SquidgeWorld Archive

Disclaimer: I don't own the Stargate Atlantis universe. If I did, I wouldn't be here writing about it when I could be there, enjoying it. I'm not making any money off this story either, much to my disappointment.

"...And so I think that we should visit the Myltons and see what they have to offer in the way of fruits and..."

Purrrrrrrrr

Teyla stopped a moment and looked around, confused at the noise she had just heard. She glanced at Elizabeth and saw that the woman was looking around as well.

Rodney cleared his throat. "Hello?!" he snapped. "The meeting?" he inquired.

Teyla blinked before continuing where she had left off. "Excuse me, I thought I heard something. As I was saying, the Myltons are known for having an abundance of fruits, vegetables, and grains. The reason we haven't visited them before was because..."

Purrrrrrrrr

"What is that noise?" Teyla asked, her eyes looking around the room warily.

"What noise?" Rodney asked nervously.

"It's a soft rumbling noise. I've not ever heard anything like it before," Teyla explained.

Rodney fidgeted. "I haven't heard anything," he said, his eyes flicking around the room, not resting on one person.

Purrrrrrrrr Purrrrrrrrr Purrrrrrrrr

"Meow."

Teyla started and Ronon jumped out of his chair, his large gun in his hand, looking around, his eyes wide. "That sounds like a Tolak," he growled, his visage grim.

"A Tolak?" Elizabeth asked as she stared at the fidgeting Rodney.

"A large predatory animal from the homeworld of the Kuuns. They are very deadly and kill with a swiftness that I have never seen before. They are very large animals, with long tails and fur all over their bodies. They've been known to jump thirty, forty feet. If somehow one got on Atlantis, we must hunt for it," Ronon explained, his eyes eager.

"MEOW!"

Rodney jumped up from his chair, babbling nervously. "As interesting as all this is, I really have to get back to the lab. I have that experiment to finish and I think Radek said something about looking over that doohickey we found on PX...er...PX3 something, something, something. Right, Radek?" he asked the confused Czech desperately.

"No," Radek replied. "We have already looked over the doohickey from PX3 699 and have decided that it was a lighter."

Rodney paused, staring at Radek a moment. "We did?" he asked confused. "Oh yeah, we did. Sorry, my fault. Well, then I'll just go look at my experiment then. Later," he said, gathering up his laptop and making his way towards the door.

"Rrrrreeeoooowwww!"

"Rodney, halt!" Elizabeth commanded.

Rodney froze, fidgeting as he realized that Elizabeth was making her way over to him. The room was quiet as everyone stared at them. Elizabeth opened her mouth to say something when the door opened and John walked in. Finally tired of being ignored, a black and white animal jumped out of Rodney's lab coat pocket -- which he had never worn before -- and raced through the room. Ronon gave a mighty yell and fired his gun at the streaking animal. He missed and there was large hole in the floor of the conference room. Ronon pouted.

Rodney watched, horrified, as Ronon shot at his kitten, sighing with relief when he missed. "My baby! You shot at my baby!" he screeched. He ran over to the quivering kitten, scooped him up, and cuddled him closely to his chest. "It's all right, Kirk, you'll be okay. That big, dumb, mountain man won't hurt you. Daddy will protect you," he crooned. He whispered nonsensical words for several seconds before looking up. He froze as he realized that everyone in the room was staring at him, their expressions ranging from shocked disbelief to amused resignation.

"Oh, Rodney, tell me you didn't bring Kirk to the meeting?" John asked, laughter shining from his eyes.

"He was lonely. I couldn't just leave him," Rodney pouted.

John laughed. Elizabeth blinked, staring at the black and white kitten in Rodney's arms. "Rodney, is that a kitten in your arms?" she asked.

"Yes," he replied defensively.

"How did a kitten get on Atlantis?" she demanded.

Rodney smirked and pointed at John. "It's all his fault," he said.

"Hey!" John yelped in mock outrage. "I was trying to be nice," he stated, pouting.

