Work Text:
Title: Shadows In The Soul
Author: Poodle
Rating: PG
Characters. Geordi, Data
Summary: A somewhat somber piece, set at the end of Season One, after the wake of Tasha Yar, Two friends analyze the nature of life...and death, while learning a bit about themselves in the process.
Shadows In The Soul
By Poodle~
~*~*
"Sir, the purpose of this gathering confuses me." Data's words were hesitant, dipped from a well of perplexity.
"Oh, how so?" Picard turned.
"My thoughts are not for Tasha, but for myself. I keep thinking how empty it will be without her presence." His eyes beseeched the strong profile. "Did I miss the point?"
"No, you didn't, Data." Picard half-turned then paused. "You got it." The captain moved away, leaving his second officer to search within himself for the unanswerable.
A turquoise sky stretched above, touching down on the distant horizon. "Scenic nature replicated by the ship's computer," Data mumbled to himself. "A fabricated representation of life." *Is that what I am?*
A panorama of green rolled before him. He moved to the crest of the incline and paused.
"Tasha." The whispered produced a flutter in his chest that he did not understand. She had come to regard him as life. But what was life? And even more important, what was this state referred to as death?
He drew a deep sight, and then frowned. "Curious. I detect no deficiency that should require an additional intake of oxygen."
"What's that, Buddy?" The gentle inquiry came from behind.
Data turned. "Geordi, I did not hear you return. Most unusual."
"They say talking to one's self is the first sign of insanity."
The android's head cocked. "You believe that I am experiencing an impairment of my intellectual capacities simply because I am speaking to myself?"
"Could be." He feigned concern. "You better get it checked out. Maybe it's inherited."
Data's brow furrowed in puzzlement. "It would be impossible for an android to receive genetically transmitted traits."
"It was a joke, Data."
"Ah! Humor."
Geordi smiled. The gesture was a ghost of its former self. "I can always count on you to lift me up. You are nothing if not consistent, my friend."
"I am pleased that I could -lift you up.'" Data's gaze slipped past Geordi's shoulder and focused inward.
"Data?"
No response.
"Maybe I'm not the only one who needs cheering up." Geordi placed a hand upon his friend's arm. "Are you all right?"
"I am functioning at optimum efficiency. Still," perplexity crossed his face, "There is something I do not understand. A tightening..." He shook his head.
"A tightening?"
"In the proximity of my chest."
LaForge released his breath. "Yeah, I feel it too."
"A coincidence?"
"I don't think so." He glanced away.
Silence wrapped around them. They gazed into the distant horizon.
"You miss her already, don't you?" Geordi broke the hush.
"I suspect that I shall always miss her."
"She was one of a kind."
"Are not all humans, one of a kind?"
A smile touched Geordi's lips. "Sure, but Tasha was a special, -one of a kind.' The universe will seem an empty place without her."
"Empty, yes." His wistful tone echoed into silence.
LaForge turned. "Maybe I shouldn't ask, but can you feel sadness?"
The tightening in his chest increased. "I do not believe that I possess the capacity to experience such an emotion."
"Then what *do* you feel? I mean, what goes on inside when you think about her? The two of you were pretty close. You were much closer to her than I was, if rumor has any basis in truth..." He faltered at Data's startled look. "Oops. That didn't exactly come out right."
"Rumor?"
"Yeah, you know, ship's scuttlebutt."
"Scuttlebutt?" He accessed his memory. "Gossip, hearsay. A story or statement in general circulation without confirmation or certainty as to facts," he quoted softly. "Why would anyone wish to disperse information without confirmation of its accuracy?"
Geordi grimaced. "You know Humans. We often do illogical things. Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up."
"This rumor, it is about Tasha?"
"Look, I'm sorry. Let's just drop it, okay."
"I wish to know about this unconfirmed scuttlebutt. It is about Tasha?"
LaForge gritted his teeth. "This is really lousy timing on my part, so let's just forget I said anything."
