SquidgeWorld Archive

She carefully studied her hands. "I'm not sure it's such a good idea for all four of us to go on a double date."

It had taken him weeks to gather the nerve to admit to himself that he and Scott were more than merely friends and roommates. He had realized that Willow knew how he felt -- even if he hadn't yet realized it himself -- when she looked in his eyes that night he had gone to Giles to ask for a way to bring Oz back to their world but still keep Scott with them. Now he was making his first step toward letting others know -- and specifically to let her know that he, too, knew what was happening -- and the conversation was not going well. "Why not? I mean, we're all friends, and everybody knows there's nothing between you and me. At least not like that. Is it wrong to want my best friend to spend time with the person I care about?"

"Look, Xander, it's just *weird* seeing the two of you together."

His face shut down. "Okay, fine. I'm trying to reach out here and let you know what's going on with my life. If you can't accept --"

Willow sighed. She was in for a long afternoon. Gently, she took his hands in hers, guiding them both to the couch. "No, it's not that. It's just that -- Well, he looks *exactly* like Oz. Just think if someone who looked exactly like Buffy started going out with me." She frowned. "Wipe that smile off your face. I'm not liking the imagery I think you're seeing."

He laughed. "Hey, you started it." The laughter died. "But I see what you mean. I mean, it's weird for *me* to see *you* with Oz now, and you two have the longest-lasting relationship of any of the Slayerettes. I should be used to you two together by now. Well, okay, I was, and then Scott and Oz got switched, and now everything's wacky." He paused, contemplating a way to solve their problem. "Maybe they could have designated hair colors. Or nail polish."

"Uh, *right*. Can you imagine telling either one that they had to dye their hair a specific color and couldn't change it?"

~~~~

It was the morning after the end of Oz's monthly change cycle, and it had been Xander's turn to wolf sit. "Um, Xander, could you let me out now?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure." He unlocked the cage. "Sorry. Just thinking."

Oz pulled on his boots. "About what? Wait, if you don't feel comfortable talking about it with me --"

"No, that's okay." He sighed. "In fact, you're probably the only person I *can* talk about it with. It's Willow."

"Yeah, I thought it might be. She mentioned how weird it was for her to watch you and Scott." He concentrated on his boot buckles, avoiding Xander's eyes. "It hurts her to see him, looking like me, with you." His voice dropped, and Xander had to strain to hear the next words. "And I'm kind of glad. It's juvenile, but now she gets to feel a little bit of the pain that I felt when Cordy and I found the two of you in that factory."

Xander felt hands in his torso, squeezing his heart and twisting his stomach. "Oz, I'm sorry. Really, truly, I never meant to hurt you. And I know it just about killed Will when she lost you. And it killed me to see her hurt like that." He sighed, remembering their friendship before everything blew up. "I miss her. She's never going to be the same Will I grew up with again."

Oz frowned. "No, man, I didn't say that to make you feel bad. I said that for me. The first step is admitting it to yourself, right?" He stood, slinging one arm around Xander's shoulders as best he could considering the difference in their heights. "And I think I have a plan for you to get the old her back. You're not the only one who misses that Willow."

~~~~

Willow and Buffy stood outside the movie theatre, waiting for the male portion of their band of friends to show up. "I'm glad we got to do this, Buff. Between school and slayer stuff and Oz, I don't get to see you much nowadays."

"Same here. We'll just have to see what the next chick flick to hit town will be." The blonde grinned. "And here comes your man."

"Oh, look, they have new hair."

Three teenaged guys arrived on the scene. One of the shorter guys had hair in various shades of blue with green bits, and the other -- the one standing closest to Xander -- had single-shade purple hair. All three males exchanged a look only Buffy noticed. The one with blue and green hair took Willow's hand. "Hey. Ready to roll?"

"Of course. Bye, Buff. Scott, Xander -- see you later!" And with that, the redhead and the blue-and-greenhead were off.

Buffy watched the two walk down the street. "Okay, I have ten minutes before I have to let Mom buy me dinner. What have you guys done?"

"Who, us?" Xander attempted to feign an innocent expression. He failed.

