SquidgeWorld Archive

Lily's Story

By

Aradia

Rating: NC-17

Written for the Harry Potter-Slash challenge, "First Love"

Summary: Lily Evans befriended Snape during their time at Hogwarts, and now they are in their last year at the university, and their relationship is about to take a most unexpected turn.

Pairings: Lily Evans/Severus Snape

Categories: Drama/Angst, HET, Romance, F/M specific sexual situations.

Rating: "R"...for "mature readers only.

Note: I have wanted to do this pairing for some time, and this challenge has give me the opportunity. Thanks, PEJA.

Author May Be Contacted at: Mzrockie@hctc.com As always, if you find any mistakes, you may keep them �

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Lily Evans opened the door to her room, let her armful of books fall on her bed, then shoved them aside so her weary body could follow. Here she was in her last year at Barlow, the most prestigious university in the Wizarding World, and her class load was almost overwhelming.

And yet, she thought as she rolled onto her back, her years at the University had been the most challenging and enjoyable of her young life. And now, here she was in her final year. She would miss it.... The heady atmosphere that engulfed an institution of higher learning was intoxicating to her...almost addictive.

If only James felt HALF of what she did about his time at Barlow. If only he had been grateful for the opportunity Dumbledore had given him...made better use of it.

James Potter had not graduated from Hogwarts with the grades he needed to follow Lily to Barlow. For two years his plan - and Lily's - had been to go to Barlow together, graduate, get married and become Aurors...Aurors who worked as a team. But, there he was ending his time at Hogwarts without the needed marks to attend the university.

Dumbledore, knowing James' plight, stepped in. Believing that Potter had potential and just needed to grow up a bit so he could utilize it, Dumbledore used his considerable influence with the administration of Barlow, and convinced them to accept the boy. James and Lily had been ecstatic upon reveicing the news of James' acceptance.

Letting her arm fall over her eyes, Lily thought that James had not done all he could to prove Dumbledore's faith in him was justified. Sirius Black had also followed the two of them to Barlow, as had Remus Lupin. With what had come to be called The Potter Gang once more in tact (sans Peter, who wasn't even close to having the required grades for Barlow), the three began to enjoy university life.

And enjoy they DID. Lily gave a soft groan of disgust when she thought about all the nights the three spent in the local pub downing drink after drink, to the point that they had to hold each other up to make it back to their rooming house. At first, she had gone with them, just to be with James...but this soon ended, as she had no patience with their heedless carousing...and the effect it was having on James.

All the drinking and partying had definitely not helped James excel at Barlow, and he and Lily had many arguments about this. She would remind him of their plans...remind him that only the best students had a chance of becoming an Auror... But after James would promise to settle down and start taking his education seriously, Sirius would coax him out for the evening and it would all begin again.

With a deep sigh, Lily sat up, dangling her legs over the side of the bed. For the umpteenth time she asked herself why she was even putting up with James' antics...and for the umpteenth time, she answered herself the same way: she put up with it because James was her destiny.

At least, that's what everyone who knew them said.

Since their early years at Hogwarts, James Potter and Lily Evans had been a "couple", and everyone they knew now took it for granted that the two would marry one day. Now Lily caught herself wondering if the reason she stayed with James might be that she knew it was expected of her...it had been decided.

Yes, she loved James, but sometimes it seemed more a habit than an actual emotion.

Looking at the clock on her dresser, Lily saw it was late. She didn't have time to continue her soul-searching. She checked herself briefly in the cheval glass mirror deciding her outfit was presentable, snatched up a brush from the dressing table and ran it through her thick chestnut hair, picked up her books and left the room.

***************

Lily rented a single room in a neat little house, just off campus, belonging to the Martins, a sweet elderly couple who were fond of college students. Her immediate destination, however, was a location quite a distance from the Martin's.

The sun was already beginning to set. She had taken a longer time than she had meant to take at the library after classes, and now she hurried, not wanting to be late for her rendezvous...not wanting to miss a moment of what had come to be her favorite part of the day...

..her study time with Severus Snape.

*****************************

Lily and Severus had become friends at Hogwarts, during the time the dark-haired, studious Slytherin was the favored target of James and his buddies. Sirius Black, especially, took perverse delight in taunting and deviling Snape, pulling off prank-after-nasty-prank at Severus' expense.

Taking pity on Snape, Lily had chided James and Sirius.

