SquidgeWorld Archive

The First Star I See Tonight
By Browny


Deep in the uncharted territories Moya travel along its path, lost, like the small crew on board her. The ship had traveled for over a week without stopping.

It was traveling a large expanse of space with few habituated planets.

Inside the gigantic living ship John Crichton peered around the entry way into the large room he had been looking for with Pilot's help.

He hadn't see Aeryn all day, with the lack of anything at the moment out to get them, the meager crew of Moya had gone their separate ways. With the DRD's maintaining most of Moya's systems the crew themselves had little to do.

After walking around the ship literally five times, John had asked Pilot if he knew were Aeryn was. He figured she would be as bored as he, and maybe would wish to just talk, or rip off his arm. 'Peace Keeper PMS' he often thought silently to himself. The problem was both male and female Sebaceans seemed to be effected.

All the time.

Pilot had been quite cheerful, surprising as it was, and told him where Aeryn was. He also told him about her request not that long before.

"What she up to?"

"She requested that I power up one of the lower deck viewing portals." He said simply.

"Viewing portal?"

"It is a larger version of the holographic display on the bridge."

"Oh, like a holodeck on Star trek?" He waved his hand in apology at Pilot at his puzzled reaction. "Don't mind me, I am just the crazy Human."

"Of this I have no doubt most of the time." The green alien said inwardly as he faded from view.

He had wondered what Aeryn would spend her time looking at. John looked around the dark room in amazement. It was as if someone had shrunken the night time sky and placed it in the small room. He stepped inside. As his eyes adjusted to the light level he could see Aeryn looking straight at him.

"I am sorry to interrupt, I just..." He sputtered.

"You are wasting away on this ship, for lack of anything to do?" She finished for him. She understood better than he did, she was a fighter, a soldier.

The stillness of the ship bothered her like nothing ever had in her life, not that she would dare show it to anyone.

"This is so incredible, we have something like this at home, but not like this... it just feels so real, like we were planet side." John knew how important that image was to her, the rough and strong Aeryn Sun image, and didn't press her. She smiled faintly at that. "What sky are we looking at?" He walked over to join her.

"My home planet, or I should say home world, to my people. I was not born there."

John nodded, his eyes still up at the generated heavens. "Have you ever seen them in person?" He asked, hoping she wouldn't leap all over him for the too personal a question. She thought about it, then spoke.

"Yes. When I was younger, twelve cycles old. It was a brief visit, the training ship I was stationed on stopped there for a few arhns." She looked over with a faint smile, then looked away. It was no use, he had seen it. "I snuck out to see what my home world looked like, after hearing about it so much I was curious. I remember thinking how faint the sky looked, after seeing the stars up close." She frowned.

"What happened?" He had feeling this story ended badly.

"I was caught, and punished for my disobedience. I never forgot what my curiosity got me."

John looked back at her, and saw only the stern Peace Keeper standing next to him. He looked away. It was such a damn shame, some times Aeryn let down her guard, he saw... hell he didn't know what he saw, but he knew there was more in there than she was letting on, a person with a heart. He couldn't help grimacing at the thought, if she heard him say that she most likely would rip out his tongue and hold it over him to prove him wrong...

... He stopped in mid thought as he looked up at the sky again. with a gasp as if some one had hit him and the near mindless thought of panic and shock. He wondered why the little dipper was looking down upon him.

"AERYN!" He gasped, his eyes not leaving the heavens.

"What is it?" She watched him spin around, his eyes still up looking up, seeking out more of the sky.

"My God Aeryn..."

"What!" She hissed. After the short time she has know him, she had long ago gotten use to his dazzled expression at simple things.

"The stars..." He whispered, then for the first time met her gaze. He licked his lips quickly then looked up again. "How long had Sebacean's lived on this planet?"

"What? ... I don't know... its our home world... Why?"

He pointed to a cluster of stars. "Because either this universe is a lot more warped than I thought... or that's Orion's belt I see. And there, that way... that's the big dipper."

"What? What are you babbling about?"

"Constellations Aeryn, on my world we named the patterns in the stars by certain names. The stars in this sky are the same, well almost, one of the stars in the dipper is completely gone... but as I remember, it was going to go out soon." He looked down to her, griping her arms tightly. "You realize what I am saying? I never left. Except in time... Its why we look so similar, but different..."

"Are you saying that I am a descendent of..."

"The world I left behind. But the stars are slightly different."

"Maybe you are picking out patterns you wish to see?"

"No, it all fits! The patterns with time would drift, or change with a huge amount of time. Why we look and are the same physically..."

'The Peace Keepers are humanity's future?' he could not help thinking... 'No!' He refused to believe that. He pulled away from Aeryn. 'Dad? DK? Everyone he left behind? Gone?' At a wild guess when he compared how advanced Sebacean's were to what he left... he knew all that he had know would be dust, if even that still existed long ago. He ran his fingers through his hair... 'My God! No wonder they treat me like a idiot! I am a freekin Neanderthal compared to...'

