SquidgeWorld Archive

The Switch 17: No Tears In Heaven
A "Farscape" slash story
Written by Alison M. DOBELL
* * * * *

Aeryn thought she had seen Crichton in every mood and condition but this was something else. Looking into his eyes she saw the hollow darkness haunting his soul. She clung to him without realising it. Not sure who was in need of comfort more. He did not react to her presence as he woke. He neither acknowledged her or drew away. She found his silence unnerving. After his initial relief at seeing her it was as if his thoughts had carried him to some far off place where she was powerless to follow leaving the shell of him behind in her care. It frightened her because it became an enemy she could not see still less fight. As she railed against the building fear, anger hot and sweet delivered her from the paralysis of inaction. A torrent blistered her lips as she swore. "Frell! In the name of Cholok speak to me John Crichton! I have not gone into the belly of a budong to have you ignore me now."

He lay there hardly aware of her. Inside his head was buzzing. An image taunted him and filled every cell in his body with a nameless fear. The silky voice insinuating its' way into his consciousness and making him tremble with a reality she could not share.

*John, how nice to see you again*

He gritted his teeth and spat the words out with quiet intensity. "Get the hell away from me!"

Aeryn started. Looked keenly at him but he was not looking at her. His eyes had lost focus. Trapped in his own private hell. He was not talking to her. He was so cold, his body starting to shake. "Pilot?"

"Yes, Aeryn?"

"Ask Zhaan to come to John's quarters."

"Is something wrong?"

"John's body temperature is dropping rapidly."

Zhaan's voice floated back. "Try to keep him warm Aeryn, I'm on my way."

Aeryn did not reply but wrapped herself more tightly around Crichton's shivering body. The vacant look in his eyes cutting her soul to little shreds as if she was seeing everything she loved most about him being dismantled in front of her. Leaving her powerless to do anything but grieve.

* * * * *

Zhaan checked D'Argo one last time. He was still in a heavy sleep. Chiana was watching him sadly, the baby cradled in her arms, eyes wide and staring. Not making a sound or expressing any hint of emotion. The Pa'u had quickly realised that the baby was as expressive facially as Crichton which made his absence of visible emotion scream out at her but she could not be thinking about that now. Crichton needed her.

Hardly aware of Zhaan leaving, Chiana stood and watched D'Argo for several microts. Her face so sad. He stirred in his sleep as if something troubled him but he did not wake. She wanted to go, be as far away from him as possible, but she wanted to understand as well. In the end love demanded an explanation and with a sigh she sat beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. The baby stirred slightly in her arms but did not cry or make a sound. His eyes were wide and fixed on the sleeping Luxan's face. The baby closed his eyes and Chiana thought he had fallen asleep. Softly she spoke to D'Argo. All the pain and confusion pouring out as if saying it out loud would solve the puzzle for her. Part of her mind was telling her that D'Argo was simply carrying on a passion for Crichton which he had started when the whole question of the baby had first come up. Telling her that he had never had any intention of giving the human up whatever anyone else said. But the idea struck a false note in her mind even while her heart absorbed the possibility like another bruise. What to think, what to believe? She did not know. She loved D'Argo but she trusted Crichton. Something stirred in her, needing to see Crichton. Make sure he was alright. But she did not want to leave D'Argo. He would be alone. What if he woke up, alone and afraid, bound in Zhaan's apothecary with no explanation and no one to watch over him? Was it any more than he deserved?

Chiana hung her head. Felt again the need to see Crichton. Looked a last time at D'Argo and resisted the urge to kiss him. She wanted explanations. The truth. Only when she had all the pieces would she be able to make an informed decision. Quietly she left the apothecary and made her way to Crichton's quarters. What she saw when she got there made her heart miss a beat. Crichton was lying flat on his back on his bed. Aeryn and Zhaan were talking softly to him but he was not responding. They had piled blankets on top of him but he was still shaking. Concerned she walked into the room and Zhaan looked round at her, to see her. "Is anyone with D'Argo, Chiana?"

She gave the slightest shake of her head, her eyes on Crichton. "No and before you say it, I am not about to ask Rygel."

The Nebari turned her chalk white face to Zhaan. "What is wrong with him?"

"We don't know. He seems to be in some kind of waking coma like a trance. He is awake but we can't reach him."