"All he wants is to be left along," she told them.

"All he wants is to keep his overly-large nose poked in his dull books," Black responded, and James tried not to smile at the mental image this concocted, but failed.

"He isn't all that much the victim, Lily," James had insisted. "He fights back."

"Only because he has no other choice," was her retort. "Why can't you just let him be? Remus does, for the most part...why can't you two?"

But it was no use. Black and James kept on provoking and tormenting Snape, who became all the more bitter and withdrawn because of it.

Severus Snape was not a happy individual to begin with, having been raised by an angry, abusive father who beat him and picked on him constantly for his bookish ways. Having stripped his son of all self-esteem, the senior Snape had packed the boy off to Hogwarts as soon as he was of age, only to put him at the mercy of James and Sirius and the others who followed the two charismatic boys. Having to constantly be on his guard soon brought out the vengefulness in Severus, but there was little he could do against the James Gang, as he was out-numbered.

Lily, seeing Snape's plight, went to him and tried to make peace, but Snape would have none of that. He was not going to be the one extending the olive branch... James and his cronies would merely laugh in his face.

Yet Lily had not given up.

At lunch, she would seek Snape out, knowing his favorite hiding places. The boy was usually down by the lake in a copse of dense willows, munching on an apple and pouring over thick tomes on the Dark Arts, or potion-making. Snape's love for books and academic pursuit had made him the most outstanding boy in his class, and that only made the James Gang taunt him more.

But Lily was also a seeker of knowledge and a lover of books, and she found Severus to be a font of valuable and interesting information on many subjects. As Snape finally came to trust her - which was no easy task - he opened up to her more, and the two enjoyed many lunchtimes debating, reading out loud, and talking about what was going on in their classes. As this continued, a bond formed between the two.

James, needless to say, was not at all happy about Lily spending time with Snape, and didn't hesitate to tell her so. To avoid arguments, she had to become more furtive about spending time with Severus, which she did, and the two continued to meet when possible.

Snape had graduated at the head of their class, and Lily had graduated second only to him. Both of them were granted full scholarships to Barlow. After the graduation party, Snape had surreptitiously taken Lily aside, handing her a small box.

"Happy graduation, Lily," he said.

Taking the proffered box, Lily marveled, as she often had in the last year, at how rich and gentle his voice had become. Indeed, Severus Snape had undergone a great transformation as he spent time with Lily and the two formed a relationship.

Snape, who never cared about his appearance, was now keeping himself neat and well-groomed. Spending time with the gentle Lily had helped restore his self-confidence, and given his a reason to care about his appearance and his actions.

The box contained a small gold locket, round in shape, with an intricate celestial design, hanging on a delicate gold chain. It was lovely, and Lily could see that it must have cost quite a good deal.

"Turn it over," Severus instructed, and she did, finding this inscription: "Where ever you go, my dear friend, I will be with you."

Lily held the locket by the chain, threaded through her fingers. Her green eyes welled with tears and a smile played across her lips. The gift touched her deeply. It had obviously taken a lot of thought and planning.

"Oh...Severus," she finally managed. "It's...wonderful! Thank you! Thank you so much!" And she had pressed into the shocked Slytherin's arms, hugging him close and bestowing a soft kiss on his cheek.

Pleased that his gift had moved her, Severus helped Lily fasten the chain around her neck. From then on, Lily wore the locket often, tucked under her blouse or dress. But she knew it was there, and Severus knew it was there, and that was what mattered. What they shared was not something to announce to the outside world. It belonged only to them.

At Barlow, the two had continued to meet. With James spending so much time with his friends in the pubs and at the Quidditch matches, Lily and Severus found many opportunities to get together and study...and talk...and even laugh. Lily soon found that she was never more comfortable than when she was with Severus. And she anticipated their meetings eagerly.

******************************

Lily and Snape met at the tiny cottage Snape rented off campus. It had only two rooms, and not well appointed, but there was a wooden table, at which they could study, and a stove providing heat in the colder months. The one really excellent thing about the cottage, was that it was secluded, nestled well off the main roadway, hidden by dense shrubbery. Because of this, Lily was able to come and go without fear of someone seeing her.

The door to Snape's cottage was ajar, and Lily pushed it open calling his name.

"Severus?" she ventured.

"Come in," came his distinctive voice, and she entered the main room finding Snape putting wood into the stove.

