Actions

Work Header

Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandoms:
Language:
English
Collections:
Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
Stats:
Published:
2020-11-04
Words:
533
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
1
Kudos:
7
Hits:
1,281

Outdoor 4th of July Male Bonding

Summary:

Jim and Blair discuss eating habits on the Fourth

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Outdoor 4th of July Male Bonding
By Scribe

 

*The scene is the loft's balcony* *Jim is attending a barbeque grill* *whiff of smoke* *sizzles*

Blair: "Ah, the Great American Tradition of charring dead animal flesh over a glowing bed of white hot coals."

Jim: "Shut up, Sandburg. I told you before--I'm not making one of those damn Tofu Garden patties. It borders on sacrilege. If you can't deal with the steaks, eat the grilled corn. Simon will be here any minute now with potato salad, and Rafe is bringing cole slaw. H. and his wife are bringing baked beans. That should be enough veggies to fill even your bottomless pit."

Blair: "Carbs, carbs, carbs."

Jim: "Bitch, bitch, bitch." *snort* "Charring dead animal flesh. You've been watching the Coneheads on your Saturday Night Live tape." *Turns steak* "And I'll have you know that those white hot coals are mesquite, not your everyday Kingsford."

Blair: "Wow. You sent all the way to Texas for the means to add carcinogens to your helping of cholesterol."

Jim: "Blair, please note that I'm holding a big ass barbeque fork."

Blair: "If you're going to try to kill your friends with massive amounts of red meat, you might at least do it right." *goes into kitchen*

Jim: *yells after him* "What the hell do you mean--do it right? I'll have you know that I am the Grillmaster!"

Blair: *returns* "They why are you poking holes in the porterhouses, letting all the juices out?" *hands Jim a set of long barbecue tongs* "Here. You know what to do with these."

Jim: "Indeed I do." *Blair turns away* *Jim promptly uses the tongs to pinch his butt*

Blair: "HEY!" *rubbing ass* "Those are used to handle FOOD, Jim!"

Jim: *twirls tongs* "Not these. I used them to unclog the kitchen drain last month. They're permanently retired. That's why they were in the junk drawer and not the utensil drawer, Genius. Pay attention."

Blair: *salutes* "Yessir, Mr. A-place-for-everything-and-everything-in-its-place!"

Jim: "At ease." *peers over the rail* "That's Megan pulling up, and Joel. I timed this perfectly! Hold that platter, Sandburg." *Jim begins forking steaks onto the platter* "Rare, rare, and rare." *turns back to grill* "The others need a little time. I think Daryl likes his well done, the little heathen." *looks up alertly, and turns back to Blair* *points with fork* "A-HA!"

Blair: *he's chewing* "Um..."

Jim: "Don't try to lie to me! You're eating a chunk of fat off that steak! Even if I wasn't a Sentinel, your lips are greasy. I don't believe it. You go on and on about me eating meat, and I catch you eating FAT."

Blair: "So I'm weak. It was done crunchy."

Jim: "Oh, well, then..."

Blair: "Could you do one of those medium well? Just a weeny bit pink inside?"

Jim: "I think I can manage it. What incentive do I have?"

Blair: "Read your apron."

Jim: *looks down* "Kiss the cook."

Blair: "I'll make good on that, on the area of your body covered by the apron."

Jim: *turns steak* "As long as you don't try to sneak the ketchup, but use it boldly and unashamedly, we have a deal."

 

END

Notes:

This orphaned work was originally on Pejas WWOMB posted by author Scribe.
If this work is yours and you would like to reclaim ownership, you can click on the Technical Support and Feedback link at the bottom fo the page.