Work Text:
Of Scanning And Dreams 3: Trust
by Iocane
Matheson opened his door, fatigue spreading quickly through his limbs. As he stepped inside, he heard someone speak.
"Not going to invite me in, Lieutenant?"
Whirling, he saw Max standing there, piercing blue eyes fixed on the younger man. John felt his heart race and his knees go weak as Max stepped forward, pushing him inside the room.
Neither moved as the door hissed shut behind them. For a long moment they gazed at each other, twin fires burning in their eyes.
John wasn't sure who moved first, all he knew was a second later, Max's arms were tight around his waist, their lips fused in a hot kiss. John's arms slid up Max's chest, wrapping around the taller man's neck, holding him close. Without realizing it, John's shields began to slip ...
[[-erful. How did I get to be so lucky?]]
John shivered as he caught Max's thoughts. Still kissing the other man, he thought back at him. [I'm the lucky one.]
Max broke the kiss suddenly, pulling back sharply. He saw the brief flash of hurt in John's eyes and realized what had happened. "I'm sorry John. I'm not used to ... I've just never been ... involved with a telepath before."
John smiled, his fingers playing with the hair at the back of Max's neck. "It's okay. I've never been involved with someone who wasn't a telepath." [[Or with anyone, for that matter.]] He hadn't meant for Max to hear that last comment, but he knew the other man had.
"John ... You've never?"
John's eyes flickered away in embarrassment and he shook his head.
"With anyone?"
John didn't respond, but Max knew the answer to that was no as well.
"Then, the other night was ..."
John felt Max's emotions through their link as vividly as if they were his own. Max was ashamed with himself, if he had known, he would have- John shut the link, silencing Max's thoughts. "It's okay." He said aloud. hushing the other man with a quick kiss. "The other night was ... Wonderful. Better than I'd hoped, dreamed ..."
"Do you mind if I ask ..." [[Why?]]
[You don't have to, actually.] Max could hear John's voice in his mind. He felt the other man shrug mentally. [There was no reason really. No one I was especially attracted to - until now ... and I wasn't strong enough to be of interest to the Corps breeding programs.] The flash of information took only a few seconds, and Max realized something else as well; John had been kissing him the entire time. Tightening his arms around the smaller man's waist, Max returned the kiss.
It seemed to last forever. John put his all into the kiss, concentrating solely on the other man. Every movement, every sensation sent tiny tremors through Matheson's body. He didn't realize he was sending untill Max jumped away suddenly.
Max must have realized what happened as soon as John did because he apologized immediately. "I'm sorry, like I said... I've never been involved with a telepath before ... This is gonna take some getting used to ..."
"Yeah ... It uh ... It's not easy for me either. It's been a long time since I willingly opened myself to anyone." Max caught a 'whiff' of rage as John spoke and knew the telepath was remembering "Mr. Jones" from the Well of Forever. "W-we'd best sit down and talk ..."
Max nodded silently and let John lead him to the bed, sitting beside the other man, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
"You have to understand what it's like when a telepath falls in love." John paused, smiling briefly at how easy it was to say it. "It's one of the reasons we're kept so isolated. When you're in love, you open yourself completely to that person. It goes deeper than anything physical, or even emotional. For telepaths, love is the only thing we can't shield. When telepaths make love, there are no secrets between them." He glanced sidelong at the man sitting beside him. "None."
"None?" Max's voice was very quiet.
John nodded, looking down at his hands clasped in his lap. "That's another reason I've never ... There wasn't anyone I trusted enough." He glanced at Max, who was listening carefully. "Until now."
"But ..." [[Why me?! God, of all the people ... Why does he have to love me? Trust me? God knows I love him, but if he sees-]]
"You're sending, Max." John said simply.
"John, I ... I want this - you, you know I do." John gave a small nod and he continued. "But I'm just afraid that if you see what's inside here ..." He took John's hand and laid it over his heart. "You'll ... You won't like it. Or me." The fear of rejection were evident on his face, as well as in his voice. "Listen to me, it's amazing the things you can say when you're ... certain of what you feel.
For the life of me John, I can't figure out why you would trust me ... of all people. I mean ... John, I can't even explain why I feel what I feel. Well," His blue eyes flitted over the younger man's body. "I can explain *some* of it, but not all of it." Max's mind was racing so fast, he didn't realize he was sending his thoughts - as well as his words - to Matheson. [[Oh god. Why this? Why now? I'm tired of not trusting anyone. I'm tired of being of being despised by everyone. I'm just plain tired. And old. I still love Cynthia. Don't I? Did I ever? Do I love him? I think I do. No, I'm sure of it. But ... Damn. Do I dare? Do I risk ... that again for the sake of trusting again? Do I risk NOT daring?]]
"I'm afraid too." John said after a silent moment. "I've never been in a relationship before. Except for Matthew, I've never even had any close friends. Not even when I was still in the Corps. The only times I've ever opened myself to someone was ..." John's control slipped for a split second and he projected to Max the pain and embarrassment that went along with a deep scan - especially a forced one.
He locked eyes with the other man and Max could see his own love - and fear of being hurt - mirrored there.
They sat in silence for a moment before Max cupped the other man's chin and kissed him gently. John shifted to face the older man and the kiss deepened.
As they kissed, John slowly dropped his shields, wrapping his mind around Max's as they lay back on the bed. At the same time, he drew the other man into his mind, and he felt the very far edges begin to blur as they started to merge.
With literal single mindedness they undressed each other, exploring each other's bodies as they were uncovered. Finally, they were naked to each other, both in mind and body. They explored each other, learning the texture and curve of skin and thought.
John guided Max through the ways of joining their minds, and Max taught John the art of physical bonding.
After a long time, they lay together, tired and spent. Max was on his side, John spooned against him. The younger man was using his arm as a pillow. As they lay quietly, he heard John chuckle softly.
[??]
[I was just thinking of something I said once. At the time ...] He chuckled again. [I never expected to be speaking literally.]
[??]
//John and Captain Gideon standing in the hall. Matheson saying "He's going to be a pain in the ass."//
[!!]
[Hey, that tickles!]
end