SquidgeWorld Archive

Disclaimers: no matter how much I'd wish it were otherwise, these are not mine *sniff*
Notes: result of the EvilSimon stories up at SXA

***

Jim was standing at parade rest in Simon's office. His heart was racing, there had to be some way to fix this.

"Simon, certainly there's something you could do?"

"Like what? More importantly, why?" Simon took a deep breath. "The kid's already been in trouble, and a cause of trouble. He's a worse trouble magnet than you, which I didn't think possible," Simon added under his breath. "Besides, don't you think it would be kind of odd if he staid as an observer indefinitely?"

"Well, you *might* have a point about him being a trouble magnet." Jim ignored Simon's snort. "But you have to admit he's been an asset to the department."

"Which is the only reason I'm even considering renewing his observer's pass." Simon thought for a moment. "Just why are you insisting on this?"

Jim turned his head to look out the window. Obfuscating would not help his case any, not now. "He's my guide. Do you have any idea what it's like not knowing if what you're sensing is what the others are sensing? If it's normal? If what you're hearing is meant to be overheard?" Simon shook his head. "Blair's my anchor to reality, my measurement of what's normal."

"As a civilian he shouldn't have any access to crime scenes, let alone to our files," Simon pointed out.

"As my guide, he has to. How else could I do my job or even function in some way resembling normal?" There was an underlying vein of pleading in his voice, but at this point Jim did not care. This was important. He did not know what he would do if Blair could not be his partner anymore.

This time Simon was the one to gaze out the window. After a few moments, he rose and walked to stand beside Jim. There was something in his eyes that made Jim uncomfortable.

"Just how important is this to you?"

"Wha- What do you mean?"

Simon caressed his neck. Jim was looking at him feeling confused and, for some reason, terrified.

"What I said. I'm not going to risk my neck over this, not for free." Simon's hand made it clear what price he was talking about.

Jim tried to gather enough moisture in his mouth to talk. It was not an easy task.

"Are you talking about... once or...?" When did talking become so difficult?

"Definitely long-term, but it would be just every now and then, irregularly. I'd let you know beforehand," Simon reassured him.

Simon's hand had wandered down to his chest. His gaze had not wavered from Jim's eyes.

Jim nodded. He needed his guide.

"Good. I'll come by tonight around nine pm. Make sure the kid is away for the night." Simon turned and returned to his desk.

Jim nodded mechanically. It took a few seconds to get his feet to operate well enough to go out the office door and to his own desk.

He looked at the papers on his desk without seeing them. *I can't let Blair know about this. Ever.* His guide would be disgusted, maybe even angry. *Can't risk it.*

He made a mental note to buy lube and condoms. Then he thought about what Simon would want to do and started to shake. *Get a hold of yourself, Ellison.* He managed to calm his breathing. His imagination was another matter. It seemed to be working at top speed.

After a trip to the men's room and some breathing exercises, he was able to start working again.

***

*Okay, Blair's off with his new girlfriend and won't be back until Sunday. If everything goes well. Please God, let everything go well.* Jim was pacing, waiting for Simon and praying Simon had changed his mind. No such luck. He heard Simon's car arriving and started to hyperventilate. He fled to the bathroom.

By the time Simon knocked on the door, he was outwardly calm again.

"Hi, Jim. Where's Blair?" Simon asked as he entered and put away his coat.

"He went to a movie with Sandra. After that they're going to her place for dinner."

"Good." Simon gathered him in his arms.

Jim was unsure about what to do. He had never been with a man before and he was not attracted to Simon in any way. Before he had thought of him strictly as a boss and a friend, nothing more.

Simon cupped his jaw in his large hand. "You can still back out from the deal."

"And Blair?"

"Won't have any more access to crime scenes or police files," Simon stated.

Hesitatingly, Jim reached upwards for a kiss. Simon tasted of coffee and cigars. The beard stubble felt weird.

***

The deal was kept on both sides. Simon came to the loft for a night occasionally, about once a month, but three months could go by without any note from him and then he could come twice in a month. Jim tried to see if there was anything that triggered the visits, but could find nothing. Blair did not notice anything, or if he did, he said nothing.

Then came the infamous dissertation disaster.

