SquidgeWorld Archive

"I wasn't at Ziva's for dinner last night," said Gibbs as he watched Tony potter around his tiny kitchen. Cupboard doors were opened and slammed shut. Coffee mugs were slammed down on the counter top so hard that Gibbs was surprised they didn't break. A glass was held under the cold tap, with a hand that was shaking slightly.

Gibbs watched as Tony tried to open a pill container one handed. "Let me..." he started to say, only to back away as Tony glared at him, his face a mixture of pain and anger. But Gibbs knew that it was more than just physical pain that was bothering Tony.

"I *know* that you weren't at Ziva's last night," growled Tony. "And do you know how I know it? Because when I dropped my frat brother's at their hotel and came home, you were fast asleep in my bed, and your breath smelled of pizza, not that cho...cholly, whatever that stuff was that Ziva cooked and you'd left a few slices for me for breakfast. I know that you were just joining in the gag for a laugh." Tony took a deep breath before continuing, "I know all that, but what I don't know is which is worse...knowing that my teammates...my *friends*...were willing to make me feel so shitty with a joke like that...or knowing that you weren't involved but I couldn't say a damn thing about how I knew because of your goddamned rule fucking twelve which means that you and I have to sneak around like a couple of kids out after curfew because God forbid that anybody find out that you and I are more than just a Boss and his minion."

"Tony, it wasn't supposed to go that far. McGee told Abby all about the meal and she just wanted you to take up Ziva's invitation because you'd had a rotten day, so that's why she was going on about her cooking."

"And that's part of it. I don't need a home cooked meal to make me feel better. I've got you and that's all I need, but nobody knows that. I've got to go in there every day and lie about dates I've been on, just so nobody suspects that I'm fucking the Boss...or being fucked by him." Tony brushed off Gibbs's hand as he attempted to calm him. "I'm fed up with this...all this lying, sneaking around...I'm not a dishonest person Jethro, it's one thing to lie to scumbags when I go undercover...but I hate having to lie to people I care about...even if they don't care as much about *my* feelings. I can't...I can't go on like this."

Tony finally got the pill container open and shook two capsules into his hand. He slammed them into his mouth, washing them down with the water.

Gibbs looked into Tony's eyes, "Tony, are you saying you want to call it quits?"

"I don't know what I'm saying," Tony sighed and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. "Maybe we should just give it a rest, go back to being DiNozzo and Bossman...it's just...too much..."

"Is that what you want? Tony, I don't want to lose you, I'll do whatever it takes for that not to happen. I love you."

"I love you too, Jethro." Tony opened his eyes and looked Gibbs straight in the face. "But right now I don't like you a whole lot." He pushed past Gibbs, but was brought up short when his arm was grabbed.

"I said I love you Tony, and I swear, I will do whatever it takes to make this right." Gibbs didn't know what he could do to make this better, but he wasn't giving up on Tony without a fight.

"Can you build a time machine and go back a day so you didn't say you were at Ziva's...so you didn't let people think that that it was an okay thing to mess with my head like that?" Tony allowed Gibbs to pull him closer.

"If I could, I would," said Gibbs, softly. "When I saw the look on your face." He kissed Tony gently on the lips, relieved that the younger man wasn't pulling away. "If I could have taken back what I said, I would have. I'd have told Abby not to bother trying to set you up with Ziva because you were already taken." He kissed Tony again and felt the younger man lean into him. "I can't change the past...but I can change the future..."

Tony looked at Gibbs, hope in his eyes.

Gibbs nodded, "I'll stand on my desk and announce it to the entire building that you and I are together. I'll tell Abby there'll be no more caf-pows if she tries playing matchmaker again."

"And Ziva?"

"I'll send her to every single NCIS seminar on interpersonal relationships *and* get her to write a report on each session."

Tony laughed, "Wouldn't that come under the heading of cruel and unusual punishment?"

Gibbs shrugged, "Maybe, but if so then the lecturers can always file a complaint."

Tony laughed louder, then winced as he jostled his sling.

"I mean it Tony, anything you want me to do, anything that will convince you that I love you and want to make this relationship work. I know that I suck at this sort of thing, just ask any of my exes...but I don't want to add you to their number, ever."

"Just hold me, Jethro. Tell me that you love me and you'll never leave me alone."

Gibbs hugged Tony as closely as he could without hurting him. "I love you Tony, I'll never leave you alone."

Notes - this fic was somewhat inspired by the following quote from Mel re the Boxed in episode.
"Besides, we know Gibbs wasn't there because he was home with Tony. *g* I'm interpreting Tony's facial expression at the end as, ha, ha, you think you got me, but I know you're full of it, 'cause Gibbs was with me last night. It's the only way I can salvage that entire storyline." Mel