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"I got sloppy." Head hung against the direct glare of the setting sun gave Speedle a good excuse not to look at the redhead sitting beside him.
After glossing over the stunned confusion at the lab concerning his 'death', smoothing ruffled feathers of the brass and answering he didn't know how many variants of the same 'you're alive!'s from friends and coworkers he never knew he had, Speed had escaped CSI with a hasty exit that would have surprised himself if he hadn't been a vampire. Apparently his human pace under duress was plenty fast enough to duck even the most persistent of well wishers - namely Calleigh, Eric and Alex, at least one of whom he was sure had been planning an impromptu welcome back party.
Only Horatio had been quick enough to follow him and that was only because the older man had been waiting for him by his bike; leaning with casual purpose against the smooth metal hulk of the hummer.
*Older in human terms anyway,* Speed thought, smiling slightly before shaking his head and returning his gaze back to the old dilapidated fishing pier they both sat on. To his legs swinging off the edge barely above the water, beaten up tennis shoe strings dangling and catching the surface in lazy swan trails.
"I'm sorry, Horatio. I could have gotten someone killed."
"You did." Soft, the pointed drawl turned into a sigh. The vampire felt a hand slip into his and mentally shrugged; so what if they were still technically in public. It wasn't likely someone would just happen by; this was a pretty out of the way spot. He returned the squeeze and when Horatio held on, he didn't let go.
"A part of me was ready to die with you, Speed." He heard Horatio sigh. "After I found the boy - "
Sharp brown eyes interrupted him. "You wouldn't have given up."
And blue eyes calmly stared back, despite the fierce glow, faintly yellow against the red of the sun. "I did. I held you in my arms," his boss told him. "I felt you die. Stop breathing. Saw your blood pool spread, washing over the floor. Tell me, Tim...is it possible for the human mate of a vampire to feel the loss of that vampire?"
Slowly the glow behind his eyes died, leaving Speed looking wary and confused. Completely worn out, this was probably not the best time to be having this conversation. The truth was, he really didn't know if it *was* possible for the human half of an unbonded pair to feel the loss of the non-human. Nick would probably know, but the head vampire was out in Vegas and Speed rather doubted that Grissom would give Stokes leave to fly to Miami just to get his House in order.
Especially since his house - his family - was supposed to be human and live in Texas.
"Speed?"
"I don't know. I'm not sure. Maybe," he admitted slowly seeing H nod, eyes never leaving the water.
"I see. Well. I say it is." Voice everyday calm, Speed could still feel the tremors in the hand he held.
He nodded. "Then it is."
Feeling their way through the conversation in silence, they sat together, watching the last of the sun as it sank out beyond the horizon, painting the faintly rippling water in what he couldn't help but think of as red shades of blood and the trembling increased. Neither man moved. Speed watched Horatio blink, human eyes trying to adjust to the encroaching darkness with limited success. He of course had no such problem; a vampire's night vision was as good as his day, though slightly different. More focused in on movement and heat rather than color, though color was still there.
"I didn't need Delko to tell me you went in after the boy yourself," Speed broke the silence, spotting the slight wince easily in the dark. "I smelled the Bay and faint wash of old blood all over you when I fed from you in the morgue."
The vampire couldn't suppress a shiver of his own as the memory of his teeth sinking into Horatio's shoulder came back to him. The sweet tang of the much needed blood doing nothing to mask the brassy brine and stink of salt water, blood, fear and underlying desperation - Speed had known immediately what that had meant; known what Horatio had done. Had intended to do if Eric hadn't gotten there when he did. His hands had gripped the redhead that much harder, determined to never let him go; Horatio shivering in pleasure as Speed had fed, Speed shivering for a much different reason.
*Too close. That had been way too close.*
Horatio's standard humm was his only response. But Speed read so much more into that little sound. So noncommittal on the surface but below, so much more. An admission of his action and unvoiced intent. Concession without apology.
"I would have died if I had come back and you were dead."
The hand holding his tightened and Speed saw the tears held in check fall as H closed his eyes and nodded. "Like Nick and Warrick." He hadn't known that at the time, though he did now. Vampires didn't last long without their mates. Bonded or otherwise.
"Or if my mistake had cost you your life. If they had aimed for you instead of me." Speed rubbed his thumb over his mate's wrist, soothing and increasing the connection. "I'm, serious, H. For whatever reason it happened, I got sloppy. My gun wasn't clean." Speed sighed. "I'm supposed to watch over my family and I failed to do that. I could have gotten you killed. It won't happen again."
"You're going to kill me anyway," Suddenly crystal blue eyes bore into his and the vampire found he literally couldn't look away from the force of will in that gaze. "Am I right to assume that when you turn me, the human me will cease to exist? That I will die?"
