you didn't cheat." Jack flipped a short lock of Steve's dark blond hair. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Jesse." Steve said, reaching for me. I went into his offered one-armed embrace and smiled a greeting at the visitors. "He's a doctor at Community General Hospital and my partner in this restaurant."

"A doctor. Impressive." Jack said, scanning me approvingly.

Daniel cleared his throat. "Um, I'm a doctor, too." he said.

I opened my mouth to ask questions, to talk shop, but Jack rambled on. "So, the place caught fire! How bad was the damage?"

"I'm not sure, yet." Steve answered. "It just happened today. Sorry I can't offer you anything to eat. We'll have to go somewhere else if you're hungry."

"Not hungry." Jack said. I saw the flicker of starvation in Daniel's eyes. "I just wanted to see my old friend. We'll be on our way, now." Putting a hand on his friend's shoulder, he began backing away.

"Nonsense." Steve said. "Let's go drink some beer and reminisce on old times. Come on, Jack. You're not going to tell me that you're squicked out by what you just caught us doing here, are you?"

Jack laughed a little too quickly. "Of course not. I'm a little surprised, but you know me, Stevie boy. Nothing squicks me out. I'm unsquickable."

"Yeah, right."

"No, really. Really. No. Really. We just have to get going soon. I just wanted to say hi."

Steve nodded knowingly at him. "It was nice seeing you, Jack."

Jack returned the nod. "Steve, buddy, you're reading me wrong. Actually...actually, Daniel and I...we're involved, too."

His companion's eyes went wide, and I knew instantly that he was lying.

(Daniel)

Did I just hear him right? Colonel Jack O'Neill just told his friend...that we are involved in a romantic way? Jack and *me*?

I've fallen asleep at the wheel. That has to be the explanation. This scene is just too weird for words. He would never, ever tell a lie like that, not to save his friend's feelings, not to get out of a pickle, not for any reason I can come up with. Never. Jack is way too straight to even pretend.

But since it came up, it's pretty damned interesting to follow through. Even if it's just a dream, I wouldn't miss this rare opportunity for the world. I smiled and stepped closer to him.

"No way, Jack. You?"

"I woulda thought the same of you, Steve."

"You and *him*?"

Okay, *I* can think like that, but shit... I felt offended. What's wrong with *me*? What am I, a geek or something? I slipped my hand into Jack's and squeezed. He squeezed back and gave me a grateful glance. He winked, and my heart flopped over in my chest. Oh, god. I am so pathetic.

"Prove it." Steve said. "I think you're lying, Jack."

"You think I'm lying? How do you expect me to prove a thing like this?"

Steve winked. "Give him a kiss."

This dream just keeps getting more and more interesting! I leaned toward him, waiting for my kiss, expecting him to worm his way out of it.

But he really kissed me! When I first felt his lips brush mine, I thought I would pass out from the lack of oxygen. It ended quickly, but I was thoroughly affected, and I knew in that moment that he was wise to my long-time infatuation. Some things you just know without any explanation, and Jack knew that I had been in love with him since almost the beginning. He stood there, staring at me, realizing everything and being stunned by it.

Luckily for me, this was all just a crazy dream.

Steve's voice came through the haze of my worst fears, my passions, my damaged sensitivity. "You call that a kiss? I kiss my sister with more passion than that, Jack."

"Knowing you, I don't doubt that at all." Jack said wryly. But he turned back to me and descended on me again for a second kiss. My glasses were knocked askew in the struggle of passion, and when I reached up to take them off, he caught my hand. His tongue pushed between my lips as he gripped me closer. Pulling back a few inches, he caressed my cheek. "I love you, Daniel. You knew that, didn't you?"

Talk about requiting a long-suffered crush! I couldn't speak for the lump in my throat. I managed a nod and kissed him again.

And, just as quickly, the kissing stopped and we just hugged each other. I pressed my face to his shoulder to hide my wrecked emotions. "Jack, let's get out of here." Dream or reality, I wasn't capable of this facade.

"You old dog!" Steve's cheerful comment made me shiver. "This is great!"

Jack's ability to maintain his cool was no better than mine. He was trembling. When I drew away from him, I looked the other way. His hoarse statement made me jump, and I knew he couldn't mean what came out of his mouth. "Steve, didn't you mention some beer?"

"Yeah, I did."

{Jesse}

"Steve, can I talk to you a minute?" I didn't want to be rude, but the room was way too crowded. "Privately?"

"Sure, Jess, what's wrong?"

I pulled him aside and whispered, "Steve, why would you invite them tonight? This will be our first night together."

"Aw, Jesse," He brushed my cheek with his fingers. "Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry." He kissed my lips, both hands lost in my blond hair. I loved him so much it hurt. I needed time with him, and I now knew that he wanted it with me.

Thank heaven it wasn't lost on Jack. "You know what?" he said, and we turned our attention to him. "Daniel and I are gonna...go get a hotel room for the night, okay? We can drink that beer some other time...maybe tomorrow." He held out a business card, which Steve took. "My cell number is on there. Give me a call tomorrow afternoon, okay?"

Steve smiled at him. "Thanks, Jack. You two have a good first night together, too."

Jack caught Daniel by the hand and made a hasty exit. We followed far enough to lock up behind them, then stayed a while to talk. The drink machine and dining room tables were still intact, so we sat down and discussed our relationship, the one that's going to last the rest of our lives.

Everything else can wait 'til tomorrow.