***

The detectives had gathered in Simon's hospital room for an emergency meeting. They wanted to do something to show their support to Blair and Joel suggested a detective's badge. Simon vetoed it.

"That would mean that there's something more behind all this mess. Offering Blair a place at the PD would really feed the press and the rumours."

The others nodded. They had to admit he had a point.

"I could contact some of my friends," Rafe suggested. "They could have a job for an anthropologist. Or know of someone who does."

"We could write a joint reference for him," Megan said, excited that there was something concrete they could do.

"That sounds doable. How about you draw up a draft for tomorrow?" Simon said to Megan.

After the details had been agreed on, the detectives filed out. Simon motioned for Jim to stay behind. He had been quiet during the meeting. He was still something of a pariah among the MC gang. The others blamed him for most of the mess. They were convinced he could have done something to prevent it from escalating.

"Do you think Rafe can find a job for Blair?" Jim asked as he sat on a chair by Simon's hospital bed.

"Yes. If not, Blair's sure to find something himself."

Jim nodded.

"But what about you?"

"Me?" The question was not what Jim had expected.

"Yes. How long will you stay at the PD?"

Jim gaped at Simon. "How long?"

Simon sighed. "Is your hearing on low setting? You can't stay. There are already rumours about Major Crimes and the DA is talking about reviewing all your cases. For a start."

"But- "

"No buts. I will not have my department become a curiosity. Besides, what do you think would happen with your future cases? They would be triple checked by the DA and the defence lawyers."

Simon sounded angry. Jim tried to figure out something to say in his own defence, but could find nothing. He had really screwed up this time.

"I want your resignation by tomorrow morning. Bring it here. You have three weeks of vacation time left. After you've taken them, the resignation takes effect."

Jim nodded, feeling lousy and hopeless.

***

He was sitting on the couch in the loft. Blair had left to see Simon at the PD. Jim knew the others would give him the reference and tips about potential jobs. He would like to have been there, but it would not be a good idea. Simon had made it clear as he gave the resignation paper that his presence was not wanted at the PD.

He shook his head. *Quit with the self-pity already. You've started anew before, you can do it again.* He had kept in contact with some of his army buddies. One of them was sure to have a job for him. Derek had a private airfield and Mitch was a manager in his father-in-law's security firm, then there was Jack and that highly classified project. He had hinted before that there would be a job for him if he wanted it. Since there were scientists involved Sandburg might be welcome too.

*I don't need them* Jim sternly reminded himself. *I can do fine without the others.* So why did he feel so bad?

***

Blair came home late. Jim could hear him staggering through the door despite the drunken guide's best efforts to keep quiet. He tracked his movements in the loft. After the guide had finally reached the bed the sentinel allowed sleep to overcome him.

***

Next morning the sun found a hung over guide and a quiet sentinel at the dinner table. Blair was nursing his third cup of coffee as Jim read the morning paper.

"What will you do?" Blair asked drowsily.

"Mmm?"

"Simon told me you'd resigned." Blair sounded a lot more awake than five minutes ago.

*Trust Simon to tell him.* Jim had not managed to tell Blair. He had not been sure what to say and had felt that telling him before he had figured out what to do next would be premature. To be honest, he had chickened out.

Jim folded the paper and laid it on the table.

"It... seemed like the right thing to do. The DA had been talking about going over my cases, past, present and future." Jim paused. Blair was looking at him steadily. "As for what I'm going to do next, I'll call a few friends. See if they can help."

Blair studied the tabletop for a few moments. An uncomfortable silence reigned.

"Would you... Do you want to go your own way?"

"No!" The mere thought scared him.

Blair smiled. "Together?"

"Yes." Jim breathed a sigh of relief.

Blair took a hold of his hand. Stroked it.

"This might not be the right time to say this, but... I love you."

A shiver ran through Jim's spine.

***

Blair could feel the hand beneath his freeze and still. He looked questioningly at Jim who seemed... scared?

"Jim, what's wrong?" A dozen different scenarios invaded his mind, each as terrifying.

"Nothing," was the quick answer. It did not quiet the alarm bells any.

"It's not nothing," Blair stated. He was still holding Jim's hand, but this time he was making sure the other man could not run away. Jim was avoiding his gaze, squirming in his seat. "Jim, have you been with a man before?"