There was more that prompted the question than just his physical death, Speed knew that and he took a deep breath and prepared to answer it. "Yes, Horatio. My turning you will mean your death. Your human death. Depending on why and where it happens, your human life as you know it now will by necessity be over. It is necessary for the transformation into a vampire."
"And I will get a say as to when this will happen." It was a question broached as a statement to hide the fact that it really was still a question. Horatio was in no way as sure about this as he was trying to believe he was. Speed could smell the fear and indecision rolling off of him in waves; delicate and sharp. Like harshly starched French lace. It was that smell that told him what to say next.
"A part of me..." Closing his eyes against all of the possible scenarios crashing into his mind's eye that might necessitate a forced turning, Speed swallowed and tried again; Horatio deserved the truth as best as he was able to give him. "I'd be lying if I said that my first instinct if you were in danger would not be to turn you if it became necessary. Whether you consented or not." At the sharp intake of breath, Speed opened his eyes, catching the other man's before Horatio could look away. Forcing him to believe him. "Despite what I said Horatio, the choice is yours. Always yours."
Long moments of silence close to torture and then, "I see. And if I said no?"
The dark haired man took another breath and stood to pace, arms wrapped around the lean frame as if to ward off a sudden chill. The act had the unsettling result of Horatio losing Speed's hand; of putting distance between them. He frowned, following suit to stand, subconsciously intending to erase that distance. But he didn't, instead falling short a couple of feet as Speedle turned to answer him.
"I would accept your decision." Speed told him. Though reluctantly given, once spoken the words became a vow; as much an oath now as it would have been if the Irishman had given it centuries ago. "I would love you. Grow old with you. I would be there to hold you, watch over you and sooth you when you died. And then I would follow you."
The conviction struck Horatio right through the heart; the lost, almost broken pain in the dark brown eyes hitting him with all the force and despair of that inevitable loss even though Horatio was still right there. Still standing in front of the vampire, whole, healthy and very much alive.
And that, after all, was the point. Wasn't it?
"How?" Thick and raw with emotion, the question was only a whisper.
"I would go to Nick, have him do it. I couldn't live without you, H," Speed admitted sadly. "Not anymore. Not now."
"It won't come to that." Human to vampire, Caine closed the distance between them, wrapping both arms around Speed and pulling the lean body against him. Though the bonding had only barely begun down in the morgue with that first feeding, Horatio felt Speed's pain; thick and dark. As heavy for the human to bear as the decision must have been for the vampire to make.
Comfortably tucking his head between his mate's neck and shoulder, Horatio sighed as he felt arms circle around him in return, conscious of every bit of tension leaving him in this man's embrace.
"Turn me, Speed," H offered, breath warm and intangibly solid against the exposed skin of his throat. "If it becomes necessary before I chose, I want you...I don't want you to let me go."
Despite a smile that surely had been born of great relief, Horatio found Speedle favoring at him with a look of doubt, asking, "You sure?"
"Very." His own smile much more confident, Horatio tightened his embrace before pulling back and stealing a kiss, feeling it returned passion for passion. Love for love.
"But for right now, how about we continue this discussion somewhere a little more private?" He smiled, heart uplifted and at peace for the first time in days at the short happy bark of laughter from Speed as the youn - older - man spun him around once, kissing him soundly enough that Horatio at least had to come up for air. "Say somewhere where we won't be interrupted and arrested for public acts of indecent exposure and unlawful lewdness?"
"Your place?" Speed asked. "Mine's bound to be the crash point for at least one party tonight."
"No doubt. And noone would be brave enough - "
"Crazy enough..." Speed laughed and Horatio merely glared, letting him go and continued on as if he hadn't spoken.
" - brave enough to knock on the boss's door uninvited, now would they?" Though rhetorical Horatio nodded decisively. "Right. My place it is. And Speed?" Horatio called when the other man would have settled on his bike and roared off.
"Yeah, H?"
"I don't want to see any speeding tickets from you when I get there, do I make myself clear?"
Rather than laugh, Speed unhitched his leg over the side of the bike and walked back to where Horatio stood preparing to get in the hummer and drive away. One hand cupped the beloved face while the other pulled him closer by a hip. Mouth claiming his in warm promise and using a bit of his charm, Speed deepened the kiss, waiting until the redhead swayed against him before releasing the sweet lips with one last soft touch. Brown eyes held blue and now he smiled; a shy, sweet smile that promised more than the following words ever could. "I'll be there H. Waiting for you in one piece."
"Good." Shaking his head as Speed let him go, Horatio smiled again. "Good. Speed?" he called one more time, waiting until the dark head turned once more before saying softly, "See you at home."