Work Text:
Intercepted N.N.L. memo
by David Lee Rickman II
I have just received an intercepted letter between the Pentagon and N.N.L. I don't fear for my life for having this classified memo. Wait, there are government vehicles pulling up in the drivewa..y..y..y..y...
Ima Spy
The Pentagon
Arlington, VA
Dear Nate Ramsey,
First off, we would like to thank you for your continueing service to the United States of America. That is why I am sorry but I must deny your requests.
It is our opiniom that your interpretation of Roe V. Wade is wrong. Therefore, no order will be given to have Frank Parker retro-aborted.
Also, having a restraining order against Frank Parker from coming within ten feet of an escape route off N.N.L. is unenforceable.
We do however agree to the idea that the justice department should sue "Big Caffeine." For years the caffeine industry has lied about the addictive effects of caffeine. Your idea has been forwarded to Janet Reno, so we can sue Maxwell House and Coca-cola to recover health care costs and damages. Also, we will study how many schools have "zero tolerance," yet illegally sell the caffeine stimulate from vending machines like Mountain Dew.
This is America, and this will not be tolerated!
sincerely,
Ima Spy
Deputy Director of Pentagon Relations
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END