Work Text:
A.A. Milne Must Be Spinning in His Grave
by Scribe
It was a typical day in the Hundred Akre Wood. (Yes, We know that it should be Acre, but Christopher Robin made the sign. He is Only Six, so cut him Some Slack.) Kanga was taking a walk with Roo when she met Piglet. "Hello, Piglet," she said to the Very Small Animal. "Where are you going so early today?"
"Hello, Kanga. Hello, Roo," Piglet replied, because he was Very Polite. "I'm going to see Jimmie-the-Pooh."
"But Piglet," said Kanga. "Jimmie-the-Pooh's loft is that way." Kanga tilted her head in the proper direction, because it was Very Rude to point.
"Yes, I know," said Piglet. "But Jimmie-the-Pooh was going to have a Sleepover with Blairbit last night."
"Oh, How Nice," said Kanga. "Those two are such Good Friends."
"Blairbit is always fussing at Jimmie about his Eating Habits."
"And well he should!" said Kanga firmly. "Jimmie eats entirely too much Hunny. A little now and then is one thing, but when he starts spreading it on Wonderburgers..."
"Blairbit is always trying to get him to eat carrots and Algea Shakes. Jimmie makes Rude Noises when he does that."
"Well, Piglet, all friends argue Now and Then, but it does not mean they don't like each other very, very much."
"I suppose you are Right." Piglet waved good-bye and hurried down the path toward Blairbit's burrow.
Kanga walked along. A little later Piglet hurried up, looking Very Distressed. "Kanga, can you leave Roo with Eeyore for a little while?"
"I suppose so, Piglet, but why should I?"
"I need you to come to Blairbit's burrow. Something is Very, Very Wrong."
"Goodness! Are either of The Boys hurt?"
"N-o-t exactly. It's just that, well," he looked uneasily at Roo, then whispered in Kanga's ear. "Jimmie-the-Pooh is stuck in Blairbit's hole."
Kanga dropped Roo off with Eeyore, then followed Piglet. She was Shaking Her Head. "I suppose it was bound to happen. Jimmie brought a big Pot of Hunny to the Sleepover, didn't he?"
"Yes, he did."
"Then the greedy thing had to eat it all, and now he is Too Fat to get out of Blairbit's burrow?"
Piglet stopped, blushing. "No, Kanga. I think I should explain this before we go Any Further."
"Why, what do you mean, dear?"
"Well, Jimmie-the-Pooh and Blairbit are very special friends..."
"Yes?"
"I didn't say Jimmie couldn't get out of the burrow. I said that Jimmie-the-Pooh was stuck in Blairbit's hole." Piglet sighed. "When will that silly old Sentinel learn that you can't use Hunny for Lube?"
The End