The short male with purple hair spoke up. "I thought Willow and Scott needed some time alone together." Oz shrugged. "And this was the only way I could think of to get her to do that."

~~~~

"So, what do you wanna do? Bronze it?" Willow was still a bit wired from the sugar and caffeine consumed at the movie with Buffy.

Her companion smiled faintly. "Let's get something to eat. Xander forgot the snacks when we were doing our hair. Does Italian sound okay?"

"Sure." She was a little confused. Xander, forget food? Maybe he just forgot to share. And Oz knew Italian food was always okay with her. Maybe he thought she had overdosed on it last week.

~~~~

"*What*? Xander, you sent Will off with your, uh, roommate?" She wasn't sure what to think of Xander and Scott. They were always together, but that could be because Scott was new in town and didn't know anyone, or it could be because Xander didn't have any other friends of the non-supernatural persuasion. Or it could be something else she wasn't sure she wanted to consider. She wasn't ready for an emotional discussion with him. She wasn't sure it was even appropriate for her to have that sort of talk with him.

"Yeah." He studied a handbill for an upcoming show at the Bronze taped to the nearest telephone pole. Then he turned to point to Oz. "But she's his girlfriend, and it was his idea."

Oz nodded. "And Xander and I have an agreement. He may have more to say after the evening's over."

~~~~

"So, what did you guys talk about?" Oz was being quiet. Even more quiet than usual. Willow was nervous.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "You."

She sighed. "Me."

"Yeah." It was now or never. "Willow, I'm not Oz."

She froze. "What?"

"I'm Scott." She began to stand, clearly getting ready to leave the restaurant. Gently, he grabbed her wrist. "Wait. This was Oz's idea. He's worried about you and Xander."

She sat back down. "What do you mean?"

Even though they had discussed this part for the better part of an hour, his mind went blank. "Just a second. Oz gave me notes. Those two were well-organized."

Despite her anger, she smiled. Notes to help someone through an emotional confrontation. Why was she not surprised?

Scott looked up just in time to see the end of the smile, just before she realized she was smiling when she wanted to be angry. "Do you love him? Wait, never mind, none of my business."

"Yeah, I do. That's why it's so hard to see you, looking just like him, with Xander." She paused. "Was that out loud?"

He nodded. Her response had filled in the object of his deliberately vague question. She didn't automatically think about Xander any more. "Well, maybe I don't need the notes after all." He folded his hands together, resting them on the tabletop. "Willow, I'm going to tell you something I haven't told anyone else. Well, I told Xander, but that's it. He's why I stayed here. Why I *wanted* to stay here."

"But all that stuff about your dad --"

"That was all true. But, hey, I had been living with him being gone my whole life. I had pretty much gotten used to it. Then he showed up one day out of the blue. It would have been easy to just walk away from everything and start over in that world. I'll never forget the last thing I said to him. 'I wish I'd never been artificially created in a lab.'" He looked up to see her surprised expression. Surprised, but not shocked. He kept forgetting about the Hellmouth and the unshockable nature of his newfound friends. "Don't you know about that?" She shook her head. As far as she had known, the extent of Scott's problems with his father amounted to nothing more than extreme control issues. From what she could sort out, it was clear he was better off in Sunnydale, but she didn't know any details. "Oh. Well, he had been cryogenically frozen, but the scientists were able to remove semen samples or something. I was sort of a test-tube baby. Anyway, I was basically raised by his scientists and henchmen. He was floating around in space, frozen, until just before I came here. I always wanted a dad, and then once he showed up, it was horrible. He tried to make me take over his criminal empire. That's the part you know about, I guess. All I wanted to do was work with animals. I thought maybe a petting zoo, but now I'm thinking about dog grooming. So, anyway, I said what I said, and then the next thing I knew, we were in bed together." He blushed. "I mean, you and me. Remember?"

She nodded. And turned bright red. He hadn't seen her that red since just before he had been turned over to Xander that first afternoon.

"You know, you're the last person I was in bed with. And, actually, the first."

Her head snapped up at those words. "What about --"

"Xander?" He contemplated the bread basket on the table, considering just how much soul to bare. "That's complicated. I mean, yeah, I want him that way, but not until he tells you guys. It's just too weird for me to keep everything a secret. *You* know about us, obviously, because you're here, and Oz. This was actually his idea. But no one else does. Xander won't even say anything about how he feels out loud." Now he sighed. "I'm not saying I want everyone to march in a gay pride parade in support of us, and I don't think Xander's parents really need to know. Personally, I don't even think they have a *right* to know. When he told them he was moving out, their response was to tell him that it was about damned time. 'Eighteen years old is too old to be living at home.' And that he couldn't take any furniture with him. And that was it. They didn't even care enough to yell at him. And I thought *my* dad was bad."

He looked up in time to see her wipe tears away. "They don't deserve him, you know."

"Yeah." He caught her hand in his. "But you know what? I don't care about them. I care about you. Well, okay, I care about Xander, but you're the most important person in his life, so by extension, I care about you."

She smiled, dropping her eyes to their hands. "You know, if you break his heart, you'll regret it. I'll make sure of it." Really, now that she had to sit there and confront her feelings on the matter, she realized that's what was keeping her at a distance from these two. If she didn't get emotionally invested in both of them, it would be easier to get Xander through a breakup. The fact that Scott looked exactly like Oz was just an excuse.

"What if it works the other way? What if *he* breaks *my* heart?" He hadn't realized what he was saying until the words were out of his mouth.

Her eyes jerked away from their hands to his eyes. She saw a boy -- even though he was exactly the same age and size as Oz and the same age as the average Viet Nam soldier, she realized he was still just a boy -- lonely and terrified that he walked away from everything he had ever known for the mere chance that someone might consider caring for him. Someone who may have second thoughts and who could walk away because he had the comfort of longtime friends to get him through tragedy. She had been so busy worrying about Xander that it hadn't occurred to her to think of anyone else. In those few brief seconds gazing into his eyes, she realized that would never again look at him and see Oz, her rock. Instead, she would see a lost, sad, and terrified little boy. The only friend he really had was Xander. He was wearing Oz's clothes, but despite their identical build, his posture combined with the clothes to made him look even smaller and more forlorn. Her arms itched to hold him, to stroke his head, to rock him to sleep, to sing soothing melodies in his ear. To be the mom he clearly never had. The same things she wanted to do to Xander. "Do you really think he could do that? Because I don't. He's been in the same position too many times. He knows what it feels like. He's a very devoted friend. He'll do anything for someone he cares about. He thinks I don't see it, but he has put his life on the line too many times for me to *not* see. And when I see him talk about you, I see someone talking about a friend who means the world to him. Not just someone talking about a fling he's having. I've seen this look on him before. I didn't think I would ever see it again. He's happy. And, actually, you're even better for him than, um, the other person."

He smiled weakly. "He told me about Cordelia."

"Oh. Well, then, you probably know how hard it was when she stopped talking to him, right?" He nodded. "I never want him to hurt like that again."

He recognized the statement as the ultimatum it was. "If I have anything to do with it, he won't."

To his surprise, she smiled. To his amazement, she replied, "Good. And if I have anything to do with it, neither will you."

"Good evening." The server interrupted their conversation. "Are you ready to order?"

