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CLASSIFICATION: X/A, mention of A/B, and mention of possible future X/B
DISCLAIMER: Joss', WB's, Mutant Enemy's, not mine (well, the story is, but the character's aren't)
DEDICATION: Um...to Chelle, for actually archiving my last fic, and to daltonavon@yahoo.com for liking my first cancelled series, and to the others for reading my stuff and not flaming.
SPOILERS: The Prom, and season 4 rumor
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated, seldom received.
ARCHIVE: Whiteknight, Welcome to Hellmouth, and anywhere else that wants it. Just tell me and keep my name on it.
AUTHOR'S NOTES/SPSOILER: This takes place sometime in between when Buffy's mom talked to Angel and when Angel broke up with Buffy. I prefer to believe a whole night went on between that time, though I'm not quite sure. Oh, yeah, I'm really tired, so please don't flame it if it doesn't turn out as good as I thought it would.
PASSING THE TORCH
by Drake
Angel knew it was over. How could it last. He couldn't have his Buffy anymore. He couldn't have *him* either. It was only fair. He saw how Xander looked at Buffy. It was only right. *It is only inevitable.* He could only bring them pain. They deserved each other. Of course, there was one problem holding him back. Where else was he going to get a decent fuck without losing his soul? This was one thing Buffy could never give him. She made him feel too complete.
On the other hand, he also loved Xander. It was not quite the same. And he could never seem to perfectly relax under the boy's quick wit and cynicism. *I guess that's why I still have my soul. He's exceptionally good in bed.*
Xander sat on Angel's bed nervously, knowing that tonight had probably been the last time he'd ever see his lover again. Tonight had been especially intense, bordering on painful at times. He had never seen Angel so uptight about anything before. He just went along with it as if everything was all right. Making love to the vampire was awesome, as always, yet something was definitely wrong.
He pulled on some pants and walked over to the large leather sofa that was practically the sole decoration of the large living area. There were also a couple of tables, but these were small, and hardly noticeable next to the sofa.
Angel began pacing, not knowing what to do. *I have to tell him. I must tell him. I'm going to lose them both. I don't want to lose them both. I don't want to lose either of them. But I must make as many amends as possible. I MUST do this.*
He steeled himself, and walked in front of where his young lover was seated. *Not my lover anymore* he reminded himself.
Once there, he had a hard time deciding how to word *it*. "Xander.....," he said, not able to say anything else. He would have been shaking had he not had over 200 years experience in muscle control.
"Angel...? What is it, man? Is something wrong...?" He braced himself.
"Yeah, Xander. I haven't told anyone yet. You're the first."
"What? Spit it out. You're making me nervous." His normally quick wit couldn't come up with a pun to soften this moment. Angel was too serious.
"Xander....you love Buffy."
"No..I don't--"
"Don't deny it." Angel interrupted suddenly, almost scaring Xander. "I can see the way you still look at her. You don't think I know?"
Xander hung his head in defeat. "You're right. I'm sorry. I couldn't stop. Even when I fell in love with you, I still loved her."
Angel was shocked. "You fell in love with me?...."
"Yeah, well....not everyday you get to screw a handsome souled vampire. It didn't take much, really. I was attracted to you from the beginning. And you were always there when I needed you. The first time we kissed, I knew it. I was in love with you. I should have told you, but....."
"I know. Buffy, right?" Angel inquired.
Xander just nodded.
Angel went on, "I know...I love her. Always will. But I want you to know that I love you as well. I never said it before, but you were exactly what I needed. You could always make me laugh. Always liked that about you, even when you were using your wit to come up with terms such as *deadboy* and *bloodbreath*. Hey, if it wasn't for you, I would have taken my sexual tension out on Buffy, and we both know where that would have led."
"Yeah. I know. I'm glad, but you still seem tense. What is it?"
"Well....I'm leaving Sunnydale--"
"You're what?!?" Xander asked, flustered.
"I'm leaving. I had a nice talk with Buffy's mom. She's extremely wise for her age. She makes me feel like a kid when she talks to me. Buffy's lucky to have a mom like her. Besides, Whistler's called me out to L.A. anyway. Gotta go where I'm needed. That's also why I needed to know if you still loved Buffy. I'm glad you do."
"You are? I don't understand." Xander dropped his head, confused.
"Well, I know you both love me...and I'm hurting you by leaving, but this is best. I know it is. But I couldn't leave you alone....or Buffy, either. She loves you, you know."
Xander was prepared for a lot, but he wasn't prepared for this. "No, she doesn't."
"I can tell. She does. It's in the way she looks at you. The way she laughs at your jokes. She's even laughs when you called me Deadboy. Her general attitude around you gives away her feeling. It's similar to how she acts around me, yet somewhat different. You shouldn't be surprised that she fell for you. I did, didn't I?"
"Yeah, I guess. But I'm still confused. What's this got to do with anything?"
"Don't you see it?" When Xander shook his head Angel continued. "I can't have you or Buffy, but at least you can have each other. Please promise me you'll take care of her. She's strong, but she needs someone." Angel kind of choked up, but found the strength to continue, "I want that someone to be you."
Xander had never been so shocked and dazed in all his life. "Let me get this straight....you want me to date *Buffy*? Your girl?"
Angel nodded. "I'm going to break up with her tomorrow night. It's for the best. Please promise me you'll be there for her....love her....protect her...."
Xander nodded vigorously, tears in his eyes as he finally comprehended what this meant. "You're never coming back, are you?"
"No...never."
Xander's tears started to flow. "Oh, Angel....I promise...." With this he looked up into Angel's eyes. "I'll take care of her."
"Good." Angel kissed Xander gently. He looked out the window and noticed a faint line of light on the edge of the horizon. "It's almost morning. You better get home so you can be on time to school."
"Yeah...I guess."
Xander left shortly thereafter, and didn't look back to the mansion he had spent many a night in. He had tears in his eyes, but a faint glimmer of hope as well. *Yeah...I'll keep Buffy for you, Angel. But who will keep you?*
The torch had been passed, and all was as it had to be.
FIN