Work Text:
THE FRONT DOOR
By Jes Parker
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"In the front door Hannibal?" Face complained. "Did it ever occur to you that that plan is defective? That every time we try it something goes wrong! Usually that would be me getting my face bashed in."
Hannibal just sat quietly, cigar pinched between his thumb and forefinger while chewing it between his teeth, amused expression in place.
BA, tinkering with the van, smiled, but hid it by sticking his head under the hood. He just couldn't hide the snort that escaped however and he knew instantly he'd be caught.
Murdock, petting Billy ~ or the air that he was supposedly contained in ~ looked up at BA, eyes narrowed, but wisely (and probably for the first time) held his tongue. He was too interested in what his best friend was saying to interrupt now. He turned his attention back to their lieutenant's very valid and yet very pointless ramblings.
"And furthermore Hannibal," Face continued to rave, his hands on his hips defiantly as Hannibal's eyes twinkled. "We are military strategist. Never in my military days do I ever remember going in the front door." He paused and lowered his voice to a near mumble, averting his eyes sheepishly.
"With the exception of that time we ran Lidy Lings troops above ground." He brought his voice back to a normal volume and glared at his commanding officer once again. "And of course when we pulled the bank job and look where that got us." He mouthed off sarcastically as he threw his hand up in the air to accentuate his point.
"That wasn't my fault Face." Hannibal pointed out. "And if I remember correctly Lidy Lings was *your* assignment." Hannibal's eyes sparkled even more as he used his cigar to point at his Lieutenants chest.
BA snorted again and pulled his head out to glare at the perplexed Lieutenant. "Yeah Sucka' I still owe ya a pop in the jaw for `dat one. I busted mah foot for you."
"You didn't bust it big guy." Murdock chirped in helpfully. "Just severely tore your tendons is all." He leveled his gaze and looked chastisingly at the Sergeant. "'Sides Faceman *did* take that bullet in the thigh for you while trying to carry your big bootie to the chopper."
"Wouldn'ta got shot if he hadn't messed up in the first place." BA growled at Murdock, smacking a wrench against a ringed palm, taking a step closer to the conman. Face's eyes widened dramatically.
Murdock shrugged and pet Billy on the head, casting worried eyes upon his best friend. Hannibal watched the interplay, cigar pinched between his teeth, head slightly tilted to one side, with a humorous twinkle in his eyes. He always loved the interaction between his men. They never ceased to amuse him. His eyes too drifted to his conman, waiting to see how the young man would weasel out of this one.
"You all seem to forget who ordered me from their sick bed to go in the front door." Face argued while glaring at their CO.
Hannibal pulled an innocent expression. Yeah, he thought he might throw that his way. "You weren't supposed to listen to me Face."
His voice played the innocence his face was portraying not to mention he used a tone as though he was speaking to a five-year-old. He placed a hand on his Lieutenants shoulder. "I was spouting lunacy's with that fever."
"You told me that if I didn't follow orders I'd be pulling latrine duty for the rest of my tour." Face reminded him pointedly, his hands back on his hips as his eyes dared him to argue.
"Hmm, so I did." Hannibal shrugged off casually.
BA's eyes grew impossibly wider. "You mean it was your idea Hannibal?" He turned his advance toward the Colonel. "It was your fault I busted mah foot and Faceman got shot?"
"Now you worry about my getting shot." Face muttered sarcastically. Murdock chuckled softly while Hannibal turned up an eyebrow at BA in agreement. BA just grunted while continuing to stare down his commanding officer taking another menacing step towards him.
"Now BA." Hannibal started, taking an involuntary step back.
"Don't `Now BA' me Hannibal. That was a crazy plan! Why'jda order him to do such a fool brained thing?"
Hannibal just shrugged. "Sounded good at the time?" He offered and then glanced at his watch, pulling his sleeve back slightly. "Gee look at the time. We gotta be meeting the clients before putting my plan into action." He smiled and steered around the big bulk of growling sergeant.
"We ain't done Hannibal."
"It'll have to wait BA." Hannibal smiled around his cigar. "The van ready yet?"
BA scowled, but obediently started to turn back towards the van. "Yeah, almost. She still don't wanna start so I gotta." his voice trailed off. "Whaz that crazy foo' doin to mah van?" He yelled sharply.
Murdock poked his head out from under the van's hood, wiping the back of his hand across his forehead, leaving a grease smudge above his right eyebrow. He caught the rag Face was tossing him, wiping his hands on it as he stared up at the crazed sergeant.
"Me and Billy was just -" He was cut off as two hands snaked around his throat. Murdock's eyes bugged out and his fingers clawed at BA's impossible grip.
"BA let him go." Hannibal ordered.
"But Hannibal, he was touchin mah van!"
"Let him go BA." Hannibal repeated calmly. BA reluctantly loosened his grip, not quite letting go. Murdock pried BA's fingers off his neck and shrugged out of his hold.
"Jeez BA, you gotta lay off the steroids."
"Ah don't take steroids foo'." BA snarled. "You best be leaving mah van alone!"
"But BA, Billy says-"
"There ain't no fool dog! And even if there was a dog, which there's not, DOG'S DON'T TALK!"
"Billy talks big guy." Murdock said with innocence as he stroked the imaginary fur.
"There is NO dog you crazy fool. Hannibal why we bust him out agin?" BA complained. Hannibal and Face just both stood and watched the play by play.
Murdock ignored him. "But BA, Billy is so real and he says you forgot to connect the coil wire right here on the fender wall." Murdock pointed. BA blanched, looked and then connected it. He then muttered something that sounded a bit like `Thanks', but not quite and turned and glared at Face who wasn't quite controlling the fits of giggles spilling forth from his lips. One look at the big guys enraged face and he couldn't hold what he was, back any longer.
Struggling to catch his breath, Face bent at the waist, one arm holding his side, the other hand slapped against his thigh. A single tear streaked down his cheek, but as soon as the angry sergeant wrapped a massive fist in the lapels of Face's jacket the giggles were immediately swallowed back . barely.
Hannibal was watching with a grin as BA brought Face nose to nose.
"Whaz so funny?"
"Um nothing." Face gulped with pure innocence. "I was just - uh - " He couldn't contain it any longer and the laughter exploded from his lips once again which caused Murdock to collapse in hysterics.
BA looked at his CO helplessly, but Hannibal was just barely controlling himself as it was.
"Let's go men. Clients waitin'." And without another word he climbed in the van and shut the door where he let out the chuckle he had choked back. Outside, the Sergeant dropped the Lieutenant roughly, who landed near the pilot. Murdock leaned over his best friend and they both rolled on the floor, gasping as the Sergeant stood in the midst of them growling . but an amused twinkle sparkled in the depths of those dark eyes.
END