~~~~

"So, how did it go?" Oz was relieved to see a drained but happy Willow and Scott arrive. He had been afraid that she would be furious with him for tricking her like that. Instead, she perched contentedly on his lap, running her fingers through his hair and examining his newest color.

Scott grinned widely. "Great. Where is he?"

"Right here." Xander fidgeted, hands in pockets. "So what's the word? Do I have to tell them?"

"Tell us what?" Buffy, fresh from dinner with her mother, had noticed the reunion and didn't want to be left out.

Willow noticed Xander's nervous movements. She noted the fact that Buffy didn't seem to be aware of the tension at the table. She observed Scott frowning at his feet. She realized no one was answering Buffy's question. "Xander and Scott are going to get a kitten. And I get to help them pick it out and name it." Why on earth had she said *that*? No one had said anything about pet adoption. But it was clear to her that Xander wasn't ready to admit to everyone in sight that he had anything other than buddy feelings about Scott. It was something he was now willing to confess to himself, but that was just the first step. And tonight was too soon to push him to another step.

Scott looked at Xander. "Really? Are you ready for this kind of commitment?" The tone was light, but the underlying meaning was clearly anything but.

Xander smiled. He realized Willow was being protective of him. They were right back where they started. But in a good way. He actually felt at peace. "Yeah, I am." Emboldened by this new emotion, he wrapped his arm around the smaller man's waist. Hugging another guy in public. This was something he could get used to. Something he *wanted* to get used to. As long as it was *this* guy.

Amazed, Buffy stared at Xander and Scott, hips pressed against each other in a most un-buddy-like manner, murmuring about commitment. And then she stared at Willow and Oz, carefully not watching the two males. Quickly, she did the math.

Once again, she was the only one without someone to hold at night.