"John?"

He didn't hear her. His mind was running fast, piece by piece everything fell into place, the stars, the people who looked just like him, how he had traveled all this way -or so he had thought! He had never figured that one thing... in theory wormholes could span space, AND OR time. But it was just a theory... hell, wormholes and black holes themselves were just theories until he came here... Why not toss time into the equation as well?

He couldn't face this. He bolted from the room.

"JOHN!" She yelled, and ran after him.

He ran fast, he had never been anything close to a Olympic quality runner, but his legs carried him. He just couldn't face Aeryn, or anyone for that matter.

Now more than ever he was aware of how much he didn't belong in this universe.

The small voice in the back of his head told him it was pointless to run; where would he go to?

'You can't run John, not from this... you're stuck here... in this sick twisted version of a universe... On this ship with a insane military commander with an Ahab complex on your tail. Its only a matter of time before you run into him again. It's just a matter of time before you die here... no home, no one to care or love you. Alex is gone with the rest. Ashes to ashes... Nothing to see afterward, your brush with death taught you that.'

He pushed himself faster, not caring where he went, except the part of him that wished it was over.

***

Aeryn chased him down the tier and onto the next. Part of her wondered why she bothered. Why chase him? But she knew... she knew his mind was reeling from having his world uplifted and overturned. He didn't know how to deal with it.

"D'Argo" She yelled into her link, even with her training she could feel her legs begin to tire. John had adrenaline on his side, that and she had noticed the Human was fast... 'Human?' If John was right... No, he couldn't be. He just couldn't.

"What is it Aeryn?" D'Argo finally answered.

"Help me calm down Crichton..." She gasped into the link.

'What is..."

"I will explain later, I think he may do something stupid. Tier nine. Bring Zhaan. Hurry." She heard him say something in Luxan that her microbes could not translate, and then the line went dead. Aeryn ran, she had lost sight to John, but still could hear his quickly retreating footfall further down the corridor.

She came to a stop when she noticed she could no longer hear him... Where was he? She knew he could not have out distanced her, he had to be near by. She looked around, long rows of doors which lined the wall. She was in the crews quarters section of the ship. He could be in any of the rooms.

"John?" She called out, hoping he would hear. Why are you even bothering? She wondered, maybe it was best to just leave him be... he'll come out when he wants, or at the very least when he gets hungry.

She opened a door and looked inside. She knew why she was bothering... She closed the door and looked in another. You care for him, you admitted as much after you caught him with Gilina. She closed her eyes in irritation with herself over the memory. So stupid... she thought. Why had she told him?

Aeryn peered into another room, she heard breathing. 'John?' Without thinking her hand went down to her weapon. She walked slowly inside, she spotted him on the far side of the room curled up on the far side of a chair on the floor.

She walked over or him. She kneeled down next to him. His expression was blank, his eyes never left the wall in front of him.

"Hey", she whispered, remembering back to the time he had used that odd greeting on her.

"You don't need to worry about me." He said dead tone.

"I think you need to talk." He looked over at her. "Think of it as a pay back for all the times you bothered me."

"All right." He said simply. He looked to her like a ghost of his former self, as if he had aged many years in the short distance he had run. He hadn't given her his normal odd quip in reply.

"Are you sure?" She asked, knowing he would know what she meant.

He looked away from her and sighed heavily. "Aeryn, I am a scientist, a Tech if you will." He started to laugh at the thought. "I spent most of my life studying the sky, one thing I should hope to know now is what my home sky looked like."

"But you said they were slightly different."

"Yeah, Aeryn," he turned to face her again, becoming more wrapped up in what he was saying. "Stars are not a constant, they change and shift, fade and are born..." His voice faded as they looked at each other in several minutes of silence. "They are all gone, what I knew. Before I always took comfort in the fact that everyone back home would be were okay."

Aeryn stared at him. "That has always been my thought as well, until the Zelbineum."

"Two lost people on a living ship who can never go home?" He asked. She met his eyes. He then bowed his head and leaned forward, Aeryn tensed not knowing what he...

He rested his head on her shoulder without thinking. She sat perfectly still not knowing how to respond and was startled when he reached up and pulled her to him tightly. She had told him grief was never shown, that it was viewed as a weakness. But she felt it all the same. His pain, his loss.

She understood.

Comfort. she thought. she knew she should pull away, but didn't. She reached up and held him back, gently resting her lips against his brow. She pushed away the voice that told her to stop. Why? Why bother?

She had lost all she had known too. No one to make her stop, to follow...

She bushed her lips over his brow.

The first sobs that racked his body took her by surprise He buried his face in her hair and let go.

Aeryn listened to him cry, running her own fingers through his hair. She knew the only reason she allowed him this, her comforting him... she carried for him.