Rodney rolled his eyes. "Please, everything is your fault. I thought we went over this already."

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth interrupted, her expression not amused. "Would you please tell me why there is a kitten on Atlantis? I'm assuming it came from Earth and it's not some sort of alien creature that will kill us all in our sleep and use us as incubators for their young?"

John and Rodney blinked at Elizabeth, who blushed. "They showed Aliens at Movie Night last night, didn't they?" John asked sagely.

Elizabeth cleared her throat. "Aliens 3 actually, but that's neither here nor there. You still haven't answered my question."

"The Colonel got him for me," Rodney blurted out, his cheeks red as John smiled at him.

"All right. How did you get it aboard Atlantis?" Elizabeth asked.

"Him," Rodney interrupted.

"Excuse me?" Elizabeth asked, confused.

"Kirk is a he, not an it. You'll hurt his feelings if you keep calling him that," Rodney said, glaring at Elizabeth, holding his kitten protectively.

She swallowed a smile. "Sorry, Rodney. So, how did you get him onboard Atlantis?" she asked John.

"He was in my bag when I beamed down from the Daedalus," he told her.

"How come I didn't hear anything?" Elizabeth inquired, confused.

"I drugged him," John responded casually.

"Yeah, we still need to talk about that," Rodney interrupted sharply. "It better not have harmed Kirk or there will be hell to pay."

John sighed, exasperated. "Relax, General O'Neill said it wouldn't harm the cat at all."

Rodney snorted. "Please, as if I would take the word of a man who never knows when Sam is PMSing, Dr. Jackson is flirting with him or Teal'c is boinking the gate technician, Walter."

"Really?" John asked interestedly.

"What, the flirting?" Rodney asked.

John shook his head.

Rodney frowned. "The boinking?" he inquired.

Again, John shook his head.

"Oh, yes, the PMSing. Yeah, well, you would think after working with Sam for nine years, he would know when her *womanly cycle* is," Rodney said sarcastically, "but he doesn't have a clue. Please, it only took me a two months with Elizabeth to know what time of the month she was going to become a crazy, homicidal..." he trailed off as he realized that John was staring over his shoulder, his eyes wide.

Rodney choked as he remembered who was in the room. He turned around slowly, his face pale, his expression terrified. "Er...hi," he said hesitantly as Elizabeth stared at him, her eyes cold.

"You're lucky that my *womanly cycle* was last week," she snapped.

Rodney swallowed before nodding his head eagerly. "Right," he replied.

"About the kitten," she said, her gaze hard.

"I got it for him the same time I got the other presents," John said, trying to get Elizabeth's attention off Rodney. He didn't want to take the chance that Elizabeth might bust Rodney's balls as he had a use for them later tonight. He shivered as remembered the last two nights of hot, sweaty sex. Oh yeah, he definitely had a use for them.

"And General Landry let you bring it, I mean him?" she corrected at Rodney's glare. "I believe animals were not to be used as personal items," Elizabeth stated.

"Normally, they wouldn't, but I asked General O'Neill to reward Rodney for all his hard work and to set the rule aside this one time. He muttered something about keeping the scientists happy," John answered.

"And he agreed?" Elizabeth asked, her disbelief showing.

John fidgeted a little. "Well, after a lot of begging, a little pleading, some random threats of stalking him for the rest of my leave, and I think I gave him a few vague promises about fishing the next time I'm on leave, he agreed," he mused thoughtfully.

"Fishing?" Rodney hissed. "Do you know what that's a metaphor for? He's been *fishing* with Sam, and he's been *fishing* with Dr. Jackson. What are you? Stupid?" he squawked.

John rolled his eyes. "It's not a metaphor. He wanted me to go fishing with him and Dr. Jackson."

"A threesome?" Rodney screeched before pausing, "Wait, that's actually kind of hot. Can I come?" he asked eagerly.

"Rodney," John groaned as he buried his face in his hands.

Rodney looked around, his face bright pink, as he realized that everyone had heard his conversation. Elizabeth was looking at him, her eyes bright with amusement.