Chiana moved nearer, her heart lurching. Aeryn looked up and saw the tension in Chiana's face, the emotion wringing her heart. She moved over to give her room. Chiana reached out a hand and touched his face. It was cold and clammy. As she moved her hand away Rion opened his eyes. Aeryn found herself looking into the baby's amazing blue eyes and for a microt perfect understanding flowed between them. She took a step back, realising the baby needed to be close to Crichton though she did not know why. Without thinking about what she was doing, Chiana stepped into the vacated spot and knelt next to the bed then very gently placed the baby next to Crichton, moving an arm out to circle the infant. Aeryn's mouth dropped open in surprise, wondering if Chiana had gone completely tinked. The baby's eyes were open. He was looking at Crichton, his expression calm. The baby looked at Chiana and Aeryn had the idiotic feeling that the baby was reassuring Chiana. She looked at Chiana, saw the Nebari visibly relax. Her breath caught in her throat. What the yotz was going on?

Unnoticed Artoo hovered just inside the door like some tiny bouncer at a night club.

Aeryn frowned at Chiana, heard a slight gasp and flashed a look at Zhaan. The Delvian was not looking at her but at Crichton. As Aeryn turned her head she saw Crichton's shudders peter out, the glazed look in his eyes start to clear, then the baby smiled and gurgled at him. He swallowed slowly as if he had difficulty finding any moisture in his mouth. Aeryn felt a tear slide down her cheek without really knowing why. Chiana too felt emotional realising that on some level the baby had brought him out of his odd trance. Zhaan was eager to know what had happened but did not want to deluge him with questions. She contented herself with asking the most important one. "What happened?"

He blinked for a couple of microts. "W...where am I, Zhaan?"

"In your quarters."

"On Moya?"

Zhaan and Aeryn exchanged a look. Chiana had not taken her eyes off of Crichton's face. The baby lay happy and content in the crook of his arm. "Yes, John. Moya." Zhaan paused. "What do you remember?"

He frowned slightly, colour starting to come back into his face. He started to sweat. "Zhaan?"

"Yes, John?"

"I'm burning up here. Do you think we could lose some of the blankets?"

Zhaan laughed lightly and nodded to Aeryn. They took all the blankets off him except one. He looked at their faces, wondered at the tears on Chiana's cheek then looked over to his side and saw the baby. The baby. Everything stopped. Two pairs of blue eyes locked on each other. All the weariness and tension left his face, a slow delighted smile was echoed in his eyes. The baby gurgled as if talking to him and somehow they realised everything was going to be alright. Gently Aeryn spoke, not wanting to ruin the moment, but dying to find out what was going on. "John. When we brought you back from the budong you slept then lapsed into a kind of coma. What happened?"

He dragged his eyes from the baby and looked at her, then at them all. A shadow cast over his face with painful memory. "Scorpius."

Aeryn felt as if an arrow had just pierced her heart. Zhaan looked concerned. Chiana confused.

"Don't ask me how because I don't know, but it's like there's still a piece of him inside me. In my head."

They looked at each other. Aeryn frowned as she saw understanding filter through the features of Zhaan's face. Zhaan nodded slowly. "I think I know what else D'Argo took from you."

He looked surprised at that. "Took from me? D'Argo?"

"What are you talking about, Zhaan?" Asked Chiana.

Zhaan looked at Crichton. "When D'Argo stole some of your DNA it was to ensure Rion would have your eyes." She paused a microt. "I think he wanted the baby to have some of your intelligence. Your human-ness as well."

There was a microt of silence then Crichton spoke softly. "Humanity. It's called humanity, Zhaan."

She nodded, acknowleging his gentle correction. "I think when he did that, D'Argo accidently got a bit of the clone of Scorpius..."

A look of horror came over Chiana's face. She looked at the baby. Rion was looking calmly back at her, perfectly happy and calm. His eyes so wise and knowing. "The baby....?"

Zhaan nodded carefully, not wanting to alarm anyone too much. "It is possible some of that then got passed on to the baby."

Crichton sat up carefully, lifting the baby with him and cradling him. Rion looked at him, utterly content. Crichton could feel the love flowing without hesitation from the tiny form. A wisdom stronger and more ancient than anything he had ever felt before touched his mind and healed the hurt inside it. His smile widened, his heart so full of love for him. For several microts the others could only watch the unique bond between them. Chiana spoke first. She was speaking to Zhaan but Crichton looked up too.

"What about D'Argo?"

"I think this may explain his behaviour."

Something like relief seeped into Chiana's face.

"First I need to see D'Argo."

Crichton nodded. "I think we should all go."

Aeryn looked alarmed. "You should rest, John."

