Work Text:
Sand and Water
by Longdog
Ten long months had passed since Lee Crane's funeral. For the most part, life had gone on. Seaview still had contracts to fulfill, places to go, things to investigate, but it was all done without the participation or interest of the creator and driving force behind NIMR. Admiral Roy Park had taken on many of the administrative duties, and what he couldn't handle was parceled out to others that would normally only act as advisors to Nelson. But the Institute was slowly beginning to unravel without the tremendous drive of its founder.
After Lee's funeral, Nelson had lapsed into a depression, the depth of which was frightening to those around him. He had sequestered himself in his beach house, where he and Lee had spent so much time as friends, and forbade anyone to come near him. His pain was palpable to all those around him, and he couldn't stand the pity he saw on their faces when they looked at him.
Jiggs Starke had made one last attempt to atone for his horrible mistake. It was the last attempt because Nelson had decked him, breaking his jaw, and had him thrown off NIMR grounds. Security was notified to never let Starke on the grounds again.
Morton and Jamieson had made attempts to reach Nelson, but they were in vain. Harri would just stare off into space; it was as if he were trying to leave the world behind. The two men were at a total loss as to how to help him get over his lover's cold and lonely death after just one night of loving bliss. Despite the last letter that Lee had left behind for him, Harri was devastated by the thought that Lee had believed that their one night of sexual glory had in fact disturbed Harri to the point where he had sent Lee away...although that was so far from the truth. But Lee had died without ever knowing that the one night was an epiphany for Nelson, and both men had been on the brink of a new life together....a life of love. Now, never to be.
Nelson had lost so much weight that Jamieson was contemplating hospitalizing him, but since they were not on board Seaview, he had no such authority. The only thing left was to have Nelson committed, but they had not yet reached the point where that could be done. They just had to wait.
The sad, lonely figure was sitting on the sand, propped against a small boulder on the beach, staring out to sea...out to where his lover's ashes had been lovingly scattered by Kowalski, representing Seaview's crew. They had all loved their Skipper, and had taken his death very hard; if he had to die, it should have been with his own boat. At first, there had been a great deal of anger directed at Nelson, but once the men had been informed of the actual circumstances of Crane's transfer, and once they had seen Nelson's total devastation at Crane's death, they realized that it could not possibly have been Nelson's doing.
Nelson sat thinking of so many things he would never see again: Lee Crane's startlingly gorgeous smile, his curly black-as-midnight hair, how the moonlight shone on his olive-skinned body, the love shining in his beautiful golden-amber eyes. So many things he would never do again: share his stories with the younger man; spend a day just being with Lee; make love to that gorgeous body in the moonlight as he had that one glorious night they shared together; hear Lee's gentle voice
whimper and moan in passion as Harri took him; kiss Lee's soft, sweet lips. He didn't know how he could go on. He wasn't sure he even wanted to try. Oh, how he wished things were different.
As he sat there on the sand, tears slowly running down his face, exhaustion overtook him, and he fell asleep, wishing for things that could never be. He began to dream.
He found himself sitting on a beach, but not the same one he sat upon now. It looked vaguely familiar, similar to the beach the old Nelson family mansion had been built upon, but still a bit ...well, different. It was nearly sunset; his favorite time of day, but there was still plenty of light for him to be able to see that there were other people there. Some of them were people he knew, and some he didn't seem to know. Off to the left, on top of a sand dune, his mother conversed with another woman he didn't recognize. As his gaze touched her, she looked around and waved, then returned to her discussion. Walking past, some distance away, was his old friend Joe Donoughue, who had been killed in the war. It dawned on Harri that all those he recognized were people who were important to him at one time or another, and they were all deceased. Just then, a small beagle ran by, dragging an eel it had found on the beach; he was startled to recognize the little dog as Loki, a rambunctious pet from his childhood. Nelson began to wonder...was he dead? Why was he seeing these people?
He suddenly became aware of a tall, slim presence standing just behind him. He looked up into the beautiful face of Lee Crane. His lover looked down at him sadly, then sat down beside him on the sand and sighed. Nelson gaped at this apparition, speechless for once in his life.
"Oh, Harri. What am I going to do with you?"
"Lee? Oh God, Lee...is that really you? Or have I finally gone insane?"
"No, Harri, you haven't lost your wingnuts yet, but you're working on it. Yes, it's me, or at least the part of me that can still come to you."
"Where are we? What is this place?"
"It's as close to your concept of Heaven as you can get in a dream, Harri. Do you know why you're here?"
"I'm afraid, Lee. Please hold me. Am I dead?"
"Oh, my love, I'm sorry, but I cannot touch you....you are alive, and I am not. I want to help you. You are grieving for me, and I understand that, but you are also grieving yourself to death. I love you too much to let you do that."
"How can you love me, Lee....after what happened? I ran away from you...."
"Harri, " Lee interrupted. "You were overcome by feelings you never expected. I know that you never intended for those events to happen; I know it wasn't you. Being dead does have some positive points, you know; I know many things I did not know before. But I drew you here to tell you that I do not blame you, and I still love you. I will always love you, but you have to stop this. I can feel your grief from here... all of us feel it. You are tearing yourself apart for nothing, my love. Please, I know you will always grieve for me to some extent, but please don't dishonor my love for you by destroying yourself over me. I don't want that. I want you to live out your life doing the things you love to do, and the things we loved to do together. And when it is your time, I will be here waiting for you, love. Do you believe that? Do you believe me?"
Nelson looked deep into the golden eyes he loved so much, and carefully studied every millimeter of Lee's face, committing it to memory. Lee looked so very beautiful here, it was almost surreal. He reached out as if to take Lee's face in his hands, and nodded.
"I believe you, love. I just wish I could stay here with you, now."
"No, Harri. Things happened as they were meant to happen. It is not your time. You have too many good things to do yet, and I want you to do all of them. The world needs you. I wish I could be there with you, love, but know this: I will always watch over you, and I will meet you when you finally come home. It's time for you to go now, Harri. Goodbye my love, and try to remember me for whatever happiness we shared, and not how we parted, or how I died."
The golden-tinged scene around Nelson vanished as he awakened with a start. He looked around frantically, desperately hoping that Lee was still there, but he was alone. The sadness and bitterness began to return for a moment...it had just been a dream...just a hopeless dream....But then he saw it....in the sand close by his hand. The sun glanced off of it, causing it to shine like a bright star. His heart full of love, and his mind full of wonder, he picked up Lee Crane's onyx ring....the ring that had been missing when Lee's body had been brought up from the sunken sub. He stared at it for a moment, and then slipped it on the little finger of his left hand...it was a perfect fit. He looked around him, and sighed.
"Thank you, Lee, for one last moment together. And thank you for this."
There was no answer but the sound of the waves, and the beautiful colors of the setting sun.
But he didn't need any other answer now. He felt better than he had since before Crane's death. He felt like he had purpose again. He would rest this weekend, and then on Monday, he would start again. Lee would want it that way.
And when his time came, they would meet again, and be together for all of time.
It would be enough.
Finis
"I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
I will know you, when I come, as we all will come
Thru the doors beyond the grave...
All alone, I came into this world
All alone, I will someday die.
Solid stone is just
Sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by."
(from "Sand and Water" by Beth Nielsen Chapman)