"Er...never mind," Rodney muttered.

"Is this the time to give you two our congratulations?" she asked.

John's head whipped up and he stared at her. "That's it?" he asked.

Radek snorted. "Please, there is a bet as to when you were going to get together. Luckily, I have won," he replied smugly.

"A bet?!" Rodney screeched. "Why didn't I know about this? I know about everything going on in this city!"

Radek looked smug and Rodney fumed, hating the fact that there was something going on that he didn't know about.

Elizabeth sighed, realizing that she would have to put the conversation back on track. It was like babysitting two three-year olds. She was too old for this.

"Gentlemen, if we could focus here, please. I would like to know about the kitten," Elizabeth demanded.

John sat in a chair, crossed his arms, and smirked. "After begg...er...talking to General O'Neill, he wrote a letter to General Landry, telling him to let the kitten onto the Daedalus. I tried to get Rodney's original cat, but the woman who was taking care of him moved, and there was no forwarding address. General Landry wouldn't allow me to find her, so I decided to get him a kitten," he explained. He ran his fingers through his hair and he saw that Rodney had twitched. He watched his lover and nearly smirked at the glazed expression on Rodney's face as he stared at John's fingers. He knew that Rodney loved it when he played with his hair.

Looking back at Elizabeth, he continued his story. "After some finagling, O'Neill instructed Landry that cat food and kitty litter was to be added to the monthly manifest. After that, I had to figure out a way to smuggle him onto Atlantis without anyone knowing about him. I used the drugs that O'Neill got for me and drugged him about twenty minutes before I beamed down to Atlantis. I went to my room and hid him in the closet, while I tracked down Rodney. The rest is history," he stated.

"So, this was allowed?" Elizabeth asked, making sure that it wouldn't come back and bite her on the ass.

John nodded. "Yep. I even have a letter from General O'Neill giving me permission to take the cat off world. He's already had his shots, and General O'Neill told me that he would send the other drugs later, so that Kirk can stay up to date on all his shots. It's all legal," he replied.

"Very well, since everything seems to be in order, can I hold the kitten?" Elizabeth pleaded with Rodney.

He looked at her warily, trying to decide if she would harm his baby or not, before handing the little animal over. The kitten looked up at her with large green eyes, his ears titled back, his fur ruffled and messy. "Funny, John, he kind of reminds me of you," she said with a smile

John groaned as Rodney crowed with delight. "I told you!" he yelled. "I told you that the kitten resembled you!"

Elizabeth was grinning widely. "Is that why you call him Kirk?" she asked, giggling. Everyone on Atlantis knew that Rodney accused John of having the Captain Kirk gene. It was well known that John had several alien beauties throw themselves at him. Hopefully, now, he won't take them up on the offer.

Rodney nodded, looking smug, while John looked upwards, praying for patience. "I'm never going to live this down," the Colonel muttered.

Elizabeth looked at the other people in the room. Teyla looked delighted and curious about the small kitten, who was currently purring in Elizabeth's arms. Carson had a smile on his face while Radek just looked smug.

Ronon, on the other hand, looked twitchy. He was glaring at the kitten, his fingers caressing his big gun. Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at him as she caught his gaze. He gave her a wolfish smile before glaring at the kitten once again. She rolled her eyes at Ronon's behavior. She hoped he didn't try to harm the kitten, or else he would never leave Atlantis alive. Rodney would kill him.

"Everyone, I would like you to meet the newest member of the Atlantis. Say hello to Kirk," Elizabeth introduced as she held up the kitten.

The kitten looked around, his eyes wide and alert. "Meow," he cried. The door to the room slid open. Everyone turned to look to see who was coming through, but no one was there. The door closed and Rodney turned towards John, who was shaking his head. "It wasn't me," he said.

"MEOW!" the kitten cried once again, loudly and angrily, and the door slid open and the lights flickered.

John and Rodney stared at the kitten, their eyes wide.

"Uh oh," John said.

The End.