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Peja's Wonderful World of Makebelieve Import
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Published:
2020-11-04
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558
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1/1
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8
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Driven Out of My Eden

Summary:

Timeframe: Post ROTS, Post ANH. Assumes that Vader hasn't found out about Luke yet.
Characters: Suited Vader first person POV
Genre: Vignette, angst, first person POV
Keywords: Post ROTS, post ANH, angst, Vader
Summary: Vader muses on all he threw away.
Notes: This is a response to the Quotation Roulette Challenge. Author assumes that the events of ROTS took at least a month. Also assumes that this takes place before Vader knows who Luke is.

Work Text:

Driven Out of My Eden
by Juliet
Sweetvalley99@aol.com

Timeframe: Post ROTS, Post ANH. Assumes that Vader hasn't found out about Luke yet.
Characters: Suited Vader first person POV
Genre: Vignette, angst, first person POV
Keywords: Post ROTS, post ANH, angst, Vader
Summary: Vader muses on all he threw away.
Notes: This is a response to the Quotation Roulette Challenge. Author assumes that the events of ROTS took at least a month. Also assumes that this takes place before Vader knows who Luke is.

104. We are our own devils; we drive ourselves out of our own Eden - Goethe

 

Vader POV

It is hard to believe that my life lead to this.

I was the Chosen One, a Jedi, the Hero with No Fear, a husband, father

Husband, father.

Twenty years ago, I had everything, I was happy, I was going to be a father.

Then I threw it all away a month later. I threw it way for her and our child.

Then I killed them.

I killed the only two perfect things in my life, all because I was scared of a dream.

I blamed Obi - Wan for making me do it. I blamed her for betraying me and bringing me. For the longest of times I blamed and hated both of them for putting me in this suit. If Padme hadn't brought Obi - Wan with her, I wouldn't have had to fight him, wouldn't had ended up needing this.

I wouldn't have killed her and our child.

Perhaps it is the years catching up with me, but I find myself more and more thinking that perhaps it wasn't there fault, but mine. Especially after Obi - Wan's death.

Mine for believing the dream in the first place, mine for not listening to Master Yoda, mine for trusting Sidious in the first place and killing the Jedi because he said it was the only way to save Padme.

My fault for not believing my Angel.

Looking back on that fateful day on Mustafar, I can see her trying to bring Anakin Skywalker, the man she had fallen in love with back. Trying to save me, trying to walk away when it was apparent that we were going down too separate paths. I realize a part of me had sensed her surprise at Obi - Wan being on her ship, but the majority of me that was already consumed by the Sith refused to acknowledge it and allowed me to kill the last part of Anakin that was within, and with that kill her and my child.

A child whom, try as I might over the years, I can never picture as an adult. Perhaps I never will.

Now I blame myself for it. Blame myself for destroying my perfect world and embracing a life of torment and pain in less than a month, twenty years ago.

Not even using Mustafar as a test site for the Death Star and killing Kenobi alleviated the holes I have felt in my heart all these years.

Perhaps, not knowing what my child could have looked like growing up is apart of my punishment for killing my Angel.

For I will be forever in Hell for throwing away Heaven.

end