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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
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535
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1/1
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2
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17
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Grief

Summary:

H is grieving

Work Text:

„Are you okay, Horatio?"

Alexx sounded anxious when she walked over to Horatio after the funeral, and carefully placed a hand on his arm. For a long moment he simply looked at her. Okay? No. Nothing was okay. She of all people shold know that. Speed was laying dead in a coffin. He was pale, so terrible pale...how could anything be okay?

"Yeah. Yeah, sure, thank's, Alexx. I'm fine. Would you look after Calleigh, please? I guess she needs you now."

He treid to smile, at least a little bit. To calm her down. To show her that he was able to go on. And to be alone with his pain. To finally have TIME for his pain.

For a second she looked at him with a worried expression on her face, then Alexx hugged her quickly, and walked over to Calleigh. The blonde woman was staring down in Speed's grave. Tears were running down her cheeks. Eric stood next to her, helpless, one arm around her shoulders and tried to comfort her. Horatio saw the cuban's lips moving, though he was too far away to understand anything he said.

Eric cried, too. Though he and Speed had been almost constantly bickering, they had been close friends, always able to rely on each other. Somehow Horatio envied his colleagues who were able to do what he himself couldn't.

Cry.

Crying for Tim Speedle. Why couldn't he, Horatio Caine, cry for Tim Speedle? He had loved him. Had loved him so much...

He turned away, away from the open grave, away from his friends and colleagues, away from Speed's parents, put on his sunglasses and walked over to his car. He got in and started it.

Later he somehow found himself in front of his house, without him knowing how he had got there. He remained motionless behind his steering-wheel, grabbing it so tightly that his knuckles became white.

With a big sigh he turned off the motor, got out, walked into his house, and dropped the key at its usual place. Then he put off his jackett, placed it over a chair like everyday, and walked over to his cupboard. Out of his cabinet he grabbed a bottle of Scotch and a glass, and poured himself a big shot.

Suddenly he realized how normal this situation was. How terrible, nervewrecking, heartbreaking normal. And with a loud, angry yell he threw the glass to the wall where it burts into a thousand pieces.

It burst. Just how his life had burst the moment Tim Speedle had died in his arms.

And suddenly his eyes fell on the bag containing Tim's clothes. He had asked Alexx to give them to him. Slowly he walked over, sank down to his knees and pulled out Tim's blood-stained shirt and buried his face in it. His scent was still lingering in the soft fabric. And then it hit him. Hit him hard.

Tim. Was. Dead.

Finally this fact sank in. And finally, finally the tears started falling.

Sobbing, Horatio Caine broke down, clutching Tim's shirt to his chest and letting his tears run freely.

End