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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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2020-11-04
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What would make you love me?

Summary:

Blair and Jim want the same thing, or do they?

Work Text:

Disclaimers: Might be just as well they're not mine
Notes: I seem fascinated with the idea of Jim being pregnant *sigh* Oh, well, we all have our fixations.

***

"oh, yes, yes," Detective James Ellison, Sentinel of the Great City, moaned as he writhed under anthropology graduate Blair Sandbur, Guide to the said Sentinel. The guide was erratically thrusting into his sentinel. The moans of pleasure coming from Blair's lips were like tinder to Jim's passion. God, he had wanted this for so long.

***

The sentinel and guide had come home plastered from old Doonberg's retirement party. They had wisely refrained from participating in the who-can-drink-the-strongest-drink game that had started sometime in the evening (Megan won it, by the way), but had otherwise done their best to drink the house dry. As they were stumbling up to the loft, Blair had started to talk about the male bonding rituals, which had digressed into the history of male-male sex, which in turn had led to them comparing their sexual histories. Jim had shyly confessed that he did not have that much experience with men. Bravely and hopefully Jim had stated that he had not been getting any for some time. Blair, ever the helpful guide, had said that he could correct the matter.

***

"oh, god." It was great, heavenly, as he had known it would be. Blair's cock massaged something sweet and great inside him and he moaned. He would have shouted, but that would have required too much effort.

***

Jim had been in love with his guide for a long time and had all but crawled into his bed naked. Blair was the first man he felt so strongly about and the only thing that had stopped him from actually doing the deed (i.e. crawling into the guide's bed) was the fact that that would be pushing it. Blair did not like to be pushed. Tonight had been the perfect opportunity to get the love of his life into bed with him.

It had hurt at first as Blair had opened him up, but the ache had soon faded into the background. The feeling of Blair in him was overwhelming, intoxicating. He did not understand why his guide insisted on others. Jim was here, willing and eager, and they would be good together, he knew they would be. Jim would do anything for Blair and they were already living together. They would just be putting the finishing touches to their relationship. Surely Blair could see that?

***

Blair came inside Jim with a grunt and landed on him.

"umm, blair?" Jim was still hard, and aching to gain release.

"mmm?" Blair mumbled before taking Jim into hand, so to speak. It did not take long for the sentinel to come all over his guide's hand.

Blair rolled off him and settled into sleep on the large bed beside Jim.

Jim could not help the slight feeling of disappointment; he had always liked to cuddle. It was kind of embarrassing when you thought about it, but he liked the soft touching.

Jim settled beside Blair. It had been good. Sure, it could have been better, but they had both been somewhat drunk and it *was* their first time together. It would be better next time. Jim would make sure there would be a next time. He loved Blair and he would not lose him. He had lost enough in his life: his parents, Caroline and Lila had all left him, one way or another. He did not want to lose Blair too.

***

Blair's head hurt, his mouth felt like a rat had slept in it and he was thirsty. Somehow you never remembered in time how crappy you would feel the morning after.

His brain pointed out that he was lying on someone, someone who was alive and breathing steadily.

The young guide managed to open his eyes.

He groaned. Jim. Fuck.

The guide rose up to sit on the bed. The move increased the general nausea he was feeling.

He should not have done it, but Jim was gorgeous, and yummy, and willing. Oh, yes, quite eager and willing. Blair smiled at the memory. He had admired Jim's form and his generous heart for some time and just could not resist the temptation last night.

Blair sighed. Too bad that Jim just was not what Blair was looking for in a steady relationship. Blair wanted a large family. He and Naomi had stayed with Aunt Daria for a few years when he was a child. The house had been warm and alive and full of children, it had been *a home* in every sense of the word. He had been devastated when they had to leave. Naomi never told him why.

Blair settled on the bed, putting his arms on his knees. He never did find out why Naomi was always on the move and now he never would. She had died in an accident in India a couple years back. He had always had the nagging sense that she was running away from something or someone. Blair repeated his years old oath that his children would never have to get familiar with that feeling.

Blair looked at Jim. He would be perfect.

He sighed. Jim had not asked for condoms and Blair had never seen any contraceptive pills in the bathroom cabinets. /Too bad./ Did not mean they could never do it again though and Blair kind of doubted he could keep his hands off Jim now that he knew how good it could be, but he would have to make it clear to Jim that it was strictly on a once in awhile basis. He did not want to hurt Jim by letting him on. He would never lie to his sentinel like that, in something so important.

***

Jim opened his eyes and yawned. He had his senses on down, but he still felt like a dishrag. He really should not have drunk those whisky shots. /Kind of late for such thoughts./

He stretched. It was not all bad; he was feeling deliciously and gloriously sore in certain places. He had finally done it. It had been about time, too.

Jim turned to look at Blair. His guide was sitting on the bed with his 'let's talk' face on.

Shit. Jim knew what this was about. Well, he could deal with it. Whatever Blair wanted, he would give it. As long as Blair stayed, that was all that mattered. For as long as Blair stayed there was hope, hope of his guide falling in love with him.