"I wish to know, Geordi," he insisted softly.
His friend shifted uneasily. "You can't mean to tell me you've been oblivious to the gossip all this time?"
The android's look was blank.
"Only you." He shook his head. "Look, I've never been the sort to spread this stuff, but rumor has it that you and Tasha were, you know, more than friends." He paused. "I don't know were people get this crap or what started it, but for the record, I never took it seriously. People just get bored. They make things up. Besides, we've been friends for ages, if there was any truth to the stories, I'd know, now wouldn't I?"
Data looked away.
"Wouldn't I?"
Data's eyes remained focused into the distance.
"I would, wouldn't I?" His tone rose. "I don't think I've made myself clear. Rumor has it that you and Tasha were physically intimate. Get it?"
"Yes, I -get it.'"
He gave a short laugh. "Then you see how absurd this whole thing is."
"Absurd?" Data faced his friend.
"Yeah, absurd. I mean *you* and *Tasha*? Come on, even I could invent a more believable story than that."
"The rumor is unbelievable?" Data enunciated each word slowly. For some reason, the tightening in his chest intensified. "Because I am a machine."
LaForge swallowed. "I didn't exactly mean it like that...exactly. It's just that--"
"I am capable of functioning in such a manner. You are aware of this?"
"Yeah, I know." Geordi shifted uneasily. "I didn't mean that like it sounded. It's just that the rumor is unbelievable. Tasha was so, so..." He paused. "The two of you just don't make a likely team, that's all. Understand?"
"Yes. I understand." The words were barely audible. "Such a team would be...unlikely." A Human and a machine.
Silence fell between them. Data gazed into the turquoise skyline. Distant hues of purple mingled into a growing dusk. Shadows lengthened.
"The holodeck is truly remarkable, isn't it?" LaForge breathed. "Mankind's technological achievements never cease to astound me. I would swear this was a genuine hillside. I can actually feel the deepening humidity of dusk."
"The barometric pressure and humidity levels adjust automatically to coincide with the changes within the environment depicted."
"That makes it more spectacular of me. Since with these," he tapped his visor, "I seldom receive the entire effect." He released a sigh. "She was beautiful, wasn't she?"
"Excuse me?"
"Tasha. She was the only woman I ever saw. Ever *really* saw. I mean. She was beautiful. Don't you agree? Or do you think about things like that?"
"Such abstract concepts often elude me," he replied as he puzzled over the question. Then the sparkle of her eyes, as they laughed into his, sprang to mind and a smile tipped the corners of his mouth. He could feel the silken texture of her skin beneath his hands, the whisper of her breath against his cheek. Beautiful? Was beauty a concept seen with the eyes - or felt with the soul?
"What's the smile for?" Geordi intruded on his thoughts.
"Just memories."
"What do you feel when you think of her?"
Data frowned. "What do *you* feel?"
A whisper of a smile touched his lips. "That I would have given my soul to see more of her."
"More of her?"
"*All* of her." Geordi paused, then grinned. "I don't suppose that came out right either." He looked away.
"I believe I understand," Data responded gently. "Yes."
"Yes, what?"
"I think she was beautiful."
LaForge's grin brightened.
"Geordi, what is the appropriate criterion for gossip?"
The grin faded. "I never really thought about it. I guess, I'd have to say that, first of all, it has to be personal."
"And amusing?"
"Sometimes."
"Humor is most illusive. I have tired to understand it, still I fail. Could you please explain why humans would find an intimate relationship between two people amusing?"
"That's a tough one."
"Does the anecdote derive its humor from the fact that one of its participants is a machine?"
LaForge swallowed. "Look, Data, humans can be pretty cruel at times. I wouldn't let it bother me if I were you."
"Perhaps it is the result of existing misconceptions concerning the biomechanical nature of my anatomical functions. Humans often find such speculations amusing."
"Why don't you just let it rest?"