Having completed his task, Severus turned to face his guest, feeling his heart begin to race as he did every time she was near.

During their second year at Barlow, Lily and Severus had shared a first kiss. It was after an exam, and Lily knew she'd done well, thanks to Snape's coaching. Meeting him off campus, she had flown into his arms, and sought his mouth enthusiastically. The action had been totally impulsive, but finding she liked the feeling of kissing the tall, dark wizard, Lily didn't pull back quickly.

Was this a betrayal of James, she later wondered? She decided not. What she had with Snape was a relationship based on mutual respect and mutual interests. It was that of close friends. There was nothing wrong in kissing a dear friend.

And, so, the kisses continued. Not every time they met, but frequently...and when they did kiss, it was Severus who was always the one to pull back. He knew that, as besotted as he was with Lily, her future belonged to Potter, and Snape refused to leave himself open to getting hurt!

While Lily was aware of Snape's feelings, and understood his hesitancy to become involved with her on a deeper level, she still found it impossible to stop kissing him all together. His lips were so warm, and so gentle on hers, not like James, who attacked her with his mouth, ravaging as he kissed.

"How did Occlumancy go?" he asked her, helping her out of her coat.

"The test was easy, thanks to all the help you've given me," she replied, pressing her lips to his cheek in greeting.

"All the help in the world mean nothing if you hadn't been willing to do the work it took to learn."

Lily grinned. "It was fun! I rather like being inside your head."

With a soft chuckle, Snape went over to some cupboards. "Ah...fascinating, I know." Opening one cupboard, he turned and asked, "Something to drink? Tea...perhaps? Or...possibly..." Reaching into the cupboard, Severus brought forth a bottle, holding it up so Lily could see it. "Some wine? Not, I'm afraid, a very impressive vintage, but drinkable none the less."

"Yes, please! That would be wonderful!" she enthused. "I'll get the goblets and you open the bottle."

Soon the two of them were seated on an old braided rug in front of the stove drinking their wine from canning jars. The jars - jokingly referred to, by Lily and Severus, as "goblets" -- had been in the cupboards when Severus rented the place, and he saw no reason to waste perfectly good potential drinking glasses.

"So...you did well on the test..." Snape put forth.

"I'll know on Wednesday, but I think I did very well. How was your Advanced Potions class?"

He shrugged. "A bit boring, but all right, I guess."

"It's BORING because you know more than the professor does," she teased.

"Oh, most definitely," Snape nodded, laughing. "Why, the school is getting ready to ask me to teach the class in his stead."

Lily snuggled up against his side feeling warm and comfortable from the heat of the stove, the wine and the nearness of her friend. "I wasn't alone when I took the test," she said dreamily.

"No...not with a room full of fellow students."

She looked up at him. "No. I meant...YOU were there with me."

"Was I?"

Digging down into the collar of her blouse, Lily withdrew the locket Severus had given her. She held it out towards him - inscription side up. "Where ever you go, my dear friend, I will be with you." She read. "And...you always are."

He merely smiled and took another sip of his wine.

"Severus...?"

"Mmmmmm?"

"Kiss me."

"Lily..."

"Just this once...YOU instigate it. Please... I'm always the one kissing you. I want YOU to kiss ME."

Severus exhaled slowly. "And what would Potter have to say about that?"

"This isn't about James. This is about us. Don't you want to kiss me?" she pressed.

"You know I do," was his soft reply.

"Then...please...do it... I know you don't want to get involved and all...but just this once..."

Snape was not proof against her. Loving her as he did, how could he refuse her? Turning, so he could gather her into his arms, Severus took a moment to merely gaze at the face of the woman he adored, then slowly lowered his mouth to hers, groaning softly as their lips met.

Lily was not ready for the flood of feelings the kiss engendered. While she knew it would be nice, she had not realized how exciting Severus' kiss would be, nor how specifically her body would react to it. Caught up in the heat that was now radiating from Snape, Lily pressed deeper into his embrace, opening her lips under his, inviting his tongue to enter the sweet recesses of her mouth.

How could he resist?

Slowly Severus' tongue took possession of Lily's eager mouth...filling, tasting...

It was Lily who intensified the kiss, at the same time easing onto her back on the rug, taking Severus down with her, his long body half covering hers.

The last sane thought Lily had, was that she truly could not say that she didn't know what she was doing. She knew. And she knew that this was what she wanted.