***

Jim was standing in the bathroom, staring at the small device in his hand and seeing nothing else. He had thought there was some mistake, he had been dead certain his senses had been playing tricks on him. It couldn't have happened. Any such foolish hopes had been stashed by the pink innocent-looking device he held in his shaking hand.

/Blair's never going to forgive me for this./

***

Blair entered the loft feeling like his limbs were made of lead or some other heavy and unyielding material. He dropped his backpack by a conveniently placed couch, threw his keys into the basket by the door and dropped down on another couch.

"Rest and relaxation, at last," he sighed in relief. "I'm going to be a couch potato this Saturday. Nothing more taxing than navigating the highways of mind numbing entertainment for me," he announced grandly to the loft at large.

"Blair?"

The guide sat up and straightened at the uncharacteristically shy question aimed at him by his nervous looking sentinel standing by the couch.

"Yes? Just don't say we've got stakeout duty tomorrow," Blair demanded. If that were the case, he'd tell Simon just where to stuff it.

"No, nothing like that," Jim reassured him.

"Good. Then what is it?"

"Remember the night old Doonberg retired? After the party?" the sentinel inquired hesitantly.

Blair narrowed his eyes. "Just because I'm not looking for commitment or anything major, does not mean I'm a total heel. Of course, I remember," he stated. Actually, the events of the night had been a major source for his latest fantasies and wet dreams. He had been thinking of asking Jim for a repeat some time soon.

Jim nodded. "Good. You see. It's. I'm pregnant."

***

Blair stared at Jim's stomach. Pregnant. Jim could become pregnant. /Well, the fact that you're pregnant usually means that you can become pregnant, idiot./

Blair shook his head. "You said you had been with men before." The guide would have expected his sentinel to take precautions. The older man was usually quite... sensible about such matters.

Jim actually blushed slightly. The colour looked good on him, Blair thought idly.

"Once, and we didn't go that far," Jim admitted. "In fact, we kind of didn't go anywhere. It was. Well, let's just say I seriously exaggerated. You might even call it an obfuscation."

"Oh."

Jim sat down on the couch beside his flabbergasted guide.

"You know, if you don't want. Well, I suppose you don't. After all, you said quite clearly it's not what you want. I can care for the child on my own. Just thought you had the right to know. And you're right; I should have made sure instead of just assuming I can't get pregnant. I mean, it's just my luck to be the one in three. Never thought of myself as the mother, though. Or as a single mother. The guys at the station are going to be thrilled to hear of my 'mishap'."

It took a few seconds for Blair to get the gist of Jim's babbling.

"No!" Blair shouted. He practically jumped on the couch to turn to look at Jim.

"But I thought you -" Jim started confused.

Blair patted Jim's knee. He left his hand on Jim's thigh. Blair's mind raced as he tried to find the right words. There was no way he was going to ruin this. This was fate giving him everything he had wanted and planned for since he was a child. It was perfect.

"I do want a traditional family, complete with children. I just thought it would happen sometime in the future, after a few wild years, you know."

Jim nodded.

"So, you. You don't. Mind. That I'm pregnant?" Jim asked hesitantly. He was still unsure about what was going on. He loved Blair and would not mind carrying his child (after he got through the first shock), but his hopes had suffered a serious blow when Blair had sternly announced on the morning after that he would not mind an occasional buddy fuck, but that was all it would be. He had been afraid Blair would be furious and move out, but looked like he had been wrong. His heart swelled with renewed hope.

Blair smiled gently at his sentinel.

"No. I don't mind." He moved his hand to Jim's face, stroking and petting him. "I don't mind at all."

Blair moved to kiss Jim. The sentinel responded eagerly. It was perfect.

***

The pregnancy went well and Jim gave birth to a healthy girl. Blair named her Naomi after his mother.

***

Jim looked at his daughter sleeping in her crib. She looked so innocent, no one would think her a fussy baby, or smelly.

He smiled and exited the spare room that had been renovated into a child's room. Blair would turn in his dissertation in a few months and they could start looking for a new place to live.

Jim frowned as he brushed his teeth. Blair had been talking of having more children, but Jim was not sure. He would prefer to adjust to having *a* child before having more of them. Then again, Jim had to admit that it was the pregnancy that had 'brought them together'. Blair had been so fascinated by the pregnancy and he truly loved their daughter. Everything had gone well and he would not mind that much having another one, though it would mean postponing getting back to work indefinitely.

Jim rinsed his mouth. He tried to picture the dream Blair had talked of; a house full of children and laughter. It appealed to him, a lot, but would it be like that? In real life? Could it be like that?

Jim looked at his reflection on the mirror. What if Blair decided that he valued his 'freedom'? What if something went wrong? He wanted Blair, wanted to stay with him, and he would not mind a large family, not really, but things rarely went smoothly when it came to the two of them.

"Jim?"

The sentinel jumped at the soft question. Blair was standing by the bathroom door, frowning.