Zhaan was about to agree with Aeryn when she saw something in his eyes that stopped her. Chiana tilted her face at him and realised something. "John's right. We should all go. Don't ask me how but Rion helped John." She looked at Zhaan. "Maybe he can help D'Argo too."

They made a fairly slow procession towards the apothecary. Crichton was feeling a lot better but was still weak. Aeryn walked beside him. He paused and everyone stopped. "Where's Sparky?"

"Rygel is in command." Said Zhaan.

Shock registered on Crichton's face. "You left Buckwheat in charge of things?"

Everybody smiled at that. Aeryn reassured him. "It's okay, Pilot is keeping a close eye on him."

"I just hope everything is screwed down." He mumbled half under his breath.

The others pretended they had not heard him and continued on to the apothecary. Along the way Crichton noticed odd bits and pieces littering the corridors. He frowned but said nothing until rounding a curve in one of the corridors he saw the upper carapace of a DRD. He stopped and hunkered down, picking the casing up carefully as if the wearer could still feel pain. Behind them, Artoo rolled up quietly to his side, his lightstalks taking in the broken piece of shell. Crichton looked at him. "What the hell happened, Artoo?"

The DRD beeped mournfully at him, little sad chitterings that resonated with him. He looked up at the others. "What happened? We get boarded?"

Zhaan shook her head sadly. "No. It was D'Argo."

Shock brought him upright again. "D'Argo did this?"

"He was not himself, John."

"I don't understand."

Aeryn cleared her throat awkwardly. "The DRDs were protecting you."

"Me?" Said Crichton in a small guilty voice.

Chiana put a hand on his arm. "Don't you remember retreating, going off to be on your own? We left you so you could have time to yourself. We thought it would give D'Argo time to calm down, to think about what he was doing."

Crichton looked sadly at the piece of DRD in his hand, turning it over and over as if he could somehow determine which one of the little droids it had once belonged to. "It didn't work?"

"No," Said Aeryn. "It didn't."

They continued in silence, Crichton picking up odd bits of broken shell as they continued until they reached the apothecary. He paused at the door and looked at Aeryn. "How many?"

She frowned, not understanding. "How many what?"

His voice was soft, quiet, as if the words injured him. "How many droids did Moya lose?"

"You don't want to know, John. There was nothing you could have done."

"How many Aeryn?"

She swallowed. "187."

His head dipped sadly. When he looked up again there was pain and a strange determination in his eyes. "How many does she have left?"

Zhaan answered. "Fifteen. But do not be distressed John, Moya can produce more. She will not be without them for long and Moya herself urged them to fight."

Fifteen out of over 200. It made him want to weep but he did not. He would make it up to them. Put things right. Somehow. Zhaan touched his arm. "John."

He looked up and met her eye, nodded, then went into the apothecary with them. They walked over to where D'Argo lay. As he got closer he felt his mouth go dry, his steps became great heavy weights dragging him down. Aeryn moved close to him so that they were almost touching, giving him her silent support. He was grateful for her presence. Funnily enough it was Chiana who took control, her lithe frame tilting first one way then another in short sharp angular movements as if she was being operated by a stop motion camera. She reached out and touched D'Argo. He did not move. A silent tear slid down her face reminding Crichton of those Poirot clowns whose image used to be so popular. Chiana looked at Zhaan. "Can you give him something to wake him?"

Zhaan nodded slowly then looked at Crichton.

"Do it, Zhaan." He said quietly.

The Delvian Pa'u left them a microt to go and get the stimulant to wake D'Argo. Crichton was trembling slightly. Aeryn rested a hand on his arm. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

He looked at her, a mix of emotions struggling for ascendancy on his gentle face. "We have to find a way to put this right, Aeryn."

"He almost killed you."

"He didn't mean to!" Interjected Chiana quickly. Clearly upset.

"We know, Pip," Said Crichton gently. "It's just none of us know what to expect when D'Argo wakes up."

She nodded, subdued. Knew he was right and had no way of hiding just how much the realisation hurt. Rion wriggled in her arms and she wiped a tear and looked at him. The baby smiled at her and Chiana found herself smiling back. He had such gentle expressive eyes, as if he knew every emotion she was feeling. All her fears and all her secret hopes and wishes. It was a humbling and strangely uplifting feeling.

Zhaan rejoined them and gave D'Argo the stimulant. Slowly the Luxan stirred. Chiana stepped up close to him so that she was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. He went to move and realised he had been bound. Anger began to course through him but Chiana turned the baby to face him and D'Argo fell quiet, transfixed by his son. Those beautiful blue eyes absorbing his anger and speaking to him soul by soul. Chiana spoke softly to Zhaan. "Untie him, Zhaan."