She gritted her teeth at the thought, but she knew she could not deny it.

Ever since he had come into her life, turning hers upside down she had suspected. She had tried to scare him away, but it never seemed to work. He remained, at that moment he was one of those few constants in her life. Before it had been her duty, her training, her fellow comrades.

Tears stung her eyes. This damn Human's grief was infectious.

She heard the door open and tensed, slowly she turned her head to see D'Argo and Zhaan with several DRD's at there feet. 'Please... not now.' She thought, but didn't pull away from the sobbing Human who was a oblivious of their audience.

Shame burned her cheeks. She was a Peace Keeper, to let some one see her like this holding a weeping... She stopped.

Was.

She wasn't a Peace Keeper any longer. This was her punishment this time, when they had been recalled by comand she had pushed her ship ahead, ignoring the call. She sighed, consigning herself to her fate.

With the DRD's Pilot got a good view of her as well. 'Why not just broadcast her and Crichton to Crais's ship?' She thought with irritation.

Zhaan seemed to sense Aeryn's thought, and rested a hand on D'Argo's arm and pulled him back from the odd picture. The door shut behind them, Aeryn saw Zhaan faintly nod her head.

She noticed that John was being to calm down, then stopped and pulled away. He kept his eyes down. "I am sorry Aeryn, I know how you feel about..." He got up and moved to leave but she stopped him. He looked down at her hand.

"Uh, thanks... for... I have just been bottling up everything since I got here, you could say this... it was the straw that broke the..." He babbled on, not knowing what else to say.

"You're welcome." She said, a bit to sharply. If it had been anyone else, John would have thought the person was upset at him, but with Aeryn, she had the same look on her face as when she had spit out she had feeling for him... for a moment, he added. Come on John, its your typical boy meets girl and are stuck together in a scary place with no way out scenario. Its just...

She looked up at him. He knew that look. He has seen it before.

'This is not happening, this is not happening.' He thought. Without thinking he moved closer to her. She didn't back away. 'Come on Aeryn, hit me or something.'

he dared. Instead she closed the gap between them and rested her hand on his chest slowly sliding it up to his cheek, then over along the side of his face to rest against his brow. His mind spun back to the kiss, when they were stuck in the Flax and they thought they were about to die. The promise they made to each other rang out in his mind. 'But never is such a very long time.' He thought before he leaned down and kissed her. This time it was different, their remaining life was not being counted in minutes. Once he got over the initial shock of what he was doing, and the fact he was still alive, he realized Aeryn was nervous.

Nervous? Her? Maybe Sebaceans don't kiss? Heck, he didn't have a clue. He decided to try something he hoped she liked. Pulling away he took her face in his hands and kissed her brow. He smiled as her heard her sigh, and gently covered the smooth skin over her eyebrow with tiny kisses. The curiosity was killing him, he had to know.

"Aeryn, do Sebaceans kiss" he asked, running his thumb over her lips, "like this?"

"No... I.. I don't know." John could feel his eyes go glassy, like a deer stuck in an oncoming headlight of a car at night with what she had just confessed to him. "You mean..." He sputtered not knowing how in heck to finish that sentence.

"Duty came first, I never had the time, ...or the person I wish to be with."

"You could have fooled me." He looked at her in disbelief, she looked pleased at that! He shook his head and drew her into another embrace.

"John?" She asked.

"Yeah." She pulled away and kissed him suddenly. 'Yup, she definitely wants to do this...' He deepened the kiss, noticing she was not nearly as awkward as before. Her lips were so warm and soft, so unlike in behavior to the person they belonged to. All other thoughts fled his mind...

"Attention! Peace Keeper vessel approaching." Pilots voice ran out with illperfect timing. The two jumped apart at his words.

"There she blows- she blows!- she blows!- right ahead!" John called out. Aeryn looked at him with her common look which said that he had gone mad. "A book, its a story of a man who hunts something beyond all common sense." He explained.

"Ah," she said. "I don't believe I will ever understand you Crichton." She added, and moved to leave the room. He stopped by resting his hand on her shoulder, and leaned over close to her ear.

"Now we can't have that, it would make me incredibly boring real fast."

He didn't see her smile as she walked out and broke into a jog down the hall, he followed her. When it rains it pours, he thought. It seemed this place hit him with miles of information in a very short time. His thoughts wandered back to home, and the stars that confirmed it was closer and farther away than he ever thought. He remembered back to when he was kid looking up at the night sky with his Dad, and the crazy wishes he had made then, he had no idea were some of his wishes would get him. To be like his Dad and travel to the moon and beyond.

'I wish I may, I wish...' he thought, but what would be wish for now? Home? Fate had granted him that in the cruelest way posible. Home, but he could never go there, the people who lived there would kill him. To wish for some one to care for, to care for him? He looked on to Aeryn's retreating form, maybe. Just maybe...

If she didn't kill him first.

Fin