"Lost in my thoughts. I'll be right up," Jim said, managing an honest smile somehow.

Blair nodded and turned to walk up to their bedroom.

Jim finished his evening routine and went upstairs.

He took off his t-shirt and crawled into the bed. Blair snuggled next to him.

"I love you," Jim whispered. And he did, he loved Blair and would do anything for him. Certainly Blair could not abandon his own children? Surely they could manage, together?

***

Jim looked at the contraceptive pills in his hand. He was actually feeling bad about this, as Blair loved children. So did he, but he was not so certain about the details of it as Blair. He *wanted* to be a detective, to help people, and he would not be able to do that with a herd of children, not realistically. But would it be so difficult to have a large family and to concentrate on raising little sentinels and guides? Surely he could manage, with Blair?

He sighed. He just was not sure; all he knew was that he loved Blair.

He took the pill.

***

Jim was sitting on the couch with a sheet of paper and a pen. It was time to make a shopping list for the weekend. The task was not as easy as it sounded, not with two adults and a baby. One ear was tuned on little Naomi sleeping in her crib.

He massaged his stomach. He had been feeling this weird 'echo' lately, kind of like when -

He froze. It could not be. He had started to eat the pills six months after the birth, exactly when it was estimated that he would be able to conceive again. Approximately, usually, in most cases.

Jim forced himself to relax, and turned his senses inward.

***

Blair was feeling tired as he walked the few steps from the elevator to the door. At least his dissertation was coming along fine. The paperwork was all done and he would be an official doctor of anthropology in another month. Then they could start to look for a bigger place to live, maybe in another town. /A more peaceful one, and definitely in a warmer climate./

He opened the door, and came to a full stop. Jim was sitting on the couch, looking miserable. Naomi was sleeping and snuffling beside him on her blanket.

"Jim?" he asked worriedly. Had something happened?

"Come in. We need to talk," Jim said softly.

Blair did his best to rein in his overactive imagination as he closed the door and put his backpack on the floor.

"Okay, what is it?" Blair parked himself beside Jim. The couch was crowded, but he wanted to show Jim that they were a family. His husband was something of a lone wolf, but no longer. /Part of a pack now,/ Blair thought whimsically.

"I'm pregnant," Jim stated out of the blue.

"But I thought -" How was this possible? Jim had been on the pill for weeks.

"It happened just before," the sentinel said, looking at the carpet underneath his feet.

Blair gathered Jim into his arms. Jim had wanted to wait until having another child, had wanted to concentrate on Naomi, but fate had decided otherwise. This would not be easy for someone as control-oriented as Jim.

"It will be alright. Naomi will be walking by the time her sibling's born," he said quietly. Jim leaned into him.

"I know. But it still won't be easy, there will be two small children running around," Jim said, he still sounded worried, but he was ready to think of the future.

"We'll manage. We'll move to a smaller town with more room for the kids and in a smaller university I'll have more leeway with my classes and such," Blair petted Jim's head that was lying half on the back of the couch, half on his shoulder.

"Are you sure?"

Blair kissed his husband. "Yep. Everything will turn out fine. You'll see."

***

"Mommy, mommy. Daddy's driving up," an excited young voice shouted from the living room.

"I heard it, Richard. Now help your siblings set the table," Jim scolded his son.

"Sorry, mom." The curly headed boy walked quickly into the kitchen area. His older sister humphed at the straggler as she walked past him with a plate of cut onions and carrots.

Jim shook his head at the two and turned his attention to the sauce on the stove in front of him. He patted the youngest strapped to his chest by the traditional scarf of some South American tribe that Blair had received as a gift from a visiting professor. Jim had to admit it was more practical than the baby stroller.

The baby snuffled against his neck.

Jim moved the saucepot to a cool burner. "Everything set, kids?" he asked.

"Yes, mom," came from three mouths before the whole team ran to the door to meet their daddy.

Jim smiled as he watched the pack pounce on the resident professor. He turned his head to look at the second youngest in the handcrafted playpen Jim had made after their second child had been born. She was eager to join the others, but had not yet totally mastered the art of walking yet, or talking.

/A perfect image of domestic bliss./

Jim told his sarcastic inner voice to take a rest. He loved his kids and Blair had turned out to be as perfect a father as you could hope for. Despite all his doubts, they had managed just fine. Blair had been true to him and had stayed by him as he had promised, taking care of his family. Still, there were always those annoying what-ifs, those remains of dreams past.

"Jim? You okay?"

Jim started at the query.

"Sure. Just felt like someone stepped over my grave," Jim said, dismissing the stray thoughts with ease of long practice. This was his life now, his place. With Blair.

Blair smiled at him.

"Now, how are the little ones?" Blair asked stroking the baby's head.

"This one's been a true saint, it's the other ones that have been causing me trouble all day," Jim announced.

"It wasn't me!"

"We've been good!"

"I didn't mean to!"

Blair's laughter warmed him up, as it always did. As long as his lover and husband was happy, Jim was too. What more could he ask from life?

***

End