Work Text:
Xanders Kitten
by Cassy
Xander burst through the door to the magic shop and then stood panting for breath before looking wildly around the shop.
Giles? Giles, are you here?"
The former watcher came out of the back room, a panicked expression on his face.
"Xander? What is it? Is it Buffy, is she all right?"
He began grabbing books, weapons, herbs and powders.
"No, not Buffy. It's... It's Spike."
Giles stopped what he was doing, his relief that Buffy was all right, overshadowed by a look of apprehension. With a heartfelt sigh, he pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and took off his glasses.
What is it he's done this time? Honestly, Xander, I warned you not to play pool with him; if he's fleeced you out of your rent money again, it's your own fault.
Xander scowled but then shook his head.
"It's not that. It's, look."
Xander pulled a small kitten from his coat pocket and held it out to the older man. Giles replaced his just-polished glasses and took a closer look at it.
"It's appears to be a kitten. What does this have to do with Spike? Do I even want to know?"
"Look closer, Giles. It is Spike. Someone, or something turned him into a cat."
Giles blinked.
"Did you see it happen?"
"Well, no."
"Did anyone else see it happen and bring him to you?"
"No again."
Giles sighed.
"Then what makes you think that this kitten is Spike?"
"Look at its fur! That is not a natural cat colour! And it's eyes! They're blue!"
Giles hid a smile behind his hand.
"Well, I agree that the colour is fairly ... unusual; it doesn't mean that this is a transmogrified vampire."
"Um, well, it bit me. Hard. Drew blood even, and when I scre... yelled, it, it ... smirked at me."
Just then Buffy and Willow walked into the shop.
"Oooh kitty! How cute!"
Willow scooped the kitten into her arms and held it against her chest. The kitten cuddled into her cleavage and began to purr. Giles blushed slightly and averted his eyes. Xander pointed and crowed in triumph.
"See! Look at it, it's, it's groping Willow?s breasts! That is Spike!"
Everyone looked at the kitten who was currently kneading its paws on the young witch. Buffy looked from a triumphant Xander to a considering Giles and then quirked her eyebrow.
"Um, Xan? You named your kitten after Spike, why?"
"Hey! Not my kitten. And I didn't name it after Spike, it is Spike."
Xander turned away from the confused Slayer and gave Giles his patented puppy eyes.
"G-man? You can fix him right? I mean, it would be cruel to leave him like that, all weak and defenceless."
"Well, if he managed to bite you, then he's less defenceless in this form than in his vampiric one, wouldn't you say?"
Xander tilted his head and thought about that; he opened his mouth to reply but Willow spoke up first.
"Plus, if it is Spike, he can go out in the sun now. That has to be a good thing for him, right? Oh! And he can hunt again. Sure it's just and birds and stuff, but at least he'll be able to kill again. Not that I condone killing mice or birds or anything. But surely that would make for a happy Spike, wouldn't it?"
Giles gave the girl a soft smile and then took the small kitten from her.
"Yes, Willow. I'm sure that Spike is much happier in his current form. Perhaps I should keep him here; the shop does get mice in the cellar, I could use a cat down there."
Xander looked around at his friends and saw that they were serious about keeping the vampire in his kitten form and knew he had to put a stop to it.
"NO! Stop it right now. I can't believe you people! It's not up to you to decide how Spike should live his life. You have to turn him back! Now, damn it!"
Buffy snickered.
Willow turned her back to him but he could see her shoulders shaking.
Giles cleared his throat and then took off his glasses and stuck the earpiece in his mouth. Xander watched the twitch in his jaw, knowing that he was biting down on the arm to keep from laughing at him.
"What the hell is so funny? And give me Spike!"
Xander took the kitten back from Giles and petted it absently. He scowled at the other three and then stomped away from them as they began to chuckle out loud. He sat down at the table and started looking through a magical text.
"Don't worry, Spike. I'll find a way to change you back, even without their help."
The door to the back room opened and the vampire himself strode into the shop. Buffy and Willow grinned in amusement, both having seen him out in the back alley smoking a cigarette before they came in. Giles also smiled, as he too had known the blonde?s whereabouts since it was he who had forced the vampire to leave after he lit the cigarette in his office.
Xander looked up at the sudden noise and leapt to his feet.
"Spike!"
"Last time I checked, yeah."
Xander smiled widely at the vampire and the girls started to giggle. Xander realised what he was doing and quickly turned his smile into a scowl. Giles shook his head and walked away.
"What the hell did I miss while I was out back?"
Buffy opened her mouth to answer him, but Xander was faster.
"Nothing! You missed absolutely nothing!"
Willow got an evil glint in her eye and nudged the slayer gently in the side. Xander knew that look, and it never bade well for him in the past.
"Xander was just telling us about the kitten he found, weren't you Xan?"
"Um, yeah. Yep, that's it. Just a kitten, nothing to see here, move along."
Buffy grinned.
"Yep, and he was volunteering to drive Wills and me to the mall tomorrow, and carry all of our shopping bags. Weren't you Xan?"
Xander flinched but then quickly nodded his head.
"Yeah, that's me. The Xand-man, chauffeur and bag boy to the slayer."
Willow cleared her throat and Xander hastily added,
"And the fair maiden, Willow, of course."
Spike looked confused for all of half a second and then shook it off.
"Of course."
As soon as Spike left the room, Willow and Buffy fell over in fits of giggles.
"Oh, Xander, your face!"
Buffy howled.
"Oh, don't worry, Spike, I'll find a way to save you!"
Willow burst out laughing once again.
The kitten chose that moment to bite Xander again and he quickly dropped it to the floor where it scampered off in the direction the vampire had taken moments before. Xander stuck his slightly bleeding finger in his mouth and glared at the giggling forms of his supposed friends. He huffed in annoyance and sat back down at the table.
After a few more minutes of laughing, the two girls finally managed to get themselves under control again. They each took a seat beside Xander.
"Xan? We're sorry. We weren't trying to make fun of you. But, well, why were you so worried about Spike?"
Buffy wrinkled her nose in thought and then her eyes bugged out and her mouth dropped open in shock.
"No way! You like him!"
"No I don't!"
Willow blinked rapidly.
"Xander? Is this true? Do you like Spike?"
"No. I don't like Spike."
The girls shared a look that clearly said they didn't believe him. Xander banged his head on the table repeatedly while his two best friends in the world whispered about his obvious crush on the peroxide-abusing vampire. A loud shout followed by almost two minutes of fluent cursing from said vampire had them all looking toward the back of the shop.
Spike walked toward Xander and dropped the little yellow/white kitten into his lap and glared at him.
"Yer bloody cat bit me."
Xander blinked at him stupidly. Willow took the kitten and tapped it on its nose.
"Bad Spike! Don't bite vampires. You don't know where they've been!"
Spike snorted, flipped Willow a two fingered salute and walked away. He was just about to the back door when he stopped and turned around.
"OI! You named yer cat after me, Harris?"
Xander just thumped his head on the table as Willow and Buffy burst into giggles again.
The End