As one heated kiss melted into another, Lily prompted Severus to take things farther. She felt him hesitate, but didn't give him the chance to gather his wits about him and think about what was happening...or what might be about to happen. Taking hold of one of his large, long-fingered hands, Lily guided it up under her blouse. Pulling her bra up, she then placed Severus' hand on her breast, almost swooning with the intensity of the pleasure this created.

"Lily..." Snape's voice was thick with desire, his lips still oh-so close to hers. "We...I...can't do this..."

"I want you to!" she gasped in reply.

He managed to shake his head. "I...I'm not worthy of you, Lily. We both know that. You belong to...to..." he couldn't bring himself to say "Potter", so he left this unspoken.

Lily covered the hand that still caressed her breast. "How in the world can you think that? How can you BELIEVE that? You're an incredible man, Severus...you're worthy of anyone...anyone!" Her free hand moved over his shoulder and behind his neck, where her fingers spread. She brought his mouth back to hers, and Snape was lost.

Time seemed to stand still as the two kissed, touched...learned the delicious mysteries of each other's bodies. They undressed one another, slowly uncovering each part they had touched...having no shame when they were finally on their feet, gazing at one another completely unclothed.

Again, Lily pressed into Severus' arms, molding the curves of her body to his hard, masculine one. She was aware of his hard throbbing masculinity pressed against her belly. While she and James had done their share of skinny-dipping over the years, she had never really become acquainted with that portion of a male.

Taking her hand, Snape gently encouraged her to touch him.

The single bed on the other side of the small room was their next destination. As Lily lay on her side watching him, Severus went over to a chest of drawers, opened the top drawer, retrieved something, and walked back to her. She reached up eagerly for him, and he joined her on the bed.

Again they began to kiss, to touch, and when things finally became so intense neither of them thought they would live through any more foreplay, Severus produced a small foil-wrapped object, opened the packet and removed what was inside.

Lily recognized the object at once. "Oh...Severus...must we?"

He scowled. "YES, Lily...we MUST. How can you even ask that?" he chided, yet his voice remained tender, almost caressing.

After taking care of himself, Severus turned his attention back to Lily. His mouth again claiming hers, he eased her onto her back, sliding his chest across hers. Carefully, his hands moved down her long thighs, coaxing, teasing...elegant, long fingers just grazing the soft triangle of hair that rested between her legs.

Without any will on her part, Lily opened to him...to his evocative touches...

And she felt him locate the core of her, which was warm and moist, waiting for him. His incredible fingers elicited responses from her she never knew she was capable of, and just when she felt she could stand no more...was almost over the top with pleasure...he began to enter her.

But...what was that?

Snape suddenly became aware of something obstructing his progress. He paused, and the reason suddenly became clear to his fevered brain: this was her first time! She was a virgin!

"Oh, my god," Severus breathed. "Why didn't you tell me? WHY?" he implored.

"I...because I knew...if I told you...you wouldn't...love me this way."

Anger tinged his voice. "Of course I wouldn't! I have no RIGHT! You're to marry Potter, and while that is a loathsome thing for me to admit, I know it's the truth. HE should be the first one...not me."

"You DO have the right!" Lily replied urgently. "You have the right because I give it to you! You have the right because I WANT you to be my first lover! You say I'll marry James...well, maybe you're right...I probably will. And if I do, I will be faithful to him, and no other man will have me again. But I am NOT married now...I'm not engaged, and I am here with YOU. Severus, we have our own special world...a world that just the two of us inhabit. I WANT you...you want ME. This IS right...it's right for this place and this time... We may never come to this place again together, Severus, so, while we are here, love me...please! Love me!"

No more was said.

******************************************
Later that same night, Severus and Lily sat together by the stove, wrapped in a quilt, sipping more of the wine.

He looked at her. "Are you certain you're all right?"

She smile, and reached over to kiss the corner of his mouth. "You mean after the assault on the Walls of Jericho?" she laughed softly.

"The Breaching of the Portals..." he added, chuckling himself.

"No...no...that's the Breaching of the Portals of LOVE," she corrected him, and they both laughed.

"Seriously, though...ARE you all right?"

She nodded. "More than all right."

"You mean you haven't had enough time to regret what we did?"

"I'll never regret tonight," she breathed, "Never!"

And she never did.

FIN