The Delvian Pa'u hesitated. Crichton stiffened slightly but when she looked at him he nodded. Aeryn frowned. Zhaan unbound D'Argo and watched Chiana settle the baby in the Luxan's arms. The transformation spellbound them. All the anger, the aggression, fell from him like some discarded coat that no longer fitted him. He had eyes only for the baby. He cooed and cradled him, oblivious of anyone else. Crichton started to relax when D'Argo suddenly looked up and their eyes locked. His deep voice rumbled softly, every word distinct. "I owe you an apology, John."

"I'll settle for an explanation."

D'Argo nodded. He seemed confused and embarrassed. "I do not have one."

Crichton said nothing. D'Argo sighed. "What I did to you..." His words trailed off painfully. He was trying to apologise. He hung his head for a moment then the baby gurgled. D'Argo forgot everything and looked at the baby. The smile forming on his face filled the room with light.

Crichton smiled and exchanged a look with Chiana. Telling her how proud he was of her. She bit back a tear of joy and sat next to D'Argo. He wrapped a huge arm around her and gently kissed the top of her head, his happiness complete.

Aeryn tugged gently on Crichton's arm and they left the apothecary. Zhaan smiled gently at them and watched them go. They were walking slowly back towards Crichton's room. Aeryn looked at the bits of DRD in his hands. "What are you going to do with those?"

"Hmm?"

She nudged him. "Those."

He looked at the bits he was carrying. "I thought I'd collect as many pieces as I could find and see if I could do anything."

Aeryn frowned. They had reached his room now. Neither noticed that Artoo had been following them. "Do what? All you have are shattered bits of dren."

"I know Aeryn but the DRDs risked their lives to save me. To protect me. I owe them, Aeryn."

Aeryn looked at him as if he had taken complete leave of his senses. "John, they are droids. Mechanical helpers. You talk as if they are sentient."

"They are, Aeryn."

"No John, they are *not*. Teaching them to indicate yes or not is not the same as a living and breathing being. A conditioned response is not intelligence."

He gave her a wry look. Clearly amused. "Don't let the Peace Keepers hear you say that or I'll be picking up bits of *your* shell all along the corridor."

"I don't have a shell."

He leaned in closer. She could feel his warm breath on her face. The delicious scent of him in her nostrils. "Yes, you do Aeryn." He inhaled her unique fragrance. Closed his eyes a microt. Heaven. "You just don't realise it."

She did not move. Did not want to spoil this precious moment. Crichton raised a hand to run it slowly through the silk waterwall of hair. He leaned in and kissed her gently, first her forehead then her eyes, her cheeks, her throat, finally drifting to her lips. Aeryn slid her arms around him and drew him close, losing herself completely in his kiss. Her heart and soul now merging with his. At last he pulled back to see her face, a hand brushing the hair from her face and surprising a quiet river of tears. Carefully he wiped her face, kissed the tears and held her so gently it was breaking her heart. "Hey!"

She smiled tremulously back at him. "Hey."

He finished drying away the last of her tears. His heart so full with love for her. "There are no tears in Heaven."

She looked blankly at him. "What?"

"When I hold you in my arms Aeryn Sun, I am in Heaven." He kissed the tip of her nose and watched her watching him. A slow delight burning like a fuse. "Heaven, its' like the opposite of hezmana. The one place where everything is perfect, not just for a microt, not simply between one crisis and another, but for always. Heaven, Aeryn."

She did not understand what he was on about but instinct and love gave her a sense of his meaning. "What about D'Argo?"

He smiled gently at her and she was sure her heart had stopped. "What about D'Argo? Let him find his own Heaven."

She chuckled darkly in the back of her throat and he thought it the sexiest sound he had ever heard. Suddenly Crichton did not want Artoo watching over him. He looked down at the little DRD. "Artoo, do me a favour?"

The little droid waved his lightstalks at him and beeped expectently.

"Give us a few arns, will you?"

For a microt the droid just looked at him then blurted something at him and left. Aeryn's mouth dropped open in surprise. Crichton smiled and closed the door. "Now, where were we?" He pretended to think about it a microt as he stroked Aeryn's cheek, his eyes offering her all the love in his heart. "Ah yes, Heaven..."

Aeryn smiled into the beautiful curve of his mouth as she kissed him, her tongue flicking out to taste him and to invite him in. She had almost lost him and she was not about to make that mistake again...



end