"This is what you would do?"
Geordi drew s deep breath then sat. He motioned for Data to join him. "If anyone knows what it's like to be different, I do. People love to talk, especially about people who are unique. I've put up with plenty of -grope and feely' jokes in my time, because of my blindness. It's nothing new."
Data considered the words. "This makes such scuttlebutt appropriate? Because you are different?"
LaForge's expression grew somber. "No. Idle gossip is never appropriate. Especially when innocent people get hurt. But it's something you learn to live with."
The android looked away into the receding rays of an artificial sunset. The sheen of his face caught the waning light. "Then if it were rumored that Tasha and you--"
"Me! I should be so lucky." He chuckled softly.
"If such a rumor existed?"
A smile broke across Geordi's face. "I'd grin and let the fools speculate."
Data dropped his gaze. "There is a distinct difference between us, Geordi. For Tasha's name to be linked with your in such a liaison is one thing, but for it to be linked with mine," his chest constricted further, "would disparage her."
His words fell to silence.
LaForge shifted uneasily in the hush. Finally, he cleared his throat. "I think you're taking this whole thing a bit too seriously. It's not like you to let other people's opinions get under your skin."
"Query. -Under my skin'?"
"Bother you."
"Is this what is known as overreacting?"
Geordi nodded.
Data picked a blade of grass and studied it carefully. Minutes passed. Finally he spoke. "Tasha would not want such things known."
"Tasha would probably laugh." LaForge patted the android's shoulder.
"Because it is...absurd?" Data studied the grass intently.
"Tasha could take care of herself. A little gossip wouldn't destroy her. I'm sure she was aware of it. She probably found it humorous."
Data's eyes cut in Geordi's direction then quickly shifted away. "Humorous?"
"Sure."
The tightness in his chest traveled to his throat. The sensation bewildered him. "Curious," he whispered.
"What was that?"
"Nothing," he answered softly. A human and a machine. Humorous. He would never comprehend the subtleties of such amusements.
"I will miss her." Geordi's words drifted into the twilight.
Data considered the blade of grass shredded in his grasp. A tingling in his eyes drew his attention. He blinked.
"You've gotten quiet on me."
"I was contemplating this state referred to as death."
"Haven't we all."
"The disassociation of consciousness from body. It is...intriguing."
"If it's all the same to you, my friend, that's one mystery I'd just as well take my time solving."
"It is -all the same to me.'" The tingling in his eyes grew to a burn. He blinked again. "Geordi, what is sadness like?"
The man released his breath. "You sure ask tough ones."
Data waited patiently.
"I guess it could be described as an abyss of emptiness where your heart used to be."
"It would seem that sadness is a most unpleasant emotion."
"It is. Trust me, you're better off without it."
"And yet, it is often experienced in conjunction with other more pleasant emotions, is it not?"
"Sometimes."
"Nostalgia, for instance," his voice lowered, "And love."
"Sometimes."
Data turned away. The first stars of twilight beckoned above the horizon, catching his eyes. They glimmered from a backdrop of velvet. "It could have been any of us," he breathed.
"Come again?"
"Armus was determined to kill one of us. It could have been anyone."
"Yes. I suppose that's true."
"Yet he chose Tasha. Why?"
"We will never know."
"He said that I was not alive--"
"Stop right there! You're not thinking of blaming yourself?"
"Blame would be a useless expenditure of energy. And yet..." His eyes held a faraway gaze.
"Tasha would not want anyone to take her place. You know that," Geordi said softly.
Data nodded, then turning toward the skyline fell silent.
"I would swear this is real," Geordi breathed into the quiet that surrounded them. "Who would believe it was only--"
"Scenic nature replicated by the ship's computer."
"Yes."
"A fabricated representation of life." Data's voice fell to a whisper. "Like me."
"What was that?"
"Nothing, Geordi." The glimmer of stars caught the liquid gold of his eyes. "Nothing at all."
~End