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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
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1,485
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1/1
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Noteworthy

Summary:

Jethro makes a noteworthy discovery

Work Text:

Alone in the bullpen after finally sending DiNozzo and McGee home, Jethro looked at the stack of mail on his desk. Memos from the director topped the pile as well as his newly mandated PDA. Would Jen ever learn to just leave him and his team alone so that they could do their jobs? This mandatory PDA thing was just the latest in her attempt to bring chaos to a smooth working team.

Jethro threw the PDA down on his desk in disgust. "Damn technology," he snarled as he yanked open the drawer to his desk. "Never had to worry about a pad and pencil with dead batteries." As he rifles through the various drawers, he comes up empty. Closing the top drawer to his desk with a little bit more force than necessary, he scans the squad bay. Tossing the offending piece of electronics onto his desk, he crosses over to Tony's desk. Yanking open the top drawer, he growls in frustration when the drawer sticks, caught on something inside.

Sitting at the desk, he reaches inside to clear the jam. After discovering the notebook jammed up under the lip of the desk, he removes it. He glances down at the cover, surprised to see his name on the cover. He recognizes Tony's distinctive handwriting.

Leaning forward, he turns on the light, offering a scant amount of illumination in the otherwise dark office. Opening the cover, he sees more of Tony's writing and a salutation to him.

Dear Boss,

If you are reading this, it means that I'm not coming back. I don't know what has transpired and why I'm dead but the fact remains that I am. If it is work related, I'm sure that you are blaming yourself for whatever happened. Don't. Whatever it is, whatever went down, it's not your fault. Know that I died doing a job that I loved working along side people I also loved and who I considered to be my family.

I guess you are wondering about this notebook. It started right after I came to work for you. I'm sure you remember the case of the missing SEAL who turned out not to be missing but wrongly deployed. When you explained to me about the SEAL tradition of writing a letter to someone special before each mission, I was deeply touched by that. In those first few months working with you, I started writing my own letters before each undercover assignment. I sat down one night to read through them after a particularly nasty case. I realized then that I needed a more permanent solution. Thus this journal was born. I have saved the original letters as well as the previous editions of this journal. They are in a special safe deposit box. The key is inside the back cover of this journal. The letters, a few treasured photos, and my will are inside the box. You, Abby, Ducky, Probie (could I call him anything else?), and Palmer are the closest thing to family I've ever had. Even Ziva has come to grow on me. To each of you, I've left the various items of the Tony DiNozzo estate. I won't bore you with the details here but I hope you are happy with the choices I've made.

Speaking of the choices I've made, I know without a doubt THE best choice I ever made was accepting your offer to join NCIS. I've learned so much from you over the years. Not only professionally either, although I've learned more from you professionally in the last few years than I ever could have anywhere else in a lifetime. But you've also taught me about the person I wanted to be. You are honorable, truthful, and do truly care not only about the job but the people we protect. Your loyalty to Corps and to your team has been a constant reminder of what a truly wonderful man you are.

I said I loved the entire team before and I meant it with all of my heart. Abby is cute sister and the best friend a guy could ever want. Probie has always been the younger brother, eager to learn and fun to tease, although no matter what went down, I've always had his back. I like to think that my grandfather was a lot like Ducky. I wish I had known him but I think I've gotten the perfect replacement in the wonderful Doctor Mallard. His kindness and compassion are second only to yours. Keep an eye on Ziva. I think she has the makings of a great investigator. If nothing else, her unique perspective on our society should keep you on your toes. I do miss Kate. I don't think the hole in my heart will ever heal. She was truly the best sister a guy could want. Kind, funny, annoying as hell, and great to tease but I knew and I hope she knew too that no matter what, we had each other's back. I know I still carry my own guilt around over what happened on that rooftop and I suspect you will carry yours for a lifetime as well. What happened wasn't my fault, it wasn't your fault. It's all on Ari. Remember Kate with smiles and laughter, not hatred and guilt. It's what she would have wanted.

The one thing I truly regret is never having worked up the courage to tell you exactly how I feel. Yes, the others have a special place in my heart but you stole my heart the moment we met. I knew from that first meeting that you were The One. I had never truly believed in love at first sight until I met you. One look, one growled "DiNozzo", and I was head over heels in love. As I came to know you, that love only deepened. Your honor, courage, and yes, even the second B for bastard side of you drew me like a moth to flame. I may not have been able to tell you how I feel but I was able to work with you every day, watch your back, and do what little I could to make your life easier.

I respected your privacy, something that you guarded zealously. While I don't know what ended your marriages, I do know that you gave yourself to each of them in the only way you knew how - completely and honestly. I can't help but think that your wives were fools to let you out of their grasp for even a second. I'm also insanely jealous of each and every one of them for they had a piece of you that I could never have: Your heart.

I've never stayed in one place as long as I've stayed at NCIS. No one has ever wanted me for any length of time and I don't think I've ever truly felt as at home as I do here. Thank you Jethro for making this the one place that I could, even for a short span of time, call home and where I could for the first time ever, feel wanted, needed, and maybe even useful.

I hope you have a long and happy life. There is love waiting out there for you. I hope you find that special someone who can truly appreciate the gift that is Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Be happy, you deserve no less than the best.

Love forever,

Tony

 

Tony stands beside his desk, hidden partially in the shadows. He hadn't expected Jethro to still be in the office this late at night. To see him not only at his desk, but obviously upset, worries Tony. "Boss, you okay?" Tony asks, kneeling beside his desk, looking at Jethro in his chair.

Jethro's eyes snap open and he blinks the tears away, trying to focus on the man kneeling beside him. Reaching out, he smacks his hand upside the back of Tony's dark head.

Tony gives his usual startled mewl when Jethro smacks him. "What was that for?" he asks, now totally confused by his boss' strange behavior.

"Don't you ever, ever think that you are not wanted, needed, useful, or that you are not loved. I love you, Tony DiNozzo and don't you ever doubt that," Jethro all but shouts at Tony. With infinite slowness and a gentleness belied by his gruff tone, Jethro places his hands on either side of Tony's face. Staring Tony directly in the eye, he says the words that will change his life forever. "I love you, Tony and don't you ever forget it."

"I love you too, Jethro. I love you too."

The End