A reluctant nod was the only answer.

"And it didn't go well."

Another reluctant nod.

Blair rose and moved to stand beside his sentinel. He stroked Jim's hand, trying to be as calm a guide as possible despite the anger burning at the pit of his stomach.

"Who was it?" he asked softly.

"Simon," Jim said quietly after a few long moments.

***

Blair was pacing in the loft, fuming. He stopped and glanced upstairs. Jim was sleeping on his bed, mentally exhausted. It had taken only a few more pointed questions before the whole sordid tale had come flooding out.

Blair started pacing again. He could clearly remember Simon asking him what the deal was between him and Jim. Blair had been happy to share his theories and observations about the guide-sentinel bond with someone. He had thought it would help. He snorted. Right, help Simon abuse his sentinel.

Jim had been terrified when he had suggested suing Simon. Blair had been quick to reassure him he would do no such thing without Jim's explicit approval beforehand. That still left a few options. He would not leave the matter be. That was a certainty.

***

"Blair! Long time no see. How's it going?" an anorectic looking young man greeted him.

"Not that good, Clay," Blair said seriously as he sat down on a rickety chair that was older than he was. It fit with the rest of the café's interior.

"What's wrong? You know I'm always ready to help you. You don't often ask for help."

"God helps those who help themselves," Blair said, grinning. The grin faded as he thought of the reason for being here. "I told you about Jim the last time we met."

"Oh, yes. The hunk you were fond of."

"Uh-huh. He's a cop, a detective. His boss is one Simon Banks. Now, some time ago -"

***

They were sitting on the couch, looking through papers laid out on the coffee table before them.

"So, I could go to Saint Louis and finish my doctorate there. As long as I keep a low profile no-one's going to throw a fit." Blair drank the last of the coffee in his cup and set it on the table. "What about you? Did you get an answer from that friend of yours?"

"Yeah, everything's okay. I could start there in a month," Jim said unenthusiastically.

"What is it?"

"Just... going away. I thought it would be nothing much, but..."

Blair hugged his sentinel.

"It's never easy to leave your home, specially for a sentinel. You're leaving the tribe, but you'll gain another. Hopefully a better one."

Jim nodded.

***

"Really?... That sounds good. You're sure you can... Yeah... Uh-huh... Great. I owe you. Thanks."

Blair waved to Jim who had just come through the door and set the receiver down after the last 'I'll call yous'.

"Who was it?" Jim asked as he put down the grocery bag.

"Maggie Walkslight, that civil rights lawyer I once told you about."

Jim stared at him, shocked.

"You didn't?"

"No, I'd never do that to you," Blair stated. "But I did ask her to look into Simon. You weren't the only one. He's been trading deals and favours since he was a junior detective. There's enough there to convict him without dragging you into it."

"Still, you should've told me," Jim said quietly, turning away.

Blair went to his sentinel and hugged him from behind. He did not want Jim to leave, not before they had resolved this. Their relationship was easing back into the warmth and comfort it had had before the whole mess with Alex and the diss. Blair was not going to risk something else coming between them.

"I wasn't sure there would be enough, that she could find enough evidence against Simon. And I didn't want her after you, pressuring you to testify. She might have done that. She's like a bloodhound with a case like this."

The loft was quiet for a few long minutes. It was a struggle for Blair to keep the babble of words inside him.

"Okay. But no more secrets or obfuscations between us, okay?"

Blair nodded, and nuzzled Jim's neck.

"It's a deal. I'll make lunch, you go shower."

As Jim went to the bathroom, Blair thought of his promise. There was one secret left between them, a secret he would never tell Jim. Maggie was plan B, just there to make sure everyone would know the kind of man Simon Banks was. Blair did not want him to be remembered as a hero and a devoted father. And that was plan A, Clay. Clay was one of the many stepsiblings he had collected, thanks to Naomi's roaming ways. Clay was a true friend and had a strict set of codes he lived by, but he was also ruthless. A few years ago, he killed a guy who had been harassing his girlfriend. Blair had helped Clay cover it up. Clay had agreed to wait until they had left for Saint Louis and the case had been in the media until killing Simon.

Blair idly wondered what to tell Jim if he ever asked about it. He shrugged. He would think of something.

***

End