Work Text:
The Portal 4: Stuck
By Meagan
The trek back to the apartment was made in silence, both teens deep in thought. Finally, they reached their home.
"Scott, I'm sorry."
The shorter teen turned to him in confusion. "About what?"
Xander sighed. "You know. I couldn't say it out loud. That we're not just friends." He took a deep breath, steadying himself. "That all I want to do whenever we're together is hold you and never let you go. I know you're ready to say it out loud in public to everyone, but I just can't. I try -- the words are in my mind, waiting to be said, but then I try to take a breath to say them, and my lungs just won't inflate."
"It's okay." And it was. The trick was explaining why to Xander. Scott sat down on the couch. "Xander, do you remember what you *did* back there?"
The brunette sat on the other end of the couch and frowned. It sounded like a trick question. He had been talking to Oz, waiting for Willow and Scott to join them. Then when they had all reunited, Willow had sat on Oz's lap, saying something about how Scott and Xander were going to adopt a kitten. Scott questioned Xander's willingness to commit to a pet. And Xander --
Xander had chosen a very public place, crawling with his peers, to be the locale where he would initiate a show of affection he had not even considered since the days he was dating Cordelia. A show of affection that was clearly not of a platonic nature even if no actual lip contact was involved.
"I'm sorry. I had no right to push you into that. If you're not ready --"
Scott chuckled. "I'm ready. I'm more than ready. If I had my choice, we would be known as those two guys who make out no matter where we are. Who just can't keep their hands off of each other. When you held me, I felt like the world around us -- everything and everyone there -- just disappeared, and that was just fine with me. I have nothing to lose here, remember? No one knows anything about me. For all this town knows, I was the biggest tramp on the planet." He paused. "Except Willow knows that I wasn't."
Confused, Xander asked, "What do you mean? What does Willow know?"
"You don't get it, do you?" Scott smiled at Xander's confusion. For some strange reason, the whole discussion was making him happy. "This is even newer for me than it is for you." He moved closer, taking Xander's hands in his. Lowering and softening his voice to match Xander's, he continued. "That first day we met. You're the first person I ever really, truly kissed. You know how you can, well, be with someone physically but not emotionally?" Xander nodded. He definitely knew about that. All too well. "This is going to sound really corny. For the first time, I feel like I've found someone who wants to be with me emotionally. And you just said it out loud here -- we're not just friends. It's more important to me that you feel comfortable *showing* how you feel than *saying* it. Anyone can say the words, but it's something else to be able to touch someone like that. Especially in public." Scott paused, frowning. "Unless you want to take it all back now and pretend it didn't happen. Start over or something. I can't do that, Xander. It meant too much to me. So if you want to take it back, you're on your own."
Xander stared. Not the ultimatum he expected. He had anticipated a confrontation in which Scott would inform him that everything was moving too quickly and that his discussion with Willow had made him realize that he wasn't ready for the same things Xander wanted. He was used to being disappointed and cast aside once people had a chance to stop and reassess things. Once they had a chance to reconsider *him*.
"Face it, Xander." Now Scott moved even closer to Xander, thighs barely touching, but making no other attempt at contact. "I'm not going anywhere. If you want out, you're going to have to leave." This declaration was issued with a lopsided grin.
And Xander picked up Scott's hand. Laced their fingers together. Cradled Scott's face with his other hand. Responded with a smile of his own. "Well, then, I guess we're stuck with each other."
~~~ the end ~~~